18,5 57

[BeppyRose]

Hi everyone, I've been following this community for some time and I want to thank you for the valuable insights. I asked I ching how I could help a colleague of mine deal with and overcome his impulsiveness on a communication level. I got 18 which becomes 57 with the 5th line changing. I understand that the goal can be achieved by respecting the right times and using patience and kindness. Does anyone please have any more ideas on how I can help?

 

[rosada]

This is a very unusual question. What exactly did your friend say to you when he asked you for your help?

 

[Hans_K]

Hi BeppyRose,
Unfortunately, you do not tell why you asked this question about the colleague.
Does this colleague want to get rid of his impulsiveness or do you want to, perhaps because it annoys you. Maybe this colleague is not bothered by it himself at all.
When you do not focus on the question but on the situation the question is about, H18<>H57 could also be advice to you.
Perhaps you could describe a little more about the situation and why you asked this question. That will make interpretation a lot easier

 

[rosada]

18.5 seems to advise “Accentuate the positive!” so if your friend hasn’t specifically asked for your guidance and is blurting out more than is appropriate you could just say, “Thank you for sharing” - it usually gets a laugh.

 

[dobro p]

Hi everyone, I've been following this community for some time and I want to thank you for the valuable insights. I asked I ching how I could help a colleague of mine deal with and overcome his impulsiveness on a communication level. I got 18 which becomes 57 with the 5th line changing. I understand that the goal can be achieved by respecting the right times and using patience and kindness. Does anyone please have any more ideas on how I can help?

18 is 'Work On What Has Been Spoiled'. But since you seem to see something wrong with the colleague, your 18.5 might be about the colleague, or might be about your view of the colleague. Maybe the Yi's giving you information about how your colleague should work on what's been spoiled, or maybe it's giving you information about how you should work on what's been spoiled in your view of the colleague. It's hard to tell really, because the Yi usually gives information about the person asking the question. Anyway, you're in a position to investigate half of the possibilities. When you consider the second question above (how you should work on what's been spoiled in your view of the colleague), do you get useful information when you look at 18.5>57

Setting right what has been spoiled by the father
Meets with praise

('neglect from a former time')

 

[Liselle]

Could it literally mean praise him when he's not impulsive? That sounds silly, but can you think of any way to do anything along those lines?

Maybe that's where 57 comes in, you'd have to be subtle about it. You can hardly say, "Oh good, you weren't impulsive just now!" (He's not a puppy, after all.)

How Hilary puts it in her commentary sounds more subtle. I'll just quote her in case you don't have her book:

You can deal with what’s wrong by concentrating on what’s right, when tackling the problem directly might provoke resistance. With praise, or any kind of intervention that speaks to what is alive and healthy, you are gently bypassing the corruption altogether to reach the growing seed: the inner idealist, with a child’s vision of possibilities.

Is there any way to set things up so he can't be impulsive? I don't know, something like, "What do you think about xyz - oh, but I can't discuss it now; I'll call you tomorrow." That way he's forced to slow down, but it's not obvious what you're doing. Hopefully he'd get used to taking more time and might even see the advantages himself.

(That might be ridiculously off - as everyone's said, we don't understand much about the situation.)

 

[BeppyRose]

