On again off again

[goddessliss]

Hi kincadefoster - when it's all said and done this situation is not about her behaviour - it's about you and what you are willing to accept and why. Why are you accepting less than you deserve? That in my mind is the question you need to ask yourself.
I went on a date last night, well I should say nearly, I was there right on time, 5 minutes later 'my date' sends me a text message saying Late. Long story short when it was all said and done he was gonna be half hour late. I left after 10 minutes. 5 years ago I had a similar thing happen - I waited cause I didn't think I was good enough to be treated with more respect. - Liss

 

[blue_angel]

Agree with Liss. You got 52 stilling. That's like still yourself, meditate, clear your mind and heart. No action needs to be taken at this time. Then you throw again and you get 5 all lines changing to 12. There is no mistake in this. Your 12, blockage, stagnation, absolutely nothing about your situation with her can be worked out right now. And 5, waiting, waiting for the rain, waiting for the day to change, the month, the year, the time. And while your waiting be happy, all on your own, go out to a nice restaurant, have some drinks, meet with others, mingle, enjoy yourself. I would've stopped throwing the coins at this point and waited to throw again next week or after some enlightenment or change had happened naturally within myself or within my situation.


I don't like to tell people how they should live or what they should do, especially now. I prefet to just stick to the reading. At times I'll give an example of my own life or what I feel would be best. But here's the thing, I was following, I was with you and understanding everything you were saying up until the point
where you were wondering how to have a
romantic relationship with her. After all you
said in the first paragraph, that threw me for a
loop. But, here's why, when people are in
love, you really can't give them any advice,
I've seen it time and time again. No matter
what advice you give, the person is going to
struggle if they have to and make their own
choices. Experience for themselves. Probably
because that's what people mostly need to do.
They need to know for themselves. No one
can tell them. And who knows it may or may not work out.


What I find funny about your friends advice "make your time seem valuable ect" this very
advice is often given to women about men.
Gosh if we all walked around with our time
being too valuable how would we ever speak
at all. I think when its meant to work out it
will naturally unfold that way. We don't have
to play games or make ourselves appear busy
when we're not. Or appear we care less when we care more. But that's just my opinion. And I'm just one person amongst many. My guess is you'll get to where you need to be, you'll figure out whats right for you, eventually. Wherever and whatever that is.

Best wishes,

Blue_AngelAngel

 

[kincadefoster]

what about the 45.6 > 12 ?
"Lamenting and sighing, floods of tears. No blame.
It may happen that an individual would like to ally himself with another, but his good intentions are misunderstood. Then he becomes sad and laments. But this is the right course. For it may cause the other person to come to his senses, so that the alliance that has been sought and so painfully missed is after all achieved."

My intention with the second question was not what to do, but what I am going to do. I can't spend all this time w her or on the phone or txting, its too hard. This is really sort of my "do nothing" strategy. She can't be really be moving on if she keeps wanting to be with me, not that I'm hoping for anything...

I just don't know what to do. I haven't answered her last two txts. I love her still, but I also kind of effing hate her. She mos def needs some growing up. Normally people don't act on their feelings on impulse just bc right now they hate you or right now they don't like you, they take time and sort it out, realizing it's just a feeling and will pass. Even in the best relationships there are moments we don't like each other or don't think we feel anything for the other person, right?
We've talked and she gave her reasons for ending the relationship, but, honestly her reasons were kinda high school at best.
But, do I owe her an explanation about how I feel and why I'm doing it?
Yes, she will think I'm doing it out of anger and all, but I kinda want her to know I'm doing it bc I have to for myself, not just to abandon her(she has abandonment issues)

And, will it be her who laments after awhile, me no longer being there? Isn't the changed hex(12) sometimes like the background in the painting, so to speak, rather than future?

Sorry, I guess I'm asking questions that maybe don't have an answer.

 

[meganj]

Why is it on again off again?
Think about that...
Work on your own problems, if she has her own let her try to work through them too. Very rarely do on again off again relationships work unless both parties are able to be truthful and if both parties think the problems can be worked through together.

 

[blue_angel]

For the 45 line 6, it does indeed look like you need to focus on you. Look within. Looks like, you tried, you failed, and even if you tried again you may be misunderstood. There's a couple of ways to see that line.

For me, I've thought communication is key, if we can communicate and understand each other whole hearted, then we can clear the air. Maybe move forward. Your posts however,
confuse me.

"She treats me like garbage" then "the only way
I see this working out, selfish or not, is if we
have a romantic, permanent relationship"

Then "she says she doesn't see me sexually" ect ect ect.

If you don't known what to do, I certainly don't know what to do. You're the one living in the situation. You must know what's best for you. I gave you all of my best advice. All I can do now is tell you my interpretation of your readings.

 

[blue_angel]

I just realized I didn't answer some of your questions, so I will give you my view of the answers, but remember they are only my view, not necessarily the correct answers, if there are really correct answers, as each individual is unique to their own path and experience.

"Even in the best relationships sometimes we don't like each other or feel anything for the other person right?"

