13 to 37 -Asking about my son's life choices

[patty123]

My son is a bright young man, but in the last three years he has taken a turn for the worst. he is 23 now, when he started college he was full of joy and eager to explore his world. Three years later he is very different person. the best I can describe him is fearful of the world. I asked the I-Ching about how can I help him, am I doing everything as a mother that needs to be done? and I got 13 with changes to 37. I must add my son still lives with me and has three semesters more to go before graduation. I have become the mother of an adult that lives and wants to remain a child at home. Can someone help me understand better the reading I got? Thank you so much.

 

[steve]

Hi and Merry Xmas
The thread caught my eye i remember showing my mother the book of changes and asked her to cast a reading, she asked a question about me and the way the Yi spoke was or they way she interpreted it that he, being me needs to live my own life without her being TOO much much of a mother constantly worrying.

I dont think the oracle is suggesting this but rather, i suggest you maybe looking at things from your perspective.

In a nut shell you see things one way he sees them another. There is always a generating gap between a parent and and a child its a fact. Its quite normal for millenials to stay at home till they are 30 or possible he will have friends that will.

You could only suggest that you go out for a meal or maybe do something you use to do when he was younger like go for a milkshake. In general its a communication thing going on with both of you i believe.

I think of my family, my dad was out the door in the marines by 21 i left home at 19 but came back 3 or four times and finally left at 25 , then i look at my sister who is 12 years younger, she left home when she was pretty much comfortable to do so.

You have in your mind what a son should be and he has in his mind what a mother should be, why i suggested the milkshake maybe he could see you possibly in a different light and you do have something to offer as a friend as opposed to just being his dear old mum.

13 i am seeing as the bond that you obviously have , line 4 being the barrier and 37 the family unit, too me it looks not so complicated, but yet it is.

I hope my interpretation helps

Best wishes for the new year

Steve

 

[rosada]

13.4
He climbs up on his wall. He cannot attack.

Well, just trying to plug this into what you've told us here I wonder if it feels as if there is a wall between the two of you or do you think this is saying he literally needs more privacy at home or is he feeling bullied or over his head in school? 13.4 reads to me like someone needing a wall between themselves and others but they don't want the wall to totally block the other out.

 

[rosada]

Further thoughts.
It occurs to me that your son is at an age when a lot more information comes flooding in - that is, the awareness of what is going on in the world is much more advanced for a 23 year old than it is for a 17 year old. It's like that saying, "If you're not depressed you just haven't been paying attention" At 23 maybe your son is seeing more of how it really is in the world than he saw as a light-hearted teenager and since he's going to school he's surrounded by a lot of folks his age on this same wave length, reinforcing this same depressing mind set. Maybe that's why your son's energy flow has become distorted. He doesn't have the life experience yet to defend himself from all the negativity his mind is being bombarded with. Maybe 37.4 is saying he needs a way to insolate himself from all that is going on in the world, all that he is being told about the world, so he can focus on his own experiences, his own first impressions.

Whatever. I think 13.4 says he needs to find a way to insulate himself from his associates when necessary if only to help him establish himself, his own goals, to think for himself, to not be overly influenced (see hexagram 58. lines for discussion of dangers of group influence pulling one off center).

Also I can see 13.4 - 37 as being a need for some sort of barrier or distancing device between the family members so they don't get stuck in old patterns. Perhaps some discussion before the new year starts defining what your relationship is to be now. Like, are you mother-and-son (whatever rights and duties that entails - calling me if you are going to be out late, me reminding you to do your homework?) or are you renting a room in your house (in exchange for services, which are...)? The more you openly discuss your arrangement the more easily you will be able to be 37. Family.

You might get value from getting your son's astrological chart done - that can be a great conversation starter. Get your's done too!

 

[Freedda]

Hello Patti. Best to you and your son over the holidays and solstice.

Hilary suggests that we ask one question / inquiry at a time - and to write it down before consulting - as the best way to get a clear response. With that in mind, I am curious what exactly you asked the I Ching? In your post, it seems you may have asked two questions: how can you help your son? And, as a mother, are you doing everything you can to help? Not to be too picky or critical, but it seems like two questions -- one directed at what your son needs; the other about your ability to help.

Best, David.

 

[deflatormouse]

Hilary suggests that we ask one question / inquiry at a time - and to write it down before consulting - as the best way to get a clear response.

Hilary has written some excellent material on this subject but I doubt that these suggestions are meant to be applied as hard-and-fast rules. Having been presented with countless readings in which the question struck me as somehow dubious, I feel there is something to be said for working with the queries and readings that others have chosen for themselves.
Recently, a friend said to me, "I have a question I want you to ask the Yijing for me". I asked, "what question" and she said, "did my dad have a lot of money when he died, how much, and where is it?"
I had considered disregarding the latter two questions, which are heavily loaded and predicated on an affirmative answer to the first. I had also considered gently lecturing my friend on the reasons I felt this query to be less than ideal, and momentarily even considered splitting this query into three readings. Ultimately, I decided that all of the above were unnecessary and asked the Yijing, "did X's dad have a lot of money when he died, how much, and where is it?": the reading, we felt, answered the first and third questions plainly, and gave us a very clear idea of how to find an answer to the second.

However, in this case, while the question was presented to the forum as split into two phrases, I see only a confluence of desires and intentions. Both "how can I help my son" and "am I doing everything I can to help" seem to characterize a singular motivation. This is not really an 'either/or'

The 37 of 13 seems to me to describe the post-college age during which one's friends take on the role of family; the moving line text strikes me as indicative of the limited influence of blood relations during this time. My guess would be that Patty's son's friends may be in a more influential position over him at the moment than Patty herself is. I think Steve's interpretation is thoughtful and makes good sense as well.

 

[rosada]

Wait a minute D-mouse!
Did the father have money? Was the I ching able to give guidance to finding it??
Don't leave us in suspense!

 

[arbole]

Theres a lot of possibilities.


Take into account, that the following line (5) its someone coming down from that wall, to meet with others. Maybe your son, went to a journey of:

Line 1 > Encountering with others from a starting point.
Line 2 > And see all the corruption between us.
Line 3 > To hide and get mad at this corruption.
Line 4 > To realizing the attack its not the way. But also not yet being there from coming down from that wall to the encounter with others from a different perspective (5, they first cry).


It might be a reasuring answer, that his just living and learning how it is that community of men. Im not much older, and at that age i was in the line 3/4 scenario.

 

[patty123]

Further thoughts.
You might get value from getting your son's astrological chart done - that can be a great conversation starter. Get your's done too!

Where do I get that!! I love the idea of having them done.

 

[patty123]

Hello Patti. Best to you and your son over the holidays and solstice.

Hilary suggests that we ask one question / inquiry at a time - and to write it down before consulting - as the best way to get a clear response. With that in mind, I am curious what exactly you asked the I Ching? In your post, it seems you may have asked two questions: how can you help your son? And, as a mother, are you doing everything you can to help? Not to be too picky or critical, but it seems like two questions -- one directed at what your son needs; the other about your ability to help.

Best, David.

Hi David, you are absolutely right! I asked multiple variations of the theme. I will follow Hillary's advise from now on. Thank you so much for letting me know. All the best to you!

 

[patty123]

thank you all for your insight and care!