Hexagram 13.4.5.6 and reconcilation

[lightafterdarkness]

I asked the I Ching if reconcilation was possible and got 13.4.5.6>36
It shows me that there's an opening for connecting, there's still love but there's blockages there and some walls?

Then I asked what the possible outcome would be if we were to meet again and I got 13.1.2.6 > 28

Line 6 could refer to my ex living a few hours abroad and it being hard to let anything grow with that. Although meeting was never a issue, it was never easy to spontaneously meet or just meet for one day due to expenses and traveling time.

Now for the backstory;

I've recently posted a thread about a break up and a betrayal. I've come to terms with things being for the best and it's not a betrayal, although it felt that way. Circumstances and internal issues didn't allow us to continue, we're both going through a lot and we tried to continue walking while wounded and being kicked on our feet by external stressors repeatedly. It's like we didn't get the chance to heal and rest, resulting in more serious injuries. Time has come to rest and heal.

However, my ex is open to future contact after we took time to move on and heal, she'd like to do it somewhat sooner just to check in and see where we stand. See how life is, not to become friends though we'd probably still hurt. I agreed to that, but more so I feel like if my ex ever thinks of me when they're in a better place and I am too, they can call me and we can grab a coffee and see if the story has any chapters left or not. But I wouldn't want it to be focused on a friendship, rather keep it open. My ex said they'd always be open to contact and that if I ever feel that way, I can call them too.

After our final conversation, I'll let this go and I am aware that life will unfold by itself.

 

[Liselle]

Wonder if line 4 is about what you say here:

I've come to terms with things being for the best and it's not a betrayal, although it felt that way.

That's certainly a good start.

Then lines 5 and 6 - I agree they're encouraging, though line 6 is about being in harmony "at the outskirts altar," emphasis on outskirts. Maybe somehow you figure out how to make the long-distance relationship work satisfactorily?

If you meet again, 13.1.2.6 to 28. 13 repeated, line 6 repeated - I wonder if the next time you meet, a focus will be (could be, should be) on working out "how to make this work" as I mentioned up above. Speculation.

Line 1 - I wonder if it's scene-setting? A meeting - okay, good, but remember you're still in a 13 situation; that hasn't changed.

Line 2 - um...this line can be hard to understand...an actual meeting would be like being back in the temple (for once - hooray). It might be quite nice, but again, the basic situation is still 13. Don't be lulled into forgetting that.

Maybe it'll also be important that the meeting not turn into each of you dwelling on your own needs? Hilary says this in her commentary in her book:

Those who come to the temple should surely bring an offering, not merely their needs.

And then line 6 as a higher perspective or overview - again, maybe a good purpose of a meeting would be to figure out how to do 13.6. If you can, it seems to me that would be actual progress in your relationship, not just meeting for the sake of a pleasant time but then you're right back where you started.

 

[The Thunderer]

Reconciliation 13.4.5.6 to 36. Don't go there, its best to pass on this. Only more harm for you. Maybe later. Years later. Maybe never.

Possible outcome of repetition 13.1.2.6 to 28. Not the same outcome, it could turn out even worse. Too much masculine (egoic) force, one of you will have a group (13.1.2), the other will be outside (13.6). Accept the loss to move on.

Btw, to feel betrayed is a pretty complex emotional process. Don't take it lightly or dismiss the important message it could be carrying about possible childhood wounds and how they're triggered by the SO's behaviour. Its not about blaming, its about narrowing down our true responsibility.

 

[lightafterdarkness]

Wonder if line 4 is about what you say here:

That's certainly a good start.

Then lines 5 and 6 - I agree they're encouraging, though line 6 is about being in harmony "at the outskirts altar," emphasis on outskirts. Maybe somehow you figure out how to make the long-distance relationship work satisfactorily?

If you meet again, 13.1.2.6 to 28. 13 repeated, line 6 repeated - I wonder if the next time you meet, a focus will be (could be, should be) on working out "how to make this work" as I mentioned up above. Speculation.

Line 1 - I wonder if it's scene-setting? A meeting - okay, good, but remember you're still in a 13 situation; that hasn't changed.

Line 2 - um...this line can be hard to understand...an actual meeting would be like being back in the temple (for once - hooray). It might be quite nice, but again, the basic situation is still 13. Don't be lulled into forgetting that.

Maybe it'll also be important that the meeting not turn into each of you dwelling on your own needs? Hilary says this in her commentary in her book:


And then line 6 as a higher perspective or overview - again, maybe a good purpose of a meeting would be to figure out how to do 13.6. If you can, it seems to me that would be actual progress in your relationship, not just meeting for the sake of a pleasant time but then you're right back where you started.

