"Thus the superior man... molds his character"

[kkappa]

Dear everyone,

A year ago I got fired from a startup after which my career really skyrocketed in a sense. I never had any major hard feelings about it. To this day it seems that my old colleagues feel guilty over having fired me, as if they did me wrong and me expressing my happiness/peace with the way things turned out seems to fall on deaf ears. I can still sense their guilt.

Now they've invited me to celebrate the startups 2nd birthday (so not really a startup anymore, ha!) and I'm torn about going. The thing is, while I worked for them, I felt irrelevant in a sense, and I've realised that this has/had probably more to do with my view on the culture that I live in than me actually being irrelevant. For a little while now I've been working on improving that aspect in me and suddenly Denmark doesn't feel like such an inconsiderate place after all. It was me projecting it into my world.

With this change in me in mind, plus the fact that I would like to keep the communication lines open, even if it means putting myself in an awkward position by going to that party, I asked:

What should I decide to do about attending this party? 45.3.4>39
I think 45 bodes well for this occasion, it will be a lot of people gathering for a specific reason, and yes, it will be awkward for me (45.3) because I have not wanted to be a part of the entrepreneur scene here, but that's also because my view on it has been a little too stand-offish. So 39 also sits well with me molding my character with this new view on things. Also, the transitional hex is 31.4, which is, well.. I'm still mulling over.

Out of curiosity I asked, if I do go, what would the party be like for me, and guess what, my good old favorite came up again - 44.4>57
Ah, 44, I've missed you so (sarcasm!). I think it's a crazy fascinating line to receive for my case, and after reading this thread I'm even more about it. The whole story about no fish in the tank, but you should let it enter the tank (so to speak; fan yao 57.4), because nothing ventured is nothing gained, and this whole way of looking at it is so... timely, I should say!

But all in all, I feel that going to this event seems to be more about me learning to be more open to the world, even if it doesn't entirely fit with who I am and feel most comfortable with, so I guess it's saying that I should go, because it'll at least have a good effect on me being a better, more approachable person?

What do you see? Also, I do realise this isn't some majorly important issue, but working on myself as a person is important enough to want to get feedback from others along my journey.

K

 

[Trojina]

I don't feel it would be a very gratifying occasion for you. 45.3 generally tends to feel quite isolating, its hard to communicate and you feel apart from others however much you try....and there is unhappiness there. You sound eager to dismiss your previous unhappiness with them...which is a nice motive but 45.3 says to me it was real and hasn't gone anywhere and this isn't going anywhere. Hex 39 suggests this group isn't your group. Of course there's 45.4 also and yet i don't feel this is going anywhere much.

44.4 there's nothing there for you.

Having said all that if I had this reading I'd still go if I wanted to because afterall life is an experiment, no point closing things down prematurely especially if our Yi interpretation misses things.

I think despite wanting to forget your grievance....it is actually still there and this event won't benefit you much and I'm even wondering if they want something from you that benefits them not you ! (44.4) I tend to think they are guilty by you and are seeking to assuage it by asking you back.....then they can show what good people they are maybe ?

I don't think we have had any members from Denmark before....

 

[kkappa]

I don't feel it would be a very gratifying occasion for you. 45.3 generally tends to feel quite isolating, its hard to communicate and you feel apart from others however much you try....and there is unhappiness there. You sound eager to dismiss your previous unhappiness with them...which is a nice motive but 45.3 says to me it was real and hasn't gone anywhere and this isn't going anywhere. Hex 39 suggests this group isn't your group. Of course there's 45.4 also and yet i don't feel this is going anywhere much.

44.4 there's nothing there for you.

Having said all that if I had this reading I'd still go if I wanted to because afterall life is an experiment, no point closing things down prematurely especially if our Yi interpretation misses things.

I think despite wanting to forget your grievance....it is actually still there and this event won't benefit you much and I'm even wondering if they want something from you that benefits them not you ! (44.4) I tend to think they are guilty by you and are seeking to assuage it by asking you back.....then they can show what good people they are maybe ?

I don't think we have had any members from Denmark before....

Erm, Trojan, you read me like an open book right now. Quite frankly, I'm creeped out, because you put words to some of my feelings that I haven't been able to or dared to verbalize before.

