Why am I my own worst enemy?

[editorneal]

The reading I’m sharing is 38.1.2.5.6 to 45. The question is, 1. why do I always procrastinate when I know it’s dangerous and 2. How can I consciously break this pattern?

 

[rosada]

The first thing we must do when we strive to change something is to accept it.
So!
Embrace your proclivity to procrastinate!
Recognize how it serves you =
Procrastination means you always have something to look forward to plus you’ve got a free day ahead of you today!

 

[editorneal]

Thank you, Rosada. I’m afraid I’m a bit too keen to snuggle up with my procrastination! Deadlines have defined my life for years. Fortunately I haven’t missed one (yet).

 

[rosada]

Hmm..well then..

38. 1.2.5.6 - 45 Opposition gives the image of two sisters living under the same roof but they are destined to marry and create completely separate lives so the potential for what can be accomplished here is limited to small projects. (Big plans require being able to project farther into the future.) This makes me think you are being advised that the most important thing is not to get overwhelmed thinking about your ultimate goal Or the people - problems - that might Oppose you. Think small immediate goals that can be accomplished without “opposition”. Mainly don’t burden yourself trying to visualize the whole completed project. Just plot out the opening paragraph. Once begun is half done!

 

[rosada]

I think we make a mistake when we set goals and imagine we must work towards them. Rather I think the process is that we visualize a goal and then it draws us to it like a magnet. The trick is to keep visualizing the goal even though you have no idea how to reach it. Then watch and notice how things start manifesting in your life. Also notice how you might be sabotaging or diluting or delaying the manifestation by saying stuff or acting in ways that undermine your intention. Thoughts become things.

 

[editorneal]

Useful insights, Rosada. Being a deeply pessimistic person who views everything as a potential failure, I’ve got my work cut out for me. I’m getting absolutely no help from the one other person in my life who could assist me. Total failure or success is mine to have, but at the cost of what little sanity I have left. I’m trying to find something to hang onto while I work without pay, appreciation, or a safety net.

 

[Dracon]

Hi @editorneal, sometimes it has been useful to look at the other two lines, specially the one above, in this case line 4 (hex38.4). I think this 38 is preparing you through patience and being guided (hex2) to find a connection. To whom or what? 38.4 shows somebody with little or nothing in common with those around him/her, so the person is in need of a good friend. Who is that friend? If your question was "Why am I my worst enemy?" I would say you are that friend. After studying for so long "your worst enemy", the only one who can turn this war around is you by being that friend to yourself. That means solitude but also actively seeking people with common interests. In real life or online. For every one of us there is a place and people gathering there, our people. Find them first within you, learn who they are, how they care and respect each other and then find them outside. You can do this. Make peace with your worst enemy and he will become your friend.

 

[rosada]

Interesting you mention you are not getting help from someone who could assist you. 38 can be read as a description of sibling relationships and sibling rivalry. 38.6 refers to a misunderstanding where one sibling assumes the other is a dirty pig or a dangerous devil but when he puts down his bow the tension eases and they become devoted friends. When I read this it immediately struck me as a description of my grandson who was quite suspicious of his younger brother when Mom first brought him home as a baby, but over time the little guy has proved he is not a robber, not after his big brother’s possessions or position and only wants to be his best friend so now ten years later they are as close as two brothers can be.
Anyway, I wonder if that fits somehow with your circumstance? Are you feeling threatened but it’s really just a misunderstanding? Or is someone else threatened by your presence when they needn’t be?

 

[editorneal]

Interesting you mention you are not getting help from someone who could assist you. 38 can be read as a description of sibling relationships and sibling rivalry. 38.6 refers to a misunderstanding where one sibling assumes the other is a dirty pig or a dangerous devil but when he puts down his bow the tension eases and they become devoted friends. When I read this it immediately struck me as a description of my grandson who was quite suspicious of his younger brother when Mom first brought him home as a baby, but over time the little guy has proved he is not a robber, not after his big brother’s possessions or position and only wants to be his best friend so now ten years later they are as close as two brothers can be.
Anyway, I wonder if that fits somehow with your circumstance? Are you feeling threatened but it’s really just a misunderstanding? Or is someone else threatened by your presence when they needn’t be?

