returning to NZ - Hexagram 30

[hebe]

Hello,

Nothing seems to be working right now.... lots of stripping away, but I am in such a poor place to make decisions/commitments.. as I constantly question things and then they disappear out of my orbit (of course).

My christian roots have grown stronger but then there is huge conflict with my beliefs in reincarnation... I havent' been able to decide upon a training that feels right, and am still in tears frequently over missing my husband and frustrated at the loss of my ability in any attempt to bring my life into accord and balance. I go up and down, feel stronger then it changes like the wind.. obviously no strong foundation or roots to hold me. Laugh, feel great and begin and then flounder and sink.

A couple of nights ago he suggested that as things weren't working here to come back over there and see how things work. He misses me, but he is a lost soul too. We would be living in a borrowed house (his sister won't live in it because of the danger from the earthquake) we would be together, he says he could find work on a farm outside a place that I could stay in and volunteer for a while as it is a retreat centre that teaches body centred workshops, and who knows maybe it could work. He is currently working in CHCH.

I wrote a long piece in my journal about the pro's and con's and felt probably that as I have got the offer here in UK of doing a years training to give me a qualification that I can use wherever I am and not be in this position again that it would be wise to take the opportunity. Its just a matter of choosing which particular course out of the 3. But when I asked for guidance on returning to NZ now to be with him the Yi gave me unchanging 30.

In R.L Wing unchanging in its static form suggests a need to bring your whole life into accord - work/money/love/career. do they all work together? do they further one another? No. Our lives are a mess from the outside - though nothing is stopping us both from trying to strip away all that has caused this crisis in the first place.

Karcher, if I read it only, would suggest strongly to me that there is a good omen for going, auspicious, .. an alignment of both our desires to bring great success. Wing: when two elements approach each other in such a way that the scope of what they can achieve together far surpasses teh total of what they could achieve separately, they are acting with synergy.

I appreciate that many of you will be way beyond even considering this as I have been trying to sort this out for so so long and I can hear many of you screaming; Get a life .. get on with it, put one foot in front of the other....

but something is blocking me and i tell you, I would not be wanting to ask these questions or sort this out if I were able to do the above. I am in need of something - help, wisdom, I don' t know - whatever... but something major is holding me back.

So it is with great sincerity that i ask for your assistance on this one and see what you feel on the holding together. Is it holding together the two of us? or holding together with my own life and continuing to piece it back and rebuild it with a much stronger foundation? I feel the weight of this decision as if I choose not to go then I could risk the marriage being over once and for all - but also, its a great risk to my emotional well -being and work opportunities in the future, if I do go.

Thanks, Hebe

 

[sooo]

I appreciate that many of you will be way beyond even considering this as I have been trying to sort this out for so so long and I can hear many of you screaming; Get a life .. get on with it, put one foot in front of the other....

First, I think many could likely relate very well with what you say.

let's say: You are fire, but unsure of what to cling to. Fire is life, life requires fuel.

You also want a center, a grounding.

Does trying to settle in an unsettled house, which sits on an earthquake prone zone, with someone who is unsettled, sound like a solid center to ground yourself? I'm not passing judgment, just asking the question and making a point.

If you receive strength and support in your Christian faith, than receive it. If part of you persists in questioning its authority with topics such as reincarnation, good for you! It shows your fire. The third person of the trinity is said to manifest as fire, dancing.

If you were a cow, where would you choose to graze? What field would you turn into fire within your bellies?

Also, be on the lookout for desirable possibilities and opportunities, which will likely fly by quickly; and catch it. Catching the bright bird in the net. There's association of bright bird and fire, as the Holy Spirit being depicted as a dove, also resembling a flame of fire, dancing on their heads at Pentecost. :hugs:

 

[hebe]

Thank you sooo; those questions helped me immediately; to ground, to stop whirling around in my head - I suppose because they gave me a sense of direction from a figure who understands the wisdom in the I Ching and can ask the right questions. Once again, as I did not so long ago with Trojan, I felt a sense of validation for my own very small stirrings of inner knowing by recognising the truth in those questions you asked me.

So, by asking those questions from an outside viewpoint as you did- the ones i was asking myself but not able to answer being stuck in the spin cycle, it had the power to stop me in my tracks and take those questions into my whole being. Of course, they ring true in the sense of questioning from where do I get my source of nourishment? Being stable and able to trust in the Source.

