21.6 to 51 divorcing my husband the better option?

[Chaptershare]

Hello again,

I haven’t been on the site for a while since I took some time off from asking questions and seeking clarity from the I Ching. I’ve had marital problems off and on and thought it was slowly getting better with Therapy and working on myself however my efforts were rewarded with more deceits and lies.

So today I decided to ask if it is a better decision/option to divorce my husband. I’ve come to terms with going through with the divorce and not afraid of being alone.

my cast 21.6 to 51

this to me sounds like it’s time for me to explore and have fun with my new chapter/adventures. Let go of that burden of my husband that’s been dragging me down. Is the i Ching telling me be strong and move on and I can fully enjoy this dance on my own?
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

 

[Lavalamp]

21.6 describes small evils that on their own aren't unforgivable, but when repeated because the person thinks it's no big deal they eventually accumulate into a large evil that cannot be pardoned. Just as small good deeds also accumulate - but the person thinks they don't matter either.
51 as context, is a time of being shook up, but yet keeping it together and examining one's self.

I don't think the Yi is answering your question, it is throwing the decision back at you. How much are you going to take? How much *can* you take? But Mama isn't going to tell you what to do, it's your decision to make - and live with.

- LL

 

[my_key]

Hi ChapterShare

So today I decided to ask if it is a better decision/option to divorce my husband. my cast 21.6 to 51

Your cast could be saying something like this about the decision you have to make:

The decision to leave your husband is one that you need to consider carefully. Perhaps the negative aspects are weighing heavily on you right now and may be are clouding your judgement or maybe you are asking yourself how on earth did I get into this situation. Whatever it is, the whole thing has built up within you to something that is now close to overwhelming you. The consequences of the decision you make will, naturally, shape the rest of your life. Be aware of how your decision will be received by others and be clear within yourself of the positives and the negatives of your decision to divorce your husband, both during the divorce process and afterwards. Consider again what alternatives there may be - be creative and open in the way you approach and revisit old and new thoughts.

When you have 'bitten through' all aspects of your decision making process you will have a clear picture of what is the right decision for you and so be able to 'rouse' yourself to follow through on it.

I would agree with lavalamp that Yi is saying that the responsibility for making this decision is yours. Only you can say whether divorce is a better option for you or know what other actions you may need to take to feel as safe as you can in the dance going forward. Whatever comes from your deliberations, trust in your own ability to know what is right / best for you.

Good Luck

 

[rosada]

I can see how these lines might be saying it is your husband who won’t listen, won’t hear you, so either you put up with things as they are or divorce. Iow, don’t make decisions based on any assumption that if you stay he will change.

 

[Chaptershare]

I can see how these lines might be saying it is your husband who won’t listen, won’t hear you, so either you put up with things as they are or divorce. Iow, don’t make decisions based on any assumption that if you stay he will change.

Thank you Rosada, when people make mistakes they are so very apologetic and willing to do anything to soothe your pain and make you feel like they will take all the necessary steps to change. Although I would like to believe this is true, I’m a little wiser now to understand that my husband’s words are again just words and the mistakes that he did are beyond forgivable. I’m not able to look at him the same way with that kind of love and respect. I lost all respect and trust in him. He claimed he has an addiction (not alcohol or drugs) and I’m willing to do more therapy with him to help him understand his demons and help him get better however I know this scar of mine will never heal. I thank you for helping with my reading.

 

[Chaptershare]

Hi ChapterShare

So today I decided to ask if it is a better decision/option to divorce my husband. my cast 21.6 to 51

Your cast could be saying something like this about the decision you have to make:

The decision to leave your husband is one that you need to consider carefully. Perhaps the negative aspects are weighing heavily on you right now and may be are clouding your judgement or maybe you are asking yourself how on earth did I get into this situation. Whatever it is, the whole thing has built up within you to something that is now close to overwhelming you. The consequences of the decision you make will, naturally, shape the rest of your life. Be aware of how your decision will be received by others and be clear within yourself of the positives and the negatives of your decision to divorce your husband, both during the divorce process and afterwards. Consider again what alternatives there may be - be creative and open in the way you approach and revisit old and new thoughts.

When you have 'bitten through' all aspects of your decision making process you will have a clear picture of what is the right decision for you and so be able to 'rouse' yourself to follow through on it.

I would agree with lavalamp that Yi is saying that the responsibility for making this decision is yours. Only you can say whether divorce is a better option for you or know what other actions you may need to take to feel as safe as you can in the dance going forward. Whatever comes from your deliberations, trust in your own ability to know what is right / best for you.

