16 unchanging - seeking an apology

[MoonCatcher]

I am so deeply angry with my mother for doing what I feel were very wrong things when I was a kid. I don't think it's ok to casually disclose to an 8 year old that your husband raped you last night. Or that you had an abortion and were thinking about getting rid of me. She has ruined all family relationships, was mean to my dad when he was dying when I was 12. This has caused great damage to me and I can't bring myself to love her because I'm so filled with hatred. I've tried to communicate this to her and she claim's to not remember. I sat there crying my eyes out and she treated it as water off a ducks back.

"If I did those things I'm sorry. Oh I need to go and get some milk."

I need to let go of this deep anger - but I can't because I know she doesn't truly acknowledge her terrible mistakes. This feeling makes me feel dark, horrible and ugly inside... like I have an inability to forgive. But how can I forgive someone who is not sorry?

So I asked "Will my mum ever be sorry?"

I got 16 unchanging. I really don't understand what this is telling me?? That she lives in a fantasy world?

 

[altair139]

16 is about contentment, self-confidence that an action is right etc., I think this refers to how she thinks about the treatment your dad deserved. Thus at the moment, she isn't sorry.

Why are you angry with her? Because she ruined your family love you think you deserved? You need to sort this out. Forgiving someone doesn't have to do with making him or her feel sorry for their action. Sometimes forgiveness has a higher purpose. It's a grace that transcends all karma.

 

[MoonCatcher]

Hey Altair thanks for taking the time to respond, it's very kind of you especially today.

No I don't feel angry about not getting family love. Life has been good to me and I am truly grateful for all the other love received. I'm angry with her because she has acted extremely selfishly without compassion or self control towards everyone. My parents never divorced, but she would tell me disturbing things about my dad when I was little because she had no one else to talk to (since she'd pushed all her friends away). I now have to see a shrink because it's really hurt me.

I hear what you're saying about forgiveness, and I've really really tried over the years. I feel like a horrible person for not being capable of it. I want to find that grace within myself... maybe it's my life's test. Though I believe that if you hurt someone you should at least try to recognise that hurt. That's all I want from her really.

Anyway, Merry Christmas!!

 

[diamanda]

16 is illusion, delusion, hypocricy, deceit, drunkenness, fog in the head, dishonesty.
Obviously your mother pretends not to understand the obvious (that it's wrong to hurt your children).
She sounds like a classic 'narcissist' (or evil, as they used to call it in older days).
They are harmful people, who cannot love anybody, they hurt everyone they can, and they don't care.
What is more, they never change - if you expect her to ever truly repent, you'll waste your time.

You do not need to forgive her, and imo you should not forgive her.
But you do need to learn to put the blame where it belongs. And it certainly doesn't belong to you.
Be careful, this type of person will damage you even further if they sense kindness/forgiveness/weakness on your part. And you can already see this happening... wishing you luck - it's horrendous to have such a parent.

 

[Olga Super Star]

A big hug for Christmas, and I hope you'll catch the Moon, Mooncatcher

 

[Liselle]

LiSe calls 16 "Weaving Images" - you may have been right when you said your mom lives in a fantasy world.

This isn't from the reading, but your mom probably can't help it. Most of us can't; it's just that some people's negative traits and tendencies are bigger or more harmful than others.

If she's ever going to understand and be sorry, it may have to be because she herself at some point "gets it." That might have something to do with 16 - a 16-ish "inspiration" might be like something "clicking" for someone - but I'm not sure.

You probably can't force it to happen, though. Logic (about how what she did was clearly wrong) or explanations from you (about how badly it's affected you) don't seem like 16-ish things. But maybe what you've said to her will sink in at some point, and actually register with her? That might be a 16-ish thing?


Added: this may not be Yi saying it will happen; maybe just that if it does, this is how it will have to be.

 

[MoonCatcher]

Thank you Lisa, I believe that you are spot on.

 

[butterfly spider]

Hello
I have found that hex 16 is to do with heart polishing in such situations. Not just our own heart but the hearts of others - especially those close to us. I have had hex 16 when dealing with my own mother (not completely dissimilar)

I feel here that you use the word love - you say you can't live your mother because of what she did. Of course all of what she did was unacceptable. However there is this 16 feeling of wanting to reach out to her for an apology - which means that you do care on some level. Deep down perhaps you want to make everything OK - reach out to polish her heart - so that she can polish yours back

Polishing hearts - to get rid if the layers (onion like) to get rid of the raggedy bits. Smoothing like music or poetry -

If she was to give you an apology what would it mean to you? Would she then change to be a wonderful caring loving mother? An apology is useless without real feeling - and that is her call. You can still however polish your own heart to find it within yourself to love her. This will almost certainly help you and in turn that energy could be sent to your mother

It may take a while - but there is no point holding into a false hope that she will suddenly change into someone different. I really feel for you here - it is a difficult situation to be in

Best wishes
X

 

[butterfly spider]

I have been thinking about this and your question
Will my mum ever be sorry?
She may well be very very sorry indeed but cannot tell you in so many words - she may not be able to accept it herself - which is why she is flippant.
She might not be fully ever able to tell you how sorry she feels

However - you need to find it in yourself to forgive her eventually
X

 

[MoonCatcher]

Thanks guys, your comments are very kind. I decided to forgive my mum and be kinder to her. Whilst her actions were bad - I don't think she's a bad person, she's just a muppet. Plus, I've punished her enough by having little contact for many years.

I've recently forced myself to make more effort and it definitely feels better than being consumed by darkness.

I really do love the polishing hearts concept butterfly spider.