An update: We just broke up a few days ago on very good and loving terms but decided we'd like to end the relationship spending time together doing something nice as a last memory, as last time we saw each other there was conflict. We booked a hotel, planned everything out. She lives abroad like I said so a neutral place would be nice for both of us.

However today she reposted on TikTok that "The homosexual leaving my body after another girl traumatized me" and to me, considering it's for everybody to see including me that was very disrespectful especially after I set boundaries on this type of behavior before. When I held her accountable, she was very dismissive, rude, didn't try to repair at all (How can I feel safe to meet for closure with someone who speaks of me like that in the open?) And instead just insisted I overreacted while simultaneously saying sorry and how she understood. But then go on to dismiss me again. It felt like the apology and 'understanding' was more to get the 'drama' over and done with than to create actual mutual understanding (I put in a lot of effort, repair and love into this relationship and she even acknowledged that I gave more than I had and always repaired in the relationship. So to post something like this didn't feel right although indeed there's been toxicity on both our ends.) To me, this felt like a backstab, the principle of respect and privacy got violated.

I do not think at this point there'll ever be a reconcilation again... whether it's neutral, as friends or more.

However if there will be, I'm definetly taking all of this into account. What you said seems indeed something that would be very important, especially about the offering instead of just the needs being there!

Thank you very much for your input and time. It's appreciated greatly.

 

[lightafterdarkness]

Reconciliation 13.4.5.6 to 36. Don't go there, its best to pass on this. Only more harm for you. Maybe later. Years later. Maybe never.

Possible outcome of repetition 13.1.2.6 to 28. Not the same outcome, it could turn out even worse. Too much masculine (egoic) force, one of you will have a group (13.1.2), the other will be outside (13.6). Accept the loss to move on.

Btw, to feel betrayed is a pretty complex emotional process. Don't take it lightly or dismiss the important message it could be carrying about possible childhood wounds and how they're triggered by the SO's behaviour. Its not about blaming, its about narrowing down our true responsibility.

When you read the message I sent to Liselle above, I can definetly see why and where you went with this. It's exactly what happened, before the good closure in real life or reconciliation could even happen..

I definetly have childhood wounds and my ex has too, however I'm very much aware of them and always been open to work through them, hold accountability, put in effort to look into my patterns however attachment or childhood wounds can only be healed besides your own awareness and personal work with another person... Does not mean I never react in a toxic way, or react on autopilot, however I haven't really been met with the same effort. At least not consistently. So the cycle kept repeating, as well as other circumstances influencing us. It meant there was no space for working through our internal issues, nor our relationship issues caused by her self sabotaging plus attachment issues from both sides + inequal efforts and commitment when it came to the relationship. The love was there, the ability to make it work not, nor the consistent commitment from her side.

Thank you for your input, time and effort.

 

[Liselle]

Sorry to hear this, Light. An unpleasant breakup wasn't quite what I thought the reading was pointing at. 13.6 confuses me here unless, as you say, you never got there.

It's not the first time I've seen 13 be like this, although one example was unchanging. A possible explanation is that 13's nuclear hexagram (click here for an explanation) is 44, and 44 is about something you can't marry, or join with. 44 can also be about undermining which also could fit.

 

[lightafterdarkness]

Sorry to hear this, Light. An unpleasant breakup wasn't quit what I thought the reading was pointing at. 13.6 confuses me here unless, as you say, you never got there.

It's not the first time I've seen 13 be like this, although one example was unchanging. A possible explanation is that 13's nuclear hexagram (click here for an explanation) is 44, and 44 is about something you can't marry, or join with. 44 can also be about undermining which also could fit.

Thank you, Liselle.
Ps. The link is broken!

I think perhaps circumstances changed. If we would've been able to meet at the hotel, have a good time and said our loving goodbyes it might have someday resulted in your insights.

However I think the energies changed or weren't stable anyway, in both readings I got the sense of blockages. There's always been blockages, if there was none externally they would come from her (and sometimes me too) in the relationship.

When I asked what would happen between me and her after the situation today I got 63uc. I think the situation is over and done with.

When I asked if reconciliation will ever be possible I got hexagram 2.1.5 to 3

For 2 to 3 it doesn't seem very promising either?

I guess either way time will tell and for now I have to accept that the situation is done and over with and focus on my own peace and healing.

 

[Liselle]

Link fixed, thanks for noticing! (Also my typo. "quite")

 

[lightafterdarkness]

Wonder if line 4 is about what you say here:

That's certainly a good start.

Then lines 5 and 6 - I agree they're encouraging, though line 6 is about being in harmony "at the outskirts altar," emphasis on outskirts. Maybe somehow you figure out how to make the long-distance relationship work satisfactorily?