Good Luck

Thank you My_Key, you pretty much nailed the current forecast. I’ve asked myself many times how on earth did I get into this situation. I went through a phase of allowing my husband to put the blame on me for his actions however after many therapy sessions and numerous meditation retreats I’m not going to allow him to justify his behaviors by blaming me. My husband is afraid of losing me yet he’s doing things to make this an easy feat. I asked him last night why is he so afraid of divorce yet he’s not taking any actions or finding the necessary help/guide to lead him towards a better and guiltless toad. He’s extremely distraught when I brought up divorce; and it makes me wonder why; is it because he’s afraid of the financial stability that I have, the many vacations that I take him on or because he truly selfishly loves me. Thank goodness we have no kids therefore the decision will be easier without kids involved.
Perhaps I’m still processing my emotions and grave disappointments but his actions lead to these consequences. My husband, he needs to be the one to want to find help for his addiction and find resources to help him understand his deep rooted emotional illness; I can’t make him do this otherwise he will do it for me instead doing it to better himself. He needs to come to the conclusion that he has a serious problem and need a lot of professional help and therapy for it.

Before deciding on the divorce; I’m going to do a separation, process my emotions and get more therapy to keep my sanity.

thank you again My_key extremely grateful

 

[Chaptershare]

21.6 describes small evils that on their own aren't unforgivable, but when repeated because the person thinks it's no big deal they eventually accumulate into a large evil that cannot be pardoned. Just as small good deeds also accumulate - but the person thinks they don't matter either.
51 as context, is a time of being shook up, but yet keeping it together and examining one's self.

I don't think the Yi is answering your question, it is throwing the decision back at you. How much are you going to take? How much *can* you take? But Mama isn't going to tell you what to do, it's your decision to make - and live with.

- LL

Lavalamp, it’s like you’re reading my mind. My husband hurt me 2.5 years ago; perhaps it was a smaller kind of hurt and through time and lots of professional help I forgave him. This time around it’s a very big deep and unforgivable kind of hurt. I’m not sure if I can ever look at him the same with love and empathy. I came to realized he has a lot of insecurities and loneliness yet the quick fix he chose are destructive for both him and I. I’m not sure if his guilt will eat at him enough for him to want to get professional help and join groups or if it has to take losing me for him to be at such a low to consider it a priority and must to get professional help.
How much am I going to take? I’m already at a boiling point and could not take any more pain. There’s a part of me wants to make this work but the part that wants the divorce is definitely more powerful at the moment. There’s a lot I have to take in at the moment. Just processing day by day.
Truly appreciate Lavalamp

 

[rosada]

I can see 21.6 as referring to you, locked in your own head with the recurring thoughts unable to get any fresh prospective and so there is a need to get separated at least for awhile to 51 break up the old response pattern. So a trial separation?

 

[Chaptershare]

I can see 21.6 as referring to you, locked in your own head with the recurring thoughts unable to get any fresh prospective and so there is a need to get separated at least for awhile to 51 break up the old response pattern. So a trial separation?

Rosada, yes I’ve given this a lot of thoughts as well. A separation period to have some time for myself to process my thoughts and have a clearer understanding of my emotions. I asked my husband to leave but he’s not very responsive or perceptive to that suggestion therefore I may have to pack up and go somewhere else for a while. With him around it makes me feel upset and disgusted and a constant pool of evolving emotions. But yet there’s a little part of me scares for him still. I’m utterly afraid that if I linger around too long I might change my stance and give it another try. Thank you Rosada

 

[rosada]

It’s hard to clear one’s head so it’s helpful to not only know what -or who- you do not want to think about but also to know what you do want to think about. You might get benefit from asking the I Ching, “What should I focus on at this time?”

 

[Chaptershare]

It’s hard to clear one’s head so it’s helpful to not only know what -or who- you do not want to think about but also to know what you do want to think about. You might get benefit from asking the I Ching, “What should I focus on at this time?”

Thank you Rosada, I will try to ask that.

 

[Chaptershare]

The follow up question I asked ; what should i focus on at this time? Received 12.2.5 changing to 54

Blocked/divorcement; there’s many ideas and inspiration to go through with one thing yet it seems I’m blocked. I do feel blocked lots of hesitations along the process. I wonder if I need to just focus on the smaller things as well as myself instead of my current relationship.

line 2 speaks to me that I care for the welfare of others sometimes more than myself. I should focus on myself and work on myself first everything else will gradually fall into place. This is all but a process of life and I will only grow and become a better person from this trauma. There’s certainly an immense inner battle between the Ego and the self and the Ego wants to leave and the self is more compassionate and finding creative solutions that will heal the pain. So I just need to focus on the now and go on with my daily routine as well as self care and let everything fall into place instead of rushing into things.

hmmm line 5 feels to me like work on forgiving but don’t forget. Learn from the past yet don’t let my guards down hold on to my strong will or I might be crushed once again. Be cool, stay calm but proceed with caution.

what are your thoughts?

