what are these dreams trying to tell me hex 40 unchanging

[goddessliss]

Hi all,

I've recently had two dreams about my exhusband - we split/divorced over 7 years ago. Incidentally I've never had much to do with him at all - one brief phone call in 2011 and I saw him face to face for about 10 seconds about 2 years ago.

First dream he was suddenly standing in my living room and I ran into his arms and we were so joyful to see each other and I said 'I've been waiting for you to come home these part 7 years'. He was so surprised to hear that. Then the dream ended.

The most recent dream we randomly saw each other and just naturally fell into an intimate moment but we couldn't get any privacy. He said 'I'll come back' and I thought 'does he mean he'll come back to our relationship or just this moment' and then He said 'But I want to talk to your parents first'....huh in real life I've been happily estranged from my parents for many, many years. Dream ended there.


What are these dreams trying to tell me.....40 unchanging

From Hilary - "If your path has no real destination, turn back;" to be honest I've felt this since we split all those years ago....it wasn't just about our relationship but the whole loss. I lost my family unit, my home, my job, my income....everything that meant something to me. Lately I've felt I'm finally getting on with it. Personally I don't believe you really 'get over' great losses you just learn to live with them.

At the same time I also feel that's nothing's changed except inside myself but really I'm not particularly connected to anything or a anyone....try as I might.

I now have a rental I love for the most part, reconnected to long term friends but don't see them all that much, studying Horticulture, doing creative things that I also love, have joined an Emergency Service group which I'm doing training with....but I'm bored and lonely.

 

[charly]

Hi all,

I've recently had two dreams about my exhusband ...

First dream he was suddenly standing in my living room and I ran into his arms and we were so joyful to see each other and I said 'I've been waiting for you to come home these part 7 years'. He was so surprised to hear that. Then the dream ended.

The most recent dream we randomly saw each other and just naturally fell into an intimate moment but we couldn't get any privacy. He said 'I'll come back' and I thought 'does he mean he'll come back to our relationship or just this moment' and then He said 'But I want to talk to your parents first' ... Dream ended there.

What are these dreams trying to tell me.....40 unchanging

Personally I don't believe you really 'get over' great losses you just learn to live with them.

At the same time I also feel that's nothing's changed except inside myself but really I'm not particularly connected to anything or a anyone....try as I might.

I now have a rental I love for the most part, reconnected to long term friends but don't see them all that much, studying Horticulture, doing creative things that I also love, have joined an Emergency Service group which I'm doing training with....but I'm bored and lonely.

Hi, Liss:

First of all an almost literal translation of H.40 (Liberation):

解利西南
jie3 li4 xi1 nan2
LIBERATION PROFITABLE WEST SOUTH (1) (2)
For getting freedom, profitable west and south.
Liberation is a risky process, better get oriented to try.
Preferable something with future or mature and sunny or warm, say, vital.

无所往
wu2 suo3 wang3
NO PLACE TO_GO
No other way.
Or, maybe, remain here, in the same place, at the same moment, with the same feelings...
... and wait for insight.

其來復吉
qi2 lai2 fu4 ji2
IT COMES AGAIN LUCKY (3)
Fortunate that it comes newly.
What is coming? opportunities of LIBERATION (LIFE AND FREEDOM), of course.
Life is cyclic, some things may come again.

有攸往夙吉
you3 you1 wang3 su4 ji2
HAVE FAR TO_GO MORNING LUCKY (4)
If having to go far, doing it early will be lucky.
The sooner you understand it, the better.
​

Are you sure that the person of your dreams was really your husband?

Let me know if this version says someting to you.


Kind regards,


Charly

___________________________________
(1) WEST was the origin of Zhou Dynasty that made a revolution in ancient China, changing the Mandate of Heavens. West also meant in ancient China countries with more LIBERAL SEXUAL CUSTOMS. Less traditional and prejudicious.

(2) SOUTH was always associated with LIGHT and LIFE, all houses faced south, royal thrones faced south.

(3) Some authors say «if you cannot move anywhere, come back», but if somebody is able to come back, then can move somewhere. H.40 is an open ended hexagram. This is one of the lucky ends.

(4) Another possible lucky end, if we realize that must move far, we must try soon, don't wait all the time for something that doesn't happen.

Ch.

 

[goddessliss]

Thanks for helping out Charly....no I know it's not my husband it's talking about me!! The first dream I went yes I feel like I'm returning to the self I was before all this went down. But the second dream has me a bit lost. He's words represent the same I think that I'm coming back to self but having to get permission???? which I've taken as the meaning of my parents - I don't think so.

All that's said in that version make sense to me as each one has happened to me at different times over the past 7 years....

