Hexagram 32.5.6 changing to 44

[bea123]

For any good soul out there who read/helped with interpreting 5.2 to 63, this is a more general follow up. Following my despair about my current relationship I've been trying to find answers and decide on what to do with my life. My partner and I had a serious discussion this morning, I said that I wanted this relationship to be more loving and passionate, with better communication and less of the financial trappings. He knows how to look after the family financially and thinks that by doing this, being faithful (hopefully) and hard working I should be happy. We hardly ever talk or spend quality time together, whenever we discuss this he locks himself up for days (not literally) and gets very defensive. Am I just an ungrateful bitch with unrealistic expectations? I used to feel really connected with him and thought that I need to help him want more out of life spiritually that he gets at the moment. Deep down he is a bit of a hippie but a very complicated person who is trapped trying to prove all his life that he is NOT his father or whatever else he is trying to prove.

I have asked two questions, first if I work hard on this relationship, is there still a chance of this to develop into a happy union: I got 22 followed by 27. Then I asked a more general question: What should I do in my situation to find contentment and happiness in a relationship: I got 32.5.6 followed by 44.

I know you must all be asleep by now but I really need help and don't have anyone else to turn to. Any comments will help tremendously.

Bea

 

[dobro p]

"if I work hard on this relationship, is there still a chance of this to develop into a happy union: I got 22 followed by 27."

Well, that's the obvious question, and for the time being, the most important, right?

22.3 talks about adorning and beautifying something. Two things about that are interesting, I think. The first is that the Yi is establishing 'adorning' as the context for a happy development in your case. Nothing deep and foundational, no. Adorning. Making it graceful and elegant and attractive. Adding value by making it look better. The message seems to be: 'view the relationship more positively'. The second interesting thing is 22.3 itself, which talks about being completely immersed in adorning, and constantly carrying out what you think is right - in other words, working hard at it according to what your wisdom (not emotional reaction) tells you is right.

Do that, and the situation will 'feed' you, either emotionally or financially, or both.

"Then I asked a more general question: What should I do in my situation to find contentment and happiness in a relationship: I got 32.5.6 followed by 44."

Well, 32's about commitment and keeping at it and being constant. 32.5's about partial good fortune in the area of constancy, and 32.6 is about how persistently stirring things up in this area produces a bad result. Plus, 44 talks about how you should maintain a judicious distance from a powerful force in this situation. Which means, if I'm reading the whole 32.5.6>44 thing correctly, that looking for contentment and happiness in a relationship right now is not a particularly productive path for you. My guess is that for you at this point, relationship = challenge and opportunity for growth. Not happiness. The corollary of that same guess is that if you want happiness and contentment, you're going to have to find it in a place other than relationship. Interesting, yes? And where do you think that 'place other than relationship' might be? I have a very strong suspicion. But you first...

 

[alan]

Hi Bea,

It's not unrealistic to want a closer and more affectionate relationship, but it appears that it may require a fair amount of work to achieve this with your partner. Line 3 of hexagram 22 seems to indicate that constant firmness of purpose will be helpful. Nourishing yourself is emphasized by the relating hexagram 27. It may be tough, but I don't see a strong indication that it can't be done.
Line 5 of hexagram 32 seems to be a comment on the roles of husband and wife (as they were understood in the ancient world). It appears to indicate that the person in the leading role (husband) should lead and not follow. This may seem outdated to us, but it probably reflects the prevailing thought at that point in time. Hexagram 44 is generally thought of as representing an intense encounter between a man and a woman, but one that isn't necessarily lasting. This may reflect how strongly you have felt about your partner at some point during your relationship.
I've only touched on some of the things that are here, but perhaps someone else will be able to explain more fully.
Good luck to you.

 

[yly2pg1]

Am I just an ungrateful bitch with unrealistic expectations?

22.3 seems to have answered part of this question.
Show your gratitute to your husband for the livelihood he has so far fulfilled.

