Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
My questions are about a recent relationship. I met a 37 years old guy this summer, an artist too. As soon as we met, there was a strong connection between us, he told me he has a girlfriend, they have a long distance relationship. One year ago they rented a flat together where he lives but since she is mainly working abroad, they don't see each other so much. She is trying to find a stable job here, but it's a bit hard.He told me that when he met her, it came from a long time alone (dating many girls). Since they were "old", they decided to build a serious relationship, starting from renting the flat, even though they don't spend much time together but they hope snce we met the first time, we started to meet everyday along 2 weeks. She wasn't at his place at that time.I knew he was very dangerous to me, I really liked him, as artist and man.
I know myself and I thought that I shouldn't date him, because I might easily fall in love. I do not want unstable relationships, I hope I can find a man who wants a stable relationship with me. Despite that, our meeting was so intense in communication, interests and feelings that I decided to let me go, at least for that time
Than we spent 3 weeks traveling (during that time he was texting me every day).
When we both were back here, we met and I took the decision (I've never done it before in my life) to tell him I wouldn't continue to see him again if he knows that he is sure about his relationship with his girlfriend. He didn't expect my question.
He answered me: I don't know how long my relationship with her can go on. It might finish at any time because there are tensions, mainly regarding the fact she is nervous of not getting the job she applied to here and because it comes from a period of financial crisis.
Despite that, he chose her and he wants to see where they can go, he doesn't want to leave her for another. They need to spend more time together and see where they can go.That's why we decided to break up and not seeing each other any more. He would have continued to see me if I didn't speak like that
(I didn't ask him to leave her, just to tell me if we want to look inside our encounter and see what it might be or not). I know I did the right choice, because I'm looking for a long relationship, not for adventure.At the same time I'm sad because I really felt a strong connection between us. Since I do not want to lose time (I'm thinking and hoping one day he will come back to me), I asked the I Ching:1. Could you give me an insight into the possibility that D. and her break up and he comes back to me?43 unchanging
Since maybe the question was containing two questions, I tried to simplify:2 . Could you please give me an insight into getting into a mutually loving relationship with D. in the next six months?53 unchangingIt looks that I Ching doesn't want really to answer me (or maybe I cannot understand properly). It looks it will take time anyway. I'm patient but if there is no hope, I want to know so that it will be easier to forget him and I won't lose my time with illusions.
We were dating for 10 days almost every day. We slept together twice. Then he had to leave for almost 3 weeks and I was leaving for a week too.
You definitely did the right thing to refuse further relations with him
I do not want unstable relationships, I hope I can find a man who wants a stable relationship with me
That would have been a really useful piece of information to share with us at the beginning. While I understand that love -- or the promise of it -- can make us do odd things, I think the bigger question is: are you making gradual progress towards having healthy relationships, with this one being the latest test case?... We were dating for 10 days almost every day. We slept together twice. Then he had to leave for almost 3 weeks and I was leaving for a week too.
You've met someone, had a strong attraction, and slept together, knowing that he's already in a relationship (which we also belatedly learn he is, conveniently, calling 'open'). Now you seem to be hoping that a) the difficulties in his relationship are so bad that he leaves her, and b) you've cast yourself as the great beacon of light that will shine on his relationship to show him how she's not his true love, but you are.
... and that just doesn't seem very honest or healthy to me. I may be being a bit harsh. I don't mean, however to cast you in a right/wrong light. Only that there seems to be a lot of warning signs and red flags popping up here -- some of which you did not at first tell us about -- which reads like another warning.... they have a long distance relationship and it might be a sign that they are in a crisis. I feel like sometimes people don't realize how their relationship is not working properly till they [don't] meet someone else ...
For me, having said this guy that I won't date him longer was one of my most difficult choices I had to do. But I did. I had pain, and I still have. The only thing I know is that I did the right thing.
What will happen and if I will never have a stable relationship I don't know. I only know I have to trust life, and that's what I daily try to do. Trust that life will give me what I deserve, whatever it is.
Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).