Seeking for Advice: Not Repeating Past Mistakes 45.1.4>3

[marybluesky]

Since a few weeks I've found myself in a situation I experienced a lot before my great transformation (read death and rebirth) of 2019-2023: on the verge of falling into another abyss of obsessional love. I thought I was cured :////.

A hard crush that sucks my mental and physical energy and makes it hard to live on a day-to-day basis and concentrate on my plans. That's a painful, harmful vicious cycle which never ends well. And with that comes other hardships: jealousy, potential of ruining social circles and friendships and this time, my work environment. Feels like fever.

It started light, some months ago, and was like that for a good while, making me think that I have finally learned how to handle the crushes with grace and confidence. I sensed a mutual attraction, so I decided to just enjoy it, communicate, be playful and see where it goes. Also, I decided that if the guy wasn't proactive enough then he wouldn't be for me, bad of him. This light-hearted attraction didn't interfere with other aspects of my life.

Then I saw the guy again a few weeks ago, after some time of absence, and it was like essence on fire. Now I find myself overthinking about him, feeling insecure if other females compliment him, and overly sensitive to his moves, reviewing them in my mind over and over.

It's not helpful nor healthy. In the past it led to repeated cycles of unrequited love, sometimes turning ugly in the common social circles. The other way is approaching the guy. I have no problem with this approach per se, but there are risks (guy accepting my offer just for sex, blowing hot and cold, etc). I just don't want to be in such a situation with a coworker. I've been witness to girls having crushes in the workplace just to be blindfolded later and having no other choice than suffering in silence. It's beyond me to even imagine how they felt.

I don't want to be in their place. And I don't want to repeat my past mistakes. I want to change the path, the pattern, or at least, the outcome. It's not about how to proceed with the guy. Not at all. It's about pulling myself together, whether he's there or not.

I asked for advice: How to avoid past mistakes and potential bad outcomes of obsessional love? 45.1.4>3

45.1 indicates that the intention is confused, but go on, don't worry. 45.4 is very beautiful in Hillary's words: Great good fortune, no mistake. Bradford says: lots of promise, avoid mistakes. Dear Bradford! how then??

-----------------------
PS: We are going through a Karmic astrological phase: Pluto has reentered Capricorn before leaving it forever in our lifetime; the Nodes' axis is transferring, and we recently had the grand cross of Cardinal signs. We tend to experience past scenarios, emotional pressure. Then, Saturn is in my rising sign and Pluto, in my house of heart (5th from the sun) where my moon is placed, too.

Maybe what I said is affected by that. Saturn lessons??

 

[radiofreewill]

Hi marybluesky,

"How to avoid past mistakes and potential bad outcomes of obsessional love?"

45.1.4>3

45 talks about Gathering socially, and 3 addresses marriage, so I would read it as advice to put multiple irons in the fire? Have you considered using a match-making service?

Good Luck!

 

[Hans_K]

The combination H45/H3 reminds me of a process (of transformation).
H45 is about collecting and making things complete. That which is missing is sought, so that it is made complete. H45 is also about preparation: "Thus the superior man renews his weapons in order to meet the unforeseen".
H3 is about birth processes and initiations.
So the question in this situation is 'what seems to be lacking in yourself that you are trying to replenish through external means?' The obsessive love you talk about is also a bit like an "addiction", something trigram Lake is associated with.

How to avoid past mistakes and potential bad outcomes of obsessional love? 45.1.4>3

45.1
Trigram Earth turns into Thunder by moving yin line at 1st position.
Earth out of balance is a victim of ideas and emotions, it is also the barren ground on which cannot grow. The change to Thunder shows that a clear and definite decision has to be made. You are not a victim but have the inner power to put an end to this situation.
When only this line changes you get H17 Following: after the unstable condition, a direction becomes clear again
45.4
Trigram Lake turns into Water through the moving yang line at the 4th position.
Lake out of balance does not see things as they are, this can also refer to the ideas you have about yourself and self-worth. The change to Water requires letting go of those incorrect ideas. Lake is also the mirror that reflects Water's insecurities and fears, but behind these insecurities and fears lies the Source of wisdom (Water).
When only this line changes you get H8: the hexagram of unity and spiritual connection.

Interestingly, the core hexagram of H45 is H53: Developing Gradually. Like H3, H53 is about a process. The image is of a tree standing on a mountain, which continues to grow despite challenging weather conditions, becoming more and more visible.

This would be my interpretation. As always take what resonates and leave the rest

Edit: changes H16 to H8 and its meaning.

 

[marybluesky]

@radiofreewill I guess you haven't read the post fully because my question is not about finding a mate.

When only this line reverses you get H16: the hexagram of ecstasy and inspiration. The life force (Thunder) that makes the seed germinate in the Earth.

Are you talking about 45.5? I have received 45.4. If only this line changes we'll have 8 not 16.

 

[Hans_K]

Oeps, a mistake. I will adjust my post. Thanks for pointing this out.

 

[radiofreewill]

My bad, I should have been clearer ~ I was trying to suggest that having multiple men interested in you could diffuse the tendency to obsess over one?

 

[breakmov]

hello marybluesky

I got the idea that perhaps this 45.1.4 - 3 reading could be more related to the way you seek, gather and accumulate feelings in a relationship that promote that relationship to which you are naturally attracted. I think this implies being alert and aware of the power of influence that those feelings have on you, on the other person and on that relationship.
.... it's just that it's not easy, and also depending on the person's way of being, to be in tune with the cloud of feelings, often hidden and contradictory, that surround a relationship.
How many misunderstandings and false expectations often call into question relationships that could become clearer if it were possible to be more attentive to that cloud of feelings that is always present in a relationship, for good or for bad?

looking at what lines 1 and 4 say, this occurred to me:

45.1-at the beginning of a relationship, if you allow space for this cloud of feelings to arise freely without any prior judgment of what it may or may not imply for the future - it is just the beginning, you just need to be aware and alert of what is happening ... it may even be that an initial shock can be a reason for a good laugh and end up giving space to know this cloud of feelings more.

45.4 - why not remain patient, open and active in helping to bring together, in yourself and in the relationship, those feelings that are consistent with the relationship that is natural for you. It also implies being alert and aware of what hinders and robs this accumulation of good feelings and the necessary communication to promote the right path.

breakmov

 

[marybluesky]

Thanks for all answers.

I often need time to understand replies about highly emotional situations, so I talk about what I relate to and leave the rest hopefully for the future.

@Hans_K the obsession is an addiction. I know it very well. It's not really about the relationship with the other. Far from it.

@breakmov if only I could be cool, positive and active...

 

[marybluesky]

Hello;

while the crush thing isn't entirely over and there's no guaranty it won't regress, the disturbing, obsessional part lasted for several weeks then started to calm down. Like a fever. I don't know where the hell it came from. And I can't see why I was that emotional just a month ago.

It was an intense phase where I caught two common, short-lived, annoying infections in less than a month, lost a relative, had my plans repeatedly interrupted due to unexpected events.

 

[Hans_K]

Hi Marybluesky,
This is very like a transformational process you have gone through on an emotional/mental and physical level. I hope you are doing better now and the situation has now settled down.
Take care!