My answer, based on my experience is no, not so. I have an experience, I loved a man for 6 years, I never felt I didn't love him or like him. At best I may not have liked some of his actions, words, ect. But even when we parted ways, I parted with love, and I let him know I love him very much an wished him all the best of love and happiness. It was unfortunate that we couldn't be together or work our relationship out. Same with my children or family, at no time have I not loved them or not felt any feelings for them. It is only their actions or words I may not like from time to time. But I am big on communication and trying to understand where another is coming from.

"Do I owe her an explanation for why I am doing it or how I feel?"

My answer, no. No one person OWES anyone, anything. However, it may help both you and her if you do give explanation to your feelings
and why. If nothing else, its a release of
feelings, possible closure, or maybe the first
step to realization and an opening for good
communication.

"Will it be her lamenting after a while of me
not being there?"

My answer, Probably not, it is you, it will be
you. But like the reading says, no error. It will
be a release hopefully and growth, a learning experience.

"Isn't hexagram 12 the context or background?"

My answer, yes, I learned this from Hilary, a
blog she posted, and no sooner then I started
using it this way, it worked well, and makes
more sense. (Majority of the time) nothing is
always exactly the same.

 

[kincadefoster]

blue angel. In our relationships, yes maybe you are right...idk
Have you heard of a book called Cupids Poisoned Arrow? It was co-written by a good friend of mine, and yes, it definitely applies in this situation. And I take it to heart and all...
So, our gene robots drive us to fertilization and friction based sex and more bigger better orgasms, when what we need is yin/yang bonding...(taoist/tantric) Our genes drive us to more bigger better(alpha males/females) while something deeper wants us to cuddle, bond, and all that bc more yin/yang balance and exchange happens with bonding...
Thats what makes us happy....
Oh, and by the way, taoist / tantric / slow sex actually leads to more overall pleasure...
Anyway, I'm just hoping bc I know for fact that in the beginning what attracted her to me was bonding, cuddling and the slow, passionate stuff, and, somewhere along the way, she became all about friction and yes, maybe she's too honest, but, she became all about that and things went downhill bc I cant do jackhammer sex, but I can do blindfold and chocolate covered strawberries, followed by slow kisses all over...
I guess that's it, bc I reached a point where things were too hard the way they were and had to make a change, I expect someone else to understand... but they won't

 

[blue_angel]

It sounds... like you are more yin in nature and she is more yang? I don't know... maybe she has some childhood or teenager trauma she needs further assistance with. Then again if she said she doesn't see you sexually then that would explain the lack of passion and love during intimacy. Maybe. We can't always get other people to understand. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. I could not ever get my love of six years to understand what I needed or where I was coming from no matter how thorough I was. He either didn't understand or wouldn't compromise. Sometimes things just don't work out, you know. But maybe its meant to be that way, maybe its for a better cause.

Best wishes

 

[kincadefoster]

I guess I'm an intense person. I share things on here most people don't.

I stopped talking to her for a couple weeks and finally she called and demanded to see me. We hung out and she told me things like how I always make her feel good and she needed to be less selfish and that I'm the first person in her life who really made her look at how she was acting. At some point during the night, she asked me a question that triggered me to tell her feelings I had been holding back including how I might have to stop being friends with her bc although I love her I also hate her for the fact that we had a great connection and now she denies it even existed. And other things. Most people aren't friends with exes for good reason. She told me that that was the most passionately anyone ever spoke to her, then told me wishy washy stuff about being confused not knowing what she wants or something, but when I wanted to leave she insisted I stay for a game of pool which became 3. A friend at the pub we were at said she definitely liked me from seeing our interactions and we have this dynamic together that people definitely notice. We're always having fun together. She told me the next day over the phone she would really miss me if I stopped hanging with her altogether.
A few days later she invited me to a movie and kept getting close. We went home and cuddled all night. Then we spent the next day together. She said I was the only guy who seemed to want to be with her to be with her, not just sex. Towards the end of the day, she cracked and was crying saying that she wanted me back and all(I guess that thing about not seeing me sexually wasn't true or maybe just was at the time)
Now I haven't heard from her for a couple days. She does have issues, whether it's BPD or just issues. I think this may be a process where she learns not to listen to her deep scars and realize that a good man can truly love her and stay with her. I know she gets scared and that's why she distances. This is my 53. gradual progress from the beginning of this post, but its kinda bulls*** for me. I'm at my wits end and yet still love her somehow.
I'm not going to throw the iching for a while on this. I must have made about 15-20 i ching readings on this to date throughout this relationship. I'm just going to keep doing what I have to do for me, which means not hanging out with her much if at all until I get more commitment, otherwise she'll keep doing this dance. But, my show of assertive, non-doormat kindness and love is slowly sinking in, I can tell

 

[psychonaut613]

We fooled around the other day and she was glowing and happy and cried saying she did like me and she had been wanting that to happen for a while, but didn't know how to give me permission...

Who am I kidding, I am the captain who stands in salute as the last corner of his ship disappears under the waves forever...