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18.3,5,6 to 29

julie

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Well, that's a ghoulish reading, huh?

I asked about my experience of grad school. It's been nine years since I left, but I still grieve about it. I did math, and I left largely because of sexism (I say in retrospect). I had an undergraduate advisor I dearly loved who advised me to go to that particular school and to study with my advisor (who in reality was a sexist jerk -- I used a harsher word, but the filter caught me -- though apparently a truly brilliant mathematician). I still feel very wounded by the whole experience, and I'm kind of embarrassed by how wounded I feel. Seems like I should be over it by now.

So anyway, I asked what it is that I'm still holding onto from grad school. My thinking at the time that I asked the question was that if I'm still grieving about it and can't let it go, it must be because there's something I still need from it, and despite my embarrassment, that's probably a good thing. I think the Yi may disagree with me there, but I'd be interested to hear what others think about this. I certainly think there's some commentary here about my relationship with my undergraduate advisor, who was probably more of a father figure (though a peculiar one) than anyone else in my life.

Any thoughts would be deeply appreciated.
 

frank

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Hi Julie,

Hexagram 18 is about things happend in the past that needs restoration. It's also about fathers and mothers (farther / motherfigures) and how they influenced you. But first I would like to comphort you a little with the idea that by getting hexagram 18 the Yi is telling you that you can take a chance for restoting a thing where you have no blame in!

Ofcourse I can understand that you feel as if you should got over it by now, but don't be that tough on yourself... Even when a dear man or woman passes away they still can be missed, with all the emotions and feelings insite yourself. And if something is not gowing the way you hoped it would, because someone is not the one you thought he or she was, you have every right to be angry or whatever you feel. At least you give yourself the time and space now to give it a try to handdle it by considering going back in graduation... That alone does NOT depand on anyone but yourself... You do not need him to graduate :-D... You need you...

So here comes hexagram 18, as answer where the Yi says to you...: 'Here and now is the time to restore things in the way you want them to be, at least in graduation...' By changing line 3 you get hexagram 4, the hexagram of the student... Line 3 could therefor be a 'lesson' to be learned. In this case it could be about the fatherfigure and his business that has been poisoned... as line 3 says... Line 3 also says that 'The small have regrets... No great error'... The small, xiao, could also mean 'that which distracts'... If you still let yourself be distracted by what happened, instead of going ahead for a new adventure in graduation, then there will be errors... The Yi does understand the grieve, therefor the errors are 'not great'... (and understandable).

By reading line 5 the Yi is trying to get you more to your sences then rather staying in your emotions... 'use eulogies' says line 5... If you would read line 5 alone, hex. 18 changes into 57... The wind... penetration... Start to go deep and in a more logical way to look for what actually has been going on... and stick to yourself...

By reading line 6 you no longer serve kings and lords (the fatherfigure), but something higher... (namely YOU!). Changing line 6 alone brings us hexagram 46... There is a lot in promotion when you finnaly have the nerve to make a choise towards yourself, and what YOU want...

By getting hexagram 29 as background, or 'ending' hexagram, the Yi let you know that it is always better to even get depressed and following your own heart, then being a slave of someone with some other intentions then you desirve...

I hope I made some sense what so ever, and Do IT!
Go for it!

Hug,
Frank
 
M

micheline

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Julie, I would think 18 to 29 in general advises plunging ahead in spite of, or maybe through, your wounded feelings, allowing yourself to fully experience the grief this entailed and then go forward.

sometimes not wanting to feel certain feelings can hold us back... and the shame you feel may indicate this...perhaps you need to feel it from the deep place of what it reminds you of in your past...childhood?

18.6 is a line that I like because it signifies an opportunity to move beyond, transcend.

This might not be anything you can do anymore about right now... it might just be something you have resisted on an emotional level and 29 says to not be afraid to fall through the emotions .

If you follow the changing lines, you move from 18.3 to 4.5 to 59.6 to 29.
you were an inexperienced student who subordinated yourself to one who perhaps betrayed your faith in some way, but somehow you benefited in spite of him, and your innocence was a lucky card to be holding.(4.5)
now it is time to put this behind you (59.6) and allow your final grieving to sweep you away to safety, well-being. to the emotional place where he cannot hurt you anymore.
 

dobro p

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Hex 18's about things that have been festering for a short or long while, and which have now come to light and which can be aired out, cleaned out, healed. Which is what you're doing now - you're addressing the issue for the first time in nine years.

There are a lot of active lines in your draw, so I'd de-emphasize them in favor of the overall picture, which is 18>29. 29's about going through a dangerous or risky place with heart and integrity and the skill to keep moving. So, the overall message of 18>29 would be something like 'you're bringing to light an inner disorder that's been festering for years in a way that requires you to go through risk and danger.'

In my experience, what festers is wounds that were never processed (and therefore healed) at the time. So, if you're working on that issue now, then be prepared to deal with some unpleasantness, which, if you can concentrate on it enough times and long enough for it to say what it's got to say for itself, will dissipate eventually and become both a liberation from the old disorder and a new level of being which is healthier and more resilient.

The best of luck to you.
 

julie

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Thanks, everyone. This is something that crops up for me over and over, from time to time, and each time I struggle with it and hopefully something is coming from the process. Seems like the Yi is reassuring me that that's true.

Micheline, I'd never seen that method of handling moving lines. Very interesting and revealing -- thanks.

Frank, thanks for your thoughts. I do have a fair amount of clarity now that going back to graduate school isn't the right thing for me, sad as I feel about how it went. There are better things for me to do with my life now, and my bet is that as I continue along, eventually what I'm doing now will feel so compelling that I won't grieve anymore about other paths that might have been.

Julie
 

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