On asking out a guy I am interested in - help!

[pooks]

So there is this guy, and his interest in me has been going on and off, the same with my interest for him. We're both kind of inexperienced, shy and not sure what to make of it all. I've had many chances to take a step in asking him out and kind of telling him about my feelings, but I never could. At some point I started to give him the cold shoulder, and then I stopped doing that and acted nice towards him, I regret the mistakes I have made. He seems to be most uninterested in me when he is around his male-friends (which made me sad), but when he's with me and I flirt, he flirts back and it feels good. There's something about him that pulls me and I'm curious to find out what it is. I'd like to confront him in a way and maybe ask him if he wants to watch a movie with me.

I asked I Ching about this and I got
Treading (Conduct) (10) with Nine in the second place as changing line.
The hexagram changes into Innocence (the Unexpected) (25)

=======
From Treading (Conduct)

For the weak to take a stand
against the strong is not dangerous here, because it happened in good humor
[Tui] and without presumption, so that the strong man is not irritated but
takes it all in good part.

So maybe my ''asking out'' will be taken as something nice? (if he either says no or yes)

In terms of a human situation, one is handling wild, intractable people. In
such a case one's purpose will be achieved if one behaves with decorum.
Pleasant manners succeed even with irritable people.

I guess this means to act gently and considerate?

If our conduct is simple, we remain free of them We can
quietly follow our predilections as long as we are content and make not
demands on people.

Again the key to remain content and not demanding, to not become obsessed and be glad for any outcome, and have understanding for it.

When a man is dissatisfied with
modest circumstances, he is restless and ambitious and tries to advance, not
for the sake of accomplishing anything worth while, but merely in order to
escape from lowliness and poverty by dint of his conduct. Once his purpose is
achieved, he is certain to become arrogant and luxury-loving. Therefore
blame attaches to his progress. On the other hand, a man who is good at his
work is content to behave simply. He wishes to make progress in order to
accomplish something. When he attains his goal, he does something worth
while, an all is well.

This is just spot on, something I need to pay attention to. I feel like time is running out, I feel like I might lose him to someone else, and I feel like I have to ask him out asap. Maybe the key is to relax, and take things slowly. But how? I've thought about it and I think this is the right period for me to ask, but I don't want to scare him off....

So this is the changing line I got:

The situation of a lonely sage is indicated here. He remains withdrawn from
the bustle of life, seeks nothing, asks nothing of anyone, and travels through
life unassailed, on a level road. Since he is content and does not challenge
fate, he remains free of entanglements.

Lonely indeed. This is like saying it's best for me to withdraw, and this answer is scary to me, because withdrawing would mean to me that I might lose another chance on getting to know him better and maybe find out how he feels about me.

A one-eyed man can indeed see, but not enough for clear vision. A lame
man can indeed treat, but not enough to make progress. If in spite of such
defects a man considers himself strong and consequently exposes himself to
danger, he is inviting disaster, for he is undertaking something beyond his
strength. This reckless way of plunging ahead, regardless of the adequacy of
one's powers, can be justified only in the case of a warrior battling for his
prince.

Perhaps it is a plunging ahead?

The work is ended. If we want to know whether good fortune will follow, we
must look back upon our conduct and its consequences. If the effects are good,
then good fortune is certain. No one knows himself. It is only by the
consequences of his actions, by the fruit of his labors, that a man can judge
what he is to expect.

Hum. So far my actions are fruitless, they confuse, him and myself. This is why I want to do things differently. But maybe I can't do that yet. Maybe I think that I've learned from my mistakes, maybe I'm not ready to apply them yet... Oh God...
============

From Innocence (the Unexpected)

His mind is natural and true,
unshadowed by reflection or ulterior designs. For wherever conscious
purpose is to be seen, there the truth and innocence of nature have been lost.
Nature that is not directed by the spirit is not true but degenerate nature.
Starting out with the idea of the natural, the train of thought in part goes
somewhat further and thus the hexagram includes also the idea of the
fundamental or unexpected.

