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16.4 > 2 after a break up. Looking for getting back together.

Bogbat

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Hello! I'm quite new to this and this is my first post. I have spent some time the last few days on this forum so i decided to share my story. 2-3 weeks ago my girlfriend from 3.5 years told me she needed a break to figure some things out because she was not feeling happy in this relationship anymore. Same goes for me because i felt something was wrong and in the last month she acted cold and distant. If i go in lenght this will be a very long post but to sum it up we had great relationship. No fighting, 100% trust between us and we were best friends. The thing is her asking me to give her a break smacked me out of the blue. I did not expect that to happen. I couldnt think straight so i acted very clingy, desperate, insecure. That was the first time in my life I act like this as I'm very calm and clear headed. One of the problems were that I did not gave her enought attention and commitment. She was expecting for us to be living together and moving on with the relationship. Normal thing for 2 people who love each other and are together for such a long time. I was not ready for that. I knew i wanted to spend my life with her but i was not yet ready to live together with her.(she doesnt have a job and I had to leave mine to take care of relative few months ago). Last week 07.03.2018 she again asked me to give her time and space and that we need to break up now and maybe someday we will find ourselves back together. I was really hard for and i acted clingy told her ill give her the time but its not over for me and i expect her to think about it and we will talk again in a week or so. I asked I ching when i got home what to do now. 07.03. Hex 30 The clinging (I did not write my question down nor did I knew for changing lines at the time)I understood is as to give her the space she needs and cut all contact.10.03 I was stupid enought to check her social media profile and saw her going to some event which for some reason fired me up and couldnt sleep. Hex 52 - Keeping still. (As i recall there were some changing lines but again didnt know i had to write them).After thorougly examining 52 i decided the best thing is just to keep the contact off and give her space while improving myself in some way and reflecting on what went wrong. Today I asked the question : What will happen to me untill the end of the week? To which i received 7.2.6>23. It felt bad. Then i realized that my question was not correct as I'm having very important exam after 2 days and while asking the question I was thinking about it more than her. So I asked again: Will i get back together with M untill the end of March. I got 16.4>2 which was a relief. I know I should not ask yes/no questions but couldnt think of another way at the time.As my life was a mess in the last 6 months after some reflection in the last few days I'm actually greateful to her that she broke up with me. I needed that push as the exam in 2 days ive been postponing for 2 years and I also managed to find a job starting next month. (Have not even looked for job since i quit my last.) My plan was to give her a week or so and when i get my exam to call her and tell her about it as she would be very happy to hear it. Also she will be extremely happy to hear i managed to get a job as she was pushing me for some time to look for one. At first I thought i was just addicted to her and I did not really love her and I will be able to move on. I did actually moved on. The thing is after some meditation and self reflection i realized i want to spend my life with her and have family. This is the clear headed me, not the clingy and miserable ready to say everything to get her back me. So my question about 16.4>2 is what should I do? My written question was untill the end of the month but really in my mind its a few days time to contact her. What should my next question be and when as i felt kinda bad after rushing 2 questions today. Also do you think there is any chance to get her back or just leave her alone as she asked for.
 

diamanda

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Hi Bogbat and welcome,

told her ill give her the time but its not over for me and i expect her to think about it and we will talk again in a week or so. I asked I ching when i got home what to do now
30 unchanging

30 means look after yourself, put yourself first, be your own centre. Also think of what is essential to your survival. Is she? If she is, you should be looking after her a lot more.

saw her going to some event which for some reason fired me up and couldnt sleep. Hex 52 - Keeping still. (As i recall there were some changing lines but again didnt know i had to write them)
Won't comment on that, as you're not mentioning the exact question, and the lines are of paramount importance.

What will happen to me untill the end of the week? 7.2.6 > 23
That's a bit of a too general question, as you said yourself, and a bit fatalistic.
7.2 shows someone who takes full control of the situation, and is successful.
7.6 shows that the war ends, and anyone who is not really 'good' is not employed.
23 is not a great outcome...
In short, if you don't take full control, someone else will, and you will lose something.

Will i get back together with M untill the end of March. I got 16.4 > 2
Again I find this a bit of a fatalistic question.
16.4 shows a charmer. The charmer wins.
If you can't be the charmer, someone else will be...

What should my next question be
I would personally ask "what's my best action towards her, this week, towards being together again".

Also do you think there is any chance to get her back or just leave her alone as she asked for
Impossible to say, because none of your questions addressed your own strategy in this issue. My personal opinion is don't give up yet.

One of the problems were that I did not gave her enought attention and commitment. She was expecting for us to be living together and moving on with the relationship
After 3.5 years, and still not living together - sorry but I'm with her on that. It's too long. Reconsider please, hopefully the whole thing is still salvageable.
 

Bogbat

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Hello Diamanda, Thank you very much for the reading! My questions are definately lacking as they are mainly emotional or spur of the moment driven. I'll ask again tomorrow and will share the outcome. By the way quick technical question - while typing here I do paragraphs but in the end it all comes together as a wall of text. I can't really find any options to fix this?
 

Bogbat

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Just a little update

I'm not sure if asking about another person's feeling is the best idea as I consider I Ching to be more about yourself but times are such that I did it.

So my question was: What are M's feelings towards me at the moment?
50.4 >18.
From what I understand she is kind of confused and is more inclined to a bad outcome. Not much that I can do from my side.

Then I asked: What can I do to make M's feeling better towards me?
55.1.5 >31.
Here I understand that my feelings are true and come from the heart and that the path I've chosen for the moment is the right one and its possible to make it work.
Thing I do not understand is 55.1 line that says it will be good for 10 days but after that misfortune? Does it mean it can work now and there will be some benefits but will have to let it go at some point?
 

diamanda

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What are M's feelings towards me at the moment?
50.4 >18

That you have truly messed it all up. There was delicious 'food' between you, but you spilled it all. Or maybe it's M who messed it all up and she feels guilty.

What can I do to make M's feeling better towards me?
55.1.5 >31

It looks like one of you had an affair. The affair is/was/will be very short-lived though. Go after M, woo her, write to her, try to seduce her in every way you can, and persist.

Glad to see you figured out the paragraphs!
 

Bogbat

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As for 50.4>18 I believe I'm the one who spilled it all and I regret it and I know my mistakes now.

As for 55.1.5>31 I'm doubtful she had an affair but it's a possibility I must face though I'm still having 100% trust in her.

Thank you for suggesting the question "what's my best action towards her, this week, towards being together again"

I asked that and received 46.4.5 >28
I understand that I must proceed as planned in gentle steps and be very careful. As for 28 I'm not sure if its possible outcome or is referring to the current situation. 46 looks like good omen after all. My intention is to contact her tomorrow and I'll ask again the book before that and will share my experience here afterward.

Thank you very much for the help in this hard time for me.
 

diamanda

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Well the issue is not the affair - if there is/was one, then it's just a by-product of the whole issue. The issue here is for you to set things right again.

what's my best action towards her, this week, towards being together again
46.4.5 > 28

46.4 speaks of a great sacrifice, a great offering towards the other person. So you'll need to offer her something grand. Then after that you'll need to slow down. However, slowing down will make you feel totally frustrated, and when that happens you will need to make a move towards her, any move. Because of the overall reading, your efforts might not pay off immediately this week (you might not be back together this week) - but, don't worry, your previous casts were very promising.

No need to do another cast tomorrow, you asked about this week, and it's already Wednesday! So if you make a grand offering tomorrow Thursday, then take it with slow steps Thu-Fri, then probably by Saturday/Sunday you'll feel like 28 describes - which mind you, might just win her heart back, because perhaps she wants to see just how strongly you actually feel about her. Fingers crossed for you!
 

Bogbat

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Hello!

On Thursday we met and it was kind of awkward at first and little tense. Later on we went to get a few drinks and we started talking. I had no intentions to talk about the relationship at the time but somehow it went that way and we started discussing it. The thing is I managed to get my exam with excellent score and I told her that all I did this week was study and think about what happened. To be honest I'm a changed, more mature man now and she saw that. At some point I told her how i felt and what i thought after which I asked her about what she went through. She said that maybe its better not to tell me right now. Few moments later I told her according to me what happened to her and why I understand her actions now. She just sat there and couldn't say a word. She said that everything that I told her was exactly the same as she view it and she thought it and she couldn't understand how I knew this things.

We are not together yes. But I think the path has been layed towards that. Also it happened exactly as predicted. Thu-Fri i felt great and yesterday and today i feel frustrated because i want to see her and talk to her but we agreed that it is bet not to see each other so soon.

Also I asked: After that great Thursday night how will things go between me and M?
50.3 > 64.

I take it that again the directions is right and I need to give her time again because she is just starting to fully realize what happened and maybe her overall views will change. I take 64 as the end of the cycle and that its time to start from scratch and come clean. We actually agreed that we are done and what happened is no longer viable.
IF we start something again it will be absolutely from scratch like nothing happened. The only thing that mattered was to remember the mistakes and to learn from them.


By the way I told her about I Ching at some point and explained what I was doing with it. She understood and felt really good about it. For me its really important to be completely honest and at some point it felt like cheating because I can ask the book and get some answer while she can just sit there and think about some stuff over and over. It is really interesting how things go after you start really thinking about them.
 

Trojina

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Personally I feel you are at the point where more questions won't clarify and you'll head off into a bit of a spin where no answer makes much sense any more. That can happen.

If you haven't seen this already it might be helpful whilst asking relationship questions

https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?12642-Blog-post-Advice-for-relationship-readings

Taken from there


Yes, it is very tempting to ask questions in dozens so you can get all the answers at once, clarify everything and leave no shred of doubt. Problem… it doesn’t work. You bounce about between your dozen or two dozen answers and don’t have the time or focus to take any of them in, let alone respond to them.

(Tip: there are online readings, like the one at this site, that make it quick and easy to ask. They do give genuine readings; Yi isn’t fussy. Nonetheless, for your first few readings, I strongly recommend you get pen and paper and three coins and cast your own hexagram. It’ll give you a much better understanding of what you’re looking at and how it fits together, and the time it takes makes it much easier not to ask your next 23 questions.)

Starting with one reading means you start with one question. It’s never hard to think of one (or thirty) in these situations, but some lead to much more helpful readings than others.
....and BTW you needn't worry about this

By the way I told her about I Ching at some point and explained what I was doing with it. She understood and felt really good about it. For me its really important to be completely honest and at some point it felt like cheating because I can ask the book and get some answer while she can just sit there and think about some stuff over and over. It is really interesting how things go after you start really thinking about them.
...it's not cheating because you really aren't getting any advantage over her by asking the I Ching and be wary of falling into the trap of thinking you know what she's thinking via the I Ching. You can end up having a relationship via the I Ching that kind of isn't connected to her or what she's thinking anyway and screw things up by paying more attention to what you think an answer means than what the other person is actually telling you with their behaviour or words.

Continue to ask more questions if you wish, not trying to stop you, but it is worth you knowing about all the traps you can potentially fall into with multiple relationship questions.
 

diamanda

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Your 46.4.5 > 28 spoke about you making a great offering towards her, which you didn't make.
She told you clearly that she left you because you were not offering her what she wanted.
And you still don't want to offer what she wants - but instead, you say things like:

"I had no intentions to talk about the relationship at the time"
No? Why not, if you're burning so much to be with her?

"she is just starting to fully realize what happened and maybe her overall views will change"
Change as in how? Maybe change and just do what you want? A 'light' relationship like before?

"IF we start something again it will be absolutely from scratch like nothing happened"
Like nothing happened? You were together for years, she left you because you were flaky, and you are continuing to be flaky - how can you start from scratch?

After that great Thursday night how will things go between me and M?
50.3 > 64

This speaks of something rich and nourishing which was however not eaten.
A great but missed opportunity.

From where I'm standing it looks like in fact you're fooling around with the heart of this woman, and that you have no intention to give her what she truly asked from you (a solid relationship, more attention, live together - you seem to have conveniently forgotten that this is the essence of the problem). I truly hope she doesn't come back to the half-arsed non-thing that you're (not really) offering her.
 

Bogbat

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I think you misunderstood me deeply. I did talked about the mistakes and most importantly I asked myself the question am I ready to really live with her and have family and children and so on. The answer is yes and that is the exact thing i told her. Thing is I can not sum the whole situation in few sentances.I wanted to talk about the relationship with all my heart but that was what pushed her away the last time so I had no intentions to start it again if I saw she was not ready to talk about it.I'm completely aware of what and why happened. To be honest I did tremendous personal growth during the last week. My intentions are very real and honest. I'm a little bit offended by the last remark.Overall I think it went well and its promising.Please make no mistake about my intentions. Sometimes I'm having troubles expressing myself in the correct way and people misunderstand. I'd like to keep updating the situation and to receive help from you because your advices and readings indeed helped me.
 

diamanda

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I do hope that I misunderstood you, and I do hope that your intentions towards her are honest!
 

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