Stability for me at the moment immediately conjours up a home I can call my own, income, an opportunity to develop my skills, creativity, a group to belong to, a dog, friends, volunteering - maybe reading to elderly, acting, developing my interest in the body/mind connection on a much deeper level, restoring my health, keeping my feet on the ground, regular reflexology, massage/ bodywork to keep me in my body, walking the moors... (ooops, big surge of emotional pain there as I remember doing that with my husband in such a fabulous way...) overcoming my grief, learning to stand on my own two feet. All that - and as the undercurrent to it all, feeling a sense of acceptance and power from the Holy Spirit in spite of my controversial beliefs. Feeling a sense of being able to rely on and build on a rock of truth and love - in spite of all this stripping away.

So, if i were a cow, where would I choose to graze? I met some cows this afternoon after reading your response, on a walk by the river. I stopped and watched them and was bowled over by how present they were. Nothing mattered to them accept the moment they were in. They weren't worrying about where the next mouthful would come from or how they would get home that night, they just ate, watched me, ate, put one foot in front of the other, moved from one patch to another as they chose - they didn't think way ahead, Oh God, which patch shall I choose next? made me smile thinking about that anyway. Yes, they were quite happy. And watching them, I became quite calm and happy too, so absorbed in them. So, that's the patch I'd would choose, not necessarily geographical, but whatever space you would choose to call that, that's the space I would certainly choose to graze. The field of the moment.

I was annointed with oil this morning at church as it was on offer at communion. I sobbed uncontrollably and he prayed for the Holy Spirit to make his presence felt in my life today. Its been one hell of a day in terms of emotional outpouring, but I love the reference to the Holy Spirit in your response. Be on the look-out. I also have to be on the look-out so vigilantly against my own negative reactions to things and the harm I can do to myself from letting negative emotions take over - that's so counter-productive but so easy for me. One day this too will pass... Thank you Sooo.

 

[sooo]

So, if i were a cow, where would I choose to graze? I met some cows this afternoon after reading your response, on a walk by the river. I stopped and watched them and was bowled over by how present they were. Nothing mattered to them accept the moment they were in. They weren't worrying about where the next mouthful would come from or how they would get home that night, they just ate, watched me, ate, put one foot in front of the other, moved from one patch to another as they chose - they didn't think way ahead, Oh God, which patch shall I choose next? made me smile thinking about that anyway. Yes, they were quite happy. And watching them, I became quite calm and happy too, so absorbed in them. So, that's the patch I'd would choose, not necessarily geographical, but whatever space you would choose to call that, that's the space I would certainly choose to graze. The field of the moment.

Thank you for that image. The field of the moment.

I was annointed with oil this morning at church as it was on offer at communion. I sobbed uncontrollably and he prayed for the Holy Spirit to make his presence felt in my life today. Its been one hell of a day in terms of emotional outpouring, but I love the reference to the Holy Spirit in your response. Be on the look-out. I also have to be on the look-out so vigilantly against my own negative reactions to things and the harm I can do to myself from letting negative emotions take over - that's so counter-productive but so easy for me. One day this too will pass... Thank you Sooo.

"I sobbed uncontrollably and he prayed for the Holy Spirit to make his presence felt in my life today" and "Its been one hell of a day in terms of emotional outpouring" - it's kinda funny but those two seem to go together. I would compare that to a 41.5 moment. The empty vessel is filled.

Thanks for sharing your bright 30!

 

[hebe]

Ah yes...41:5 rings a bell: July 19th - pre-amble to question: But AM I persevering in the right direction? (having got 35:2/5 in answer to finding my way out of the box) I feel sometimes as if I am beating my head against a brick-wall... I feel to go after something and then I lose my trust..can you give me any advice here? and that's where I got the 41: 3/5 - 9. I found it remarkable how similar 41:5 and 42:2 were, which I got when I specifically asked about my job-search outside of house-keeping positions. They were so similar and gave me a great feeling of encouragement. I will look at relating it to what you said above.

Nice to see the connections - and yes, you're right, perhaps the outpouring was a gift. Am exhausted now and will get an early night. Thanks sooo.

 

[sooo]

I feel to go after something and then I lose my trust..can you give me any advice here?

Care of the cow brings good fortune. And...

"They weren't worrying about where the next mouthful would come from or how they would get home that night, they just ate, watched me, ate, put one foot in front of the other, moved from one patch to another as they chose - they didn't think way ahead, Oh God, which patch shall I choose next?"

 

[hebe]

That just brings a smile - lovely connection. The familiar place that I keep stumbling on is the actual decision making process - you can go along with putting one foot in front of the other, biding time, doing jobs, making contacts, following through - and then dead-lines for choices come up, opportunities come and go, my weak point is that frenzy of mind stuff before a decision, panic, jump in feet first and then back-track as quickly as possible as fear kicks in, and that's where I'm going to have to call in the medicine of the cow so to speak. Big time. Not rush to the oracle and then get stuck in interpreting it and feel almost worse than before because I don't understand the advice at the depth that I require. When i enquired about doing the course and learning more I was not given the go ahead by the I Ching as it was all too much at that stage which Hilary agreed with. Perhaps I should enquire again, but anyway, at least I am aware of my weak point and given the strength of awareness with the crystal clear intention of healing, perhaps I can go forward in peace. No doubt will keep you informed! many thanks, Hebe

 

[sooo]

You're welcome, Hebe. And thank you for your openness and for being completely present in this discussion.

