Hi!
I need your help to better understand this hexagram because to me it seems important in a difficult situation.

Hexagram 3, changing line 6.

I will not base my decision what to do only on a hexagram, but I got this same result twice on a same question asked 5 days apart so it seems relevant to me. Changing line was the same too.

Question is: What if I keep this child? (first time I asked a bit differently - Should I give up this child?)

Very serious situation.
I am 31 years old and 6 weeks pregnant, my partner doesn't want the child because of his bad psychological state (not crazy but seeing a therapist for a while now because of a problem he has with his family life- his father was unhappy all his life and he blames his mother for it so has mother complex with all that goes with it like problems with erection and reaching orgasm, obviously that's better now or I wouldn't be pregnant, he thinks this will slow his healing process or stop it all together).

He want's me to have an abortion but I feel very strongly against it and will decide to do it only as a last option.
(We are not even living together yet, both are in process of divorce, he has 2 children from previous marriage.)

If I have this child I will be alone, I am prepared to do this but he and his therapist have scared me that a child without father can have serious issues, also if its a boy living only with women etc. I thought if the child had enough love from one parent that would be enough, but how can I be sure?
The need to ask this question only came after talking to my partner. There are many bad circumstances here but when I found out I was pregnant I was scared but very happy, I thought everything will come together. I thought this was a good thing. Not sure any more...

I will talk both to his therapist and the one I started to see and think about whats good and bad in this situation but I Ching always helps me in some way so I would like to better understand the meaning of this hexagram...it might be important because future is very vague for me right now.

Thanks for reading all of this!

Hi Anna,
I'm not going to comment on your reading or what you should do (sorry) but just wanted to say I grew up in a single parent family, and I and my brother are very happy, well balanced and not any more damaged by the experience than anyone I know who had two parents! I know lots of other happy well balanced people who also grew up with one parent and did fine. Children just need love, and actually current research doesn't support the idea that children growing up in single parent families necessarily suffer any more psychological problems than those with two parents. Please don't allow yourself to be bullied by people who don't necessarily have your best interests at heart, you will make the right decision for you and that's what is really important.
Good luck with whatever you decide!
E

anna m said:

Hi!
I need your help to better understand this hexagram because to me it seems important in a difficult situation.

Hexagram 3, changing line 6.

I will not base my decision what to do only on a hexagram, but I got this same result twice on a same question asked 5 days apart so it seems relevant to me. Changing line was the same too.

Question is: What if I keep this child? (first time I asked a bit differently - Should I give up this child?)

Very serious situation.
I am 31 years old and 6 weeks pregnant, my partner doesn't want the child because of his bad psychological state (not crazy but seeing a therapist for a while now because of a problem he has with his family life- his father was unhappy all his life and he blames his mother for it so has mother complex with all that goes with it like problems with erection and reaching orgasm, obviously that's better now or I wouldn't be pregnant, he thinks this will slow his healing process or stop it all together).

He want's me to have an abortion but I feel very strongly against it and will decide to do it only as a last option.
(We are not even living together yet, both are in process of divorce, he has 2 children from previous marriage.)

If I have this child I will be alone, I am prepared to do this but he and his therapist have scared me that a child without father can have serious issues, also if its a boy living only with women etc. I thought if the child had enough love from one parent that would be enough, but how can I be sure?
The need to ask this question only came after talking to my partner. There are many bad circumstances here but when I found out I was pregnant I was scared but very happy, I thought everything will come together. I thought this was a good thing. Not sure any more...

I will talk both to his therapist and the one I started to see and think about whats good and bad in this situation but I Ching always helps me in some way so I would like to better understand the meaning of this hexagram...it might be important because future is very vague for me right now.

Thanks for reading all of this!

Click to expand...

Thats (underlined) your answer as far as I'm concerned, like Edge its me not the Yi talking. If you want to keep your baby you keep your baby ! Noone elses decision but yours.

I agree with all Edge said. Its an important decision. If you are happy to be pregnant and want the baby even knowing it will be hard, it seems dreadful to me that others should try to persuade you to abort. The kind of logic they are using seems totally weird to me..since when did having 2 parents guarantee a great upbringing
Kids pretty much thrive on love wherever it comes from and one loving parent is better than 2 uncaring ones.


