19.5 Dear Lord, Does this mean what I think?

[wind]

In the last few months, I feel a gigantic shift in my relationship with my ex. Around late May he eluded that he wants to work on getting back together- which mind you, made me $!?*#\=+?!?!!? before I was very thoughtful in how to approach this situation, if at all- and since then, I feel like I somewhat balk at it all while being very cordial.

I find that when he doesn't wish to just chit- chat, he comes to me with a variety of things that trouble him. The reactionary part of me wants to tell him to go jump in a lake, but the rational side of me tries to be supportive and only offer advice when I feel he is looking for it, without prying further. Really, some stuff is not my business and some things I just don't wish to know.

I asked "What am I x?" And received 19.5>60.

Am I wrong to take this reading as I am some sort of a leader in terms of our children or as a source of knowledge to him? I don't want this to sound egotistical in any way. Somehow I see it as also being an impromptu psychiatrist to him. Part of me feels like he is lonely and relies on my guidance.

Thank you for your input. I appreciate all and any replies.

 

[moss elk]

Yes,
You are the wiser one
Who should take charge of enforcing boundaries with this guy.

This means don't be sucked back in.

 

[taoscopy]

I asked "What am I x?" And received 19.5>60.

You want to separate from him. I guess it's not the other way around, yes?

For the record I got this line once about someone who committed suicide :/

19 - To accompany

One calls the youngest so they come back.

5 - One does not return because they want to separate.
In the making
60 - Limit

One does not go further.

 

[wind]

Thank you Moss Elk.

That's pretty much how I feel deep down. The parts of me that wants to make it work only wants it to put my family back together by he rest of me knows thing can never be the same between the two of us and that the dynamics between my kids, myself and him will be the same as they were before. Sadly, those dynamic point to whether he is in the house with us or not, nothing changes between how our kids and I relate and he participates very minimally. I'd rather go it alone and raise my kids properly than be married to him again and feel alone while doing it all by myself.

Truthfully, not to sound selfish but, I have my own load of crap to deal with without taking on the mess he put himself in. It's simply not my problem anymore.

 

[wind]

Thank you Taoscopy.

Were divorced officially for a year, separated since late 2012. He was a cheater. At the time I absolutely positively did not want a divorce. I wanted to work things out. Now, all I truly want is for my kids to have the best possible relationship with their father and I and for them to grow up and be able to have healthy relationships of their own. It took me a lot of soul searching to find that answer, but that's what I came up with. Nothing more.

 

[taoscopy]

Recognizing that you want separation is considerate of your decisions, so in a way it's an improvement.

 

[wind]

Taoscopy, to further understand the meaning of line 5, where did you get that interpretation?

I have seen:

Informed approach.
Proper for a great ruler.
Good fortune.

From Ellectic Energies

Take care to choose assistants carefully, in order to maintain authority

From Pathfinder

The greatest leaders reveal their true power by attracting people of excellent ability, and by allowing key associates the freedom to exercise their own judgment. The person able to give power to those who can effectively exercise it, gains much more power in return.

From Divination

Wise approach.
This is right for a great prince.
Good fortune.

From Wilhelm

Such varied interpretations makes it difficult for me to determine the meaning sometimes. If you'd be kind enough to explain how you got that interpretation and what source you use, I would be greatly enlightened. I want to be able to see how others get their answer

Thank you so much!

 

[taoscopy]

I get these comments from consulting the Yi.

However if you ponder about it, it's the same meaning.

On one hand you have the prince who does not want to meddle into the affairs and let the subordinates deal with them.

On the other hand you have someone who does not return (to the affairs) because they want to separate (from them).

This version has a larger scope, the Yi knows best

 

[sooo]

Hello, Wind.

I agree, they all convey the same basic idea, with the big clue of 60 as the resulting or relating hexagram. I don't know if you refer to LiSe's Yi, but hers is always a good one to check when in doubt.

6 at 5: Wise nearing is the style of a great prince. Auspicious.
When you know how to near people, how close, what to accept and what not, how to stay yourself and let them be who they are, how to attract those of value and keep distance from the harmful ones – then you have the assets of being a leader or teacher.
(Changes to hex.60)

I wouldn't be concerned that this may not exactly answer the question you asked about what you are to him, but it does tell you what you need to be for him and especially for yourself.

 

[sooo]

If I may add a bit of my own intuitive sense, I get the impression that it is his little boy persona that may have initially attracted you to him, but that you have grown tired of it and wish he'd grow up and be a man.

Pardon if I'm off on that. It's not Yi related, other than you seem to be the one in charge, as in 19, combined with the sense of your anger.

