How to start a discussion about leaving

[rosada]

Hmm..just realized the question you posted here was "How to start a discussion about leaving?" yet from what you say now it seems leaving, as in moving out, is not possible. So it seems what you were really asking was how to start a discussion about dividing up your apartment so you can have your separate space and separate lives. If the I Ching was responding to that unspoken question then I see 37.1.6 - 39 as advising that while you are in this 39 situation where you are just plain stuck you need to find away to see the situation differently. I don't know what that would look like but maybe you can play some mind games and see what you come up with. For example, maybe you could start thinking of him not as the-husband-you=wish=would=go=away, but as a housemate and in so doing this will suggest to you ways to negotiate arrangements. If you think of him as simply a housemate with no special powers or privileges, you might find it easier to say, "I'm wanting to have some friends over for dinner some night next week. Could you plan on being gone then or would you rather my friends and I just went out for a meal?" 37.1 emphasizes setting your boundaries and 37.6 if you honor them you will progress. So know what your boundaries are and then act on them.

Another thought about 39 meaning to reconfigure the way you are thinking about the problem, as you don't have any particular friend you want to bring home just yet perhaps you are jumping the gun in assuming his refusal to help transition is keeping your life on hold. Nobody needs to know the intimate details of your living arrangements. If the subject comes up say you have a room mate. If a prospective suitor asks about your marital status could you simply say you are in the midst of getting a divorce?

And although the rental market is tight where you live, miracles do happen. In fact, mentioning you've been searching the want ads may be another good way to get the conversation going.

 

[cjisacat]

Doesn't that describe the state of all those who marry or live together for years ?

That's not to say you should stay, I just don't think romance features hugely in any long term relationships.

That's awfully sad and lonely if it doesn't.

 

[cjisacat]

If you think of him as simply a housemate with no special powers or privileges, you might find it easier to say, "I'm wanting to have some friends over for dinner some night next week. Could you plan on being gone then or would you rather my friends and I just went out for a meal?" 37.1 emphasizes setting your boundaries and 37.6 if you honor them you will progress. So know what your boundaries are and then act on them.

Another thought about 39 meaning to reconfigure the way you are thinking about the problem, as you don't have any particular friend you want to bring home just yet perhaps you are jumping the gun in assuming his refusal to help transition is keeping your life on hold. Nobody needs to know the intimate details of your living arrangements. If the subject comes up say you have a room mate. If a prospective suitor asks about your marital status could you simply say you are in the midst of getting a divorce?

That's a good way to think about it. Thank you!

 

[rosada]

Further thoughts and suggestions...

It occurs to me that 59 - 24 could be saying that the shared apartment arrangement could be successful if you first fully 59. Dissolve the old agreements - divorce, or at least agree that the marriage relationship is over - then you could 24. Return and create a new understanding, i.e. be housemates.

Also, I just read an interpretation of 37.1 that was pointing out that to create Family the child needs to have firm clear boundaries. In keeping with the idea that you need to reimagine your relationship to your husband (39) perhaps this could be suggesting you consider him not your partner but rather see him as a small child. His refusal to talk or negate with you plus his inability to earn an income to fully support himself and his lack of interest in an adult sexual relationship all suggest this Momma's Boy needs some firm guidance. If you still shop, cook and do other "wifely" chores you should stop and simply say, "In keeping with the idea that we are now separate individuals and no longer marriage partners I'm going to let you do your own shopping and so forth. We can still make plans together of course, but please don't assume I'm going to look after you cause it's time I move on."

Also, do you watch movies together in the evening? Rent "Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf?" THAT will spark a conversation!

Feng Shui-wise a mirror facing the front door from the opposite wall is said to cause what ever energy you bring in to bounce right out. People who live in apartments with a mirror facing the front door supposedly move out soon after.

AND.. last but not least pull up Simon and Garfield on youtube and listen to "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover". You'll have things moving in no time!