I've always been unsure about 3.6 whether it means to give up the venture or whether it means not to give up. For you in this situation it seems such a sad line and has a very physical feel about it...actually I can't be objective about the reading because i feel so strongly if you want to keep your baby you should and 3.6 shows such sadness i'm feeling that to let others influence you to curtail this new beginning, a literal birth, well i can see how how that might amount to 'tears of blood'...

I just think you must do what you feel..not what your boyfriends therapist thinks....I'd think you could pretty much trust your instinct on this one.

Anna:

Don't worry for the mental health of the child, you are the warranty.

The more important is the love of the mother. Nobody has the right to ask you for an abortion if you don't want it. You have nothing to do with the therapist of the father. I believe that lacks of professionalism to bring you these worries.

If the father has problems, the problems can be worse with child or without child. Let him time to absorb the impact. Later if he accepts the child, better for all, if he don't, worse for him!

Don't burden the child with a father that doesn't want him. It happens that some fathers change their minds when children are born or even when children are tall. Don't tie yourself till the situation be more clear.

Maybe you can live with the father if he betters, if not you always can get another husband even more healthy or stronger.

Now the Changes:

乘cheng2:/ ride / mount / make use of / take advantage of /
馬ma3: horse / horse chess piece /
班ban1: team / class / rank / squad /
如ru2: as / like /

泣qi4: to sob /
血xue4: blood /
漣lian2: tearful /
如ru2: as / like /


No matters the decision, hard times are waiting for you, but you have enough strenght.

All be for good.

Best wishes, and count with us.


Charly

charly said:

Anna:



The more important is the love of the mother. Nobody has the right to ask you for an abortion if you don't want it. You have nothing to do with the therapist of the father. I believe that lacks of professionalism to bring you these worries.



Charly

Click to expand...

You're right, the therapist is going way beyond his boundaries isn't he ?

Hi Ann

Usually when I want to make a decision , I ask “what if’ sometimes when I don’t have a calm mind, I ask “should I do x” but I know that Yi is not going to decide for me, so , even if I do that question, I know ( and probably Yi ) that behind should is a “what if”


Based on that ( very personal pov) I see two questions

• What if I keep this child? 3.6 >42
• What if I give up this child? 3.6 >42

42 reads : it furthers one to undertake something. Make a decision ?

3.5 Horse and wagon part. Bloody tears flow.
This fits to what you said :
“The need to ask this question only came after talking to my partner. There are many bad circumstances here but when I found out I was pregnant I was scared but very happy, I thought everything will come together. I thought this was a good thing. Not sure any more...”

My impression is that your reading doesn’t say keep the child or not, just that whatever you decide should be your decision. I see the reading as an outline of the situation.

I agree with what others said too here

Wish you all the best
Maria

dear ann, i'd like to tell you million things...
first, i agree that whatever it is, it MUST be your decision, not the therapist' one.
and it is absolutely true that love of one mother is a treasure compared to two uncaring parents.
your age, 31, is perfect for receiving a child.
i don't know your personal economic situation: do you have to work always? can you calculate to stay home from job for the first years of life of the baby?
which country you live? can you get any help from the government?
do you have any grammy, aunt, uncle, friend close to you, helping you? i mean: what about if/when you get a flu or go to work? someone can help you?
this man, if he's going to stay close to you and the kid, would be a father to him/her or a brother? and if you are going to be separated, you think you can take decisions together? or he will "allow" you to make choices for the kid if he's not "able" to di it (seen that he/she will depend totally on you, not on him)? or you think he would invade your sacred mummy space with opinions and impositions that do not belong to your menthality? in some cases it would be better to be totally alone instead of having someone jumping in with no clarity.
in many cases, women remain connected to a family with whom they have nothing to share but a "nephew", a genetical link, not a loving connexion.

sorry if i'm so dark, so practical. i speak from my experience.
i grew up two kids after i splitted from my husband and it has been very heavy.
personally i would receive my kids if i could go backwords, but i would do my best for keeping alive the relation with my husband. i love these two kids so much that sometimes tears of joy are coming from me being with them. BUT it is very hard.
i'm a bit worried about your situation 'cause i know what does it mean being the only adult in the house and around.

and, sorry to write this, but it is not mathematic that in future you may meet another man and create a family with your kid. it happens to many women, but this didn't happen to me: ten years ago i gave for granted that this could be, but it never happened. and i'm still suffering about this even if i'm pushing myself to accept that it is like this.

be careful, i'm not trying to convince you to interrupt your pregnancy, i simply want that ..that you don't make heavy choices like i did without knowing in pratical details what does it mean... now, for instance, i do know what does it mean having fever and getting up to cook for the kids. what does it mean renouncing to go out, to make love, to go on holiday, to be married with someone 'cause it doesn't work with the kids. but this is my experience.

sorry if it became such a long post.
i wrote to you with my heart in my hands hoping to help you in making such an important choice.

all the blessing
with love
neegula

Thank you all for your replies!