 

[wind]

I don't think you're far off base at all sooo! My initial attraction to him did have something to do with needing someone that needed me too. We related greatly and an amazing friendship turned reluctantly (on my behalf) into a truly once upon a time intense love. We had the kind of relationship people would envy- and it wasn't for show. We achieved many awesome things individually and together.

I always knew that to a degree he could be a selfish man. I also knew he had an insatiable hole in his soul that he would forever search for ways to fill it. I know where it came from. It was from his quite abnormal upbringing. He has 6 siblings that even still as adults, search for their parents acceptance much like a dog that gets beaten by its master is loyal. The difference is, as an adult, he chose not to need their acceptance and in everything he did or perhaps still does, has now been utilized as a means to fill the void.

Only in the recent months has he conceded that there is security in having the ordinary run-of-the-mill life. That excess does not equal happiness or brings joy. Unfortunately, that excess also spilled into other women.

I feel he is making great strides in coming full circle and making his own observations/conclusions. I wholeheartedly pray that he continues to grow and finds his own peace- for himself and for our children. I don't know where I am in that equation and scarily enough, I sort of don't care if I'm even in it at all. That speaks in volumes to me. I guess I wanted some validation on what I am to him to confirm what I belie we to be true. He needs me to guide him and calm him on his journey.

Thing is, he hasn't been there or helped me through my journey for many years. I do hold resentment for how easily he can draw from me and my resources while never offering it in return. I'm not a secondary option or a go-to.

I should have looked at LiSe to get her take on this line. Im pretty confident that this reading points to precisely what I feel I am to him. I'm someone he can turn to as I was always the one that kept our family and marriage together. I represent the safe and secure path his life once had. It's natural for him to want or even need my guidance to find that balance once again.

 

[sooo]

Thanks for the great feedback, Wind. You seem like a very giving individual by nature, which is good but also makes you susceptible to being taken advantage of. I doubt this is news to you. If you don't mind playing a little more, I'm getting him as a Gemini and you as a Scorpio.

 

[wind]

So close, but not quite.

He's the Scorpio and I'm an Aquarian.

By nature of the Aquarius, I am a humanitarian at heart. Nurturing is what I do. Being taken advantage of is not a new concept to me... I'm very adept at standing up and dusting myself off before oh look, there's a pretty bird. I always felt that if ADHD had a celestial sign, it would be the Aquarius. Everyone could be engaged heavily in a conversation about the moon and the Aquarius is on the stars... Or another galaxy. This makes us seem aloof to people that don't know us well. It's hardly ever that we're being aloof. We just can't stop the merry go round in our head.

Scorpions are known to be fiery and passionate. Not just in the bedroom. They're also very driven. Hard work is not and option- it's a feature for the Scorpion. Once they have something in their head- they run with it. That was a problem between him and I. He could make a decision, know deep down that it's not the best or right answer and he'd swear by it to the end. This works out great because typically Scorpions are loyal. The downside of Scorpions is that they tend to be selfish once you get past the fire and passion. The good usually outweighs the bad and that is what makes a Scorpion so easy to fall in love with.

I'm throwing you the crazy curveball... Our children are twin Sagittarius. Put a Sagittarius and an Aquarius together and you got slapstick sideshow of clowns. One feeds the other back and forth. I can see how this could drive a Scorpion insane.

 

[sooo]

Wonderful! Thank you for playing and enduring my curiosity. It's an interesting chemistry. I wish you your heart's desires. :bows:

 

[wind]

Why thank you!

It worked wonderfully for many years. I'd show him alternative ways of viewing situations in life and he'd coerce me out of my safety zone to experience life and even enjoy it. When the movie Up came out, we had been told we were much like Carl and Elli.

 

[sooo]

I just searched for the movie on streaming Netflix; unfortunately not available at this time. I'll keep an eye out for it.

Sounds to me as though his flame still glows in your heart.

 

[sooo]

Oh! I just found it. Will give it a look this evening.

mm, this one is called 21Up. Different movie.

 

[wind]

Definitely see Up. Pixar at one of its finest!

Of course it does. And I don't think I'm out of line by saying I believe it runs both ways. You don't experience that kind of love and foolishly believe it just dies like our physical bodies do at the end of life.

I was always a very grounded person. I had my fair share of wildness... But always within reason. While other girls I grew up with were constantly "falling" in and out of love, I never did. I loved plenty of people in my youth, but never deluded myself by putting those relationships upon the highest shelf of relationships amongst relationships. I was in love once in my entire life.

And you know that to be true when you try to focus on being with someone else and you just can't. There's always that niggling little voice in the back of your head that reminds you that this guy will never be this or that. I'm no longer sad that it's over. Im just thankful it even happened at all.