Medicine of the cow. I like that.

I realize that the other side is still jumpy, and wants concrete answers, now! lol, don't we all. If you find a better way than the way of the cow, I hope you will share it with me. Fwiw, I think you are very hard on yourself. Some gentleness (cowness?) there wouldn't hurt.

 

[hebe]

'Sweetness is needed'' - this was the observation of the reflexologist this morning as I grimaced under a particular pressure point..'Ah, great!' I thought outloud, 'no problem with the dark chocolate then!' 'No' she came back quickly, ' I mean, sweetness to yourself.. THAT is what is needed'. A few bells ringing now. (cow bells??!) will keep in touch x

 

[Trojina]

'Sweetness is needed'' - this was the observation of the reflexologist this morning as I grimaced under a particular pressure point..'Ah, great!' I thought outloud, 'no problem with the dark chocolate then!' 'No' she came back quickly, ' I mean, sweetness to yourself.. THAT is what is needed'. A few bells ringing now. (cow bells??!) will keep in touch x

Heh earlier as soon as i saw your reference to 'cow medicine' I thought of strawberry milkshake and strawberry ice cream...and wrote a post suggesting it jokingly but thought better of it but.....why did I think of strawberrys for you in your cows medicine....because yes there is something about sweetness here, sweetness needed, and I would think cows know something about sweetness, they pick the sweetest grasses.....don't they ?

Sweetness and cow medicine spells fresh strawberry milkshake to me....real whole strawberries whizzed up with milk .....and I remember how when I was going through a similar kind of time to you now when I couldn't eat or enjoy food how fresh strawberry milk shake really nourished me sweetly...and indeed though we aren't meant to consume too much dairy, milky things are very soothing, i think they promote the production of serotonin in the brain which is why night time milky drinks make you sleepy


Also I read red food is good for the soul when it needs sweetness and courage. I heard some folk lore that raspberrys promote courage anyway being a kind of martian fruit.


Well its one practical application of 'cow medicine' which I think is a great term which you could have alot of fun exploring. Of course you can go beyond milkshake into the more esoteric realms of talismans and medicine bags and so on

 

[Trojina]

actually you didn't say 'cow medicine' you said 'medicine of the cow' which sounds much more impressive...cow medicine makes it sound like something a vet would carry.


Re what you said about watching cows calming you reminded me of how several times just watching animals soothed me in a time of crises.

 

[hebe]

Hi trojan... good to touch base!... the reflexologist, I exaggerate not, also suggested red food. How about that? 'Peppers, raspberries, strawberries, anything red' (and also dark green). Strawberry milkshake - well... Iit sounds such...'fun'! So young and childlike almost... what a great suggestion. Having been living on goats milk for years UNTIL this week I just remember... I bought organic cows milk this week - i truly did, I thought the goats was just getting too expensive. Isn't that bizarre? or perhaps just reading too much into everything! still, without getting caught up in it all, its quite funny really. Yes, I might just try a strawberry milkshake...thank you!

Ps who knows how the Holy Spirit works... my husband just phoned and after much thought and long thought, has suggested that he come back here to UK and that we try and work through this together ...so,..... lots of strawberry milkshake, go with the flow, keep studying, volunteering, finding that job, business as usual on keeping my SELF in tact without giving my power away but smiling happily at the opportunity to see what we can create. Live with truths not imaginings in our heads. but the cow is going to be very important to keep on track - I just love this story and don't worry I won't waffle on for thread after thread...

A winter rain--
led by a cow
to Zenko Temple

'This haiku refers to a popular folktale in Issa's home province of Shinano. A sinful woman left a piece of cloth to dry in the garden behind her house, but a passing cow snagged it with a horn and trotted off. The woman followed the beast all the way to Zenkôji, where it disappeared and she found herself standing before the image of Amida Buddha. From that point on, she became pious.

