18:3 to 4 more difficulties!

[edge]

Hi there,
I've posted before about my relationship which is great in itself, but beset by continuous practical difficulties (you can see here from a previous post: http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=9421)
Its just got even worse, if that's possible, we are still very far away and his physical condition has deteriorated, the operation he's waiting for is much more serious than we originally thought and he is really traumatised. It also means that we won't be able to be together for months. I'm upset and have no idea of the best way to proceed or to help...
I asked: How do we get through this? 18:3 to 4
I'd really appreciate any thoughts you have on this. 18 talks about remedying, about approaching a spoiled situation in a new way, and 18:3 seems to say that there will be little blame when dealing with inherited difficulties. Not sure if I've got that right though...4 always confuses me, and in this context I have no idea what to think!
Any ideas? Thanks!
E

 

[schastlivchik]

Hi.

What helps is to start with the obvious and to see how is it mirrored in the answer you received. While you know best, I can tell you what I think of as an outsider.

From an outsider's perspective, and in the light of 18 remedying, the inner Wind trigram is in control of the outer Ken trigram. This reflects what is going on, that your outer world is under an influence that is not supportive. Here Wind can symbolize unpredictability in your relationship as well as his health right now, which are negatively influencing Ken, which can symbolize a bridge to a new situation, as well as rest and recuperation. This means that though you want what Mountain represents, Wind is not giving it to you.

Knowing that these obstacles exist, and given that your question was how can you get through it, I would suggest tapping into what Wind and Mountain can symbolize in a positive sense. Mountain can symbolize a roadblock forcing you to slow down. On one level this may mean that you have the time to question what this relationship means to you and your desire to continue it. That may already be clear to you, but with Mountain there it reinforces the opportunity for this reflection. In order to unite with Wind and thus control the Mountain earth, two qualities that jump out are the gentle and the fact that Wind is the trigram that 'gives things form.' This means that your influence on him must be gentle and constant, having cumulative effect. This requires patience (Mountain) and strength on your part. If you are sure you have that, then you can continue. Wind can also represent a thin, pointy object indicating surgery, and Mountain representing the roadblock/obstacle is therefore dealt with, controlled.

The 3rd line yang also is active and wants to move up from Wind (unpredictability in your case) into Mountain (stability), and it can, because line 4 is responsive to it. This is an added bonus of good fortune that you can look for and tap into.

These details might not all be there in your real situation, but at least they might spark a clue in you about how you can deal with this. I truly wish you the best.

Schastlivchik

 

[answeredquestions]

edge - Does he speak of how it is hard for him too? (In the ways of the relationship) or is he more focused on healing?

Side note - schastlivchik - I really like how you tried to help edge in using the images as the main way of looking at it.

 

[edge]

Hi Schastlivchik,
thank you so much for your thoughts. The way you describe the situation really resonates for me, and now (in a calmer frame of mind), I think describes the reality. In 6 months everything will be completely different, and the obstacles have forced both of us to slow down and be really clear on whether we want to continue to try and be together. We both really want to give this a chance of working, so the only option is to be patient and strong until this passes. Luckily there will be an end to it eventually, so its just about waiting and I think being very gentle and constant with each other, which we are managing to be.

answered questions: he does talk about how hard this is for him, being away from me and not being able to move forwards with the relationship right now. So he is focused on healing, or getting through the days and the pain, but he's also finding space to communicate with me, and create some space for us to be together occasionally. Is that what you meant? I realise that actually I am pretty lucky to have found a relationship with so much potential to be good, even if right now it feels quite bleak and difficult. Will just have to see what happens!!
Thanks again to you both for replying,
E

 

[gato]

I asked: How do we get through this? 18:3 to 4

what did you mean by "how do i get through this ?"
did you mean what do you need to do to help him ? or what do you need to do to be near him ? or maybe you wondering where do you find strength to carry on ?

I'm saying this because i can see no clear link between the answer and the question. this means for me you either ask an irrelevant question, or fail to concentrate properly ( or me failing to see the link ).

 

[maremaria]

Hi Edge,

I hestitated a lot before posting because I’m not sure if a personal experience has biased my perception of your reading, but reading your words and Yi’s answer ,

I'm upset and have no idea of the best way to proceed or to help...
I asked: How do we get through this? 18:3 to 4
E

My impression is that Yi talks about that “not-knowing” anxiety. You don’t know and neither he does probably. Perhaps if that “not –knowing” can be shared the anxiety it accompanies will become less. Its not about avoiding responsibility, I don’t mean something like that. It’s a situation that you both have to learn together how to deal with it and as Yi says, at this effort to do it all “right” perhaps some mistakes will be done, but No great blame .

Good Luck
Maria

 

[edge]

Hi Maria,
I think 4 in this context seems very much about not knowing, and what you say makes sense. I'm really aware that there isn't a rule book for getting through this, so we just have to keep talking and working it out as we go along. Its definitely a lesson in faith!!! Thanks for your help...

Gato, I find your response interesting...

what did you mean by "how do i get through this ?"
did you mean what do you need to do to help him ? or what do you need to do to be near him ? or maybe you wondering where do you find strength to carry on ?

I'm saying this because i can see no clear link between the answer and the question. this means for me you either ask an irrelevant question, or fail to concentrate properly ( or me failing to see the link ).

What I meant (which seems very clear to me) was how do we get through all of these difficulties as a couple, what do we need to do, be aware of etc in order to cope with what is happening together. When you say "irrelevant question", it might be irrelevant to you, but not to me, to me its a perfectly straightforward response to dealing with difficulties. Have you never asked "what should I do? How can I understand this? what's the best way to proceed?" . And yes, I was concentrating, not watching tv and doing the dishes at the same time, which would be odd when asking such an important question. Just because you don't understand the response, doesn't mean the question was irrelevant...
E

 

[answeredquestions]

edge, I think you said it: You are pretty lucky to have found a relationship with so much potential to be good. That says a lot. There is actually so much beauty in this statement. It is just like how it is all about the journey, not the destination. The fact that you guys both share the same feelings and have no other major problems with your relationship says that you will go far. This is a perfect opportunety for your relationship to grow and ripen. Some people take it too fast, and some people never get there. You seem to be going about this right. Like you said, you just need to wait it out. I wish you all the luck with love in the world as well as better health for him.

 

[edge]

Thank you answered questions! I think you are right...

 

[savage]

When I was a kid my Mother made me ask the I Ching, "Who am I?" Every time I got 18, Repair. For obvious resons I was that hexagram, and I was always in a state of flux due to my growing into adulthood and the dramatic chages that were taking place.

Let me explain my old friend 18.

18 is not a definitive answer or an outcome it is more a "Where you are now" and "What the hell are you thinking?" kind of response. It seems most people get 18 as there first hexagram because if you get it as an outcome it just means you need to re-think your present course. It is a time to repair, collect your thoughts and get ready for the battle ahead. This is a time to take what you have now and transform it into something you can use to carry you through.
You're pretty upset and you think that hope is running through your fingers, but you're wrong. You do have strength and you can transform what you have now into strength.

Now 4. 4 is Youthful Folly. This is not a stupid person or an evil person but someone who needs a teacher. This is someone who needs to seek advise or be instructed, like in School.
Hexagram 4 is an interesting one to get as an outcome because it really signifies what's inside of you. It's not an outcome as much as advise given by an old sage. Kind of like getting line 6 as changing.

Savage

 

[edge]

Hi Savage,
thank you for responding, what you say makes a lot of sense, and I really like your take on 18. I will focus on gathering my strength for the next few months!
E