I’m an only child who has grown into an isolated man who has neither neighbors nor friends nor a “helpmate” who can help me do everything by myself. Never mind, I’ll get a fecking fortune cookie. Happy holidays.

 

[Trojina]

Never mind, I’ll get a fecking fortune cookie.

Sounds rude. Perhaps you didn't intend to be?

You haven't said anything at all about the reading as far as I can see. Someone gives you their thoughts and you say 'never mind I'll get a fecking fortune cookie'. Really? What do you mean ?

 

[IrfanK]

,,, an isolated man who has neither neighbors nor friends nor a “helpmate” ...

If you interact with the people around you the way you do with people on this forum, I'm not really very surprised.

 

[rosada]

Well now I’m reading 38.1.2.5.6-45 as a response to your second question, “What can I do to consciously break this pattern [of procrastinating] ?”
Think of 45.Fellowship as representing what it is you want to connect with
Think of 38.1.2.5.6 as the path to get there.

Also..
Interesting that you mention you’ve been a loner all your life so the reference to “Fellowship” may be literal. By that I mean in order to break the procrastination routine you may be being advised to make more of an effort to connect with others, perhaps a support group of some sort, like others who work in your same field whose enthusiasm would spur you on. Or maybe start a Procrastinators Anonymous group...if you ever find the time… to get around to it…

Seriously though, it’s really hard to stay motivated if you don’t have any like-minded souls to inspire you. The very first hexagram urges finding a superior man to align with (1.2“ Dragon appearing in the field, It furthers one to see the great man.”).
Start by putting up a picture of someone you admire on your mirror.

 

[my_key]

The reading I’m sharing is 38.1.2.5.6 to 45. The question is, 1. why do I always procrastinate when I know it’s dangerous and 2. How can I consciously break this pattern?

Hi editorneal
Based on the comments you have made above this enquiry looks to carry or connect with deep and far reaching life consequences for you. It is no wonder that without clear and explicit answers from Yi you may be feeling frustrated and leave to find a 'fecking' fortune cookie. In my experience fortune cookies tend to give one off insights rather than answer the complex questions you have posed.

Two questions and only one consultation, yet I think there is mileage enough for both queries.

1. why do I always procrastinate when I know it’s dangerous
The reading gives 4 changing lines and 2 unchanging. The unchanging lines, lines 3 and 4. are the lines of threshold between your inner world and your outer world. Here in this reading they remain fixed and unchanging. When our trust between our inner and outer life has become stagnant then we become risk averse and fearful of making movement. Humans would rather stay in the relative comfort of past behaviours, even if they are considered dangerous, as they have survived in this environment so many times before and in this world: they know all the tricks. Not procrastinating means facing a new experience, and right now. Subconsciously this may feel more dangerous as all is alien and unknown. Nothing is safe, trust of having a life saving skill set is low. Subconsciously the chance of survival is low. Why on earth would we walk willingly and at a rate of knots into this new environment?

2. How can I consciously break this pattern?
While it may seem like all that is happening at the moment is discordant and conflict filled (38) it is allowing you to gather resources for a rewarding next effort (45).

38.1: Stay focussed on the positives that you have in your world, Do not follow negatives thoughts or behaviours.
38.2: You think all is lost, yet deep inside everything is unfolding as it must. Trust.

38.5: The trust that grows in your inner world will begin to grow in your outer world. You are wandering in desert lands, however slowly you will begin to see things in a new light, new paths and new support will become visible to you.

38.6: As your anger at life and the world recedes you need to grow and become more discriminating. While it may have been so in the past, not all that lies in front of you or around you is a crock of sh*t. Learn how to uncover the the small golden nuggets that are scattered around and let them shine onto you and into your world.

..... of course, this is my interpretation of your reading and none of this may resonate with you.

Good Luck