My head is much clearer today and I'm able to think of all the positive and negative things concerning this decision. A talk with a really good friend helped.

Your posts were encouraging and I am grateful for that.

There are many possible outcomes in this situation but since I don't believe in coincidences there must be a reason I got pregnant at this time. It is a difficult time for many reasons, situation is far from perfect but the responsibility it brings could possibly be very beneficial for me/us. Solving your problems should be even more important when faced with such circumstances.

My economic situation is ok. I have a steady job and in my country you get 1 year maternity leave that is fully payed by the government. At this time I live with my mother, sister and her teenage daughter so help is available.
I would be happy if the child's father could see his future with us because he really is a good person, though very troubled and scared right now. But since it's not possible to know this I must take him out of the equation.

Having talked about this a lot today, what troubles me the most is having a baby boy that is raised in all women environment. Seems that could create a psychological problem later on. Its not a problem for a baby but when they are a bit older (3-4 years old?) boys need a father figure to identify with. Mother only is not enough in that sense. With girls its a bit easier because they identify with mother.
I guess someone can replace a biological father in this role so that would be something to think about if things went that way. (this is not psychology forum but maybe someone has experience with this?)

Anyhow I have agreed to do a therapist session together (proposed by his therapist) and we'll see how that goes. I just don't want to give up on this man because these past months we have connected on a level I never felt with anyone before and I feel this relationship could be good for both of us. But these days he is only able to hurt me. I know he's scared and has problems and I hope he will solve them someday.

As for me, I'm scared of making a mistake in such a serious matter so I'm trying not to go only on my instinct as I usually do but to think things through.

You will probably want to know the outcome of all of this..I'll try to keep you posted (though I won't be able to do it for 20 years or so )

Again thank you for helping me, I hope the post was not too long.

Ann, You are in a temporary state of turmoil, but it will pass. How long can such a state of mind go on? Not very long. It will pass.

Everything does not have to be decided in one day.

Yi has not commented on whether you should or should not keep the baby.

In my opinion Yi is saying that your turmoil will end quickly, just the way a violent thunderstorm ends quickly, just because it is such an outpouring.

Soon the storm will pass and you'll be able to relax.

When you're more relaxed, it'll become easier for you to make a decision. You cannot make a good decision when you're in this state of mind, Ann.

That is why Yi has given you this line. To tell you that the most important thing is your state of mind.

And that when we feel like this, it must, of course, be temporary.

anna m said:

Having talked about this a lot today, what troubles me the most is having a baby boy that is raised in all women environment. Seems that could create a psychological problem later on. Its not a problem for a baby but when they are a bit older (3-4 years old?) boys need a father figure to identify with. Mother only is not enough in that sense.

You will probably want to know the outcome of all of this..I'll try to keep you posted (though I won't be able to do it for 20 years or so )

Click to expand...

Ann, You are quite a planner! Are you trying to think ahead 20 years?

So glad to hear your head is getting clearer!

About your question about a little boy growing up in an all-woman environment, in my opinion that depends upon whether the women like little boys and children in general -- and whether they like and enjoy males in general.

Because undoubtedly the little boy would pick up from the women their true feelings on every subject, not just towards men.

anna m said:

Its not a problem for a baby but when they are a bit older (3-4 years old?) boys need a father figure to identify with. Mother only is not enough in that sense.

Click to expand...

As a child, he might be wonderfully happy, having all the women in the house for himself!

I am not any expert, but from seeing my own brother grow up, I think the need for the father figure starts more when the boy is around 12 or 13. Maybe boys of 7 or 8 even wish their fathers would die or go away, so that they could have Mommy all for themselves.

