Hi friends,

I'm about to go back to work after being suspend in a moment and hope it will go ok. If you remember, I decided to give up pursuing a new job prospect because I don't want to go the the stress and anxiety of getting a new job at this point.

Now I have another dilemma: love. There is someone that works at the Starbucks I stop by in the mornings and weekends. I have been attracted to her from first time I saw her a few months ago and have fallen in love with her. Recently, she has been quite receptive of me, I think she even likes me but all in all it is hard to know much since we are on a customer/worker relationship only. I don't know much about her besides her name and a few other common things. And I have no idea if she is single or not but it does seem like she is and it does seem like she is waiting for me to ask her out. Though most of this could be just in my mind but regardless, this is the closest chance I have gotten for starting a relationship since my wife lefted me.

But then again, with all that has happened to me over the last 4 years and the last few weeks, I have decided to not try to pursue her for now, mainly because I know know i am falling in love with her and the thought of being rejected is too depressing. I will go to Starbucks this morning and will greet her one more time if she is there and then I will start going somewhere else starting tomorrow moring.

I was married to my first girlfriend for 19 years and was suddenly dumped by her overnight. The whole situation was so devistating that I was hospitalized for a short time and came home to a very unhappy house. I had to live with her in that house for a whole year and endure her daily disrespect and meaness while we were in the divorce process. When I finally moved out, I rented a room in someone's house and was unemployed, I spent 8 nerve wrecking months job hunting and had no friends or family to support me emotionally. Those times were like hell. I was running to the ER or walk in clinic all the time because of panic attacks and my depression and binge drinking out of control. I now have more stability and have controlled the alcoholism but still drink a few times a week. The anxiety and depression lifted much until recently as you know.

So I told the I Ching that I have decided to retreat from life for a while because I am scared of having to face more anxiety, depression and heartbreak and that I am scared that persuing this relatoinship will bring that. I then asked how this course of action would be and got a rather confusing answer:

hex 23.2 > 4

I know that my decisions are fear based and that I am being reactionary instead of proactive but now that I am working a steady job and have gotten somekind of peace stability back into my life, I cannot afford to go back into anxiety and depression again. I was suicidal at one point before and I don't want to risk ever going back there.

I would appreciate any comments or advice.

Thank you.

The power of the inferior people is growing. The danger draws close to one's person; already there are clear indication, and rest is disturbed. Moreover, in this dangerous situation one is as yet without help or friendly advances from above or below. Extreme caution is necessary in this isolation. One must adjust to the time and promptly avoid the danger. Stubborn perseverance in maintaining one's standpoint would lead to downfall.

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Reading your post couldn't help but think of a friend of mine she is facing some similar situation... quitting or not. She is very tired with too many problems inwards and outwards .... Biased as I am, I feel you are extremely tired too.

I quoted the text because the bolded text , imo, emboldens Yi's answer or maybe it reflects your own thoughts. "is it right to quit life or not ? "

I feel like invading a very personal space if I'm to add a further comment or advice. It take bravery to say "i'm scare to be hurt" Maybe you are not that scared .

I would like to share the words I have hear from a person I respect for his mind. He said :
" we know that we'll die but we choose to live
we know that we might be hurt but we choose to love"

CAn't tell you what Yi says apart from think about that isolation which can be a good insulation but has its downside too. I think Yi says to you what you already know.

take care

Thanks anemos,

That is very Scary...

23.2 > 4

The line's advice is to get up out of bed, and start living your life. There is luck out there waiting for you, but if you never get up and try, you will lose what luck you have. Take up something new maybe - I dunno a class, a hobby, a meetup group hiking or walking with people. Life is for learning.

As an aside, if you have been wronged, the Universe tends to want to bring balance to the equation. But you have to get up and try. Clean up your room, keep your things neat, go to work, pursue your favorite hobby or interests. Get busy - don't stay in bed feeling sorry for yourself.
Good luck.

- LL

Look at the question you actually asked. You asked the I Ching how things would be if you "withdrew from life" (which I took to mean not pursuing this potential relationship) - and this is the reading it gave you.

I think it's reasonable to assume that the reading is not describing what your life would be like if you did pursue the relationship. As far as I can tell from what you wrote, that is the opposite of what you asked.

Here's part of what Hilary says in her book:

There is a simpler, deeper, inner way of knowing who and where you are, one that doesn't depend on external reassurances. Now is the time to honor it.