If you meet again, 13.1.2.6 to 28. 13 repeated, line 6 repeated - I wonder if the next time you meet, a focus will be (could be, should be) on working out "how to make this work" as I mentioned up above. Speculation.

Line 1 - I wonder if it's scene-setting? A meeting - okay, good, but remember you're still in a 13 situation; that hasn't changed.

Line 2 - um...this line can be hard to understand...an actual meeting would be like being back in the temple (for once - hooray). It might be quite nice, but again, the basic situation is still 13. Don't be lulled into forgetting that.

Maybe it'll also be important that the meeting not turn into each of you dwelling on your own needs? Hilary says this in her commentary in her book:


And then line 6 as a higher perspective or overview - again, maybe a good purpose of a meeting would be to figure out how to do 13.6. If you can, it seems to me that would be actual progress in your relationship, not just meeting for the sake of a pleasant time but then you're right back where you started.

Update; there was actually a huge misunderstanding, although the TikTok was not okay we resolved things and are trying to see if a good closure can still hapen. There's also still openness to possible future contact, however we agreed we should at least be out of contact for four months or so.

Crazy enough, back in september I pulled oracle cards on this. I got heal your emotions, your answers will be around a significant birthday (its her birthday this week) and that i would get answers around spring. The question was what will come of our connection. It was hard to make sense of and I had forgotten about it but I suddenly remembered out of nowhere yesterday. Spring would be the time around our possible contact (and also my birthday) and the break up is happening around her birthday, so two birrhdays.

Question, with right back where you started you meant if we would just meet for a good time but rather to see what would/could/should work? To be mindful perhaps?

I guess if around that time we still feel the need to meet, I'll update the thread with the outcome!

 

[Liselle]

"Right back where you started" meaning that progress might not be made. Having a nice time might be a goal unto itself given your history, but there's probably such a thing as, "That was lovely! Now what?," and having no answers to that.

13 in general is about people who are quite different - who don't have a lot of unanimity etc. (look what 13.2 says about that) - finding a way to create harmony amongst themselves. In 13.6 they achieve this, or in a reading like yours have a chance to, at least.

There's also a flavor, as Hilary puts it, of "wide open space" - the "outskirts altar." That can be figurative (people need room to be themselves, even if they're part of a group or relationship), but in your case there's actual geographic distance. That's why I thought 13.6 might be finding ways to make the long-distance relationship work better. But it could be the figurative sense, I don't know.

How that might happen and to what extent, I don't know. It might happen naturally and without great effort, or it might need A Discussion.

It also probably doesn't mean every last thing has to be worked out at once. Not that 13.6 says that, just because that's a lot ever to expect in real life.

I just think it means your meeting should leave you on better footing than before in some real way, or you'll keep having the same problems.

 

[lightafterdarkness]

"Right back where you started" meaning that progress might not be made. Having a nice time might be a goal unto itself given your history, but there's probably such a thing as, "That was lovely! Now what?," and having no answers to that.

13 in general is about people who are quite different - who don't have a lot of unanimity etc. (look what 13.2 says about that) - finding a way to create harmony amongst themselves. In 13.6 they achieve this, or in a reading like yours have a chance to, at least.

There's also a flavor, as Hilary puts it, of "wide open space" - the "outskirts altar." That can be figurative (people need room to be themselves, even if they're part of a group or relationship), but in your case there's actual geographic distance. That's why I thought 13.6 might be finding ways to make the long-distance relationship work better. But it could be the figurative sense, I don't know.

How that might happen and to what extent, I don't know. It might happen naturally and without great effort, or it might need A Discussion.

It also probably doesn't mean every last thing has to be worked out at once. Not that 13.6 says that, just because that's a lot ever to expect in real life.

I just think it means your meeting should leave you on better footing than before in some real way, or you'll keep having the same problems.

Hi Liselle, thank you for your detailed insight.

As we parted not on the greatest terms (although the break up talk itself was fine), I definetly think if there would ever be future contact (which I currently don't know if I even desire to have) old patterns should definetly be disposed of as in the end, we kept having incompatible needs and ending up in cycles of conflict. 13 actually might resemble our polarities. We have quite a lot in common but when it comes down to it, we often handle things in a complete opposite way. In the end that's also what lead to us not having closure and just going our seperate ways without even a goodbye. It was tiresome.

So that definetly resonates..

Perhaps the outskirts could also mean that we both need our space and we can only meet in the middle. The outskirts altar perhaps resembling the meeting point between both her and my space, needs & overall being. Besides that it could also perhaps meeting in an open space = meeting somewhere neutral to both of us. The meeting in the middle might be the way to harmony?

Thank you again for everything