14.3.6 > 54 What should i do?

[Elusive]

Hi everyone,

I've actually been secretly together with my superior for close to 10 months. This is a very wrong relationship because he's a married man for 10 years but I couldn't help but sink into it. Throughout these 10 months there has been a lot of ups and downs and we had gone through many things together. I'd to face a lot of things internally myself too because of being a secret. The happy times were really happy and the sad times were really sad.

I had tried to give up once few months ago and looked for other options to bring myself out of this relationship, but it failed in the end because what he did for me and how well he treated me soften my heart. He usually would want to keep things between him and his wife from me, but he did mention his love to her was only habit and there was a lot of problems between them, his wife was suspicious of him too which caused a lot of quarrels between them, their cultural difference was a problem also because his wife is a foreigner.

During the period I wanted to give up, he told me that he told his wife to find her own happiness if she feel they can't stay together forever, and his wife said ok. At the point of time I felt he told me all these is because he wanted me to say, but after observing, I think it's true because there was no phone calls from her anymore when we are together. They aren't sleeping together in the same room also.

I'm now in a struggle because I don't know what to expect from this relationship, he used to say he does not want to give me false hope but then he gave me hope after that. He told me it's a very big step for him and asked me to give him time because he wants to be with me from the bottom of his heart, but he can't do anything much because he doesn't want to be heartless to his wife. He can't give me a definite answer for a future but at the same time, he doesn't allow me to find my happiness also.

I feel so stuck in this situation, I really love him and I can feel he really love me too, but I just feel very insecure, constantly worrying and thinking. I'm also scared that he will lie to me as well regarding the situation between him and his wife, especially after he gave me some hope for the future.

I asking I-ching:

What is going on between him and his wife? 58.1 > 47
What should I do? I received 14.3.6 > 54

Really appreciate if anyone can give me insight to this, thanks everyone.

 

[legume]

hello, thank you for sharing your story. this is a delicate situation and can surely cause a lot of stress and insecurities. i think 58.1 > 47 might be saying that the initial joy and security of his marriage has now moved into exhausting, oppressing state, as some form of mistrust has crept in their relationship?

as to the advice for you, 14.3 seems to give an idea that you once had yourself, that of giving up in a way, not by sacrifice though, but by offering your honesty and thus protecting yourself as well, if that makes any sense? 14.6 might be saying that for as long as you keep your inner attitude correct, by simply being true to yourself yet understanding of how complex such relationships are while standing "outside" (thus allowing for taking on different viewpoints), you'll eventually find guidance within...

following hex 54, i think you know already that it will require some patience and letting them figure things out first... but also, if you want your relationship to continue in any form, would most likely also mean keeping yourself open to his affection (even if it stirs up almost unbearable feeling of hope within) as well as relating from a place of affection yourself. since you both love each other, as long as there's trust in that feeling, the mutual respect shall naturally follow...
some ideas on 54 in Wilhelm's words:

THE JUDGMENT
Undertakings bring misfortune.
Nothing that would further.

A girl who is taken into the family, but not as the chief wife, must behave with special caution and reserve. She must not take it upon herself to supplant the mistress of the house, for that would mean disorder and lead to untenable relationships. The same is true of all voluntary relationships between human beings. While legally regulated relationships based on personal inclination depend in the long run entirely on tactful reserve. Affection as the essential principle of relatedness is of the greatest importance in all relationships in the world. For the union of heaven and earth is the origin of the whole of nature. Among human beings likewise, spontaneous affection is the all-inclusive principle of union.

THE IMAGE
Thunder over the lake:
The image of THE MARRYING MAIDEN.

Thus the superior man
Understands the transitory
In the light of the eternity of the end.

Thunder stirs the water of the lake, which follows it in shimmering waves. This symbolizes the girl who follows the man of her choice. But every relationship between individuals bears within it the danger that wrong turns may be taken, leading to endless misunderstandings and disagreements. Therefore it is necessary constantly to remain mindful of the end. If we permit ourselves to drift along, we come together and are parted again as the day may determine. If on the other hand a man fixes his mind on an end that endures, he will succeed in avoiding the reefs that confront the closer relationships of people.

 

[mandarin_23]

Hello Elusive,

the changing line, 54, to your second reading, Marrying Maiden, this could be an image of your situation - as a "second wife". When you write that he is your superior, does it mean that you are his employee as well? So 14.3.6 maybe say something about the potential of your situation and also - as legume puts it - about you giving yourself - but 54 doesn't really look like a divorce and asks you to be patient.

 

[Elusive]

Thanks Legume and mandarin_23!
Sorry I was caught up with things over the weekends hence the slow reply ><

Somehow after hearing your interpretation on 58.1 > 47 I feel that it is like depicting both us and their situations also, because I trusted his words a lot before that but nowadays I don't even know whether to trust or not. He hid things from me that I found out about by coincidence and he told me that everything was to avoid quarrels between them and between us.

By giving up does it mean that I should continue to look for other options? During that point of time he neglected me a lot due to his personal problems, and there are others around me which distracted me away from this relationship, thus I treated him quite coldly but when he sensed that I was drifting away he treated me extra well.

I thought a lot and I know that moving on will be the best for me but it's just extra difficult because he's someone I would see almost everyday too. And yes I am his employee.

