Hi,
I'm very very new to this site and I-ching but what I've experienced so far seems very natural. I've certainly got the motivation to study further and try to develop a deeper understanding.
I could do with some help on an interpretation though. To outline the situation, my boyfriend recently told me he wanted us to break up. We haven't been together for long (a few months) He has realised that past experiences are still troubling him and he feels he can't be in a relationship while he is struggling with emotions. I told him that if he wants to break up and these reasons are genuine then I will wait for him and give him time. If he still wants to stay apart when he has cleared other issues from his mind then so be it.

I asked I ching 'what will be the outcome of this retreat and I got 42 changing at line 1 into 20. To me, this appears to be positive but I don't understand how it relates to my question. Any ideas and thoughts?

Hello loulisnowdrop,

I am an amateur with the i ching so I am just throwing some ideas out there. I would take that to mean you will gain from putting your energy into other endeavors while he is away, and will end up in a better vantage point during his absence. Have you had any revelations about the meaning? Hope this posts helps somehow, even if it is just in knowing someone tried to help.

If there is only 1 changing line, I usually don't read the second hexagram, but just go directly to the line.

Hexagram 42 - Increase
Line 1:
"It furthers one to accomplish great deeds.
Supreme good fortune. No blame."

It suggest that by letting him go you're doing a good thing. Why? Perhaps he will come back with better mind or maybe he is not for you. But why Increase? Perhaps your selflessness will increase your spirituality. Anyway, supreme good fortune - you'll meet your true Mr Right someday.

I'm not an expert by any means but I'll try to help you with this one:

I think 42.1 speaks to you about your own process, maybe it is talking about what you will get from this retreat:

Wilhelm says:

If great help comes to a man from on high, this increased strength must be used to achieve something great for which he might otherwise never have found energy, or readiness to take responsibility. Great good fortune is produced by selflessness, and in bringing about great good fortune, he remains free of reproach.

Click to expand...

Lise says:

If you can do, then do! A cheetah can run, so he is a great runner. Birds have wings so they are great fliers. You are full of abilities, use them as best you can.

Click to expand...

Both seem to be talking about gaining the strength and experience needed to do something that you couldn't do before, so I'd see it as this retreat will give you whatever it is you need in order to move forward with your relationship (whether that means you'll be together or not is an entirely different matter).

I also don't think that ignoring the second hexagram is a good idea, at least for me the second hexagram gives more info regarding what to do, so I'd say Yi is telling you to use this time in order to reflect and meditate about your relationship in order to decide where YOU want it to go.


On a personal note, I think that you should wait for as long as it feels right to you, maybe you should use this time in order to determine whether you should wait endlessly or decide that you need something else, but in the end all I wanna say to you is that you should be selfish (in a way) regarding this situation.


P.S.: Sorry if that sounds violent but I strongly feel that everyone should think about themselves first, then about the rest of the universe, especially in relationships.

Firstly, I don't see a thank you button on any of your replies so I will say thank you for your input here. I really do appreciate it.

After looking at 42>20 again, I agree with what you are saying. I couldn't relate it to my question because I was having a blinkered approach and wanting to know if X will come back to me. 42>20 however does answer my question as to the outcome of this retreat.
If I concentrate on self improvement, I will be a better person as an outcome. The thought did occur to me that the I ching is referring to X and not me though... he has taken time out to clear his thoughts and to find out what he wants from life so 42>20 is also fitting here.
I'll follow the advice regardless as self improvement will certainly do no harm even if I've misinterpreted it.

I've taken this as a lesson to phrase my question very carefully in future. That way I should be able to relate the I ching to it with less confusion.

I asked a new question which is what I originally wanted to know
"What is the future for me and X as a couple?" I got 38.6 changing to 54

Opposition doesn't seem to bode well for us and warns of proceeding too quickly. "Produce gradual effects in small matters for success"

The promising part is "opposition of man and woman when reconciled bring about creation of life"

line 6 suggests a misunderstanding that can be overcome? Maybe I have interpreted that incorrectly but viewing companion as a pig covered in dirt... drawing a bow then laying it aside says to me a mistaken view of somebody, decision to take action against them then a realisation of the mistake and a change of mind.

If I look at 54, that warns about taking wrong turns which lead to misunderstandings. Undertakings bring misfortune. Nothing that would further?

Ah well, it doesn't look like we're meant to be but after all of this self improvement, I should be a catch anyway and more than emotionally equipped to deal with any outcome.

I wanted to write a response to your question, but there's already a thread in here that deals specifically with what you're going through and 38.6, so here you go!.

I maybe wrong, but here is my opinion:

=== Hexagram 38.6: ===
"Isolated through opposition,
One sees one's companion as a pig covered with dirt,
As a wagon full of devils.
First one draws a bow against him,
then one lays the bow aside.
He is not a robber; he will woo at the right time.
As one goes, rain falls; then good fortune comes."

Isolated through opposition,
One sees one's companion as a pig covered with dirt,
Some misunderstandings have happened.

As a wagon full of devils.
First one draws a bow against him,
Hostility, you better don't do anything or it will make thing worse.

then one lays the bow aside.
He is not a robber; he will woo at the right time.
Someday, the misunderstandings will be gone.

As one goes, rain falls; then good fortune comes.
Just be patient, it will turn better.

Hex 38.6 doesn't tell will he back to you or not. It only say that the "misunderstanding" (the problem troubling him) will be able to clear up. But it needs time, and it suggests you not to bother him.

This 38.6 has distinct relation to your previous one 41.1:
Increase
"It furthers one to accomplish great deeds.
Supreme good fortune. No blame."

By letting him go, you will have something increasing. Perhaps your understanding about love, perhaps you'll meet someone better, or maybe he will be back with more stable mind.

I've posted another thread on here to do with this situation. Unfortunately, nobody has replied to the thread possibly because it's a bit lengthy. I'll link to it here as an update for anyone who may be interested in comparing the hexagram interpretations to what has happened over time.

http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=14183

Thank you all for the input you've put in to my problem and all of your insightful readings. I'm in a position to give an update...

42.1> 20 and the outcome of this retreat... He didn't feel ready for a relationship. He didn't think he was in a position to provide for me (in a macho hunter/gatherer type of way) He felt he needed to increase his resources and become more stable himself.

I didn't desert him, I remained faithful and supportive. He has started his own business and learned that he doesn't need to have trust issues with me so levels of trust have increased. I have also increased aspects of my life. I am more organised, more motivated, I've lost weight (increased health) and completed lots of DIY tasks.

38.6 What is the future for me and x as a couple... hans you were right on the mark. His sister has lots of influence in his life and actually used to turn up if she knew we were together on a date.

I was out with friends one night and gossiping about a colleague (not nice I know). I said that maybe if she concentrated on her own relationship rather than interfering with other peoples, she wouldn't have so many problems. Guess who was standing behind me and thought I was talking about her...The sister!
Her reporting back to x was what planted his initial seed of doubt. He didn't mention it to me because it wasn't the main reason for withdrawing and he didn't want to cause conflict.

X has since found out that I wasn't talking about his sister and has also distanced himself from her. We are now back together and taking things step by step.

nice!