What is behind this trouble? Hexagram 25.3.4.6 to 63

[Cooper5]

hello,i just ended a long term relationship—the most important one of my life. I am in despair but stoic and slowly accepting the reality of the situation. the deepest question for me is what is the cause of this corruption and disaster (because at the end it feels that way, and you know, some feelings are "real" but not true so the yi might be picking up on my extraordinary pain and distortion around this). It happened very recently. Would someone be able to help me interpret this reading? Please advise? I'm just a newbie to all of this. I would like to be as conscious as I can going forward.

 

[diamanda]

Sorry to hear about your loss and sadness Cooper5.

what is the cause of this corruption and disaster, 25.3.4.6 > 63

25.3 says that an 'innocent' person gets undeserved disaster. This person had a 'tied cow', however the cow was not well guarded. With the result that a passer-by stole it. So it sounds like someone took advantage of opportunity and stole your partner from you.
25.4 speaks of being able to divine, and/or of being chaste.
25.6 says that an innocent action has unfortunate results.
And 63 shows the end, the whole thing got completed.

Overall the cause sounds to have been innocence - being innocent had adverse results.

 

[Cooper5]

thank you for your wonderful response. that makes sense to me. I asked for clarification:What do I really mean to her?Hexagram 22.6 to 36How should I act towards her so that we can have a proper relationship and received this answer:Hexagram 12.6 to 45I don't want to hurt about this anymore. the anguish i feel is almost unbearable.Thank you again

 

[Cooper5]

and finally (and this sort of threw me for a loop)"what is the best thing I can do in this situation?" and Yi's answer, 14.6 to 34.

 

[diamanda]

I would hate to give false hope, but I believe that your relationship can be saved, and fingers crossed I'm right.

What do I really mean to her? 22.6 > 36
She's mourning about you. The 'blankness' is hurting her.

How should I act towards her so that we can have a proper relationship 12.6 > 45
The line shows how a king toppled a tyrant when the right time arrived.
Tuck Chang writes about this line:
"(stagnation) must be toppled since it won't perish by itself; people must make a determined effort to convert it. Line 6 is the masculine at the end of the hexagram Pi; it is capable of toppling Pi (...) one should grasp the opportunity to knock down Pi thoroughly and convert adversity into prosperity. It is Pi in the beginning but turns to joy after Pi is toppled."
So you should wait for a bit, gather all necessary info and strength, and then make a strong move.

what is the best thing I can do in this situation? 14.6 > 34
Take the power back into your hands.
In 14 the woman is the one who has the power, in 34 it's the man.
Furthermore, the line says the heavens are with you, so I'd say go for it and good luck

 

[Cooper5]

Wow, the yi is so fascinating! And your interpretations and help are giving me life! I'm happy to go my own way for now, in fact i need to. i need to get myself in order. She's in an extraordinary amount of pain. She's practically destroyed me, but it's one of those come to jesus moments everyone has in their life and strangely i don't deep down take it personally. So with the idea of taking back my own strength and acting in accordance with my heart (but being realistic) i asked:should i just disappear on her for now (knowing full well that would feel righteous and/or awful at the same time)Got Hexagram 12.5.6 to 16VERY SIMILAR to How should I act towards her so that we can have a proper relationship 12.6 > 45and then (goosebumps):What is the best way to end contact with herHexagram 33.3.5.6 to 16the yi does not screw around. breathtaking. damn.So yes. I think i will have to accept what is, become a lover of reality and myself, be very sure of myeself—and have a great sense of humor. Thanks so much Diamanda!! You are AWESOME. any further thoughts. I'm pretty amazed at the yi's insight and incisiveness. I remain humble.

 

[Cooper5]

also what is up with the formatting on my posts lol sorry

 

[diamanda]

What you wrote complicates things, and I'm not sure what to make of 16 in this case.
She destroyed you, but she's in pain.
You broke up with her, and you're also in pain.
And yet "you don't take it personally" (..?).

You also mention that you want to be realistic and a lover of reality - so, are you not thus inclined now?
And why play games of disappearance with her if you're both in pain about this?
How did it become possible for someone to steal her away - and what was your innocence which facilitated this?

should i just disappear on her for now 12.5.6 > 16
As you said, this will feel awful. And in the end you'll still have to put in the hard work (12.6).
Resulting 16 is not a 'proper relationship', so by just disappearing you'd end up with illusions.

What is the best way to end contact with her 33.3.5.6 > 16
Someone keeps persistent followers as 'servants', then disappears in a friendly and cheerful manner.
And again, resulting 16 does not show any good solid relationship results.
(Interestingly, hidden lines here are 12.5 and 35.6)

So I don't know if disappearing is a good idea.
If you've been too honest/open with her all along, and she played games with you, then yes go for it.
If insincerity from you was a problem in the past, playing further games will not be beneficial.
It all depends on what was the problem that broke you up - you need to find it and correct it.

 

[Cooper5]

She's in her first year and half of recovery - she broke it off with me. When people are in pain they cause pain. She simply has too much contempt for herself and feels too hurt by her actions (past and present) and is in despair, and found it impossible to work on our relationship as well as her sobriety. it's very common. We never played games with each other. Ever. But addiction and then sobriety plays havoc with brain chemistry and relationships. And i have to face the fact that I was in a relationship with an addict—an extremely high functioning one—and I stayed because a) I love her and b) we had an uncommonly strong bond. We also made each other happy most of the time. But strip away her life-long coping mechanism (drink and ritalin) and all of her anxieties and problems are still there waiting to be dealt with.Right now, and this is only around 5 weeks out, while taking the break up very seriously—I'm trying to heal and I have a very good support system and professional help—the reality is that she left me—so i have to be very clear with myself and not run after any false hope, because i innocently thought that we were for better or worse and we'd only run into a rough patch. It was a nuanced, complicated and beautiful relationship, there were problems like all relationships, and like all relationships there were areas of miscommunication and friction. I was blindsided, and am astonished at her actions; they were extreme. While telling me she loves me she is also saying i need to go in order for her to save her life. (that's entirely in keeping with recovery rhetoric and logic). i've read and heard that people in recovery go through personality changes/brain chemistry changes/lose all their moorings while building themselves back up and taking stock and making amends. it's actually very good not to be with her right now, since i need to get real around my denial of her behavior in the last days we were together, and the way she conducted herself. i really hope she gets professional help as well as sticks with her sobriety, people who know her and us think this is either self-sabotage or a cry for help.I want to understand. I also want to walk away from what wasn’t working and stop dwelling on the past. Start to think about what I want to do differently, perhaps recommitting to a new kind of relationship with her, perhaps not. But most of all, I need to care for myself.So no. No games. But perhaps a start to an even better, more conscious life with or without her.

 

[Cooper5]

for instance, i just asked, "How could I help her?" and Yi's answer, 37.2.6 to 5.which makes a whole lot of sense to me. no games. seems like solid advice. thoughts?

 

[diamanda]

All this info gives a totally different meaning to 16.
If you disappear on her, and cut contact, she will go straight back to substance abuse.
And/or, you'll be left to just fantasise about her, without knowing what is really going on.
Also, don't forget the 25.3 line. I believe there's another guy.

Furthermore, yes, there is a school of thought which says 'leave the recovering person alone'.
And there's other ones, which sound way more logical, which say 'that person needs their dearest at that time'.

I've heard and read and lived such stuff.
Are you sure your (damaging) innocence doesn't lie in believing her every word?

How could I help her? 37.2.6 > 5
The woman is at home. She has food. She's domineering. Wait.
You can't help her. She already has 'food'.
Hidden line 9.6, she has both 'rain' (drink? sex?) and a shelter.
Is there any way you can find out more about what's going on in her personal life?

 

[Cooper5]

because i've asked her point blank, and she wouldn't lie about that. i think the person you're seeing in that line is a very hard-line sponsor who has a lot of sway because she's vulnerable.also why would i stay around if she does have someone else?

 

[Cooper5]

Just to follow up: actual infidelity seems extremely unlikely. It's more like she is in a horrible depression, a tremendous amount of stress, and getting sober—which is not conducive to romance. sometimes people just do reach a breaking point, and i was in denial re: the signs, or i thought we were in a particularly rough time. her recovery and how she feels and if she had an affair is not my business anymore. Also i was under the impression that the yi speaks mostly about the questioner's inner life. the question i asked was "how could i help her" as in, what is my best course of action. mine. not hers. since what she does really isn't any of my business. Seems ridiculously masochistic to stay around if someone has specifically asked you to leave so they can work on their problems and broken up with you.

 

[diamanda]

because i've asked her point blank, and she wouldn't lie about that.

Well ok, if she said there's nobody else and you believe her, then that's that.

also why would i stay around if she does have someone else?

Note how you phrased each question. None of them addresses this issue.

Also i was under the impression that the yi speaks mostly about the questioner's inner life

If this is how you see it, I'll have to leave the issue to another member of this forum, as I disagree.

if someone has specifically asked you to leave so they can work on their problems and broken up with you.

Really sorry to say this, but addiction or no addiction, this is the oldest excuse under the sun.

Wishing you all the best.
:bows:

 

[Cooper5]

thanks - it's about addiction - it's a classic case of "it's not you, it's me" - our relationship as it was is over - i accept thatscrolling around old archives on the forum, i found: (and these interpretations within the context of my experience makes more sense to me)37.2.6 > 5 Be real, words and deed must go hand in hand. Perseverance and patience. Avoid bold action.and, 37.2 - Stop playing around here. Focus on what you really need to be doing to further yourself now. 37.6 - Take responsibility for your own actions. to Hex 5- Then you'll start to appreciate life to the fullest.Thanks for your input