Insight into breaking through to intimacy-

hexagon · Sep 19, 2007

Some of you may remember my questions regarding my attraction to someone I work with who is in a supervisory position. We both play it very cool, and as of yet, we've only exchanged flirtatious glances and the odd comment. As of yet, neither of us has crossed the line to asking the other out. When I feel the time is coming - that he may ask me out - I go into a neurotic mindset by setting up roadblocks (self doubt and feelings of unworthiness) in order to avoid connection - as much as I want it!!!
So I asked Yi for Insight into clearing my roadblocks to intimacy, and received Hex 24 unchanging. A big wow. Karcher says "Remember your reasons for coming together. Re-visit your origins with each other. Now is a time for ease, so take advantage of it. Don't try to control things. THAT is the reason I go into a tailspin as I want to control the situation, thereby losing the spontaneous joy of the present moment. He says "Returning to the Way is the root of all virtue, love and power. In the act of returning, you can see the heart of Heaven and Earth". Wilhelm says - turn back from external things, turn back to one's inner light.It is only a beginning, a potentiality, but must be distingguished from all other objects. Know oneself in relation to the cosmic forces.

Laurie

willowfox · Sep 19, 2007

Just relax and be yourself, as there is nothing to be frightened off, just let the situation develop naturally, winter is coming and so are some changes, and good ones at that.

my_key · Sep 19, 2007

Hi Laurie

I agree with Willowfox. What a great reading for you, things are well on the mend.
24 Image - Partners come without fault. Your tao reverses and returns.

Some real positives to look forward to.

love and hugs

Mike

Trojina · Sep 19, 2007

I don't think 24 unchanging here promises a future intimacy with this person - it just says you need to be fully yourself to have the intimacy you seek - I guess you could see it as false appearances, games and so on block intimacy, so the more in tune you are to what some might call your authentic self the more likley you are to achieve intimacy.

hexagon · Sep 21, 2007

I am delighted to read the interpretation by Willowfox and My_key, and would love to think it reflects my relationship with D, but the question I asked was more rhetorical, in that I was asking for general advice on my issue with intimacy. The answer Hex 24 is more meant for all of us on how to break the blocks to intimacy. On that note, trojan's answer seems most poignant. If anyone else begs to differ, I would love to hear it!

Laurie

dobro · Sep 21, 2007

The feelings you described in the first post talk about at least two yous - there's the you that wants the intimacy and the you that's scared of it. Both of them have a strong charge and so it's one foot on the accelerator and the other foot on the brake. I always hope for two things for a person in that sort of situation (or is for the personS in that situation?). First I hope they experience the love and romance the romantic in them wants. Second, I hope they see themselves more clearly, see more clearly the exact nature of each of those sub-personalties. I mean, what are you scared of and why? And why do you think you want this relationship anyway? How much of it is coming from downstairs (below the belt) and how much of it is coming from upstairs (he's just so special he might be the one)? If you ask those questions a lot of times, two things will happen: first, you'll know yourself better. (And herein lies the meaning of Hex 24 for you, I believe - in your case, 'getting back to where you belong, getting back to the beginning of things' means getting back to yourself.) Second, you'll stand a better chance of getting to know the guy you're sweet on, cuz people who know themselves better shoot themselves in the foot less often. They can be more honest, see. I mean, imagine being able to say to the guy, calmly and honestly: "I really like you and I'd like to spend some time with you," and not be shy or embarassed when you say it. Imagine that. You can say something like that if you know yourself, cuz there's much less to be scared of.

ps There's another question that I've learned to ask when cupid comes around. (I'm a guy.) I ask myself: "If this girl were a guy, would I like them as much as I do now?" Of course, the answer's always no, but if the answer's a strong no, then I don't belong with that person.

shefa · Sep 21, 2007

I agree with trojan and dobro, except for his last paragraph that I didn't understand. (Can you explain that whole "If this were a guy ..." thing?)

luz · Sep 21, 2007

What he means is that he asks himself wether he would like this girl as a person (if instead of being a girl she was a man).