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In your case, this might mean that because you are more stable now (you have a better "framework" (!) than you did before), if you ignored that, and withdrew, the very act of hiding yourself away might actually destabilize you. It might let the fear and self-doubt feed on itself and undermine your framework (the progress you've already made).

I agree with previous comments, and just want to add on the meaning of hex 4. You REALLLLY need to listen to the signs around you on opportunities for a better reality. If you isolate yourself, you're more likely to get deeper into the rut because you've closed yourself out from the world. Stay open and responsive. You have already climbed out of the deepest pit - honor that you had the strength to come this far, many just dig a deeper hole (and which you are considering doing right now too). Having said that, because of this you clearly also have the strength to go further and beyond. It's scary, nothing is supporting you in your external relations - but your own sheer power which got you here will continue to propel you forward. Believe in that. And if I were you, I'd rather ask "what's my best course of action" and as an extra bonus "Should I pursue this relationship with the Starbucks girl". It may not turn out to be another 19 year long marriage, but it may easily serve the purpose to show you how great life is once you get through the turmoil. For whatever reason you had to go through the last few years, it was a necessary evil and one day you will understand why.

Love and light to you,
K

And hey, just saw in your other post that you got 55.6 - don't isolate yourself - I repeat - don't isolate yourelf!

Thanks guy. I am wondering if it telling me that their WILL be a period of isolation that changes to something young and delicate...

kkappa said:

And hey, just saw in your other post that you got 55.6 - don't isolate yourself - I repeat - don't isolate yourelf!

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Thank you. I was actually thinking that 23.2 is telling me to isolate myself and be careful because it looks like something wicked is coming this way. I'm at work now so can't talk but will let you guys know more later. I actually saw her this morning.

Update

So I decided to atleast stop by Starbucks this morning to say hi oncve more before making my retreat. She was there but we didn't have much to say since she wasn't really working the counter. Jut to mention, she is kind of quite around me and expressionless but when I talk to her she is usually rather excited and expressive. That is one of the ways I've always known if a woman likes me. There is somethig about me that makes them quiet and shy. But today she seemed a bit cold and distant today. I don't know if I misread something or perhaps she could sense my own inner anxiety since I was very nervous about going back to work for the first day after suspension.

Well I usually sit for around 10-20 minutes on one of the sofas and just sip my coffee but I felt so uncomfortable today because of her reaction and all else that is going on that i took off within a few minutes. I found it hard to breathe. I could see her watch me leave theough the corner of my eye.

I had a panic attack driving to work and pulled into a shopping center to get out and walk a little bit. When I got to work everyone was pretty normal and my manager was extra nice to me. I feel much better now but still not that comfy yet and plan to apply to other jobs that are closer by and have later starting shifts so that going to their interview don't interfere with my work schedule here.

newlife123 said:

I told the I Ching that I have decided to retreat from life for a while because I am scared of having to face more anxiety, depression and heartbreak ... I then asked how this course of action would be and got a rather confusing answer:

hex 23.2 > 4

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Too much isolation also causes anxiety, depression and heartbreak, so Yi seems to be telling you that retreating from life at this time is definitely NOT the way to go. Can't there be a middle way, a way you can enjoy your morning coffee in peace without giving up your hopes and dreams?

Thanks ginnie,

I don't know. I've been through what I feel is so much stress. Stress, I know, can be a strengthening factor and can make systems more resiliant and robust so long as the amount of stress isn't so much as to destroy that system or if it isn't post traumatic stress which is probably the worse form since the stressor is created complely from within and worsens over time.

For me sometimes just to go come home and be able to put on a decent documentary, have some wine and fall asleep without waking up to morning anxiety is already paradise.

I can honestly say that I am feeling much better now than for the last month and things were actually very pretty decent at work today.....

I am just more confused that ever. I just turned 41 last week [didn't tell anyone] and I am so completely diffeent than I used to be. I was so confident and strong and was even a nationally ranked Epee and Foil champion. Nopw I just don't feel like I have identity. I am at the end of a very severe Rahu Mahadasha that was coupled with the worst Sade Sati you can imagine (Leo). Though I have learned much humility and kindness the price was rather steep I think.

newlife123 said:

I just turned 41 last week [didn't tell anyone] and I am so completely diffeent than I used to be. I was so confident and strong and was even a nationally ranked Epee and Foil champion. Nopw I just don't feel like I have identity. I am at the end of a very severe Rahu Mahadasha that was coupled with the worst Sade Sati you can imagine (Leo). Though I have learned much humility and kindness the price was rather steep I think.