I can't say I'm eager to dismiss my grievance in terms of not fitting in, that will never change - I'm a sociable nerd and not an entrepreneur, but I do realize that to an extent I have to learn to let those impression come into my world, even if it feels more comfortable to dismiss them. You know what I mean? Or maybe I'm just barking up the wrong tree. Kind of like, yeah, go approach the world, but don't let all of it in. Pick and choose.

I have wondered whether them feeling guilty is what keeps them wanting to contact me, but that is not my problem to help them get over. I'm at peace with it, so why aren't they? Perhaps this line here "they turn their backs on us and are not at our disposal when we need them. But this is our own fault." is about me turning my back on them, and even though they need me to help them feel better, it's their own fault for (dare I say it?) firing me and so they lost me. Sad entrepreneur is sad.

And I'm actually not Danish myself, I just live here #56

 

[ruthee]

Well done on not holding bad feelings!:bows:
Maybe they feel in ore of what you are now?
Go as the Queen you are aloof, but with a quiet knowing
that you command them to bow in your presence.

In all love
ruthee

 

[poised]

Out of curiosity I asked, if I do go, what would the party be like for me, and guess what, my good old favorite came up again - 44.4>57
. . . . . . .
What do you see? Also, I do realise this isn't some majorly important issue, but working on myself as a person is important enough to want to get feedback from others along my journey.
K

HI kkappa: I had the sense that the invitation was to open a dialogue with you. I like Lise's take on 44.4 "9 at 4: Not containing fish. It is the beginning of pitfalls.
When one is too unapproachable one makes the arrival of creativity in life impossible. It is not for nothing that the artist seeks the seamy side of life. Too much distance causes sterility. Give everything in life a chance to be met, just examine it's value. Often a mixture of mutually incompatible things brings about creativity."

I wouldn't dwell to much on the "fish" part. I don't think their invitation is fishy, therefore, "not containing fish." Perhaps they want to feel you out (not up, I hope) about possibly rehiring you as a consultant, or at least keeping you close by in case they need you. Possibly picking your brains. In this time of economic uncertainty or at least shenanigans, maintaining cordial relations with those who may be helpful seems the prudent thing to do. It's a two-way street. They may be able to help you, you may be able to help them. I wouldn't take it too personally.

Unless, of course they do want to feel you up, not out. (Can I say that here?)

 

[kkappa]

HI kkappa: I had the sense that the invitation was to open a dialogue with you. I like Lise's take on 44.4 "9 at 4: Not containing fish. It is the beginning of pitfalls.
When one is too unapproachable one makes the arrival of creativity in life impossible. It is not for nothing that the artist seeks the seamy side of life. Too much distance causes sterility. Give everything in life a chance to be met, just examine it's value. Often a mixture of mutually incompatible things brings about creativity."

I wouldn't dwell to much on the "fish" part. I don't think their invitation is fishy, therefore, "not containing fish." Perhaps they want to feel you out (not up, I hope) about possibly rehiring you as a consultant, or at least keeping you close by in case they need you. Possibly picking your brains. In this time of economic uncertainty or at least shenanigans, maintaining cordial relations with those who may be helpful seems the prudent thing to do. It's a two-way street. They may be able to help you, you may be able to help them. I wouldn't take it too personally.

Unless, of course they do want to feel you up, not out. (Can I say that here?)

Thanks for your input and I think you got really close to the whole debate going on inside me - we may not be people of the same kind, but I should leave the doors of communication open. I have helped them once before and they were insanely awkward about it, but at the same time they needed me and I was happy to help, so go figure why they can't just let it go.

But taking all the advice from Trojan, Ruthee and you, I sent them a very kind email explaining that I'm considering going on a trip that weekend, so I may not be able to come (and that is not even a lie!) but I'm happy to hear that they've done so well since starting and that they thought of inviting me, and if plans change, I'll be there celebrating with them. The former boss was elegant about it, but one of the colleagues went ahead and replied "just be honest, you just don't like us anymore". He has a dark sense of humor, but I think it highlights what I'm trying to say all along - they just can't get it into their heads that I hold nothing against them.

Ah, male colleagues and their egos, or something along those lines.

 

[wind]

You know Kkappa, while I don't know anyone here well, I have a sense of the kind of person you are. You might not feel the need to show up or show up and receive the gratitude of others.... but I say, go and be the shining star YOU are. Not for anyone but yourself. You rose above the pettiness and nothing screams dignified as much as showing up like a rock star does!