Eight years later (1811) Issa revises this haiku, beginning with "spring breeze" (haru kaze). Either way, the poem is a tribute to Pure Land Buddhism. According to the patriarch of Issa's Jôdoshinshoû sect, Shinran, salvation is a gift that comes from beyond the ego's calculations. The woman in the story arrives at salvation without thinking about it--simply by following a cow. Issa, too, follows a cow to Zenko Temple (and salvation) in this haiku. And, perceptive readers will follow it there too. '

Am sorry but can' t find who to quote there. from Issa Archives, I have always loved Haiku. And as i said before, I see Christ in all religions.. so, the cow can lead me home! x

 

[Trojina]

Hi trojan... good to touch base!... the reflexologist, I exaggerate not, also suggested red food. How about that? 'Peppers, raspberries, strawberries, anything red' (and also dark green). Strawberry milkshake - well... Iit sounds such...'fun'! So young and childlike almost... what a great suggestion. Having been living on goats milk for years UNTIL this week I just remember... I bought organic cows milk this week - i truly did, I thought the goats was just getting too expensive. Isn't that bizarre? or perhaps just reading too much into everything! still, without getting caught up in it all, its quite funny really. Yes, I might just try a strawberry milkshake...thank you!

Ps who knows how the Holy Spirit works... my husband just phoned and after much thought and long thought, has suggested that he come back here to UK and that we try and work through this together ...so,..... lots of strawberry milkshake, go with the flow, keep studying, volunteering, finding that job, business as usual on keeping my SELF in tact without giving my power away but smiling happily at the opportunity to see what we can create. Live with truths not imaginings in our heads. but the cow is going to be very important to keep on track - I just love this story and don't worry I won't waffle on for thread after thread...

A winter rain--
led by a cow
to Zenko Temple

'This haiku refers to a popular folktale in Issa's home province of Shinano. A sinful woman left a piece of cloth to dry in the garden behind her house, but a passing cow snagged it with a horn and trotted off. The woman followed the beast all the way to Zenkôji, where it disappeared and she found herself standing before the image of Amida Buddha. From that point on, she became pious.

Eight years later (1811) Issa revises this haiku, beginning with "spring breeze" (haru kaze). Either way, the poem is a tribute to Pure Land Buddhism. According to the patriarch of Issa's Jôdoshinshoû sect, Shinran, salvation is a gift that comes from beyond the ego's calculations. The woman in the story arrives at salvation without thinking about it--simply by following a cow. Issa, too, follows a cow to Zenko Temple (and salvation) in this haiku. And, perceptive readers will follow it there too. '

Am sorry but can' t find who to quote there. from Issa Archives, I have always loved Haiku. And as i said before, I see Christ in all religions.. so, the cow can lead me home! x

Re the bold bit....I guess this is your hearts desire ? But boy has he led you a dance so while I'm happy for you I think you should also continue with the advice in this thread...and go strong with your medicine of cow because your husband keeps on changing his mind and quite frankly i see it as almost a form of mental torture albeit unintentionally inflicted


Thankyou for this thread...I liked it

 

[hebe]

Hi, Have had some time to think about it and yes, it feels good because I am in a different place now and determined to create a life for myself that is fulfilling and brings in all those qualities that I mentioned above in stability. A big part (but yes, not the only part) of my unhappiness has been grieving and missing him and our connection, so it feels right for this to be followed through with another connection and hopefully with our hearts and awareness of each other strengthened and wiser. Certainly worth a big whole hearted effort and see what happens. Thanks for your thoughts,care and input. hebe x

 

[hebe]

Hi.. I just had to add this beautiful coincidence! My parents have just got back from a trip and went to visit the amber museum and were shown how to recognise true amber etc - They bought me a beautiful piece to wear around my neck. Knowing that amber had healing properties I went online to check the qualities specifically and this is what I found...

'Honey colored amber adds sweetness to your life. It helps you understand where you are at along your life path. Honey amber teaches us to let go of stuff that is blocking us from allowing spirit to step in and help smooth away the rough patches. Knowing stone.'

What with strawberry milkshakes and an amber necklace I'm well on the way! ......

 

[Trojina]

Hi.. I just had to add this beautiful coincidence! My parents have just got back from a trip and went to visit the amber museum and were shown how to recognise true amber etc - They bought me a beautiful piece to wear around my neck. Knowing that amber had healing properties I went online to check the qualities specifically and this is what I found...

'Honey colored amber adds sweetness to your life. It helps you understand where you are at along your life path. Honey amber teaches us to let go of stuff that is blocking us from allowing spirit to step in and help smooth away the rough patches. Knowing stone.'

What with strawberry milkshakes and an amber necklace I'm well on the way! ......

oh yes...strawberry and amber, nice combination

a strawberry and amber coloured dress perhaps ? To meet him in. To remind you of your sweetness and your 30 reading, to keep you strong whatever happens next

 

[heylise]

Thanks everyone who wrote in this thread!
Beautiful :bows:

 

[hebe]

Yes, thanks to you all.. with a strawberry and amber coloured dress (like it!) I will keep you informed of the progress....hebe x