please help

[florecilla]

Hello all, before anything, I would like to wish you all a merry Christmas.
Well, I have met someone who seems interested in me but is in a relationship. I don't know what to do because I feel somewhat attracted to him although I don't like interfering or being the second course for anyone. I have asked the I Ching for advice and the answer is: HEX 56 (5) changing into 33.
I have also asked what does he want from me? and I got HEX 50 (1, 2, 4) changing to 22.
In the first question I understand that I should retreat because he is not good for me??? correct me if I am wrong, however, I don't undertand the second question. Could you give me more interpretations, please? Thank you all for your help.

 

[em ching]

Hello!

From your first reading I would say continue being friendly with him but - as is the theme in the wanderer - keep yourself in check, you're still a stranger or reltively new to him perhaps - so don't over-step the mark. Just continue to be your best self. Don't make a big show of your feelings as that would not be appropriate, because he has a girlfriend.I think hex 56 is about being respectful to the people around you and not getting too close, because you're not a stable or committed member of that partcular social setting yet. That doesn't mean things can't change - he may develop feelings for you. But it has to be conducted properly. You would not want to be his 'thing on the side' because that places you in a vulnerable situation of which others would disapprove. So be aware of the dangers here - protect your dignity. And 33 re-iterates a need for self-preservation. Tactical retreat. Saving your bacon. But that doesn't mean hide from him! I like Lise's interpretion below:

Lise: 6 at 5: He shoots a pheasant, dead with one arrow. In the end praise and an assignment.
Do - and show - the best you can. When people know your value they will easily grant you the recognition and position you deserve. Same goes for yourself: just do the best you can and your soul will feel satisfaction and ease.

55 > 22
Suggests to me that he can see you could be good for him, but it's a difficult situation... I think it suggests that he would like to get more involved, but he is in a relationship... and until that is no longer (perhaps the removal of 'stagnating stuff in line 1?) the nutrition will have to go to waste, and perhaps he can't handle the maturity or decisivenes (line 4) which would be needed to take a chance on a new reltionship and sacrificing an old one, and so it can't get any deeper (hex 22 is about seeing the surface attraction of something). So I'd say he's attracted to you, but doesn't know how to handle the cooking pot. Not a great chef in the relationship kitchen at the moment? So I would hangfire.. see how things develop, but don't compromise yourself, and remember his girlfriend who would get hurt unless he handles this properly, by treating the both of you with respect. Also if he's leading you on, that doesn't make him a very nice or mature person. He can't have his cake and eat it!

Hope that helps.
:bows:

 

[florecilla]

Hello em ching, thank you so much for your insight and your advice. They are really helpful. I will bear them in mind.
Thank you

 

[florecilla]

Your advice is really good and it makes good sense, but I can see this situation kind of difficult to control, it is not an easy situation as I had never gone through something similar before. Therefore, I asked the IC the following question: What is going to happen with M.? I got Hex 17 (3, 6) changing into 13. Then, not happy enough I asked a more precise question: What is going to happen between M. and I? and I got Hex 4 (2, 3 and 5) changing into 53. Please, can you help me please? Thanks a lot.

 

[em ching]

Hi there,

I asked the IC the following question: What is going to happen with M.? I got Hex 17 (3, 6) changing into 13.

I think this is saying that it is natural and good that you should follow him - that you do have a connection and so can benefit each other. But I think hex 13 suggests to keep it open and casual for now - friendly but not too heavy yet. From there it could develop more romantically but of course not until he finishes with his girlfriend - does that seem possible? I also think hex refers to friendship rather than having romantic designs. So see how it goes - with friendship as your priority, without expectations.



Then, not happy enough I asked a more precise question: What is going to happen between M. and I? and I got Hex 4 (2, 3 and 5) changing into 53. Please, can you help me please? Thanks a lot.

I think this is an encouraging answer - it says this will be a learning experience. Perhaps a test of your ability to control your desires for this person and behave maturely and respectfully - given that he has a girlfriend. But don't compromise yourself! There is a warning in line 3 - definitely let him come to you - and then of course be careful. As I said before don't let him have his cake and eat it!

4,3: Take not a maiden who. When she sees a man of bronze,
Loses possession of herself.
Nothing furthers.

A weak, inexperienced man, struggling to rise, easily loses his own individuality when he slavishly imitates a strong personality of higher station. He is like a girl throwing herself away when she meets a strong man. Such a servile approach should not be encouraged, because it is bad both for the youth and the teacher. A girl owes it to her dignity to wait until she is wooed. In both cases it is undignified to offer oneself, and no good comes of accepting such an offer.

I would be very careful still. Just be friendly and don't try to seduce him. Keep it casual for now. But hex 53 is positive - saying you can make advancements as long as you move one step at a time and gradually feel your way - don't make any big jumps. Think you're going to have to be patient. Then you will benefit from this issue.

Good luck!

 

[florecilla]

Your interpretation is great! Thanks a lot.
However, what I see here, I mean, by talking to him, is that he wants what he wants, nothing more. It is true that there is feeling between us, good communication, and I think we understand each other, but I don't think he would finish his current relationship in order to be with me, I would say that he is primarily looking for the "cake".
So, being patient here... what for? That is not what I am looking for, although I cannot deny I feel really attracted to him (and I hate not being able to control that...).
What puzzles me is why the IC didn't see that, I mean, the IC is really clear when someone or something is no good for you and it tells you to stop that situation or something like that, but these hexagrams seem to say that there might be some kind of future between us, and that really confuses me... Am I wrong?

 

[em ching]

Hi,

I have wondered the same thing, why the Yi seems to encourage you in a seemingly impossible situation. But sometimes I think the Yi is just encouraging you to go through the experience to learn something, or be inspired by it in some way. Because, usually - well with me anyway - I will continue to have feelings for someone if I am warned against them, and continue to hope. I think the Yi tells you what you need to hear in the moment - and you just have to go along with it trying to keep .. just go with it. But that is so hard when your feelings for a person are so strong, that you feel you have to know whether they are going to make your dreams come true eventually, or if you're going to be let down. I think that in the moment of love for someone, you assume that if it turns out that you don't get together, you will be devestated. But it actually takes a long time for you to give up on a romance, and by then, if it hasn't been fulfilled, other things will have come into your life to distract you, or the feelings you have will just go poof!

Love can be very dysfunctional and maladaptive sometimes
These are just my thoughts on the matter at the mo...

Just keep being yourself and see what happens - but feel your way

:bows:

 

[florecilla]

Yeah, you are right, love can be very disfunctional.
I just want the right man for me, it seems easy but it is actually very difficult.
Thanks a lot for all your help and advice.