Innanzitutto grazie e scusa se non ho risposto prima. Riflettendoci, penso di aver sbagliato la domanda a Iching, ma dimmi, per favore. La situazione è questa: in generale per me è un periodo difficile dal punto di vista relazionale, ho la sensazione di non riuscire a farmi capire, né di capire bene gli altri. A questo aggiungiamo il fatto che lavoro con persone sempre pronte a criticare e sminuire il lavoro degli altri e questo è triste e frustrante. In questo contesto io e il mio collega cerchiamo di sostenerci a vicenda e lui è uno dei pochi colleghi con cui ho la possibilità di parlare e confrontarmi direttamente, senza giri di parole e senza timore di essere giudicato o denigrato; pertanto, sperando di poter tutelare questa buona collaborazione, cerco di muovermi con i piedi di piombo e di limitare i danni, ogni tanto mi affido alla saggezza di Iching. Tornando alla mia domanda, io e il mio collega abbiamo notato che ogni volta che si trova in una situazione di incertezza alza il tono della voce (troppo) e diventa volgare e fa fatica a moderarsi. Dato che lavoriamo insieme, gli sarà successo un totale di 4 volte e mi piacerebbe poterlo ignorare, ma lavoriamo a stretto contatto con le persone e questi incidenti sono già accaduti tre volte nell'ultima settimana. Essendo il suo manager, vorrei evitare di dovergli mandare una lettera di diffida (il mio capo, che spesso è disposto ad alimentare malumori e conflitti, vorrebbe che ne mandassi una!), perché so e credo che si possano trovare strategie alternative . Per questo punterei su altre soluzioni. Lui, ad esempio, ha iniziato a fare yoga e meditazione dopo la prima volta che ha sbottato. Mi sono chiesta e ho chiesto a Iching se ci fosse qualcosa che potevo fare per supportarlo nel miglior modo possibile, senza rischiare di attirare gelosie e invidie come purtroppo accaduto in passato.
A questo punto accetto consigli su come porre la domanda e vi ringrazio già!

 

[Liselle]

Beppy, you probably meant to post that in English, like you did in your first post, but it didn't come out that way. Would you run it through a translator, please?

 

[BeppyRose]

First of all, thank you and sorry if I didn't reply sooner. On reflection I think I asked Iching the question wrong, but tell me, please. The situation is this: in general, it's a difficult period for me from a relational point of view, I feel like I can't make myself understood, nor can I understand others well. Add to this the fact that I work with people who are always ready to criticize and belittle the work of others and this is sad and frustrating. In this context, my colleague and I try to support each other and he is one of the few colleagues with whom I have the opportunity to speak and discuss directly, without mincing words and without fear of being judged or denigrated; therefore, hoping to be able to protect this good collaboration, I try to move with lead feet and to limit the damage, every now and then I rely on Iching's wisdom. Returning to my question, my colleague and I have noticed that every time he finds himself in a situation of uncertainty he raises the tone of his voice (too much) and becomes vulgar and finds it difficult to moderate himself. Since we've been working together, it will have happened to him a total of 4 times and I'd like to be able to ignore it, but we work closely with people and these incidents have already happened three times in the last week. Being his manager, I would like to avoid having to send him a warning letter (my boss, who is often willing to fuel discontent and conflicts, would like me to send one!), because I know and believe that we can find alternative strategies. For this I would focus on other solutions. He, for example, started doing yoga and meditation after the first time he blurted out. I wondered and asked Iching if there was something I could do to support him in the best possible way, without risking attracting jealousy and envy as unfortunately happened in the past.
At this point, I accept advice on how to ask the question and I thank you already!

 

[Liselle]

Thanks for translating!

Could you tell him what you told us, what you like about him as an employee? That would be praise. Maybe even tell him you're being pressured to put an official letter in his file, but you're dragging your feet. That might be praise in a way, that you appreciate him enough to stick your neck out for him with your own boss.

57 can be about uncertainty...is there any way to help him with strategies for handling it? That could fit the line, too - constructive solutions instead of threats and criticism.

 

[BeppyRose]

Thank you Liselle, Dobro and Rosada. I think that, yes, most likely Iching may have suggested me to focus on the positive aspects of my colleague. In fact, it may seem trivial, but it is a strategy that works and that I have already used in the past with other colleagues put in difficulty by my boss's constant criticism. Returning to my colleague, yesterday I had the opportunity to speak with him. He was rather down in the dumps about the situation of uncertainty (57!!!) we are experiencing at work due to our "supreme boss". I took the opportunity to reiterate my trust in him, to remind him of several of his good professional qualities and how these were useful and important at work... let's see how the situation will evolve...
Thanks again to everyone!