In that way he can tell if he's just falling for a gilr strictly because of her female attributes.

What I don't agree with, Dobro, is that the answer is 'always no'.. I mean, it's normal that you wouldn't "like" him in ALL of the ways you "like" her.. but just as a person, a friend, the answer better be yes, no?

shefa · Sep 21, 2007

oh I see ... agree with lightangel all around.

hexagon · Sep 22, 2007

lightangel said:
What he means is that he asks himself wether he would like this girl as a person (if instead of being a girl she was a man). In that way he can tell if he's just falling for a gilr strictly because of her female attributes.

That exercise certainly cuts to the chase; however, there's something to be said about the chemistry between the sexes that a friend or just another person doesn't have. That unexplainable mystery or magic that flows between two people attracted to each other.

Well, my dance with D. is so over. I am heartbroken. For the first time, he was chatting up someone else at work today. There's more to the story which I won't bore you with, but somehow I am reeling after over a year of being head over heels.

There's really something to be said for Dobro's comment that if one knows oneself, then it's OK to express one's feelings for someone. I wished I'd done that when the time was right. However, you're a guy - girls usually wait for guys to come out and declare their position by asking a girl out. I think in this case I should've made an exception.It would've made things clear - and I would've known his position.

dobro said:

I mean, what are you scared of and why? And why do you think you want this relationship anyway? How much of it is coming from downstairs (below the belt) and how much of it is coming from upstairs (he's just so special he might be the one)?

To answer this question - I am afraid of rejection. He might say No. But now I realize the price I have paid of not asking his position and telling him mine ages ago has far outweighed the chance of rejection (damn ego!). As for the sexual chemistry getting in the way - my major attraction wasn't just about sex but the whole package - intimacy, chemisrty, partnership... enough said!

Maybe it's time I take the courage to tell him how I feel and clear the communication blockage I have with him! Yikes!

Laurie

Click to expand...

hexagon · Sep 22, 2007

So I JUST asked Yi -

Is it advisable to tell D. how I feel, and received 14.2 > 30. Hey - if that's not a yes, then I don't know how to read the Yi! Am I right? Now it'll take ALL of me to muster up the courage to ask, but I will reread Dobro for encouragement.

Laurie

dobro · Sep 22, 2007

hexagon said:
dobro said:

I mean, what are you scared of and why? And why do you think you want this relationship anyway? How much of it is coming from downstairs (below the belt) and how much of it is coming from upstairs (he's just so special he might be the one)?

Click to expand...

To answer this question - I am afraid of rejection. He might say No.

Yes, of course. That's accurate. Now think about that and dwell on it and turn it over and around in your mind and look at it from all sides. Cuz at some point, you'll see that he might say no, or he might say yes. And if he says no, that's rejection but it might also be a way to usefully find out if you two really belong together. And if he says no, you can stop living in imagination and find *another* person who might say yes, or who might ask you first. And if he says yes, then you'll know another useful truth.

hexagon said:
Maybe it's time I take the courage to tell him how I feel and clear the communication blockage I have with him! Yikes!

It's your call.

hexagon · Sep 22, 2007

I will let you know of the outcome when I have mustered the courage to ask D. how he feels in all of this! YIkes!...

ain't life grand... particularly when we feel most vulnerable!

I love Dobro!

Laurie

willowfox · Sep 22, 2007

"Is it advisable to tell D. how I feel, and received 14.2 > 30. "

There you go, now you have the green light, all systems are now go and ready for launching.

Trojina · Sep 22, 2007

i think that what Dobro said about liking yourself is important because if you decide not to game play and to be true to yourself - unfortunately others will still game play even if you're not. They can lead you on, for their own perverse reasons to expect intimacy only to dump you at the last minute and so on and so on and all that nasty stuff.

FWIW and this is me not the Yi - consider how you will feel having to work with him if he does not respond well to your open declaration of your feelings - will that make you feel very uncomfortable at work ? If it jeopardises how you feel at work I'd consider your approach carefully especially as he flirts with other women, maybe thats what he is doing with you. 14.2 or not I'd think this through some more -

rosada · Sep 22, 2007

14.2 may sound encouraging, but I think it's encouraging because it is saying YOU are now strong enough to carry your own emotional confusion. Perhaps the fact that he is now chatting with other women takes the pressure off of you and you can now interact without getting all goofy.
30. is about speaking up for oneself, but it doesn't promise the other person will agree.

All in all I think the reading is telling you to say only as much as you feel comfortable with, knowing he might not do anything in return.

dobro · Sep 22, 2007

hexagon said:
ain't life grand... particularly when we feel most vulnerable!

Life's grand when we feel vulnerable and are able to still feel that life's grand. That's willingness and courage. They make life grand.

hexagon said:
I love Dobro!

That's nice. It's nice to be loved lol. But when I said to turn your anxiety and apprehension about getting hurt over and over in your mind, it was aimed at self-knowledge, not for problem-solving your situation. Things inwardly usually don't change quickly; usually they take a lot of time and a lot of self-knowledge. Of course, some people are ripe for some sort of change: when it's like that, they take a look at a situation really closely and carefully (Hex 20) and bang! they see something and immediately change their approach ("That's it. I'm not going there any more. What a waste of time.") But for most folks most times, most issues require the light of self-enquiry to be repeated many times before they are thoroughly familiar with the contour and flavor of an issue in themselves. And fear of rejection is not a small issue - it can wreck entire lifetimes with its fearful caution. Learning how to take chances takes time, cuz you have to develop the very, very useful attitude of 'This is a calculated risk I'm taking, cuz I know it could go either way; I'm willing to take that chance, cuz life is about taking intelligent risks for the sake of learning and for the sake of getting what you want. And if I crash, it's only pain, after all."

I was talking about incremental steps, in other words; I wasn't talking about a ' sudden fix'.

Lecture over.

rosetyler · Sep 22, 2007

All the wise words in this thread have been so useful to me as I make my slow way towards intimacy.

Thanks Laurie for sharing the reading- and good luck with speaking from your Self to this man.

And I love Dobro too!

dobro · Sep 22, 2007

Hey, I'm getting a fan club.

Teeshirts will be available shortly, at a Hex 15 cost to Clarity members.

hexagon · Sep 23, 2007

What resonates with me most strongly is Dobro's statement that having a sense of self precipitates action. From that sense, there is a knowing and acting on it is a natural occurence. Then fear doesn't enter into it. That's the crux of the learning - to be grounded in one's own voice without getting caught up in the Buddhist term "monkey mind," which is why getting things out in the open clarifies the communication channels. Trojan's advice to approach cautiously is the reason I (and perhaps D. as well) have not taken action so far. Yes, there would be consequences to be sure - and it could get messy. If this did move in a romantic direction, there's different ways to handle it - pretend we don't have anything between us... yada, yada, yada... more monkey mind madness because I cannot assume anything.
Rosada - I don't know how you got "goofy" out of 30, but that's exactly what my energy is around him - I drop things and I am nervous. Further insight that I need to get centered and know my own truth before I can talk to him. Visual exercises and meditation may be a good start.
Thanks WF - the green light is encouraging, but I will have to do some visualization exercises in order to take the first step in talking to him.

Thanks for all this support - This issue and situation is VERY big for me. This dance with D.has been tangoing for over a year now.

Dobro - sign me up for one of your T shirts!

Laurie

beadasil · Nov 7, 2009

And I am curious to know what happened here....??? Hexagon, did hex 24 reflect what happened in the end? Did you muster up the courage to tell this guy how you felt? And?

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