Hello everyone and happy new year! As usual, I come here because I'm having trouble solving a personal issue and felt a need to draw on the counsel of the Yi (and on your wisdom, for those who are willing to impart it). I'm in, hands down, the best relationship of my life. I genuinely think this is the person I want to spend my life with. But my insecurity is threatening to ruin things, and I'm really upset with myself. Insecurity is my Achille's heel and I have a tendency to anxiously read little signs that my partner is losing interest etc. It's really distressing her because she feels she can't convince me of her love, no matter what, and both of us are incredibly stressed by work at the moment. We had a bit of a tearful conflict over it this morning, resolved it beautifully with what I think was new understanding, but I'm just so scared I'll ruin things with this abandonment complex that makes me read any feeling of distance as a threat. It's infantile, really.

I asked the Yi how I should proceed to balance the situation and restore happiness to our relationship in place of anxiousness and upset, and drew 2, lines 2, 3, and 5, to 48. Receptivity and the Well. It makes me think I need to be receptive, do my best to listen to and take care of my partner, and stop thrashing about and causing drama. It feels like a peaceful message, but how can I actually APPLY the advice given here? Any of your insight would be much appreciated!

Thanks...
Folle

folledeschiele said:

It feels like a peaceful message, but how can I actually APPLY the advice given here? Any of your insight would be much appreciated!

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Quite simply by actively choosing to stop your train of insecure thoughts before they get the best of you in a given moment. This is not so much basing it on the hex, but on common sense. Changing your self-destructive habits doesn't just happen to you, you have to choose to live by healthier habits every single day

Love and light,
K

Hello Folle... I have some experience with line 5, and if this were my reading, I would take it's appearance here to mean I'm being a little too aggressive with my virtues... Like your waving a pair of yellow underwear in her face so she will know how great you are... I think your reading is saying just be yourself and your inner virtues will be apparent to your lady. Line 3 sounds to me like someone looking for constant validation. Also, especially with line 2, I think there is the advice to slow down. It's still early, and things aren't fully formed yet. Hexagram 2 is Earth, the ground to be grown in, and you don't want to rush that. So, overall, the feel I get from this reading is of someone maybe unintentionally rushing things to a level that it just takes time to get to. Also, with 2 to 48, Receptive to The Well, makes me think that if you are so focused on showering your lady with love to ease your own insecurity you are perhaps not receiving from the source that is available. So, there may also be an element her of let yourself be loved. You don't have to beg for it, and certainly if you are you are with the wrong person. So, maybe don't be so eager to be received. This reading seems to fit quite well with what you are describing. Anyway, these are just my thoughts on this reading, and there is actually a thread on 2.5>8 that I posted a while back that you may find useful. I have a similar approach to relationships, so I feel for ya, but don't be so hard on yourself. I would say take it very very slowly though, and from the sound of things, sounds like you are too caught up and really need to take a step back. Maybe spend some time with other people and limit your time with this person for now... anyway, here is the link to the thread I mentioned http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=14221

I think the 48 is pointing to the need to identify and change the root cause of the problem.

Just because your early childhood care provider didn't do a good job of being there for you, does not mean that other people in your life don't love you.

Find out what it is exactly that you feel you need in order to feel reassured and then ask your partner if she wouldn't mind providing it. But keep in mind that she can't give you the love someone else didn't.

sounds like this could be read two ways

1) yi is just commenting on how receptive you are to your emotions.

or

2) by digging a little deeper you may uncover the source of this anxiety.

i wager its the first option, because by the sounds of things, you seem to know exactly why you feel the way you do.

the more you analyse an emotional state with thought, likelyhood is you'll just dig a deeper hole for yourself. maybe recognise that this is a pattern you have developed, that the past has absolutely no bearing on your present situation, that you control the direction you want to go in, and that thoughts are just random electrical impulses that you control. they dont control you.

being receptive is usually a good thing, but with this pairing of the well... it feels like it has no end.

wish you the best

Yx

thank you all so much for your kind and thoughtful replies. I will take all your wisdom to heart and do my best to apply it. I don't know why insecurity and fear of abandonment is such a powerful demon, and one so hard to eradicate. I'm still struggling, and still afraid that I'll mar this relationship which is really quite beautiful, but I'm doing my best to become conscious of my problem and change it. I guess that really is one all can do.