 

[rosada]

Hmmph, well this reads to me like the I Ching is saying it's actually right and appropriate that you be focused on the Stagnant Marrying Maiden right now. Maybe 12.2 could be indicating you two together need a goal to pull you forward and 12.5 could be advising you to have some sort of agreement about putting thoughts of marriage or divorce on hold for a while while you just (54) focus on the day to day work that's right in front of you. Anyone else have an idea?

 

[foxx777]

Hmmph, well this reads to me like the I Ching is saying it's actually right and appropriate that you be focused on the Stagnant Marrying Maiden right now. Maybe 12.2 could be indicating you two together need a goal to pull you forward and 12.5 could be advising you to have some sort of agreement about putting thoughts of marriage or divorce on hold for a while while you just (54) focus on the day to day work that's right in front of you. Anyone else have an idea?

12.2.5 changes to 64, not 54. It’s important because at least in the translation/edition I’m using 64 seems to be speaking directly to her situation.

I see in this translation similar advice to yours: I find the commentary very apropos:

12. Obstruction
Line 2:
Supporting surroundings.
Ordinary people have good fortune,
senior people are obstructed.
Progressing.

The surroundings support one. This provides stability, which is good if one doesn't have ideas to realize, like with ordinary people having a long time job. But they also limit one's space, and thus obstruct expansion. It is frustrating if one is a developed person, and is thus unable to realize one's ideas. There is progress anyway.

Line 5:
Ending the obstruction.
Senior people have good fortune.
"It is away, it is away!"
Tying it to a thick mulberry tree.

The obstruction is being ended, which makes one happy. It is probably an experienced person who made this happen. One needs to safeguard things against getting obstructed again.

Hexagram is changing to:
64. Not yet Across
Not yet across.
Progressing little.
The fox, being nearly across,
gets his tail wet.
This lacks a beneficial purpose.
There is a last step to be taken to conclude things, but it cannot be done yet. So only little progress is possible. Impatiently trying to make the last step anyway will only get one into trouble.

 

[rosada]

64! Ah, well I see 64 as a time of transition, the time between completion of the old but not yet completing the plans for the new. So maybe the I Ching is saying better not make any changes until you know where you want to go from here. So focus on what you want to go in life and consider if you can get there married to this partner. It doesn’t bring in considerations like True Love or God’s Will, just says be practical.

 

[Chaptershare]

Thank

12.2.5 changes to 64, not 54. It’s important because at least in the translation/edition I’m using 64 seems to be speaking directly to her situation.

I see in this translation similar advice to yours: I find the commentary very apropos:

12. Obstruction
Line 2:
Supporting surroundings.
Ordinary people have good fortune,
senior people are obstructed.
Progressing.

The surroundings support one. This provides stability, which is good if one doesn't have ideas to realize, like with ordinary people having a long time job. But they also limit one's space, and thus obstruct expansion. It is frustrating if one is a developed person, and is thus unable to realize one's ideas. There is progress anyway.

Line 5:
Ending the obstruction.
Senior people have good fortune.
"It is away, it is away!"
Tying it to a thick mulberry tree.

The obstruction is being ended, which makes one happy. It is probably an experienced person who made this happen. One needs to safeguard things against getting obstructed again.

Hexagram is changing to:
64. Not yet Across
Not yet across.
Progressing little.
The fox, being nearly across,
gets his tail wet.
This lacks a beneficial purpose.
There is a last step to be taken to conclude things, but it cannot be done yet. So only little progress is possible. Impatiently trying to make the last step anyway will only get one into trouble.

thank you Fox7777

In line 5 The obstruction that could happen again is it coming from me, my husband or an outsider?
Does this mean not to let my guards down?

64- the last step to be taken to conclude things. Is this referring to our relationship or referring to me? I’m digesting and living one day at a time but it’s been a constant internal battle the last few days. I’m afraid this trauma might turn me into a more cautious and scared person.
The progression has been one step Forward and one a few step backwards. One minute I’m open to talking and understanding and next I turn into an angry person.
Been finding different outlets and support groups to divert my attention.
Thank you again you’re wonderful.

 

[Chaptershare]

64! Ah, well I see 64 as a time of transition, the time between completion of the old but not yet completing the plans for the new. So maybe the I Ching is saying better not make any changes until you know where you want to go from here. So focus on what you want to go in life and consider if you can get there married to this partner. It doesn’t bring in considerations like True Love or God’s Will, just says be practical.

