14 >32 Meaning of 9 at the beginning?

[gemini]

I don't consult my I Ching often but been feeling confused/sad about a friendship and I'd like to know if there's any point in continuing.

The friendship is online, emailing every day. We talked about meeting a few months ago as it became clear we'd developed strong feelings for each other but as it wasn't possible to meet at the time we decided to wait until summer while continuing to be in contact as just friends. We seem to get along extremely well and sometimes could spend several hours chatting at weekends.

Anyway he recently gave me some news I wasn't expecting and now I don't know what to think or feel. I've been trying not to fall in love with this man but I can't help it but I haven't expressed this to him and anyway we would have to meet in person to know for sure. This was supposed to happen soon, at least in my mind, but like I said this news he's just given me has left me confused and I'm starting to distrust him somewhat but also it's possible I'm not thinking straight. My intention is to carry on talking as friends as normal(but maybe less frequently) as he may need need my support and I'm not going to express how I'm feeling unless he actually asks me.
So I consulted my I Ching with the question "Is there any future for us as friends and/or relationship and what is the likely outcome if I continue on as normal?"
I got back 14.1.6>32

My question really is about the 9 at the beginning of the 14. In my Richard Wilhelm translation in the commentaries it says: "If the nine at the beginning in Possession in Great Measure has no relationships, this is harmful".
Could someone please tell me what this means - is it referring to the person asking the question or to something within the hexagram itself etc..?

Apart from this, it seems to be a good result..?

 

[ijing0509]

Hi,
As you said, the outcome is good. Your friendship will last a long time. Don't worry.
If you ask Yi, it is better to ask one question at a time. Otherwise, you will be confused which question is answered.

Wilma

 

[elias]

As Wilma says-- you'll get clearer responses if you ask a single question. Then work with it until you get some understanding before jumping to the next. Looking at several interpretations by different authors, as well as reading through all the changing lines of a hex, is very helpful also.

That being said... 14 Possession in Great Measure" speaks to powers and abilities you already possess. With this comes the responsibility to promote what is good and prevent what is otherwise. A better translation o Wilmelm would be:

Nine at the beginning means:
No relationship with what is harmful;
There is no blame in this.
If one remains conscious of difficulty,
one remains without blame.

Other commentators place it into an if-then syllogism: "If you do not associate with what is harmful, then you cannot be blamed." Further -- "If you struggle, you will not be faulted."

fwiw, I'd recommend looking at the top changing line:

Nine at the top means:
He is blessed by heaven.
Good fortune.
Nothing that does not further.

In the fullness of possession and at the height of power, one remains modest and gives honor to the sage who stands outside the affairs of the world. By this means one puts oneself under the beneficent influence descending form heaven, and all goes well.
Confucius says of this line:
To bless means to help. Heaven helps the man who is devoted; men help the man who is true. He who walks in truth and is devoted in his thinking, and furthermore reveres the worthy, is blessed by heaven. He has good fortune, and there is nothing that would not further.

How this relates to your query... only you can decide. It would seem to indicate that you are in the more sound moral position; it is up to you to decide if you should continue on this relationship, particularly if you have been given significant cause for doubt. Hex 32 -- constancy speaks to continuing on the path without wavering, holding to what you know to be true.

 

[rosada]

14.1 cautions you to have nothing to do with anything inappropriate. This makes me wonder what the information he gave you was all about? Did he suddenly reveal that he's in a committed relationship with someone else? Or that he doesn't want to have something you want (like kids or a house in the country)? Whatever, 14.1 says to me that you should not go forward with your dreams of romance. 14.6 is a wonderfully encouraging line which promises that after you have given up your fantasy you will feel blessed. Perhaps because now you can see the connection for what it really is and that in itself is a good thing.

32. Duration says something here will endure, either the friendship or if not then your sense of integrity.

 

[gemini]

Hi rosada. He told me a few months ago that he was seeing someone and that it was about to end soon. I didn't ask about her since because he was spending so much of his time talking to me, late into weekend nights etc that it seemed obvious that I was important to him and that things might take a natural course and might develop further when we were able to meet.

Now he has just told me that his girlfriend is pregnant and I don't know if it's this same girl or is it someone new or what. I haven't asked and probably won't ask unless he wants to talk to me about it. If he doesn't then I guess I take this is a sign that his priorities have changed and back away from the friendship and also give him space.

I expect to hear from him tomorrow when he will either talk more about it or not say any more about it now that he's told me. Maybe he wants me to decide whether to continue or not or wants to see if I'm going to react strongly? Should I tell him that I feel hurt, even though it's just life and he hasn't done anything wrong..I don't know.
I don't know what is going through his mind only that he did say he was shocked that it happened and things weren't clear in his mind so he's probably still trying to figure things out.
When we first spoke about a year ago he told me that he wanted a son. So if it turns out to be a boy then I'm sure he'll be happy with that.
Ideally would really like to ask the IC about their relationship but I guess this is an inappropriate thing to ask so I won't.

 

[gemini]

Hi ijing0509. This is my feeling on it too. I feel that even if we lose contact due to circumstances etc that we will always have a connection as friends I am okay with that(I think) as I value true friendship highly. We lost contact for several months last year but then got talking again. Also we both seem to be good at sorting out and moving on from any disagreements or differences that we occasionally have as sometimes our conversations can get quite intense.

 

[gemini]

Hi elias. I was roughly 'translating' the question that was in my mind as I meditated a bit before casting the coins. I know words are important but sometimes I know what I'm asking without needing the exact words so in my mind it was really all one question. Thanks though - I'll keep in mind what you said for next time and maybe write the question down beforehand etc.

After posting yesterday I did a hexagram search here and saw similarities with this thread, the difference being that these people had actually met http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=10076

Thank you for those translations and comments you shared.
I have been interpreting 'harmful' in this situation to mean my own feelings of 'hurt' and not to express this too early without getting a fuller picture of how he really feels etc.
Because in my query to the IC the question was about the future of the relationship(i.e. asking for both of us) then perhaps 'harmful' could be something I'm not yet aware of but it is for him to tell me or not...Maybe if he decides to keep such things about his private life from me then this could be interpreted as 'harmful'?

The 9 at the top is interesting as it is only something that will become clear with time(as the first 9 happens earlier?). It all depends on where his feelings are. Maybe what has happened in his personal life will somehow represent to him a great possession. Or maybe he values my friendship highly. Also it need not be an 'either/or' I don't think as in I don't(currently) see that it has to come to choosing between me and other people. I will just have to wait and talk more with him and this 9 will probably become clear as time goes on..