With warm thanks to you all...

I think you quite eloquently distinguised and categorised your reasons for feeling the way you do.

Thats really a huge step to clearing anything up.

You also sometimes don't need to look any further.

someone mentioned here about a caregiver of yours when you were a child? was that just an example, or is that the source of your current anxiety? I dont know if you talked about this in another thread or not?

if you did, then you have the source (48). Now all you need to do, is recognise that your experiences of that time has imprinted itself on who you think you are, but that it does not have any real effect on how you move forward with your life.

Possibly you have an inner dialogue of 'that person abandoned me, so there must be something inherently wrong with me'. or 'so and so happened to me, so that means i'm incapable of being loved, and my girlfriend will figure this out someday', or something along this vein of thought.

it is just an old story, it really has nothing to do with who you actually are, but unfortunately is part of your history.

his-story.

if you forget about the story, and focus on where you want to go with this girl,be receptive to her (2) make some space to grow (2) what you want with this girl, and how you can show her your love, then this 'story' will cease, or greatly diminish, its power over you. focus on the story your creating now.

that old story doesnt matter anymore.

bests,

Yx

Thanks so much, Yx. Your message is profound and beautiful, and rings so very true. My parents were very young (late teens) and separated when I was three. I was very close with my father, but he left and was very distant in the following years. My mother worked three jobs and was often distant herself. It's not hard to see why my fear of abandonment is so strong. My first marriage ended after nine years with my partner telling me she no longer loved me, so that didn't really help matters much. It's a matter of trying to trust life again, and think things might just be different with this new love. So far, none of the old warning signs have been there. She's been consistent and amazingly loving and supportive. We're taking a night off to think, breathe, and give this space, and I think things are being balanced in a healthy way. Thanks again to all for your astute advice and wisdom.

also, just as a follow-up, I drew 17, lines 4 and 6, to 42 (Increase) this morning after asking what effect this night or two apart would have on our relationship dynamics if I just vowed to let things rest a bit, chill out and try to find balance within myself, do some healing on my own. This seems encouraging to me. I'm hoping we can get back on track after this stressful period. Thanks again for listening.

My parents abandoned me when I was 2 years old leaving me literally standing by the side of the road but long story short they were forced to take me back and it was a bloody life.
I had abandonment issues for a very long time and resolved it through the use of kinesiology and Bach remedies.
I believe I ruined many a relationship and lived in loneliness and sadness because of this because our energy, whether we are consciously aware of it or not, enables these things to happen.
Sounds like you've got an understanding girl but I hope you seek help so you can have a joyous and wonderful relationship with her. - Liss

folledeschiele said:

also, just as a follow-up, I drew 17, lines 4 and 6, to 42 (Increase) this morning after asking what effect this night or two apart would have on our relationship dynamics if I just vowed to let things rest a bit, chill out and try to find balance within myself, do some healing on my own. This seems encouraging to me. I'm hoping we can get back on track after this stressful period. Thanks again for listening.

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Haha not unlike the advice you just gave me on my own reading!!

At this stage I think the relationship will be fine, although it is a good idea to focus on healing yourself and not worry about what you partner is thinking or not thinking about the situation. Stay true to yourself. Just because your partner may not have abandonment issues doesn't mean they don't have their own issues somewhere so try not to get caught up in thinking that their way is necessarily the right way for you too. - LIss

goddessliss said:

My parents abandoned me when I was 2 years old leaving me literally standing by the side of the road but long story short they were forced to take me back and it was a bloody life.
. - Liss

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that's for that 2 year old, makes me sad to hear such things

trojan said:

that's for that 2 year old, makes me sad to hear such things

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Thanks Trojan I accept your hug with joy and sometimes I wonder why I'm such an advocate for children - have a lovely evening - Liss

Two cents worth opinion

Six line reading analysis
出生时间：年　性别：男　
起卦时间：2013年02月02日09时22分
神煞：天乙—子申　福星—未　日禄—午　羊刃—巳　驿马—巳　桃花—子　华盖—未
干支：壬辰年　癸丑月　己亥日　己巳时
旬空：午未　　寅卯　　辰巳　　戌亥

