18.1 to 26 and 49.2,4 to 5-- starting afresh with relationship

[folledeschiele]

Hello to all,

After a devastating breakup at the beginning of the summer and lots of time trying to heal and rebuild my life, take stock, I saw my former partner today for the firts time in two months. We're more or less married, and still have financial resonsibilities to attend to together, etc, so we got together for that reason, but had a very nice time together chatting and it was easy to be around her, felt natural. I guess that's normal after you've been with someone for so long. Anyway, I felt good being around her and realized I had missed her company. She showed a lot of emotion at seeing me and took me in her arms when we went our separate ways for a hug. However, as soon as we parted, I choked up, and haven't been able to stop weeping since I got back from our meeting.

On to my question: I want very much to try to open my heart to her again on the basis of friendship, and rebuild a completely different relationship with her, without any intention to try to steer it back to being together as a couple. However, I worry that I'm lying to myself, because I still love her deeply, and I don't know if attempting to let her back into my life to an extent would be in bad faith (eg deep down I yearn to get us back together). Our relationship wasn't working on so many levels, we wanted different things, so if I try to rebuild something with her, it would have to be with zero expectation of any outcome. She has said in the past that she wants to be in regular contact, and I've resisted that, because I felt I needed time and space to grieve and heal.

I asked the Yi whether I should open up and let her back into my life to an extent, or at least be open to that, or whether it would be more self-honest to maintain strict boundaries. I got 18.1- 26. It does seem to imply restraint (26), but also working toward repairing something.

Then I asked whether I have the requisite strength and courage to try to start afresh with her on a radically different basis. I got 49, Revolution, lines changes at 2 and 4, which transforms to 5 (Waiting). ANother puzzling one-- suggests movement, action, having courage to make sweeping change, but changes to 5.

Does anyone have any ideas? I really appreciate your help. This has been such a testing time, but she and I have something special even if our "coupledom" is over for good, and I can't see myself just never interacting with her again. However, am I overestimating my strength?

 

[willowfox]

I asked the Yi whether I should open up and let her back into my life to an extent, or at least be open to that, or whether it would be more self-honest to maintain strict boundaries. I got 18.1- 26.

It indicates that your attitude has caused the problems and still is, between you but that the relationship is still salvageable and can be mended if you allow that to happen. So, start getting serious and opening up, let her back as boundaries only cause further alienation.
Take a chance and go for it.

Then I asked whether I have the requisite strength and courage to try to start afresh with her on a radically different basis. I got 49, Revolution, lines changes at 2 and 4, which transforms to 5

Yes indeed you do have the strength and it is something that you really need to do but always be totally honest with her always.
Hex 5 says while you are mending the relationship just be patient as well as happy because you will succeed in the end.

 

[folledeschiele]

thanks

thank you again, willowfox. The thing is, for around a month and a half after she left, I made it perfectly clear that I was willing and yearning to mend things, kept everything open, and she moved further away, and I was still heartbroken. So I defined boundaries, because I was still in love but left behind, and I needed to heal. Now that I am to an extent, I want to open up to her again, but she's made it perfectly clear (as far as I can tell) that our romantic relationship is definitely over. So I worry about deluding myself by pursuing a "friendship": if in my heart of hearts, I want us to work this out (and believe me, there were a lot of problems, including her dependency on alcohol which I made clear was a dealbreaker for me), how can I in good faith do this? What do I do if she meets someone else? I'm skeptical as to my own ability to genuinely be her friend, but I've decided to try despite popular wisdom/self help advice to the contrary. Because I feel I need to give us a chance to start over, even if we never do get back together.

anyway, I don't think it's all my own attitude-- our problems have been severe and complex and it's both/neither of our faults. But I will try to remain open to her, and see what happens.