I don't think it's a good idea listening to theories coming from the fields of psychology and psychotherapy as if they were facts written in stone. I have seen over time that the ideas in psychology are very trendy and go through cycles of popularity. I have become increasingly skeptical of "expert opinions," especially when these change every 10 years.

anna m said:

My economic situation is ok. I have a steady job and in my country you get 1 year maternity leave that is fully payed by the government. At this time I live with my mother, sister and her teenage daughter so help is available.

Click to expand...

this is very good! very good circumstances!

i quote a previous post: after the coming to light of the kids, the fathers are less scared about the new sweet born

anna m said:

Hi!
I need your help to better understand this hexagram because to me it seems important in a difficult situation.

Hexagram 3, changing line 6.


Question is: What if I keep this child? (first time I asked a bit differently - Should I give up this child?)

Very serious situation.
I am 31 years old and 6 weeks pregnant, my partner doesn't want the child because of his bad psychological state (not crazy but seeing a therapist for a while now because of a problem he has with his family life- his father was unhappy all his life and he blames his mother for it so has mother complex with all that goes with it like problems with erection and reaching orgasm, obviously that's better now or I wouldn't be pregnant, he thinks this will slow his healing process or stop it all together).

He want's me to have an abortion but I feel very strongly against it and will decide to do it only as a last option.
(We are not even living together yet, both are in process of divorce, he has 2 children from previous marriage.)

If I have this child I will be alone, I am prepared to do this but he and his therapist have scared me that a child without father can have serious issues, also if its a boy living only with women etc. I thought if the child had enough love from one parent that would be enough, but how can I be sure?
The need to ask this question only came after talking to my partner. There are many bad circumstances here but when I found out I was pregnant I was scared but very happy, I thought everything will come together. I thought this was a good thing. Not sure any more...

I will talk both to his therapist and the one I started to see and think about whats good and bad in this situation but I Ching always helps me in some way so I would like to better understand the meaning of this hexagram...it might be important because future is very vague for me right now.

Thanks for reading all of this!

Click to expand...

From the Wilhelm English translation:.



Dear Anna,

this line means to me, from my own hard won experience with this line: Don't give up. It may be difficult, but the struggle to complete will bring fruition, while to abandon the course, to give up, will bring deep deep sorrow.

Hello Anna,
Your question has already prompted a large response and I don't want to add to any confusion so I'll try to keep this fairly brief.
As has already been pointed out, the final decision is yours but for what it's worth this is my interpretation of your reading.
Hex 3 - Difficulty at the Beginning, represents an emergent situation in which one is confused or unclear as to how to proceed. The Tuan - Judgement advises that nothing should be undertaken, continuing perseverance is called for. Much of the hexagram's imagery utilizes the image of a horse and wagon parting and this represents, amongst other things, the loss of inner direction and conviction.
Line 6 contains this imagery and, as so often occurs with six at the top, it indicates a state of inner despair in which the ego overwhelms your True Sense with images of fear, hopelessness and loss.
If you can see these fears for what they are - essentially false and empty, and follow the Judgement's advice to abide in non-action then you will allow the Resultant Hexagram - 42, I- Increase to come into play. This hexagram does not promise a bed of roses, it simply indicates that there is an opportunity to flow with the harmony and benefit of the greater process, the Tao, of which your life is a part.
Best Wishes. Peter

UPDATE on my situation...

unfortunately,
I didn't really have a chance to do much on this matter...I had a miscarriage a couple days ago...
...too much stress and grief or something else...but I guess when these things happen they have a reason...things are very different now...so I'll try to be patient and see where this new road leads me...

thanks any way

anna

so sorry to hear that, take care of yourself,
E

I'm sorry for your loss Anna

Anna

all my heart with you.

peter2610 said:

If you can see these fears for what they are - essentially false and empty, and follow the Judgement's advice to abide in non-action then you will allow the Resultant Hexagram - 42, I- Increase to come into play.

Click to expand...

I have found that most of the time the expression of tears of blood is about real tears (great pain). Not just false and empty ego's fear.

Best

I am so sorry Anna

Thankyou for getting back to us though

So sad . . .

Be well, Anna

jesed said:

I have found that most of the time the expression of tears of blood is about real tears (great pain). Not just false and empty ego's fear.

Best

Click to expand...

A great piece of advice Allow Tears To Flow!

Caution - thread is from 2009, 13 years old.