10.2.3.4 What does she want from me, if anything?

[wandering]

Been involve in a romantic affair, and sometimes I get confused about what she wants from me. So I asked the iChing and got 10.2.3.4 which changes to 37 Family Duties. To me, I think this is telling me to conduct my affair with caution, some things are way beyond me, in fact I may not or do not already have the strength or resources to overcome, BUT staying here is justified only if I am fighting for a worthy cause, thus 37 a family. This is my interpretation. I kindly respect those who have more to say. Thank you.

 

[wandering]

I don't want to be answering my own reading, but I found this from a thread -->RESPECTFUL CONDUCT
correctness, concordance; taking steps, actualizing, Treading carefully, circumspect behavior, action’s meetness, conscientiousness, Audacious steps, challenge, hazarding, strategy, performance; tests, trials, rites, To carry out, honor; living up to standards; walking the walk, finding right track, Procedure, protocol; divine guardianship on terms not your own; reality check, Perform as ‘move through form’; function properly; testing faith, tempting fate..... Powerful stuff in this.

Testing faith is good...I go to bed at night and ask my higher power if I am being faithful. The answer I got was faith cannot be faith unless you know that the stuff needed is there or will be there when the time comes. The image I got was we all have faith walking to a huge skyscraper--and if I really thought about it, that is really scary! But I don't think about it because everything is there to trust that it will hold up, in spite of all the heavy marble and hanging glass, the pool on the 57th floor, etc. The stuff is there, the design, the material, the architects, the land, the foundation...faith in something is NOT a dream. I can't have faith in a relationship that hasn't got the resources or potential resources available. Faith isn't in something that is fantasy, but if one is willing to find all the resources and put them together and organize it, get help, and all that, then it can become a reality. So, thank you for this insight, whoever wrote it.

 

[blue_angel]

I am confused a little in your writing. I am trying to understand the actual situation. Faithful? As in your belief, your faith? Or are you married or already in a relationship? No judgment. Just trying to understand the situation. What I don't see here, is what do you want from her? And then, why not ask her, "What do you want exactly?"

Perhaps she wants a family, but is being cautious, hoping you will take the lead? She doesn't want to step on your tail or upset the path you know? She's treading it lightly. But If you wouldn't mind answering some of the background and I will return to give a more thorough opinion of your reading.

Best wishes on your journey,

Blue_Angel

 

[wandering]

Hi Blue_Angel, no I'm not married, we are having a consensual relationship, but for me it is about commitment and longevity and trust that if I stay, all will be well in the long term. I am scared out of my mind, but I need this and I feel it is above me in some ways, but it feels warm and family but raw and sometimes unnerving--I hope you understand. I think I just feel inadequate, but deep down inside I know I am adequate...I don't know how to explain it. I sometimes go more with the fear of losing my identity than developing a new identity, which is what this is being asked of me. Do I love her? With all my heart. We are both treading lightly. She has a great career, I am a writer and mine is starting to unfold to the next level. We have our career differences but similar values. We are independent yet we have a lot to talk about. I fear that at some point career may become more important than us, but I have NOTHING to support that fear. Which will we be faithful to, us or career? i have asked her what her wants...she says time. I feel the same way...I need time. But will time be the undoing of us? And if it is, will I be able to say, all is well anyway? Or do I need to worry about that? I hate death, the death of friends, relationships, thinking about my own death, but I know it is inevitable. Anyway, I don't know if I made sense. I hope you understand me. If not, I will try to explain better. Thanks for listening.

 

[blue_angel]

Ok, depending on the actual whole of the circumstances... I think the reading is mostly about you. And sometimes the Yi is literal, but a lot of times it is dramatic poetry. Metaphors that can be brought down a notch. I think it basically says, you are "terrified" of making any wrong turn or any mistake. So much that you hesitate in every move. You think it over too much, your mind is now clouded, and you can not even see clearly. I even wonder, (unless you are actually married or in a serious relationship), if the tiger would actually bite you. I think you may be your own worst enemy here. You are the tiger that will bite you. "Rome wasn't built in a day, you know". The superior man here, is you. So its similar to when people say your heart and mind are in disagreement.


I am thinking, first, know what you want. That way when you communicate with her and find out what she wants. Well, if she doesn't want the same. You can go. If she does, you can work on it together. You can not decide what you want based on what she wants. You know? Open communication is best. Better than using the Iching. Using the Iching, you are mostly going to learn about yourself. Which is good for growth. But something like this, should be simple, I would think. Communicate. Just have regular conversation and randomly bring it up. And let her know, she's confusing you in her words or behavior. That you don't know what she wants. She may not realize she is doing this. "Resources" does not have to mean, finances, house, car, career, etc. Although they can help. Resources can be communication skills, clear vision, ability to walk your path with confidence. etc. But I could be completely WRONG. But I think with questions like these, the situation has to be known, it has to be almost dissected by several people, and even then it is a guess at best. Sometimes a really awesome guess that ends up hitting the mark. How important is it? Do you want an answer or a guess? And you know what they say when you assume things. What do you feel about her? What do you want with her?