 

[loverofknowledge]

Hi, here are some impressions -- see if they fit.
For hexagram 40 (living iching translation): "The image Thunder and rain act: releasing. The noble one pardons errors and forgives offenses."
How might the dreams have to do with releasing yourself from the past? And forgiving?
About the dreams themselves, I notice how different they are in mood and tone.
The first one seems like a reunion and restoration, like the mood is one of joyful intimacy, maybe what you are seeking now, though not with the same partner? A taste of innocence, and joy, that you once experienced. It is returning to you, to release you from loneliness.
The second dream is one of estrangement. You try to be alone, but there is no privacy. Your partner needs to get permission from your parents, from whom (you report later) you are estranged. So that doubles the mood of estrangement -- no privacy, he's allied with your parents who are out of the picture.
Could that be a kind of release, through the dream? A release from this partner, who was not there for you, completely, so that you can move on with your life, and return to the joyful intimacy that you once experienced? As in dream 1?

 

[diamanda]

I'll take it from a (very slightly) different perspective than Charly's.

The character of 40 is usually translated as Deliverance or Liberation.
Other meanings of that character are: solving a problem, analysing.
So let's analyse!

First, I agree with you and Charly that this not simply about your husband.
Here are some more ideas that come to mind, based on your comments.

I'm returning to the self I was before all this went down - I don't think this is possible, because you're not the person you were back then anymore. I believe that both dreams show you the way forward, how to take the next step in the process. But for that, you'd need to solve a couple of things from the past.

but I'm bored and lonely - I think that's perfectly normal - not having a family to live with is far from easy. Of course you're doing the best you can - keeping busy is very good to alleviate loneliness. But obviously creativity/studying etc are not a family. Extremely few people are born to be enlightened hermits, so I believe that first of all you need to allow yourself to feel the totally natural feeling of not being happy without a family.

'I've been waiting for you to come home these part 7 years' - Your heart seems to be still with him. When people divorce there's always a darned good reason for doing so. What was it? Liss, you're a gentle loving person, and obviously you didn't want to get divorced. What did he do? And how come you're not bothered about what he did, hence still wanting him back? (at least your subconscious does).

I think that I'm coming back to self but having to get permission???? - The part where the husband connects with your parents is amazing. I believe that they both (husband and parents) represent Authority Figures for you. You've said you're happily estranged from your parents - obviously, even more so than a divorce, there's got to be a super-duper darned good reason for escaping one's parents. And although escaping is an excellent first step, it's not enough. One would also have to demolish the parents' authority within one's self. Forgiveness is the worse thing one can do in such cases - blame should go to where blame belongs.

So in conclusion, I think that the authority issue with your parents is not solved. You are still not blaming them for much, in your heart, and as a result you are still not blaming the other authority figure (ex husband) for much. But... have a look at how this authority issue is still pouring in into your daily life (bullies episodes). My advice would be to learn more about toxic parents, and stop forgiving them (and your ex). Not in order to 'get over them' - as you said, heavy losses are never fully overcome - but just in order to make your current life a bit lighter.

 

[goddessliss]

Thankyou loverofknowledge - this is true I would love to be in NEW relationship in shared intimacy and I think some of the dream is just a reflection of this for sure.

Diamanda - all of what you have said resonates with me. Agreed I used to think I had to forgive in order to move on but now I realise I just need to put blame where blame is due without actually getting caught up in the vortex of it.
True too about the bullying but since I removed myself from those incidents physically and mentally I feel a whole lot better and being in this new group I've noticed I don't have the same and anxieties and fears I was experiencing then. Having said that I will look further into the subject of toxic parents and see what comes up for me on a personal level.

No I don't want him back. I just want back all the other things, my own home, my family unity with my sons and an income. It's the connection I want back not him.
The 2 years ago when I came face to face with him unexpectedly, I was in a strong position to get him back but I knew in my heart that's not what I wanted but yes you're right I need to stop blaming myself for the breakdown of the marriage because essentially I did everything I could to make it work!!

 

[diamanda]

need to put blame where blame is due without actually getting caught up in the vortex of it

Well maybe a few eggs will be broken in the process of making an omelette
It's not easy and it's not quick.
And it doesn't mean we live hating them afterwards - the purpose is neutrality.
As a victim of toxic parents myself, I can tell you from experience that knocking them off their pedestal changed my life on unbelievably many levels (for the best).

You have very strong survival instincts - glad to hear you don't want him back!

 

[goddessliss]

Yes thankyou I'm looking for neutrality - I hold no animosity with my parents nor him really but clearly up until recently I still felt I was to blame for things that happen - the old I must hold my own self accountability for things. I realise there are moments when this holds true and there are moments when this doesn't.
Thanks to the bullying and the personal steps I took to resolve it I finally realised sometimes it's just a case of wrong place wrong time and it's nothing to do with anything I may or may not have done. Hallelujah for that!!!

Thanks for sharing the wisdom of your experience diamanda it helps me very much. :bows: