What's the Use of Attractivenss for Me? 49.2.4.5>11

[Cuddly_Balrog]

Hello!

Attractiveness signifies a number of things, obviously superficially, in addition to those related to procreation.

One of the most attractive things, observationally, is symmetry. This calls to mind quality genetics of course, which leads back to procreation, but it also is viewed as indicative of health, quality of life, and to a degree even competence.

These features of attractiveness don’t fade as much with age as those dealing with sexuality.

My point being physical attractiveness may be playing a greater role in your life on a daily basis than you are aware of. Ask your ugly friends and they will likely tell you their experience is different.

Bad news: peak physical attractiveness is considered, by most surveys, to have occurred in the mid-twenties. The thirty-five you are referring to is likely alluding to “the wall” which is supposed to be the age after which the ability for women to have successful long-term relationships drops significantly. The studies supporting this idea are dubious.

Regardless attractiveness as you define it means something to you, and something significant, if you are willing to end your life because of it. That sort of vanity, even unconsciously, has probably had an impact on how you approach relationships.

Relationships with others and yourself.

Additionally, how do you value people over 35 if you see no value to yourself past that age? Do you find people over 35, on the whole, physically repulsive? If the answer is no, then what accounts for the difference? If the answer is yes, why?

Is charisma attractive? What about wealth? Power? Kindness? Artistry? Creativity? Passion? Humility? Clumsiness (which is GD adorable)? Fearlessness?

None of those reside in physical beauty at all. Certainly none of those are strictly dependent upon age.

Perhaps this is what the Yi is saying: you need change your understanding of attractiveness to find peace.

A revolution, in this case in thinking or understanding, is possible. However, change can not occur until you are ready for it. In this case you have started by asking the question. Which is good!

49.2: When one's own day comes, one may create revolution. Starting brings good fortune. No blame.

The gaining of perspective that comes from any introspection can be difficult or painful, but the change in the way you think about attractiveness “your government” is beneficial and this pain will give way as the old habits and perceptions are shed.

49.4: Remorse disappears. Men believe him. Changing the form of government brings good fortune.

What do you think it means to change like a tiger? Women often remind me of the jungle cats: capable of causing more pain than anything that beautiful has any right to. It is a becoming of you though, it doesn’t matter what I picture, what is the tiger to you?

Whatever the tiger is to you, it does not evoke an image of weakness. This is illustrated by the text. Someone so confidant that they do not even need to ask the question. They know the answer.

49.5: The great man changes like a tiger. Even before he questions the oracle He is believed.

It reminds me of this quote: “I don’t know if it’s art, but I know what I like.”

The answer is, your understanding of the concept of attractiveness is wrong in that it is limited, and fading. The Yi is telling you that in order to understand what attractiveness means to you, you must first establish what it means to be attractive.

just my 2 cents!

edit: I am not saying you are not attractive! I mean establish what it means for something, anything, to be attractive. Since beauty is subjective, I think a change in perspective and conceptualization is what it is talking about.

 

[marybluesky]

@Cuddly_Balrog ;

I don't know how attractive I am, and explained this in OP. Everyone has a degree of attractiveness, and I simply can't see what's its use in my life. Of course I talk about physical attractiveness and see it as a different matter from the effect of the personality traits you counted The physicality is important to me. No need to pretend otherwise. Fearlessness, kindness, passion, etc can be interesting, but not in a sexual/physical way without any physical attraction beside.

If other people see my viewpoint as shallow, then let it be. I don't censure my thoughts. But then they shouldn't be bothered if a shallow person like me who can't see what is behind the physicality doesn't consider them physically attractive

I repeat, I'm talking about my life and can't see why should I be happy to live after passing my physical peak, and not only in the terms of beauty, but also physical power & health. Our body starts to decline after certain age. The difference is, I appreciate the power & health and see their role in my life. But not that of attractiveness. I also don't see any significant difference in the lives of more beautiful people around me from that of less beautiful ones, unless they have a beauty-related career.

I'm OK being told women lose their potential to attract mates after 35, be it true or false; as I find the guys under 35 much more attractive than their older pals. So why should I expect a man not to feel the same. Again, no offense: I'm going to be 35 in four years, and this applies to me, too. Yes, younger people are more beautiful in my eyes.

49.4: Remorse disappears. Men believe him. Changing the form of government brings good fortune.

What do you think it means to change like a tiger? Women often remind me of the jungle cats: capable of causing more pain than anything that beautiful has any right to.

Funny

 

[Cuddly_Balrog]

@Cuddly_Balrog ;

I don't know how attractive I am, and explained this in OP. Everyone has a degree of attractiveness, and I simply can't see what's its use in my life. Of course I talk about physical attractiveness and see it as a different matter from the effect of the personality traits you counted The physicality is important to me. No need to pretend otherwise. Fearlessness, kindness, passion, etc can be interesting, but not in a sexual/physical way without any physical attraction beside.

If other people see my viewpoint as shallow, then let it be. I don't censure my thoughts. But then they shouldn't be bothered if a shallow person like me who can't see what is behind the physicality doesn't consider them physically attractive

I repeat, I'm talking about my life and can't see why should I be happy to live after passing my physical peak, and not only in the terms of beauty, but also physical power & health. Our body starts to decline after certain age. The difference is, I appreciate the power & health and see their role in my life. But not that of attractiveness. I also don't see any significant difference in the lives of more beautiful people around me from that of less beautiful ones, unless they have a beauty-related career.

I'm OK being told women lose their potential to attract mates after 35, be it true or false; as I find the guys under 35 much more attractive than their older pals. So why should I expect a man not to feel the same. Again, no offense: I'm going to be 35 in four years, and this applies to me, too. Yes, younger people are more beautiful in my eyes.


Funny

I’m glad you enjoyed that! I was honestly afraid that would offend you.

I’m under 35 and a model. Which may mean I have a weird view on what is attractive, I find those other traits far more interesting but that could be because of environment.

My wife (potentially ex-wife IDK) used to say I had an irrational attraction to women she described as ‘Velma’s’. Neither of us had any issue saying that we thought this or that person or attribute was attractive, although not in a way that was inclined towards infidelity.

Anyway, no offense taken! It was just my 2 cents. Thanks for the response! Again I am glad you liked that!

 

[Cuddly_Balrog]

@marybluesky

I am, in general, against suicide. Except in cases where an individual can find no relief from pain.

Which is what brings me back to this thread.

I'm talking about my life and can't see why should I be happy to live after passing my physical peak, and not only in the terms of beauty, but also physical power & health.

Changes in the Body With Aging - Older People's Health ...

“Most internal functions also decline with aging. Most bodily functions peak shortly before age 30 and then begin a gradual but continuous decline.”​

If it is to be based upon physical peak then why are you still here? That ship has sailed If you are 31.

I personally am happy you are still here, and not suffering as far as you have mentioned (I hope you are not), but 35 seems to be off the mark by half a decade based upon the rationale given.

Maybe there is some other factor that has you extending that limit? Some reason that, even if unconsciously, results in you choosing to live past that peak.

I also don't see any significant difference in the lives of more beautiful people around me from that of less beautiful ones, unless they have a beauty-related career.

https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0148284

“Literature suggests there are valid facial cues that assist us in assessing someone’s health or intelligence, but such cues are overshadowed by an ‘attractiveness halo’ whereby desirable attributions are preferentially ascribed to attractive people. The impact of the attractiveness halo effect on perceptions of academic performance in the classroom is concerning as this has shown to influence students’ future performance.”​

This ‘attractiveness halo’ has been shown to have impact not only in perceptions in academia, but with more polite treatment in general. Holding doors, being offered places in a line, more smiles and generally more pleasant public interactions. In addition to greater career opportunities, raises, promotions, preferable treatment at restaurants, getting comped items like food and drinks, even being bumped to first class or getting better loan rates.

People are seldom aware of their own privilege, they say. You may not see what impact attractiveness has on a daily basis, but science does.

I am thinking if you do not see the impact, it is because you are attractive.

I read in another thread about a gentleman who was going through a divorce and obviously in pain, many practically called him a monster (paraphrasing) for wanting to end his life because of the loss of a loved one. It boiled down to his current suffering was valued less than her potential suffering. You are willing to end your life over potential suffering?

I can understand his feelings, I have gone to that edge once or twice since my whole ordeal started. I don’t understand yours. Not that my understanding of your position is necessary. It is your life to continue, or end, as you please. I don’t think you are a monster for doing so, if that is the best decision for you. Nor am I one for hoping that you don’t.

I just think It would be a shame to end it based upon bad information.

There is an exercise I’d like for you to try (there is absolutely no reason you should indulge me, but there is no harm in considering it):

Try to find something attractive in every person you see. I am talking “Yeah, I’d hit that...” or “Yeah, I can see why someone would...” (if you will forgive the candor). it could be a feature, or trait, or fashion sense, or car, whatever.

It is a challenge at first, it is easier to see all the ugly things about a person, but it is something that brings more beauty into your world, there can’t be any harm in that.

This was a game my wife (ex whatever) and I used to play when we were people watching. I’m straight so breaking out of the mindset where you can not speak about what was attractive about another man was tough for me. She had trouble with awkward people. I have learned to appreciate comeliness in a whole new way.

Maybe through seeing more attractiveness you can find some use for it.

No offense just my 2 cents.

“By breaking out of that mindset” I’m not saying “yes he is attractive” but rather “he has got a great butt”.