What do you see?

[hilary]

Dear Mothernature,

I like the way you write about the I Ching ? here and on other pages. Beautiful, patient, lovely, truthful, sometimes rude ? yes, all that sounds very familiar!

You?ll have noticed how these readings are linking together. 'How your friend sees the relationship' was Release in a context of the Receptive. And here is the Receptive again, in the same position. As part of what he wants, it?s how he personally sees things and relates to the whole idea of a relationship. And as before, this is not someone who takes the initiative! It could even be that he is apprehensive about taking the lead, fearing he might go in the wrong direction. Yet there is still a lot of strength here, even if passive: I imagine he?s ready to accept and welcome initiatives from you. Looking back over past readings? could this also be a way for him of remaining strong and in control?

Hexagram 24 is Return: someone treading his own path, moving to and fro on it freely. It?s also a return to the source, and hence the return of the energy that comes from the source.

?Returning, success.
Going out, entering in, without pressure.
Partner comes, no mistake.
Turning round, returning on the path.
The seventh day comes, returning.
Harvest from having a direction to go.?

This picks up on that idea from #40 of setting off on the road when he can see the destination clearly ? and turning back if there doesn?t seem to be one. Hexagram 24 offers the freedom to go out, come back, walk freely on the path without having any trouble or suffering. This suggests that for him, relationships move in natural cycles. The emphasis at this point is on coming back. As a seasonal hexagram, this one represents midwinter ? actually the moment when the sun begins to return, the days begin to lengthen. The important word here is ?begin?: the movement back is not complete, and it will be a while before communications between people are back to normal.

As for the moving line ? oh dear. I?m afraid this is one of the most ambiguous in the whole oracle. This first line is traditionally understood as someone who recognises he?s gone wrong before he goes too far wrong, and so returns to the right path. The question is ? is this turning back from the relationship, or back towards it? Since at present he?s uncommunicative, I?d say it?s probably ?turning back towards?.
?Not far away, returning.
No repenting here.
Fundamental good fortune.?
He hasn?t gone far from you ? there isn?t any huge, alienating distance. But the other side of the coin is that there is some distance: this is the absolute beginning of a new beginning. He isn?t far from the returning energy, the positive rising force, and so he?s hardly reached the point of regret. Also, he doesn?t want to go that far. He would rather stay in touch with the source (the fundament) and with himself.

So my educated guess (!) about this one is that he wants the life and light to return to the friendship, and also that (as ever) he wants this free and without either pressure or obstacles. What he doesn?t want is the opposite of #24, Hexagram 44, Coupling: a seductive force that enters his life and turns it upside down, completely beyond his control. Remember the ?foxes? he caught? This is the same idea.

I?ll get onto your other question ASAP. Promise!

 

[mothernature]

Hilary, I honour your words!
Thank you for helping me. Your words are like rain into my heart!
What advice, as a woman and a IChing reader, would you give me to help me in this situation, Hilary?
I am anxiously waiting for the next you have to say, not forgetting, please, the reading you so gently promissed me.
Be blessed.
All Yours,
Mother Nature.
BTW - I tried to help Brooks of the 'A sibling for my son' topic. I think you were refering to what I wrote in there. I tried to help. I like to help people. If we have something good to say we always should say, but if we just have harsh words to offer so it is better to be quiet.
This is a good way to make things better in our life, specially in desperating moments.
Thank you for being you too so gentle to me.

 

[hilary]

Dear Mothernature,

ASAP (?as soon as possible?!) turned out not to be so soon, didn?t it? Christmas is coming, I have cards to write and presents to make, and suddenly I?m inundated with paying customers. I?m very happy about this, of course, but I?m also very busy.

Anyway? about that question of what you are really looking for ? 22, Grace, changing to 24, Return. Of course you want the energy and purpose to return to the relationship ? but having this hexagram come up as the relating one seems to say that this is also something happening within you. I think that even from the glimpses I get of you at this forum, I can recognise it ? a surge of strength and purposefulness, getting back on your own path. This would follow from a time of Stripping Away (Hexagram 23), when you felt the initiative, the ability to direct events, being taken away from you ? as if painful things were simply inflicted on you. I do get the feeling that you are beginning to take back the initiative. As always with #24, the important word is ?beginning?: it doesn?t mean ?instantly back to full strength?, just that the tide is turning.

Isn?t it extraordinary that you should offer your help to someone who received this hexagram ? and then receive it twice yourself? (It seems to be the hexagram of the moment for many people here at present. Of course, as a calendar hexagram, it is exactly the hexagram of this month?)

For you, this resurgence is the backdrop to a desire for grace and beauty. Hexagram 22 is about things that look and feel right, well-ordered and beautiful. It also means concentrating on presenting yourself as well as possible, like a suitor does ? one meaning of this answer is that you want courtship. Ideally, you?d like the outward appearance of the relationship to reflect its true value, as a flower?s beauty reflects its essential nature. Perhaps you?d like to be able to create this kind of relationship as an artist creates a sculpture.

This is also actually quite a thoughtful time ? not joining together at once, and not cutting off the process of deliberation prematurely, but reflecting carefully and casting light on things. The risk with Grace is always of putting too much emphasis on the surface appearance and neglecting the true substance ? that?s the way that leads to Stripping Away.

There are two moving lines in your answer?

Line 3 says ?Graceful, and hence immersed. Constancy, ever-flowing good fortune.?
The images here are from water ? bringer of beauty and good health, but also an unpredictable element that can sweep you away. There is a great richness of feeling here, as if you were surrounded by water, and so there is also some risk of being swamped by it. But ?constancy? means remembering your vision, and being consistent and persistent in carrying it through in the outer world: when this is ever-flowing, it brings good fortune. It sounds as if you want to be completely immersed in the relationship, while still preserving your own integrity.

Line 6 praises simplicity:
?White grace. No mistake.?
This is perfect beauty ? nothing ornate, nothing to disguise the true nature of things. Simply put, you want the truth, and you don?t want to deceive yourself ? but you do also want that truth to be beautiful.

There?s probably a lot more to be said about this reading ? what does it suggest to you?

I have read your other question! The I Ching has already given you an answer, I think ? with Hexagram 52 changing to 27, some way back up this page. But I know that you had trouble with that one, so we must decide whether to ask again, or whether to make another effort to understand that answer. It does still sound as if your priorities are different from his, and you would always be confronted with the problem of 52, line 3: trying to hold back for his sake when your heart draws you forward. Not receiving all you need from him, not being able to express all you want to ? these themes won?t go away.

If you would like to ask another question (which is fine

), could you tell me a little more about what you are looking for from the answer? Advice on what?s best for you, no matter what? Advice on how to make this relationship better? (Maybe the two are the same. I don?t know!) What you are really looking for makes a difference.

 

[mothernature]

How intuitive you are Hilary.
I felt very impressed with your words and I thank you over and over again.
About the second reading, yes, fate always holds me back for his sake when my heart draws me badly forward but I am experiencing balance now, Hilary, so I decided to let it go in order to have it back.
Can you understand this aparently conflicted idea?
It has been hard for me but I am trying to get my balance although I am always in need of advices cause I step in sand soil: the feelings ground!
I would like to know how to reconnect things, how to make the relationship warmer, how to start things with him again, how to make things better.
This is basically what I am looking for.
I also would love to know if his feelings will return to me one day... I wonder about that!

Talking as women and friends, what are your perceptions of everything after the IChing answers?
All yours,
Mother Nature.

 

[hilary]

Dear Mothernature,

At long last I?m back. I?m sorry not to have got back to you before I disappeared for Christmas!

I?ve been looking through all the I Ching?s answers on this page, and there does seem to be a pattern. Like I said, the difference between you is not going away. You want something rich and beautiful ? a relationship you could swim in, as it were, maybe even drown in? But for him, possibly the most important thing is freedom to move, plenty of space and the sense that he is in control and free to make choices. I think he is a little afraid of the potential for being hurt if he is more committed ? what if he were deceived and overwhelmed, what if he were committed and then you moved on?

I can understand letting go in order to have it back, I think, because the I Ching has been telling me about this for many years now! And you received Hexagram 41, after all, which speaks of mysterious gain through giving things up. It?s all a delicate balancing act ? you have to restrain your own desires, since being like the leader who sets out with an army to create peace and stability does not work out well. (In international politics it might, but in relationships I doubt it!) That reading about stopping says in essence that to stop your feet is good, but to stop your heart tears you in half.

What will happen in the future? It depends! Not a very helpful answer in itself, I know, but true all the same. We can?t know for sure what your friend will decide or how his feelings will develop, because he is a free individual.

(I?ve just finished reading Paul Coelho?s The Alchemist. Next I?m going to read it again, and then I?m going to buy more of his books! One of the parts that I loved best was a conversation between a camel driver and a very famous and successful seer. The seer said he didn?t read the future, he guessed it, ?based on the omens of the present. The secret is here in the present. If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it. And, if you improve on the present, what comes later will also be better.? The future, he said, belongs to God, who only very rarely reveals it. ?When he does so, it is for only one reason: it?s a future that was written so as to be altered.?)

So ? how to improve on the present? What is the best practical approach?
Answer ? Hexagram 53, Gradual Development, with no changing lines.
This hexagram is traditionally about the ancient Chinese way of betrothal. Basically, this was very slow and steady ? full of ceremonial and careful preparation. So this hexagram is about a relationship that develops so slowly it may seem not to be developing at all (or so I?ve often found in practice!), but that is moving on ? unstoppably. It?s like a tree that grows on a mountain ? of course it will grow more slowly than one in the valley, where the soil is richer and life is easy, but it still grows steadily, and its roots are in the rock.

What does this mean in terms of practical advice? First, ?harvest from persistence? ? loyally holding onto what you want and carrying it through into practice. Gradual Development actually follows on from Keeping Still ? and it still has the stability of the mountain inside, as the foundation for growth. But ?things cannot come to a complete standstill?.

Next, it?s important to understand that the process involves two people, equally, if it exists at all. ?The woman?s marriage waits for the man to move.? I don?t think this means doing absolutely nothing while waiting for him to make a move ? but it does mean that it?s simply not possible for you to go faster than his pace.

What can you do, then? You can be like the tree on the mountain:
?The wise disciple dwells in integrity and spiritual power
Improves the people.?
I think the image here is about the way a tree simply by growing and being itself creates a whole environment around it where other creatures can flourish. The wise disciple has the qualities of the mountain ? inner stillness and solidity ? and also the tree?s vitality. ?Spiritual power? is te ? the quality of being yourself, following your own path (tao) to the fullest. And ?improving the people? (which sounds a little daunting!) also means speaking gently to people, conveying kindness and being non-threatening. Hopefully this gives you some ideas?

One last thought:
At the heart of Gradual Development is the hidden possibility of being Not Yet Across (Hexagram 64). It encapsulates the feeling that you haven?t made it yet, like a little fox who has yet to cross over the river, alert to the possibility that the ice might not yet be strong enough to support it. Maybe you aren?t ready to make the crossing, or perhaps it just isn?t yet the time to do so. This all sounds very much like your own lingering feeling of uncertainty about the ground underfoot ? solid, or liable to melt away at any moment? Not quite making it across and falling in instead is no good at all. Because this is only a possibility, I think it is very much within your control ? up to you what you do with it. Being Not Yet Across can feel like a complete disaster, everything gone wrong just when you were expecting to ?live happily ever after?. Or it can be a time of building creative potential for the next step. It means ?masculine strength exhausted? ? but it also means ?things cannot just come to an end??

I hope this all makes sense to you. I know you?ll let me know if it doesn?t!

Oh, and by the way ? Happy New Year!