 

[blue_angel]

Sorry... I crossed posts with you. I didn't see you had already replied. Yes, I think I understand. You explained well. When you say time, do you mean time to think this over? Or time together? Either way, you just described your reading to me perfectly by venting your feelings. At least in my opinion. Many couples have different careers you know. And they do very well with each other, as well as their careers. Is she also in love back? Either way, not to sound dramatic, but in reality, you do not know what will happen 10 or 20 years from now. The earth may not exist. Tomorrow could be the last day. So while its good to have a similar vision, a mutual agreement, to enjoy life together, and go forward. Living in today is what matters. So think positive. Begin creating what you desire. One step at a time. Enjoy this moment, try best not to fret over tomorrow or yesterday. I know it is not always easy. But you know the quote. "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present." It is a present, a gift. Spend your day worrying about tomorrow and you will miss every blessing you were to enjoy today. Hope that helps some, it will be ok, either way. No really, it will.


Best wishes as always, enjoy your journey,

Blue_Angel

 

[blue_angel]

And Wandering... there are many women looking for trust, longevity, and commitment. Although I know you have your heart set on this one.

 

[wandering]

Blue_Angel

Thank you for your candid and insightful feedback. Is she in love with me? She says she is, but she prefaces it with romantic love is really a sick love. I understand what she means, she just doesn't want to be overwhelmed with something she can't control. She has strong loving feelings for me, she just doesn't say I'm in love with you. She'll say, I'm not a teenager. But do you love me? Yes! I love you. And hugs and kisses come. I'm all good with that.

It isn't easy the complexities involved here, but you nailed it when you said problems between people need to be dissected. She's much better at it than I am. The more we talk the more we understand about each other. Understanding what we want and if we can meld those wants into a common theme for our life to work together. i think she knows what she wants from us than I do. She has this ideal. I havn't really thought about it. It may be a man woman difference, but I need time to see if her ideals are mine, I just need to let them bubble up to the surface of my subconscious and see.

Thank you again for your wonderful insight. Thank you for this --> "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present." It is a present, a gift. Spend your day worrying about tomorrow and you will miss every blessing you were to enjoy today. Hope that helps some, it will be ok, either way. No really, it will."

Blessings to you too Blue_Angel. Take care.

 

[blue_angel]

" I sometimes go more with the fear of losing my identity than developing a new identity, which is what this is being asked of me" This... what do you mean by this? You don't lose yourself. You don't change who you are. You might change, as in compromise some habits or behaviors, but that's only if you choose to do so. And you can also choose not to. I would think there should be enough free space given for each to retain their likes, dislikes etc. To value the differences as well as the similarities between each other. Each is still their own individual. Each whole on its own. They just come together to make a pair. To enjoy, learn, grow, and share. Do I misunderstand? Are you saying she wants you to change or that is your fear? That she will want you to change? Or that you will lose yourself?

Death... yes, that's a big one for many people. Maybe it would help to remember life is a cycle. For every death, is a birth. For every ending, is a beginning. For every door that closes, another is sure to open. the old needs to be washed away for new growth. Etc.


But overall, I think your feelings and thoughts about all of it, is very natural and common. It may be good for you to explore these areas little by little. But worry, no I do not think you need to worry. Worrying hasn't ever helped me When I said, dissected. I meant, when you ask a question on here about a relationship. A lot of times it takes several people, and the whole of the situation would have to be almost dissected for us, strangers to you, to try and fit the readings with your situation. And then still it is a guess, that sometimes hits the mark. I did not mean your relationship needs to be dissected, no. Flow, allow the pieces to slide into place as they will. Not pick them apart. But then all of this is just my own personal opinion.

Anyhow... enjoy, many blessings

 

[anemos]

I think I just feel inadequate, but deep down inside I know I am adequate...I don't know how to explain it. I sometimes go more with the fear of losing my identity than developing a new identity, which is what this is being asked of me.

it appears to me that this part is a good insight of what 10>37 reading is all about. Your identity ( your family) its all the things you are and yes, sometimes could be traits or qualities that can contradict each other , yet belong to the same family. Wilhelm says that in this hex, the way its constructed every member of the family has its own appropriate place and their roles is clear.

Some say there is not such a thing called core identity and while I cant say I fully embrace this idea, there is some truth in that, that's is to say, there is an organic construction of a family. In the 37 family, each has the opportunity to express itself, yet there are some boundaries for protecting the home. There is that dilemma to "decide" what I am ; am I A or am I B( opposite of A) ? most of the times, imo, its not a either/or thing.

I think 10 & 37 makes a interesting combo. IMO, perseverance requires sometime to take risks, And risk , sometimes need something central to act as a propelling force. Both make essential the function of discrimination; putting each aspect of a situation into its appropriate place. both 10 & 37 ask for respect.

the fear of the tiger , imo, sometimes is essential; just make us more alert and remind us that we are not having a walk in la-la-land but in a jungle.

I'll refrain from putting ideas in your mind, because i do believe you have a good understanding of this reading. there are bits here and there ,in your posts, that show that. Maybe you just need to take the "family" to a "jungle trip" and then share your impressions.