13.2 -->1 Trying to wrap my brain around this one

[vida]

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years who has helped raise my 7 year old daughter in our time together. He had offered to talk to her about it, provide some sort of closure and explanation. I agreed, and just let him know the details of that meeting would be up to him, just let me know.

Its been 6 days and he hasn't responded. At all.

I asked, "What is it that I need to understand about what is taking him so long to respond?" (I phrase it that way when a situation is giving me anxiety because I don't know something, and knowing/understanding is what I am seeking in order to quell the anxiety.)

Now, I got 13.2 --> 1. I read this thread here, where the same hxs were received, and though the situation is radically different, I know there is a connection somewhere.

Is the ideal situation of the three of us meeting and discussing this the 13? And the 2nd line changing maybe might be either some ulterior motive on my part, or his part? And what of the 1st hx?

 

[meng]

Maybe he's embarrassed and doesn't know how to face your daughter, since he's no longer a member.

1 is the loneliest number, and so can appear cold and final. This may signify his disposition toward the whole matter.

 

[vida]

Makes, sense, Meng. I thought about that....
I was also starting to wonder if perhaps he just never got my email response, and so he is thinking that my daughter and I have formed a clique to which he is not invited.
Maybe its time to inquire what I action I ought to take.

 

[rosada]

13.2 Fellowship with men in the clan. Humiliation.

Sure sounds like somebody doesn't want to have this discussion. It might be the ex but it might also be the daughter.
From what you write I get the sense you have not told your daughter what is going on. Is that true, I mean is she unaware the two of you have split up? If that is the case I would sure encourage you to let her hear it privately from you so she can process her feelings some before she speaks with the ex.

You might also ask her if she even wants to speak with him.

If it's clear she does, you might also ask her if she wants to speak with him with you present or privately.

Although you haven't heard from him, it may be that once these issues have been discussed and decided on at your end he suddenly calls out of the blue. Or else you get a clearer sense of how to approach him.

Hex 1 The Creative makes me think it may be that she should be the one to call him to set up the meeting, although you could offer to make the call.

 

[vida]

Rosada, your suggestions are so totally practical that I'm actually surprised none of it crossed my mind. Of course it should be up to my daughter-- she is the most important part of the equation.

Yes, I have told her. But I explained it very simply and to the point. She asked if S was her step dad the other day. I told her no, that S would have had to marry me and that he decided he didn't want to. She asked why he didn't want to anymore, and I told her the truth-- that he realized he doesn't love me. She was surprisingly adult about it, she hugged me and said she was sorry for me. But I told her it was ok, that I am fine and will be fine. She did not seem to take any of it personally, and so I did not feel the need to give her the ole "it has nothing to do with you" speech. She seemed to get that on her own.

I am going to talk to her about it again though, now, at your suggestion. I am going to explain that S might want to talk to her about it, and does she want to do that.

Thank you immeasurably.

 

[vida]

I did end up posing the question 'what action should i take with S in resolving the confusion?' and i received an unchanging 23.

Pretty self-explanatory-- I do nothing.

So I asked 'How then should I approach discussing the situation with my daughter?' and I got
26.4.6 --> 34.

Honestly I have no idea how to interpret this. Line 4 makes sense in that I should make preparatory conversation so as to avoid some sort of drama later. And line 6 just seems to affirm that I will do fine. But really, 34 confuses me. Unless it is sort of a holistic assessment of how utilizing measures in keeping with the taming power of the great will inherently lead to the power of the great. Maybe its that simple.

Thoughts welcome.

 

[Trojina]

Rosada, your suggestions are so totally practical that I'm actually surprised none of it crossed my mind. Of course it should be up to my daughter-- she is the most important part of the equation.

Yes, I have told her. But I explained it very simply and to the point. She asked if S was her step dad the other day. I told her no, that S would have had to marry me and that he decided he didn't want to. She asked why he didn't want to anymore, and I told her the truth-- that he realized he doesn't love me. She was surprisingly adult about it, she hugged me and said she was sorry for me. But I told her it was ok, that I am fine and will be fine. She did not seem to take any of it personally, and so I did not feel the need to give her the ole "it has nothing to do with you" speech. She seemed to get that on her own.

I am going to talk to her about it again though, now, at your suggestion. I am going to explain that S might want to talk to her about it, and does she want to do that.

Thank you immeasurably.

So I asked 'How then should I approach discussing the situation with my daughter?' and I got
26.4.6 --> 34.

Honestly I have no idea how to interpret this. Line 4 makes sense in that I should make preparatory conversation so as to avoid some sort of drama later. And line 6 just seems to affirm that I will do fine. But really, 34 confuses me. Unless it is sort of a holistic assessment of how utilizing measures in keeping with the taming power of the great will inherently lead to the power of the great. Maybe its that simple.

Thoughts welcome.

Now I'm confused In the first quote you said you had already discussed it with her, and she was fine about it, so having already discussed it i'm not sure why you are asking 'how should i approach discussing the situation' ? or if she was fine aboutit why there would be a drama later.

Perhaps there isn't any need for further discussion, just say she can ask you anything if she needs to. 26.4 says to me any distress to her has already been removed from the situation, 26.6 you did well. 34 has alot to do with handling power wisely as does 26. I think 26.6 says its done, the approach you've taken so far is fine

 

[rosada]

Thank you for the kind words, Vida. Actually though, now that I understand your situation a bit better I don't think any further action is necessary. I mean, why tell your daughter S might want to talk to her? So far he hasn't called and he may never call.

26.4
The headboard of a young bull.
Great good fortune.

This line means a good way of restraining a wild force is to forestall it.
By telling your daughter about the situation and making it clear she can come to you if she has further questions you have completed what needs to be done. I take it she hasn't shown an interest in speaking to him and he hasn't called her so leave it alone.

26.6
One attains the way of heaven. Success.

This says to me that if he ever does call again wanting to say good-bye to your daughter that will be the time to speak to your daughter and ask her if she wants to see him.

34.
The superior man does not tread upon paths that do not accord with established order.

He "established the order," that he would call so until he does just let it be.

 

[vida]

Now I'm confused In the first quote you said you had already discussed it with her, and she was fine about it, so having already discussed it i'm not sure why you are asking 'how should i approach discussing the situation' ? or if she was fine aboutit why there would be a drama later.

I meant in talking to her about the fact that S wanted to call her for closure. We had previously talked about why S was gone in the first place.

I appreciate you feel no other discussion is necessary (with my kiddo). In general that has been my feeling, but I get swept away with that "being a good mom thing" and how maybe i should be communicating more about the whole thing with her. I worry, always, that I should be doing more in the mom department. Like most parents, maybe.

Your response is assurance I'm not messing up, lol.

 

[vida]

rosada,

you were right by the way, the moment i had resolved issues in terms of my actions, he emailed. he said only that he had been emotionally unstable and did not feel up to calling, and wanted to wait a week or two before calling her.

i responded "that's fine", and left it at that. you're right, he'll call when and if he calls.

thanks all.