Yes... well it was innocence that brought me closer to him. And I guess when I started to overthink and overanalyze things I lost my way. And now I'm back to overthinking and overanalyzing. But what is the right way? If I am just content and have no concious plans in the back of my mind, then how can I ever let him know how I feel about him? Maybe I should just wait for that moment? And not create it myself?

Man has received from heaven a nature innately good, to guide him in all his
movements. By devotion to this divine spirit within himself, he attains an
unsullied innocence that leads him to do right with instinctive sureness and
without any ulterior thought of reward and personal advantage. This
instinctive certainty brings about supreme success and 'furthers through
perseverance". However, not everything instinctive is nature in this higher
sense of the word, but only that which is right and in accord with the will of
heaven. Without this quality of rightness, an unreflecting, instinctive way of
acting brings only misfortune. Confucius says about this: "He who departs
from innocence, what does he come to? Heaven's will and blessing do not go
with his deeds."

without any ulterior thought of reward and personal advantage... but jeez, that is hard. Any comments on ''that which is right and in accord with the will of heaven''?

Under heaven thunder rolls:
All things attain the natural state of innocence.
Thus the kings of old,
Rich in virtue, and in harmony with the time,
Fostered and nourished all beings.

"In harmony with the time", maybe I should just stop overthinking and worrying and being afraid that I might ''lose'' him, and just do my daily stuff, and be myself, BUT keep in mind that if the moment ever comes, to not be afraid, to stand on both feet and ask him out. Because I used to be very afraid, I don't want to be afraid anymore, but I also don't want to scare.
What do I do with the feeling "Oh no, I think I lost him, I need to let him know that I do care about him, before he "goes"."....

I really need your help, is there any thoughts that you would like to share? Please do.

Thanks.

 

[icastes]

When asking such a question, you have to distinguish between marriage and love, as they are not the same as marriage is not a vehicle for love in ancient China. If you are looking for marriage with this man, then 10 simply means that you are both well-suited to each other, but there are many obstacles to culminate in marriage. You must persevere with great and proper decorum. If love is all you want, again, there are many hardships, but if you are sincere and strive heard you have a chance for success. The 25 gua means that success is yours if you are candid, honest, and sincere. If there is anything but that, you will fail. If you are properly behaved, then success can be yours.

 

[pooks]

When asking such a question, you have to distinguish between marriage and love, as they are not the same as marriage is not a vehicle for love in ancient China. If you are looking for marriage with this man, then 10 simply means that you are both well-suited to each other, but there are many obstacles to culminate in marriage. You must persevere with great and proper decorum. If love is all you want, again, there are many hardships, but if you are sincere and strive heard you have a chance for success. The 25 gua means that success is yours if you are candid, honest, and sincere. If there is anything but that, you will fail. If you are properly behaved, then success can be yours.

Thanks a lot!!

 

[gato]

go ahead make the unexpected step you won't get bitten

 

[pooks]

Here's an update,

So I asked him out, but he texted me back saying that he doesn't feel the same way.

Which is a bummer. Perhaps this was pointing to his state of being:

The situation of a lonely sage is indicated here. He remains withdrawn from
the bustle of life, seeks nothing, asks nothing of anyone, and travels through
life unassailed, on a level road. Since he is content and does not challenge
fate, he remains free of entanglements

Well, it's sad, really sad. But life goes on...

 

[gato]

i'm sorry to hear that ... but... you asked HIM out ? him not she ? "perseverance of the dark man" also means to do the appropriate things but is not appropriate for a woman to invite a man out.maybe that is why "If someone is not as he should be, He has misfortune,
" judgement of the 25

 

[pooks]

i'm sorry to hear that ... but... you asked HIM out ? him not she ? "perseverance of the dark man" also means to do the appropriate things but is not appropriate for a woman to invite a man out.maybe that is why "If someone is not as he should be, He has misfortune,
" judgement of the 25

Ya maybe you are right , but he told me he kind of expected this to come.
I'm just very stubborn, sure there were signs that he might not like me the way I like him, but I just really wanted to know for sure. So now I know for sure, and I can close the chapter and move on. It's just unexpected in a way you could say. And it hurts.

But in the end it's a good thing that I have clarity now.

 

[gato]

... at least he didn't bite you