Hexagram 3.1.2 for advice on long-term relationship

[pallasathena]

Hi all, I've been in a long-term relationship for many years that has at times been very fulfilling and at other times involved more conflict than I'd like. Things have been better for a while lately, but about a week ago my partner got angry for several days in a way that I couldn't reason with and felt unfair to me, and still hasn't fully dissipated - keeps responding to even low-level conversation in irritable ways. I'm left feeling depressed and wondering if I've been deluded that we can ever have the relationship that I want.

I asked the I Ching advice for going forward/the future of the relationship (I can't actually remember the specific wording I used, but that was the basic idea) and received hexagram 3.1.2>29 .

I'm kind of confused about this reading, in part because I'm not sure how to apply hexagram 3 to a relationship that is not new. The relating hexagram 29 feels apt, both in that I was pretty upset when I asked the question, as well as this being a recurring issue between us, that he can get more heated/disrespectful when upset than I'm ok with. Hadn't happened for a while, so I'm depressed that it's still/once again an issue.

All I can understand in relating this reading to my situation is to just try to chill for now instead of trying to immediately fix this? (3.1) I really don't understand line 2 that well in this context - whether it is saying something like that I'm seeing him as a negative influence right now but is beneficial to my life overall, or whether it is saying something more like I should still hold out for a partner more suited to me down the road? (We've never married, though otherwise our lives are quite combined.) We've already been together for over 10 years, for whatever that's worth given the wording of that line, though were separated once.

Thank you in advance for any possible insights!

 

[rosada]

3.1 You think you would like to be in relationship with this man but you hesitate in just how much you should commit and his crude behavior is also a hindrance to your working well as a team.
3.2 He doesn’t see himself as a bully but you aren’t about to put up with his bad behavior.

29. This hexagram describes a situation that is very delicate and fraught with difficulty. There is a need for an experienced guide - perhaps a marriage counselor?

 

[pallasathena]

Thanks, Rosada. That is definitely a possible take on the situation.

Any other angles on pieces of this reading that any of you see?

The other thing that's a little perplexing is that I did a couple other readings related to this - I know, I should just sit with one, but it's so tempting when you're upset and confused. Anyway, two more came up with hexagram 3 as the relating hexagram. So I'm still puzzled about why hexagram 3, which I normally associate with the beginnings of something, is some sort of focal theme in the context of a relationship that's already been going for a long while.

 

[rosada]

Maybe 3 is saying that even though this friendship has been going on for awhile you have yet to resolve certain basic issues if you are going to take it to the next level. The first hexagrams may be seen as discribing the key two elements of a partnership: 1. Speaking and 2. Responding. 3. Then describes how we manage to navigate who in any situation is to be the one speaking, giving the directions and who is the one responding to them. 3.1 would point to the need to deligate authority, like saying,”tell me what you think we should do” but 3.2 warns about giving someone so much authority that they take over!

and together this leads to 29 where there is a need to have an experienced guide or guidelines to follow, or perhaps it is pointing out that you’ve been through this before and know how to navigate these waters but it must get old having your key relationship so fraught with drama.