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Happy Birthday! I've never heard of Rahu Mahadasha or Sade Sati before and had to google them and now I am fascinated! Could you point to a good online resource for this?

As a fellow hermit, I sympathise with your situation, but if you will permit me a liberty of advice although I don't know you at all - perhaps if you viewed your situation as just being making your own life comfortable and according to your own needs - as opposed to 'retreating from life' then you may not feel like you are failing at life or going against your own needs (I am just projecting here, of course, because this is how I feel and what helps me in these situations and I'm only mentioning it here in case it can help, if not, please feel free to ignore)

newlife123 said:

For me sometimes just to go come home and be able to put on a decent documentary, have some wine and fall asleep without waking up to morning anxiety is already paradise.

.

Click to expand...

Glad you mentioned that because it was what i wanted to say in my first post. This would be labeled as "retreat from life" but actually could be a need to concentrate in your self. I agree with PG's comment. It feels like when we need to do that , we have to justify ourselves for doing such an Abnormal thing ... according to the common-sense

Maybe you need to re-invent yourself. Doing things that relax you and bring some happiness in you even they are different from the ones that supposed to be a sign of a "alive" person is a permission you owe to give to yourself without guilt.

PG,

It is called Jyotish and is also known as Indian, vedic and Hindu astrology. In my search for answers about my life i stumbled upon and indian astrologer a few years ago that gave me a free reading over the phone that was so accurate that it scared me. They guy knew exactly what I looked like and also what I was going through and when it started and when it will end. He also could tell me how many sibling I had and how many siblings my parents had. Its actually very scientific.

It was so fascinating that I tried to learn it myself but was shocked at how complicated it is.

There are many good websites and forums if you just google or youtube: jyotish. You can get many free readings from good astrologers online but you have to know your exact birth time and place of birth. In some cases even altitude must be calculated like if you were born in Nepal the first morning sun would hit you before the people born at sea level.

Well guys, I asked a new question that is basically the same as onlineclarity's question: will she become my wife and i got hex 57, Penetrating Wind/ Gentle Restraint with no changing lines. I am satisfied about that reading because it's telling me that i can take my time and just be gentle. Perhaps no need to retreat and no need to be forceful. Perhaps just by showing my face and being nice is enough...

Your analysis - additional information with your female friend

To resolve some of your anxiety, I did a reading for you. I hope you do not mind. This concerns your chance with your Star Buck counter female. 36.5 to 63

神煞：天乙—子申　福星—未　日禄—午　羊刃—巳　驿马—亥　桃花—午　华盖—丑
干支：癸巳年　丙辰月　己酉日　己巳时
旬空：午未　　子丑　　寅卯　　戌亥

六神　 伏神 　　　坎宫：地火明夷（游魂）　　　　坎宫：水火既济
　　　　　　　　　【本　卦】　　　　　　　　　　　【变　卦】
勾陈　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　父母癸酉金　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　兄弟戊子水　应
朱雀　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　兄弟癸亥水　　×→　 ▅▅▅▅▅　官鬼戊戌土　　
青龙　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　官鬼癸丑土　世　　　▅▅　▅▅　父母戊申金　　
玄武　妻财戊午火　▅▅▅▅▅　兄弟己亥水　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　兄弟己亥水　世驿马
白虎　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　官鬼己丑土　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　官鬼己丑土　　
滕蛇　　　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　子孙己卯木　应　　　▅▅▅▅▅　子孙己卯木　　

36.1 you are a customer (you are correct). This is the guest line. She has no interest. 36.1 is her soul and is mao wood which is the empty element under your house of spouse.

36.3 tells the reader that she is associated with another person. She seems not available, but 63.3 tells the person is the moving on stage (sibling hai water) probably this year, next month. That association may not be permanent.

36.6 described the relationship in your current stage is mao wood (strong feeling), but in 64.3 that your relationship has taken a step back.

The lady is wu fire (hidden under line 3 of 36). Wu fire is fling 玄武桃花. She must be quite attractive in your eyes.

The fact is that there is no real feeling between you two. You are right not to get involved or tried. The female is not in the change hexagram.

63 is the same as judgment card in Tarot. You have bought a final closing to this situation after weighing the pros and cons of your situation.

To know the truth, you need to run your reading.

Hexagram 63 is composed of kan water trigram above li fire trigram. The water is the change trigram and the li fire is the body hexagram (situation).

This means the relationship will not work. The female has something to do with water (bar, coffee place etc.). You are not happy that you have to leave.

