What could I do to get rid of this pain? 22.3>27

[misswasabi]

Hello everyone,

I posted a thread some weeks ago about a relationship I ended up, not because of a lack of feelings on my side, but for my own sake, to save myself from more pain. He was a complicated guy. I'm not one to label people but he seemed to own quite a few of the specific traits sociopaths hold, so the whole thing was far from being a bed of roses. But of course that doesn't prevent me from missing him, and grieving over what could have been.
But I tend to aproach things in a very practical way and try to make the most of everything, even if it is a hurtful experience. So in this case I allowed myself a week of sobbing, sleeping and hardly eating anything. Then I started keeping a journal to go through my emotions and not "vent" on my friends too much, bought a few books about toxic relationships to educate myself and learn how to recover from them. And then what? I know it's a matter of time, I'm sure of it, but even though some days I feel super confident, the pain strikes me so violently, when I less expect it, and I fear that it will haunt me forever. And I wonder whether all this self-help readings and cheering myself up is going to be enough or it's plainly ridiculous.
"Why do you buy those books? Don't you have more friends?" asked me a friend of mine. And it got me thinking, because I have a few, and they are very good ones, but I hate overwhelm others with my problems on a regular basis and, in the end, I think the most important, deep work, one has to do it on its own. So tonight was one of those nights in which I don't seem able to stop feeling miserable, and even start flirting with the stupid idea of trying to get him back (which would be both crazy and sterile) and ask the iching "What could I do to stop feeling so sad?" And I get 2.3>27
I've seen there's a bunch of shared readings with this hexagram, but I'm not sure how it applys to my question.

"One doesn't want to finish too fast" What is that supposed to mean? That I don't want this sorrow to finish to fast? Could it mean I live too much focused on an hypotetical future in which I will be relieved from that sadness and that I should focus on the here and now? I try to face this moment and this feeling and be positive about it, as much as I can. I want to embrace whatever this experience brings to me, or at least that's what I say to myself. But maybe I'm being delusional and what I'm doing is trying to take a shortcut to recovery.
Line 3 kills me...I should persevere in doing what I'm doing? Because it talks about removing a glistening façade that could refer to my insight of the situation. It suggest that I'm not being true to myself? This are my thoughts on this cast, but I don't really get the whole thing right, and I'd appreciate any comment to help me understand better. Many thanks in advance.

 

[oceangirl]

Hi misswasabi - I believe this reading is saying Keep beautifying your inner self through the nourishment you have chosen which sounds to me like inner self work - using the books and other resources. Friends can only listen and perhaps advise from their own perspective which isn't a bad thing but really you're the only one that knows what you're feeling.
I've had a similar situation happen to me recently and know beyond all doubt this guy would cause me more grief and unhappiness and probably a loss of self esteem if I pursued our connection but it doesn't stop me grieving and wishing things were different and yes I have moments I wish he'd call.
I think your reading is saying through persevering and not finishing things too fast just means that your inner work needs one step at a time. Crying and grieving, albeit not fun and painful, are in essence good for our soul.

 

[misswasabi]

Hi oceangirl, and thanks for your reply. (It's funny; I was just reading your thread "My life is a constant mess" . I wish I knew more to be able to give you some insights for your cast!). I see you know exactly what I'm going through. It's not just a regular heartbreak, has more to do with learning to have some boundaries, I don't know...of all the emotional grieves I've been through (partner-related), this is the one I feel it's more trascendent. not by itself, but because of the message it seems to carry, That's why I try to keep more focused on the way I handle and react to it than on him, or even us.
So I suppose I'm on the right path, even though I had the feeling that there was a piece of advice here that I failed to get.

 

[oceangirl]

Agreed!! That's what I'm learning about too - boundaries and using inner work to create that with others without me having to say or do anything. However, having said that.....the generation my children have grown up in seems to allow them to say whatever they like to whomever they like (me in this case) with little respect or compassion for the person.
I did a really brave thing in regards to that post, and sent my children an email saying that I was very hurt and disappointed in their behaviour towards me and how much they're destroying my self coincidence and self esteem because of their lack of support and lack of unconditional love towards my circumstances. I also stated my accountability in this and wasn't casting blame but it's a relationship and we all need to work towards being the best we can towards each other.
The guy I refer to in my thread truly was the catalyst in me sorting another of my inner issues out so Hallelujah for that - but it hurts.
Funnily enough only one of my four children responded to that email and he was the one that had been least mean to me.

 

[diamanda]

Hi misswasabi,

I've seen line 22.3 refer to someone being "in love" many times.
I've also seen it refer to actual drunkenness.

Being "in love" often feels like being under the spell of someone, so to speak, a bit like being drunk or high. That's because infatuation produces intense reactions in our brains and a deluge of hormones in our bodies. Obviously such instinctual reactions do not, in any way, communicate with our logic, hence we cannot stop this type of pain just by speaking logically to our inner self. It just doesn't work like that (if only!). And, also obviously, the more intensely we fancy someone, the worse we feel when forced to separate (been there too and I'll never forget how excruciating that pain felt).

To go back to what the line says:
Bright/graceful and moist. Constant perseverance is lucky.
The commentary on the line says:
Constant perseverance brings good fortune. In the end, no-one can mock/abuse him.

The way I see it is that when we're in a state of 22.3, we need to keep our wits about us at all times, because we're not functioning as we normally would. We need to constantly persist in being steady - because we're not naturally steady at this time. The commentary on the line points out that if we act thus, then others won't be able to take advantage of us, or mock us, and all will end well.

I believe the answer mainly addresses the fact that you're still in love. The best you can do is try to 'be steady' in such a state. Resulting 27 shows an empty open mouth, which probably shows that we get better when we stop drinking, or when we stop 'consuming' (the other person, or whatever else).

I don't think any self help book can switch us off from being in love. Then again they're a nice distraction, and some of them can teach us effective ways of dealing with nasty situations. In conclusion I'd say make use of anything (books, friends, whatever) which helps ground you. Keep on keeping on, I promise you the pain does go away, completely, at some point. If some activities make you feel better, go for them - there's nothing wrong with taking a shortcut to recovery as you put it!

 

[oceangirl]

Agree with diamanda whatever makes you feel better even if it's for 5 minutes.

 

[misswasabi]

Hi diamanda,
Loved the link you posted about to how the brain reacts to love, so well explained and accurate. I guess I'm going through the typical withdrawal symptoms any addicted would feel; I've been in heartbreak hotel before and it's also true what you point out about feelings not being able to communicate with logic, even though logic is the tool I'm trying to use to overcome this feeling. And even though I know time will work its magic and will eventually wipe away any any trace of this bitterness, deep inside me I fear that it will take too long. In other circumstances I would have spent hours of my life writting poems for him, or somehow digging deep on the sick pleasure of feeling an inconvenient kind of love. But I don't want to do that, I want to have a life, a good life, and stop wasting my time pretending there is something special in being a loser.

Constant perseverance brings good fortune. In the end, no-one can mock/abuse him. (Is that from Hillary's book?)

That resonates a lot to me, because I feel kind of mocked/abused. So that would mean, as you well pointed out, keep on keeping my steadiness in order not to make the mistake of calling him or falling for someone alike.

As for 27, I'm seeing it, maybe, as an advice, or a goal, consisiting on not depending on others to fulfill my desires. But I don't really know. In any case, there is not much more to say than what you very well summarized: I must keep on keeping on. "I promise you the pain does go away, completely, at some point." is something so, so good to hear and be reminded of. Thank you.