 

[meng]

Thing is, you never know the relevance of a gathering until during and after the gathering. You're basing this on a set of speculations, but they may have entirely different sentiments from what you speculate. Maybe they just like you, and miss you being around.

I left a company once and imagined that it was resented by my team, but they too left the company shortly after the buyout, and threw a big lawn party amongst themselves, which included those who chose to stay and those who chose to leave, to which I was invited. At first I was very anxious and was pretty sure there were a few grudges held. But it was nothing at all like that. They were warm, and genuinely glad to see me again. My earlier reading for this engagement was 2.6. It not only reflected my confused and suspicious state of mind, but my own dragon was as imaginary as my suspicions.

 

[kkappa]

You know Kkappa, while I don't know anyone here well, I have a sense of the kind of person you are. You might not feel the need to show up or show up and receive the gratitude of others.... but I say, go and be the shining star YOU are. Not for anyone but yourself. You rose above the pettiness and nothing screams dignified as much as showing up like a rock star does!

Fair point and one that I would've gone for at first instinct (seeing as 44 seems to describe me in more instances than just one). But I already did the rock star part only a couple of months after I got fired, showed up at the office to help them with something they least expected ME to want to help them out with, so maybe I can tick that off my bucket list for now? I'm keeping my options open for now, because the trip that very weekend seems to come together quite nicely.

And curios like I am, I wonder what kind of an impression do I make as a person...

 

[kkappa]

Thing is, you never know the relevance of a gathering until during and after the gathering. You're basing this on a set of speculations, but they may have entirely different sentiments from what you speculate. Maybe they just like you, and miss you being around.

I left a company once and imagined that it was resented by my team, but they too left the company shortly after the buyout, and threw a big lawn party amongst themselves, which included those who chose to stay and those who chose to leave, to which I was invited. At first I was very anxious and was pretty sure there were a few grudges held. But it was nothing at all like that. They were warm, and genuinely glad to see me again. My earlier reading for this engagement was 2.6. It not only reflected my confused and suspicious state of mind, but my own dragon was as imaginary as my suspicions.

I see what you're saying and I'm glad you decided to go, but I haven't got that line for my case - I hold to them with sincerity (though I didn't get 8.1 either).

Honestly, I don't know what to reply here other than yes, of course this is all a bunch of speculations (and a whole lot of intuition), so for the sake of curiosity, I asked why they invited me and got 38.1>64. Ha! Not even sure whether I'm the horse or they the evil force (rhyme not intended, but keeping it). In any case - siblings with different agendas and seems like the story is not over yet. Well, good thing I'm keeping my options open for now.

 

[meng]

I see what you're saying and I'm glad you decided to go, but I haven't got that line for my case - I hold to them with sincerity (though I didn't get 8.1 either).

Honestly, I don't know what to reply here other than yes, of course this is all a bunch of speculations (and a whole lot of intuition), so for the sake of curiosity, I asked why they invited me and got 38.1>64. Ha! Not even sure whether I'm the horse or they the evil force (rhyme not intended, but keeping it). In any case - siblings with different agendas and seems like the story is not over yet. Well, good thing I'm keeping my options open for now.

This is one that I think LiSe's 38.1 speaks to:

Regrets go away. Lost horse, do not chase it, it returns by itself. Seeing evil people, without fault.

Many situations can be solved by waiting instead of action, often even especially then. Do what you want to do, but refrain from reacting. It is not you, who reacts, it is the situation causing you to. And if you suspect someone of doing harm to you, then wait with action until you have real proof. Then you act according to reality, instead of reacting to emotions.
(Changes to hex.64)

64 implies it's still to be decided. I believe 38 reflects not their opposition to you but your concern over having opposing views, but with the advice to not worry over it, one way or the other, and that there's still time to decide, which you have also just said. There's also an indication that you've lost a sense of dignity or have been misunderstood, but that dignity and understanding will return, likely even more so if you attend.

Thanks for sharing an interesting reading and situation. I hope you'll share the outcome too. Good luck either way.

Btw, "Seeing evil people.." can also be read as seeing people as evil.

 

[kkappa]

Meng, big thanks for your input - very very insightful! Your words of not having to worry over whichever decision I make really puts my mind at rest.. for now. At the very least I'll post a congrats picture on their event page if I do go on that trip, and naturally a line on the outcome here if I go to the event.