六神　 伏神 　　　坤宫：坤为地（六冲）2　　　　　震宫：水风井 48
　　　　　　　　　【本　卦】　　　　　　　　　　　【变　卦】
勾陈　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　子孙癸酉金　世　　　▅▅　▅▅　妻财戊子水　　
朱雀　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　妻财癸亥水　　×→　▅▅▅▅▅　兄弟戊戌土　世
青龙　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　兄弟癸丑土　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　子孙戊申金　　
玄武　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　官鬼乙卯木　应×→　▅▅▅▅▅　子孙辛酉金　　
白虎　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　父母乙巳火　　×→　▅▅▅▅▅　妻财辛亥水　应
滕蛇　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　兄弟乙未土　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　兄弟辛丑土　　
Year: chen earth (wu fire , wei earth)
Month: Chou earth (yin wood, mao wood)
Day: hai water (chen earth, si fire)
Hour: si fire (xu earth, hai water)

Hexagram 2: (six conflict)
Lines
6. Child - you metal (host line)
5. asset – hai water*
4. sibling – chou earth
3. officer - mao wood* (guest line)
2. parent – si fire*
1. Sibling – wei earth
Hexagram 48:
6. asset – zi water
5. sibling – xu earth*
4. child – shen metal
3. child – you metal*
2. asset – hai water*
1. sibling – chou earth

6. Curved Array (勾陳, Gou-chen),
5. Vermilion Bird (朱雀, Zhu-que),
4. Azure Dragon (青龍, Qing-long),
3. Murky Warrior (玄武, Xuan-wu).
2. White Tiger (白虎, Bai-hu), and
1. Flying Serpent (螣蛇, Teng-she),

There does not appear to be a real big problem with this relationship.
a. Line 6 – you think of her. Her soul sits in your line (you metal)
b. Line 4 – she think of you. You sits on her line (mao wood)
c. There is conflict due to lack of interest and communication between the two (yin line for 3 & 6).
d. She is the stronger one. Metal suppresses wood.
e. You have her on line 6. You may have thoughts of leaving.
f. She is the mao wood under the house of marriage (you month of reading). You have limited confidence in her as your spouse.
g. Line 2 is the marriage and relationship line. This zi fire is the empty slot under the house of spouse. You are not sure again for a commitment.
h. Line 5 is a female and changes into sibling (third party xu earth). Earth suppresses water, this female in line 5 is going nowhere. You think that she has no other guys at present (xu earth is the empty spot under your body and soul).
i. Line 5 hai water (her) is in conflict with line 2 si fire (you) relationship document. If line 5 is her, you two have differences over the relationship. Both are change lines, the difference does not last. Line 5 water Vs line 2 fire
j. Line 5. Vermilion Bird (朱雀, Zhu-que), Line 2. White Tiger (白虎, Bai-hu), You two have arguments over the relationship.
k. Line 3 (love affair, Murky Warrior (玄武, Xuan-wu) officer changes to child you metal (her soul). She keeps you in the same original position.
l. Line 2 marriage document si fire changes to the female hai water. The relationship is still in the same position.
m. Hexagram 48, line 6 and line 6 couples. Line 6 zi water may be her. Line 1 is a possible a love rival that she is searching or hoping for. This person does exist up in the month of Jan 4- Feb 3 2013.
If you read the text, hexgram 48 means commitment and caution you not pile your emotional inadequacies on to your partner.

If you lean on her too much, the emotional support will dry up.
Hexagram 48 has child (money source) in line 3 and 4. You need to agree to practical issues such as property, money and child (if you have one from last relationship).

The key is communication about practical issues. Please be advised that there is no officer line (man) in hexagram 48. You do not exist. There are two female lines, two sibling lines and two child line. You are not part of the picture. There is no marriage line in hexagram 48.

You are still where you are and do not know what to do.
Please communicate and resolve differences if you want this to work.
This is an unclear and unresolved relationship at present. Both parties are bored because there is not a clear mandate to move things forward. Spark and passion are missing.

Hexagram 48 may be equivalent to 9 of cups in Tarot: it usually means a need to learn greater self-love and appreciation for life. A good way would be to start practicing gratitude and to start giving more from the heart with no other intention than the joy of giving. Once this lesson is mastered, you will have become a virtual magnet for love.

To love , one must show one cares and appreciates what she does for you in return. You have some soul searching to do.