I think the image of "Marrying Maiden" really suits my situation and this came out in another reading I did. I had a 54.1.2.3.4.6>52 which came up in one of the readings I asked but I forgot what I asked. I'm just afraid I will be forever be the "second".

Nowadays he seems like reverting to the past after I decided to go back to him. Yesterday I took the courage to ask him why, he told me that his wife would randomly go into his room at night that's why it was hard for him to text me. The emotional connection wasn't there as well because nowadays he doesn't really tell me his inner thoughts and feelings.

I have been thinking about this also and I'm afraid that my neediness scared him off and I pressured him too much the past month ( Patience is a really big challenge for a Leo like me >< ) Would really need to practice more patience like what Hex 54 advises. He's a Aries with a Scorpio Moon, have been reading up a lot on this combination recently too and it really feels like I'm scaring him off by being needy.

I asked Iching: Why does he treat me this way? I received 49.1.3 > 45
I read that hex 49 is about change, he did mention that this was a very big step for him because for the past 10 years he just endured and lived with all the problems present in their marriage, until my appearance that he decided to change some things to his life, he told me he couldn't do anything more heartless for now and asked me to give him some time to get used to it. Are these related?

 

[marybluesky]

Hello Elusive:

What is going on between him and his wife? 58.1 > 47
They are trying to Open up (58) to pass through the Exhaustion (47) [of communication, feeling, ...].
58.1: "There is joy in harmony, Auspicious." Things seem to be harmonious between them.

What should I do? I received 14.3.6 > 54
While you possess a Treasure (14) you are still the second best, the Other Woman (54) whose needs aren't first priority.
14.3: "A prince offers it to the Son of Heaven. A petty man cannot do this." It's noble of you to sacrifice something [your relationship]...
14.6: " One is blessed by heaven. Good fortune. Benefit in everything." In order to follow the order of heaven; to do the right thing. Then you'll be blessed.
I understand how difficult it would be, however you won't feel the release until it's done.

Good Luck!

 

[Elusive]

Thanks marybluesky for your readings, after reading I confronted him directly on what's the situation now, he told me that things are complicated in his home and he doesn't even know what is going on anymore. I told him I needed the truth to everything and he agreed to have a talk this coming Wednesday. This talk I feel is really important to me in order for me to take up any steps.

I threw some readings and surprisingly I had quite similar hexagrams coming up.

How he feels towards me? 14.2.3.4.6 to 24
How he feels towards her? 59 unchanging
What will happen after we have the talk on Wednesday? 39.6 to 53
Can you show me the image of our future? 53 unchanging
Where will the gradual progress in 53 lead to? 39 unchanging

The last 3 questions kinda shocked me because of the inter-link between the hexagrams. I was feeling rather positive after seeing 53 unchanging which meant gradual progress which he kept emphasizing to take things slow, but I read in one thread that a good follow up question would be gradual progress towards where? So i asked and received 39 which I have read is inauspicious for relationship readings.

Any insights?

 

[mandarin_23]

Hello Elusive
so many questions!
I think he appreciates you (14) and you probably will feel more relaxed after the talk. But - think about if you really want to marry him in the end. Not sure about unchanging hexagrams, but ask yourself if you want to make this happen. As I see it, there is some inner pressure or inhibition (39). There seems to be all too much thinking over, so this is what I perceive - as I tend to be the same, when it comes to my own problems. With love, there is no reason to be desperate!
This is not so much I can say, but, however - I wish you all the best!

 

[diamanda]

Elusive, are you absolutely certain that he is still with his wife? Have you seen proof?

 

[Elusive]

Hi mandarin_23, thanks for the insights!

I had a talk with him already just now and indeed I feel more relaxed! He is finally willing to open up on everything and asked me to ask whatever I wish to know, and cleared all my doubts.

He told me that things are just normal between them and he had slowly stopped everything with her after he told her to find her happiness, the only thing between them is just very normal conversation but minimal, I actually can notice the difference too. He said that he couldn't promise me a future because he wouldn't know what will happen in the future, because for now he thinks that if she never initiate a divorce, he won't too and just wait for her to find her happiness. He also said that he knows this is very unfair to me that's why he just hope to take things slow and naturally between us, but if I really found my happiness in between, he will let me go no matter how much he doesn't wish to, because he is unable to guarantee any future. He told me that all along he doesn't wish to talk about this is because he's scared I'll feel uncomfortable after knowing, but through the talk we actually understand each other more. He's the type who would do things without saying because he feels talk is cheap, whereas for me words are important because if someone do something for me without saying anything I would feel nothing.

Actually I am not really sure also about marriage because it's scary to imagine things that might or might not happen in the future, even when he mentioned about divorce, we both agreed that even after he divorce we will still take the time to understand each other more because he doesn't wish to rush into another marriage again, and for me compatibility is very important which takes time to observe. I think all the miseries were because I'm not the only one in his life which I had never experience before and didn't imagine myself to fall into such situation which I used to detest. But I guess feelings are indeed hard to control..
Thanks for the wishes!

Hi diamanda, yes I'm certain because his wife did call him yesterday to ask about her phone insurance as she cracked her phone screen, the answer indicated something along this line?