Hexagram 33 and toxic friendship

[dragonade]

Hello all, first post!I cut off a friend a few months ago, for many reasons - controlling, over dramatising, competitive, easy to upset...that said there were some good things - our kids were friends and we didn't have so many friends ourselves so it filled a social gap, we had some good times. In some ways we worked well and we were close, but in the end all the negatives got too much for me and I had to say goodbye. Since it ended life has been much more peaceful for me. I did feel guilty about it and still do. She's been in touch and wants to meet up, I said thanks but no thanks and wished her well in a polite way. She's again got in touch and added a little guilt trip about our kids, we were meant to be friends etc, I was OTT... I am feeling more guilty now and a bit sad about it but I don't feel I can go back to the toxic state that was there. But part of me is wavering!! Maybe I need to have it all out in the open with her - I am not sure. Maybe its salvageable. Part of me wants to do self preservation though and just let sleeping dogs lie. But the other part feels pulled back into it all! I did an Iching reading and have gotten hexagram 33 line 2 (changing to 44). Could anyone shed any light about the changing line two in this context and what they think the meaning of it is? I have found mixed things online with regards to the meaning of it so anyones thoughts would be very welcome. Also the 44 hexagram also. Thank you so much in advance

 

[rosada]

What exactly was your question? 33.2 - 44 reads to me as if the I Ching was showing you a picture of the situation as you see it, sort of mirroring back to you what you've described:
33.2 Difficulty in Retreating from..
44. Temptation.
So it appears to be a confirmation that this woman has latched onto you and you're feeling sucked in. Doesn't seem to be saying what you should do but maybe you weren't asking for direction. Maybe you just needed to see if you had sized the situation up right and it appears you did. What now to do about it?

 

[Freedda]

Hello dragonade, and welcome. I too am curious what it is you asked?

Also, just a tip, it's good if you can put the 'headline' - the question and the answer: hexagram 33 line 2 (changing to 44) - somewhere towards the top and more prominent in your thread (that way we don't have to dig for it to respond).

All the best, David.

 

[DenniZr]

I think generally 33 says to retreat from the friendship. Maybe u have any use for two anekdotes from my life.I had line 2 with a person i was working with. Every time we spoke or chat online I could physically feel the stress in my body. It really was time to retreat and I had allready gone way too far. Still the other person kept hanging on to me(33.2)Right now I don't search contact anymore. It's much better. But still we do work together.I think it's typical that the way the person u describe is hanging onto u(33.2) is by means of guilt. That's more of the toxic stuff u should retreat from.Now u probably wanna know if it says in that line to retreat for good?I once had 33.2 in relation to my own parents. I also did do that. And it did help, for me to find my way. Still they hanged on and contact is restoring and not bad anymore. In the first story. Retreat forever?: yesIn the second: no!So there's still nuances. But first of all it's time to retreat. What u do afterwards is stil open. It also says in 33 that the succes in in the retreat. That it is growing.

 

[Freedda]

Dragonade:

33 is often called Retreat, but it seems more about a strategic retreat - done with purpose; it's not just running away from a bloodly battlefield! Another idea is that of 'taking space' or giving yourself some distance from a situation.

It seems to fit what you've done here.

Line 33.2 is a bit of a mystery to me, but it might suggest that often when we distance ourselves from something or someone, there is a tug or pull, something that wants to draw us back in. In this case it could be your friend's insistence on getting back together again, or your own thoughts and feelings about the 'good stuff' in the relationship. The line could suggest then that you need to 'tie down' what is trying to cling to you - to keep firm about keeping your distance.

My take on Hex. 44 is mixed: on the one hand, there is this from Bradford Hatcher "The gist of this is advising resistance to, or restraint against, an encounter or influence that threatens to undermine our higher purposes ... " So perhaps it is suggesting an attitude of continuing to resist what you know is not right?

Another name for 44 I've read is "Welcoming the Yin." If you associate yin only with being soft or giving in, then I'd say "RUN away from 44 as fast as you can!" However, other assocations with yin energy are: being able to follow through (with what can only be ideas to yang); to be accepting - which is to perhaps have compasion for this person, even if it's at a distance. And we often need that distance to make space for the compassion.

Best, David.