still no child support payments 23.5>20

[goddessliss]

Good morning,

Further to this thread http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=12330&page=2

As the school holidays drew to a close last week my son's father still had not come to see him although this was promised a month or so ago and that he would sort out the school fee issue then.
My son contacted him and said school is going back what should I do and his dad said 'just go back to school and I will ring you soon and so he did last night and said he will pay the school fees'.
I have found alternative schooling for my son and spoken to a professional about this unending situation and she said 'although it is wrong your son should have to deal with this, if he still wants to go to the fee paid school, he is old enough to work it out with his father etc.

So that still lives the outstanding child support which is now up to $800.00 - it still has not been paid.
I am still working, studying, doing unpaid work experience and picking up extra work when I can but it really is just keeping me and my son fed, clothed and whatever necessity arise each week - no luxuries and no way to save for things like car registration.

I asked Yi What do I need to know about receiving the child support still owed to me

Hex 23.5>20

Looks like a review is going to be done and I will receive some sort of assistance but unsure exactly what that means.

thks for further intepretations xx

 

[icastes]

Goddess, while the 5th line moving is the best in 23, nevertheless, it is still the dark before the dawn. I don't think you ought to pin much hope in getting the money from your ex- any time soon. All you can do now is maintain the present and wait for things to get better. And as part of this wait, consider your life and improve yourself by reflection and contemplation and self-examination (20).

 

[goddessliss]

Thks icastes
And as part of this wait, consider your life and improve yourself by reflection and contemplation and self-examination (20). This seems a forever thing in my life - just wait and the rest I do on a daily basis. xx

 

[Trojina]

i think 23.5 is about joining up supportive connections often in a time where things look like they fall apart.

It can be the very place where things are falling apart that offer some kind of salvation

One experience of mine was where I was doing work for an agency where they were sending me out as a carer and it was getting physically difficult for me and harder work to get anyway and I asked what was going to happen with my work and got 23.5....and as that kind of work seemed to fall apart a woman I knew at the same agency offered me work within the agency.....so its like within a disintegrating situation you have existing connections that sort of keep you afloat, extend a hand....and er are often ladies lol

I don't know how you can apply that to your own situation. Maybe you could think about all the connections you have in this situation, for example the professional you spoke to, did she have a point ? Other relatives, other ways around the situation. I don't know but I find it quite a postive predictive kinda line. I think it likley you will get some kind of help as long as you are open andlet your situation be known. Often for me this is literally about support or help from other women of similar status or slightly above....has a kind of ladies in waitng feel, court ladies...so in particular you may look to other females who are in some way in the situation with you. Mmmm maybe i'm being waaay too literal but thats how its often turned out for me .

If this isn't about actual people helping you it could be other facets of life, other situations combine in such a way as to offer a way out of the dilemma

The image is of a string of fishes...which is like a lots of connections, different little parts of your life linking up to provide a solution. maybe try not to see the problem in isolation from the rest of your life or your sons life, maybe this connects up with all kinds of other issues. maybe this isn'tjust a question of money...maybe theres an issue about your sons whole path at the moment....maybe he has other directions to go.....maybe maybe maybe. I think you have to think laterally with 23.5


practically you could draw an actual map of the issue and all the life areas it connects to, all the feelings, all the people, all the possibilities.

if you cannot pay for the fees then something else has to happen doesn't it

 

[goddessliss]

Thks trojan for your post and ideas on this.

It can be the very place where things are falling apart that offer some kind of salvation
My first response on reading this was - Well the ChildSupport Agency offers a kind of salvation for families that have fallen apart so I wonder if this is it - will keep thinking on it though.

Yesterday I found at that my son's father is not only going to pay the school fees but also the child support.- When? is another question - but it appears he has finally come to terms with his responsilibity for our son and has spoken to him about getting back into the workforce to bear these financial responsibilities.
This was how it was in the first place and it has only been the interference of his now partner that it all changed.
This comes as a huge relief to me but more from an emotional stand than anything else because as you pointed out Trojan it's the linking of the fishes - it's not really just about the money - it's about the domino effect it has.
I can only imagine my son has learnt a lot through this process. A sad way to learn things but sometimes life is like that.
Through this whole drama of school fees, child support etc. I have not jumped up and down and put demands or fought with him or responded to his abuse mainly thro txt msges and pointed remarks via my son. I have just made my stand through the child support agency and the school and I know my son has observed and spoken about the process with me over this long saga and we now find it has gone full circle right back to the agreement that was made in the first place.
I have yelled and screamed and cried and bashed my pillow in frustration in private although I am sure my son has seen me shed a few tears over this I hope I have not shown him just how awful I have felt sometimes because although indirectly it is about parental responsbility for him I know the angst shown from my exhusband is whatever his issues are with me.
Hopefully that is now over and he moves on.
Getting back to line 5 - last time I spoke to the child support agency(lady) She told me that because the amount is getting quite high they can take legal action and force him to sell his assets to make the payment - not sure that is the right way to go about things.
I think I will just be the lady in waiting - at least for the next month and see what is going on then.
thks for sharing your story it makes me feel that there is a light at the end of the tunnel now. xx

 

[goddessliss]

It is not until I receive other reply posts that I gain the perspective I need and I am always grateful xx

 

[bradford]

Getting back to line 5 - last time I spoke to the child support agency(lady) She told me that because the amount is getting quite high they can take legal action and force him to sell his assets to make the payment - not sure that is the right way to go about things.

The child support enforcement system in America is a meat grinder that does bones and all. That's a little harsh for 23.5, which implies cooperation, though it's spot on for 23.4.
It might not be too harsh, though, if you start to get desperate, to relate what you were told by child support enforcement.

 

[goddessliss]

Thks bradford - things aren't quite desperate yet (in regards to the car rego) though I guess it depends on your definition of desperation.
Having bided(is that a word) my time so far and not taking such agressive measures, even though it has been frustrating and a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, I will wait a bit longer - I will ask again in another month if nothings changed by then - have a fun day xx

 

[bamboo]

Child Support Enforcement agencies is a meat grinder? I'm not sure what that means....I think they force "cooperation" because they are very dogged and they have the capacity to garnish salary, take tax returns, freeze bank accounts and impose judgements with hefty interest. Even when my ex lost his high paying job, the judge said "you have the capacity to make the money, go do it" and she refused to lower the monthly payment amount, and executed a judgement for all past due plus interest. He then unexpectedly won a large law suit and I was immediately sent a check for half of it by his lawyer because of the judgement. That was truly a 23.5 situation, not a 23.4, that's for sure. Well maybe for him it was 23.4. I was tempted to go easy on him and send some of the money back since he was in such a tight spot, but ..... I remembered the 40 or suits that had been in his closet after we split, the red 745 BMW, and all those swiss skiing trips he took.....naaah, I kept the money.

 

[bradford]

Child Support Enforcement agencies is a meat grinder? I'm not sure what that means....I think they force "cooperation" because they are very dogged and they have the capacity to garnish salary, take tax returns, freeze bank accounts and impose judgements with hefty interest. .

I sort of meant what you said. It's inexorable, harsh, unsympathetic, and will not take special circumstances into account. Once you're in the system that's about it. And there's no more friendship between former spouses. It's a last resort. Or 23.4. Or 21.4.
But a kid is a serious commitment too, and needs to be taken as one.

 

[goddessliss]

But a kid is a serious commitment too, and needs to be taken as one.

Unfortunately my exhusband does not seem to understand this - that there is more than just the financial side of things.
Personally I feel blessed that I am so close to my 3 sons and its exhusbands bad luck he's missing out.

And fortunately for the boys, with so much time gone by since they've seen him let alone had anything to do with their lives or know whats really going on for them - like me(finally) we've all moved on. xx

Bamboo I'm gonna ring you for some tips if I have to go in for the 'kill'.....

 

[ginnie]

My understanding of 23.5 is the same as yours, goddessliss -- that the action that gets good results is cooperation between a number of women who already know each other well, not through the imposition of harsh penalties and severe judgments. Maybe even a number of women around the same leading person. Your needs being conveyed by cooperative others to the ear of the proper person so that the assistance comes through rather smoothly, despite all these delays. It's important, I think, that you tell the right person what you need in order to set the chain of assistance going. You may have already done that; I'm not sure.

 

[goddessliss]

Thks ginnie, your words actually got me thinking about the process that has gone on so far.
Although it is a man that speaks directly to him from the Agency it has been mainly women who have taken my calls or dealt with the initial process.
I am not sure if that is because the way the agency runs it uses men to speak to men - maybe.
But at the school the 'fee collector' is a woman and she has been the one that has spoken with both of us seperately but I have asked for her assistance in sorting this out and also the principal of the school is a woman who has also spoken with him.
So now I am thinking of it, it makes this reading pretty interesting in refering to the string of fishes and the court ladies.......
And although it has been a long ardous process it looks like it has now progressed in a positive way. xx

 

[goddessliss]

Update - I received the outstanding child support payment about 2 weeks ago without taken any further action - now I just have to hope he continues to pay the monthly instalments. xx

 

[bradford]

Those of us who try to help interpret these readings really appreciate it when you post updates like this.
Thanks.

 

[ginnie]

Oh, thank goodness. What good news!

 

[goddessliss]

Yes it is good news Ginnie and I also received my normal monthly payment yesterday so.......yay after all the bs he went on with xx

 

[bamboo]

23.5 the coins never lie. now somebody please tell me how chrislofting's i ching woulda worked this accurately.....(it's a rhetorical question)

 

[white owl]

Hi Goddess,

I feel for your situation ..My ex owes me support that is reaching the 2000.00 mark. Here in the US they suspend your license (drivers) first. Than they take back to court (that is if the custodial parent wants action) than they give them 30 days to come up with the money or jail time. I havent done that with my ex cause he was laid off work.but they did suspend his license( I am sure he is still driving tho) he just sent me 300.00 I was grateful for that..I am sure he will find work soon & he feels bad..but not all non-custodial parents are sincere. I feel you cast Hex 23.5 to 20 that there will be possibly split payments or some neogtiations that are going to be made that will hold firm to the case..I feel your money pain hang in there.

 

[white owl]

Hi Goddess,

I feel for your situation ..My ex owes me support that is reaching the 2000.00 mark. Here in the US they suspend your license (drivers) first. Than they take back to court (that is if the custodial parent wants action) than they give them 30 days to come up with the money or jail time. I havent done that with my ex cause he was laid off work.but they did suspend his license( I am sure he is still driving tho) he just sent me 300.00 I was grateful for that..I am sure he will find work soon & he feels bad..but not all non-custodial parents are sincere. I feel you cast Hex 23.5 to 20 that there will be possibly split payments or some neogtiations that are going to be made that will hold firm to the case..I feel your money pain hang in there.

sometimes White Owl dosent read the whole thread I am glad u got your child support

 

[goddessliss]

Whiteowl I still think it's great to share and even though it has been sorted for me now actually hearing others stories still helps me to know I am not the only one.
'negotiations that are going to be made that will hold firm to the case.'

that is exactly what happened for him so your interpretation of 23.5 may just help someone else.

Hope things work out for you too xx