Do you why the Oracle recommends 22.3?

The clue is here:
Deep down he is a bit of a hippie but a very complicated person who is trapped trying to prove all his life that he is NOT his father or whatever else he is trying to prove.

Your gratitute (which may appear to be adorning to his complicated behaviour) could bring back his long lost esteem deprived in his young times.

Yi further reiterates that the way is open for the wife and her people (32.5). Arousing close the way (32.6)

He need reassurance as much as you do.
Help him and he will return the old love and connection with you.

 

[bea123]

Your imputs are great, as usual. Dobro, where do I find happiness and contentment other than in a relationship? I can think of a few places.. contentment in myself first of all.. contentment in my professional life (decided to go back to full time education at my old age) or just generally this might be an indication that I will feel more happy and content when I'm on my own but is this the right solution?

Yly2pg1 and Alan, your comments were also very useful, he does need a lot of reassurance and more encouragement from me. I think for the time being I will stop analysing everything so much, be more positive and do all I can to bring this relationship to where it was before by being adaptible, positive and encouraging. If it doesn't bring results then I will know what I should do next.

Once again many thanks to you all...

X

 

[dobro p]

"where do I find happiness and contentment other than in a relationship? I can think of a few places.. contentment in myself first of all.."

Bingo. In yoursef. There *is* no contentment in relationship, aside from occasional moments of joy and peace and union. Relationship is a pressure cooker; it's designed to challenge and irritate and test and hold a mirror up to you so you can see all your unresolved issues. A relationship will give you companionship, but not contentment; sex, but not contentment; support, but not contentment. And I'm talking about a relationship that's working; the ones that don't work are hell.

However, to the best of my knowledge, it's incredibly difficult to find contentment in oneself as well. I'm reading a medieval mystic these days who says it's impossible to find in yourself. He says you have to give up yourself in order to find contentment (or love, or joy, or God). It's a very Buddhist approach, actually. Very radical, very difficult. Which is why I was suggesting in my previous post that you could make the relationship work, but you might be expecting too much if you want contentment from it.


"contentment in my professional life (decided to go back to full time education at my old age"

Fulfillment and stimulation in education possibly, but probably not contentment.


"or just generally this might be an indication that I will feel more happy and content when I'm on my own?"

Again, I doubt it. If you pull out of relationship, you won't be as challenged and upset as you are now. Your life will be quieter. But it won't be more joyful or content, because you'll still be the person you are now, and it's the person you are who determines your degree of contentment, not your relationship status.

(climbs up on soapbox)

One of the biggest lies of our culture is that relationship makes you happy, or that a relationship should be happy. It creates such a false expectation that people are bound to be disillusioned and made to feel inadequate. Relationship is full of challenge and suffering, and you have to accept that if you want to survive it in the first place, and learn from it after that. It also has companionship and fun and sex and support and full on joy sometimes as well. You have to accept that too lol. Not a simple thing, in other words. Not black or white.

Here are a couple of questions you might consider putting to the oracle:

* What do I need to know about developing contentment in myself?

* What do I need to know about approaching relationship as challenge, work and a learning situation?

 

[bea123]

Dobro you are a genius.

 

[dobro p]

Yes, that's right.

Pity it doesn't apply to my own life. lol

 

[bea123]

What do you mean???

 

[heylise]

Just a little remark:
Alan said "..the roles of husband and wife (as they were understood in the ancient world). It appears to indicate that the person in the leading role (husband) should lead and not follow."
If you change that to "yang and yin", then it applies to our world too. Yang should lead, yin should follow. Every man has both yang and yin, and the same goes for every woman. One of the two is stronger, but the other is always there too.
When your husband is trying to prove himself, then answer with all the yin you can give him, and honor his yang. No better partner than one who can do that. Without losing her own yang.

This plays in all relations, and it is certainly not always the woman who is 'giving yin'. And not all the time either.

And hex.44, I like that one! Yi told me many times to become like her, a strong woman.

LiSe