Ok so, I think i get it now. It's making more sense.

1. Daily affirmations to undo the negative programming: in progress.

2. this part which seems the most crucial:

It means stop the relentless drive forward to what you consider to be desirable. It means allowing time and emotional healing to take place. It means taking responsibility for your inner work yourself and to absolutely, unequivocally STOP pushing for resolution. Otherwise, if you are in a process of "soul growth", your learning curve will arrive in the form of a shock or shocks.

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Let go and be: no expectations. (difficult but trying)

3. Re finding soulmates:

not fixate and fantasize about it. This just shows the Universe that you are missing something essential in yourself, that you dependent and lacking energy of your own to be sovereign. So, in that sense it is actually better to "give up" on that notion that someone is going to arrive. (You are kinda tricking the ego here).

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That is interesting, bc it makes sense to try to trick the ego, but I had not thought of that before. I did not see the connection between missing something inside yourself and wanting a soulmate; I see it and my (Id? ego? some psycho part of me) argues back "but there are other people who have done no internal work and lack ALL inner strength/foresight/knowledge but still end up with relationships that are happy and healthy." But as someone noted: I'm not those people (sadly).

elizabeth said:

Ok so, I think i get it now. It's making more sense.

1. Daily affirmations to undo the negative programming: in progress.

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Just a couple more points Elizabeth.

Affirmations are fine but they can very easily be a cover or displacement for ego-need. On their own, they also have no effect on deep-rooted programming and perceptions imo. That needs understanding. What I think is necessary for you to do is to talk about your past and your perceptions with a good friend who is willing to listen, if you can't find / afford a good therapist. Deep tissue body work is also essential as it brings out a lot of emotional blockages. Then you need to look at these dispassionately and objectively - see your role in it and external influences that gave rise to them. Then begin to let go of them. If you do the latter then make sure you have some support system when those emotions rise. That's the kind of emotional healing I mean.

elizabeth said:

That is interesting, bc it makes sense to try to trick the ego, but I had not thought of that before. I did not see the connection between missing something inside yourself and wanting a soulmate; I see it and my (Id? ego? some psycho part of me) argues back "but there are other people who have done no internal work and lack ALL inner strength/foresight/knowledge but still end up with relationships that are happy and healthy." But as someone noted: I'm not those people (sadly).

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And "happy and healthy" from the outside is highly subjective. And it can often also mean that no effort towards inner work is being made thus no suffering. If you don't flow against the current of this materialistic world-view then of course things will be peachy. I think everybody who wishes to grow a connection to the soul will suffer initially until we transcend that suffering. So, one might say from a soul perspective, there is no "sadly" in this regard, only progress. Never compare your life with others who have no internal spiritual world. It can only leave you running in circles.

Take care and bon courage!

But as someone noted: I'm not those people (sadly).

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those people usually have other hurdles to jump. You have areas you havent had to work on, and it might be good to start focussing on those., this thread is 53...gradual progress

Thanks topal and chingching. Am still digesting what you wrote.

Topal, I haven't ever done/tried the deep tissue work but aside from probably feeling good I am sure it is helpful; it sounds beneficial. I have friends who I have already discussed my self image issues with (which may result in my lack of relationships but are still separate issues to deal with separately). But there seems to be a step missing. Ten years ago I wasn't aware of what my issues are. Then I realized I had issues, what they are, and what caused them. But...aside from "self affirmations" to undo the negative engrained in me, I'm not sure what *else* i can do to overcome it. It's like OK you know you have X disease, now what. Knowing you have it,a nd knowing what drug can treat it, doesnt eliminate it. And bandaids are superficial. So the discussion gets me to a certain point and then...and then? Then what.

As one example: a child has abandonment issues. Child grows up realizes parents abandoned him emotionally. Child is enraged at parents. Child can express rage, exercise the rage out, talk about the rage. But feeling of abandonment remains, now both consciously and subconciously. Child has trust issues, but wants more than anything to trust. So what's the missing link?

Or: child was told he is not good enough, will never deserve to be happy. Child ingests this self belief. Later realizes the belief is false; that it was projected on him by unhappy parent(s); Child tries to "undo" belief by doing things he enjoys, making friends, treating self well. But on subcionscious level the belief remains. ANd is projected, probably, to some people outwards. What can he do to totally get rid of it?

So the blockages are there -- you get to a certain point and then what? A discussion w/a friend seems to not be enough (for me at least).


This:

Never compare your life with others who have no internal spiritual world. It can only leave you running in circles.

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-- Makes perfect sense No problem there. I know too many such people.

elizabeth said:

Thanks topal and chingching. Am still digesting what you wrote.

Topal, I haven't ever done/tried the deep tissue work but aside from probably feeling good I am sure it is helpful; it sounds beneficial. I have friends who I have already discussed my self image issues with (which may result in my lack of relationships but are still separate issues to deal with separately). But there seems to be a step missing. Ten years ago I wasn't aware of what my issues are. Then I realized I had issues, what they are, and what caused them. But...aside from "self affirmations" to undo the negative engrained in me, I'm not sure what *else* i can do to overcome it. It's like OK you know you have X disease, now what. Knowing you have it,a nd knowing what drug can treat it, doesnt eliminate it. And bandaids are superficial. So the discussion gets me to a certain point and then...and then? Then what.

As one example: a child has abandonment issues. Child grows up realizes parents abandoned him emotionally. Child is enraged at parents. Child can express rage, exercise the rage out, talk about the rage. But feeling of abandonment remains, now both consciously and subconciously. Child has trust issues, but wants more than anything to trust. So what's the missing link?

Or: child was told he is not good enough, will never deserve to be happy. Child ingests this self belief. Later realizes the belief is false; that it was projected on him by unhappy parent(s); Child tries to "undo" belief by doing things he enjoys, making friends, treating self well. But on subcionscious level the belief remains. ANd is projected, probably, to some people outwards. What can he do to totally get rid of it?

So the blockages are there -- you get to a certain point and then what? A discussion w/a friend seems to not be enough (for me at least).


This: -- Makes perfect sense No problem there. I know too many such people.

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Right, so you know the issues very well, so well in fact that they are almost "friends". Now you have to APPLY what you know. You have all the information you need. Find what works for you and start the emotional healing. You seem to be unconsciously placing obstacles in front of that endeavour. Intellectual knowledge (which you have in abundance) is not the same thing. The brighter someone is, the more complex the self-rationalizations and justifications. You have more than enough self-awareness to begin to take charge now. Not at all easy but now's the time. Start with the deep body work and if you can't see a psychotherapist then employ some of the therapeutic techniques available in current psychology literature. Don't wait.

The brighter someone is, the more complex the self-rationalizations and justifications.

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ah too true.

What happened? How this story ended?
Looking backwards, what do you think this 53.3.4 > 12 meant?
I am so curious, I am trying to learn and I think this is the best way go back in time and see how things evolved.
Thanks