Thank you Rosada, we have been chatting and my husband’s been honest with everything and willing to get help but there’s an inkling inside of me that’s saying get out. I’m a sucker giving people chances and thinking that they will get better or rise up. Not sure if this is a weakness of mine or I’m just refusing to accept the reality of life. It’s only been a few days since I discovered what happened but every day is a different emotion surging over me.
We have our first therapy session for this problem Friday and I’m hopeful yet hesitant. Ultimately iy’s up to me however I’m hoping I’m not too weak to make the right choices.
thank you you’re absolutely amazing.

 

[rosada]

I know what you mean about that that voice in the background, but you know, I think as we grow older and more experienced we are supposed to make our choices more consciously. When we're little we're supposed to let our hunches guide us but as we have more real life experiences we're more able to handle life's situations and so then we have to exercise greater discernment. So now you have to decide is that small voice saying don't do it Higher Guidance, or is it just the past predicting the future? The solution I think is to focus on the realities - like the very practical reasons why he's good for you and also why it may be you'd be better off without him. The more practical you get you may find your intuition becomes stronger too. The vague fears either diminish or you find yourself having violent nightmares! Either way I think the going for therapy is a terrific manifestation of 64, talking things over and planning where you want to go from here.

Next Friday the Moon will be in Gemini, the sign of short brief messages, opposing Jupiter in Sagittarius, the sign of huge subjects and then it trines the Sun in Libra, the sign of balance and partnership = a wonderful line up of planets for open discussion, learning and insights. Sounds like you've been given a great date to start counseling. The only draw back might be there might be a tendency to try to cover too much all at once. Eat that elephant one bite at a time!

 

[foxx777]

Thank


thank you Fox7777

In line 5 The obstruction that could happen again is it coming from me, my husband or an outsider?
Does this mean not to let my guards down?

64- the last step to be taken to conclude things. Is this referring to our relationship or referring to me? I’m digesting and living one day at a time but it’s been a constant internal battle the last few days. I’m afraid this trauma might turn me into a more cautious and scared person.
The progression has been one step Forward and one a few step backwards. One minute I’m open to talking and understanding and next I turn into an angry person.
Been finding different outlets and support groups to divert my attention.
Thank you again you’re wonderful.

You’re most welcome! I think that you’re being advised to not let your husband obstruct things again. The last step to be taken before deciding on divorce would be the therapy, in my estimation. Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[Chaptershare]

I know what you mean about that that voice in the background, but you know, I think as we grow older and more experienced we are supposed to make our choices more consciously. When we're little we're supposed to let our hunches guide us but as we have more real life experiences we're more able to handle life's situations and so then we have to exercise greater discernment. So now you have to decide is that small voice saying don't do it Higher Guidance, or is it just the past predicting the future? The solution I think is to focus on the realities - like the very practical reasons why he's good for you and also why it may be you'd be better off without him. The more practical you get you may find your intuition becomes stronger too. The vague fears either diminish or you find yourself having violent nightmares! Either way I think the going for therapy is a terrific manifestation of 64, talking things over and planning where you want to go from here.

Next Friday the Moon will be in Gemini, the sign of short brief messages, opposing Jupiter in Sagittarius, the sign of huge subjects and then it trines the Sun in Libra, the sign of balance and partnership = a wonderful line up of planets for open discussion, learning and insights. Sounds like you've been given a great date to start counseling. The only draw back might be there might be a tendency to try to cover too much all at once. Eat that elephant one bite at a time!

Rosada,
I love and appreciate your calm and wise insights on my current situation. An impatient person I am, I tend to scrounge for immediate solutions. A part of that personality derived from my childhood as well as the work that I’m doing; it’s all about finding the solutions and finding it quickly. I like the figuring out why he may be good for me and why I might be better without him. I started journaling a week ago and find it extremely helpful to remember and express my feelings. The hurt and heartache is still there but I’m finding ways to understand the deeper problems and focus more on helping myself so that I may learn from this even if I choose to leave. “Eat that elephant one bite at a time” indeed I need to follow these guidance and be more mindful of my feelings and actions. I tend to have a problem rushing through things whether it’s eating, daily activities or sometimes work and life’s decisions. My passion have always been traveling and planning and with this I take my time, do the research and savour every moment so I will work on doing the same things towards my daily decisions and routines. Not to try to rush through things whether it’s to stay or to leave. I’m putting the focus on myself and the work towards personal development.
Again thank you so much for giving such great inputs.

 

[Chaptershare]

You’re most welcome! I think that you’re being advised to not let your husband obstruct things again. The last step to be taken before deciding on divorce would be the therapy, in my estimation. Good luck and keep us posted!

Thank you Foxx777, very powerful indeed. My husband’s obstructions I can’t control but I’m trusting that he will learn from this as well and be more
Mindful of his actions that have eaten away at him and caused so much pain towards me. I can only better myself through my course of actions, learning from this and work on regaining my confidence which will make it easier to leave of I feel there’s any obstruction from him. Thank you again for helping me through this.