This is the right decision.
Good for you for now.
If you want to know your chances, you have to cast your own reading. Get her name and a reference point for reading etc.


Now I turn to the analysis of your other posted reading:

hex 23.2 > 4
Hexagram 23: you feel the roof is collapsing in your situation, but it is not true. You took the next exit at line 2 to leave the system. Retreating is the correct decision.

Hexagram 4 tells me that you may not know how to please ladies and manage your relationship. Actually, you are learning and quite inexperienced in handing romance and also relationship issue. Since you do not know how to handle the situation, you retreat. OK.
 
神煞：天乙—丑未　福星—寅　日禄—寅　羊刃—卯　驿马—寅　桃花—酉　华盖—辰
干支：癸巳年　丙辰月　甲辰日　辛未时
旬空：午未　　子丑　　寅卯　　戌亥

六神　 伏神 　　　乾宫：山地剥　　　　　　　　　　离宫：山水蒙
　　　　　　　　　【本　卦】　　　　　　　　　　　【变　卦】
玄武　　　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　妻财丙寅木　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　妻财丙寅木　　
白虎　兄弟壬申金　▅▅　▅▅　子孙丙子水　世　　　▅▅　▅▅　子孙丙子水　　
滕蛇　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　父母丙戌土　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　父母丙戌土　世
勾陈　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　妻财乙卯木　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　官鬼戊午火　　
朱雀　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　官鬼乙巳火　应×→　▅▅▅▅▅　父母戊辰土　　
青龙　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　父母乙未土　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　妻财戊寅木　应

The problem is as follows:

Hexagram 23.2 to 4
Line 4.1 and 4.6; 23.6, 23.4 the female (mao wood, yin wood) – she does not exist in your relationship (probably ex). This is the empty wood element under the house of spouse. Yin wood line is the movement star. The female has moved on and the line 6 means that she is out of mind, out of sight.

Line 23.4, 4.4 – relationship is xu earth. This conflicts with the house of marriage chen earth. NO relationship…at present.

Line 23.5 – the soul of a female is zi water. Line 23.2 the man with si fire exiting in the female’s life.
Fire and water so not mix. The female is the empty element under your house of marriage. No female at present.

Line 4.2 is chen earth (your situation with female) and is in conflict with the 4.4 xu earth. Your quest in search of an outside relationship has not been successful at present because xu earth conflicts with house of spouse and marriage.

Hexagram 4 is the withdrawal from a relationship (two of pentacles in Tarot). One calculates and weighs each situation before doing anything new.

Hexagram 4 is ken earth (mountain) over kan water (event trigram). It will take awhile before you can get back into the positive relationship category.

All the Best. Life does not have to be difficult. You can know the answer before it happens.

Long Yi,

You abilities are amazing and I wish I had them. You reading is completely accurate and reveals much more to me about the situation. Thank you so much.

long yi said:

To resolve some of your anxiety, I did a reading for you. I hope you do not mind. This concerns your chance with your Star Buck counter female. 36.5 to 63

神煞：天乙—子申　福星—未　日禄—午　羊刃—巳　驿马—亥　桃花—午　华盖—丑
干支：癸巳年　丙辰月　己酉日　己巳时
旬空：午未　　子丑　　寅卯　　戌亥

六神　 伏神 　　　坎宫：地火明夷（游魂）　　　　坎宫：水火既济
　　　　　　　　　【本　卦】　　　　　　　　　　　【变　卦】
勾陈　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　父母癸酉金　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　兄弟戊子水　应
朱雀　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　兄弟癸亥水　　×→　 ▅▅▅▅▅　官鬼戊戌土　　
青龙　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　官鬼癸丑土　世　　　▅▅　▅▅　父母戊申金　　
玄武　妻财戊午火　▅▅▅▅▅　兄弟己亥水　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　兄弟己亥水　世驿马
白虎　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　官鬼己丑土　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　官鬼己丑土　　
滕蛇　　　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　子孙己卯木　应　　　▅▅▅▅▅　子孙己卯木　　

36.1 you are a customer (you are correct). This is the guest line. She has no interest. 36.1 is her soul and is mao wood which is the empty element under your house of spouse.

36.3 tells the reader that she is associated with another person. She seems not available, but 63.3 tells the person is the moving on stage (sibling hai water) probably this year, next month. That association may not be permanent..

Click to expand...

long yi
Just wanted to let you know that you are completely right. She is no longer working there and her coworker said that she moved to some other city with her boyfriend and found another job there.