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3 Simple Relationship Question - Please Help!!! 1>9 , 49>34 , 58>48

CathCilia

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Hi community! Happy holidays :) I am actually a returning member. I used to use the I-Ching a lot, especially to ask for advice regarding a past relationship (which failed, as the I-ching warned). However, I was over using the I-ching. I stopped, with the intention of giving the I-Ching some much needed space and my mind some clarity, but then life distracted me and until yesterday I haven't picked it up in a while...
Currently I am in a new relationship and have been for almost a year. I am my boyfriend's first serious girlfriend. Overall we have been very compatible, very close, and very happy together. That is, except for some serious character flaws of mine that have been gradually pushing him away. I have been very jealous, possessive, critical, judgmental, moody. And what he tells me upsets him the most is not my selfish demands but rather the way I approach him. For the record I love him very much and never meant to hurt him. I didn't realize the horrible impact I was having on him... He is very compliant (although I have told him I don't always want to win... it's just in his personality to avoid conflict I guess) so I assumed everything was okay but I don't realize that, while he fixes our problems leaving me happy and I putting the conflict behind me, I leave him feeling stressed and his needs unmet. It has truly been my fault, the only thing on his part is that he hasn't been very good at communicating these things with me (which I have asked about many times but he always says we are okay), which I understand because maybe he felt he couldn't tell me or didn't know how.
Anyway, recently he DID tell me how bad things have gotten. He said when he first met me he felt that I was the one but that he isn't sure anymore. :( He has always been super sweet, super attentive, super affectionate to me. He still is but... slightly less. I'm not sure if it's because of how things are with us or because he is losing love for me or if it's something natural... Anyways, I am sort of freaking out. I am definitely willing to do anything I can to improve myself and be a better girlfriend and friend to him. Since he told me I have been trying but this all happened very recently. I am just afraid maybe it's too late... I asked him if he thinks we can still work and be happy and he says yes, that is what he wants. But I'm not sure if he is just saying that because he doesn't want to give up because of all the time he has invested in me... I don't think the love is fully gone yet but I am afraid it is leaving. :( Or I am afraid I will freak out with my paranoia and my negative thoughts will become a self fulfilling prophecy. I really need some help because my mind is not clear at all... I

I asked the I-Ching 3 simple questions but I am not sure what to make of the answers.

1. Please tell me about the state of my relationship right now.
Answer: Hex 1.4 -> 9

This hex seems clear. Our relationship is in a transition r state of uncertainty. Not all hope is lost but it's not as secure as it used to be. I am pretty anxious and scared. This answer makes sense.

2. What can I do so that our relationship succeeds and moves forward?
Answer Hexl 49.2.5 -> 34

This is what I am not really sure... Should I take this as advice? A warning? When I asked the question I was feeling really scared that maybe it's too late and no matter what I do it won't work...

3. What can you tell me about the future of our relationship?
Answer: Hex 58.2.3 -> 49

This one scares me. In my last relationship I got 49 right before everything turned really bad. Before the love died (then I started getting hex 18 and the hex that indicates another woman). :( Does this mean that our relationship will turn dry? Or could the change be positive? Or does can it mean that it depends on HOW things change? This answer is the hardest one for me to read.

I thank you for reading and for any advice you can give me.
 
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M

mirian

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Hi CathCilia,

1. Please tell me about the state of my relationship right now.
Answer: Hex 1.4 -> 9
A moment when there is no right or wrong decision. There is freedom of choice. Either of you can decide to give the relationship a chance or just drop the whole thing. The two options are in the air. But with Hex 9 as a relating hexagram I think that neither of you can just carry on the way it is now.

2. What can I do so that our relationship succeeds and moves forward?
Answer Hex 49.2.5 -> 34
You have to change a lot. A call for change has already been going on for a while (line 2) so it cannot be ignored any longer. This is not just about recognising faults, it is about showing clearly that you can and have changed. Visible, clear. Talk the talk and walk the walk.

3. What can you tell me about the future of our relationship?
Answer: Hex 58.2.3 -> 49
It is pointless to put plans of marriage forward without addressing the real issues in the relationship. It would be pretty hollow. Marriage is not an one-day celebration, if it lacks consistency it would not succeed.

Nothing in your readings is telling me that there is some sort of "prophecy", that things will go inevitably wrong. Of course you are nervous and worried, but in my view your readings are giving you guidelines, advice, suggestions... to improve the situation and make it work.

Hope that helps :bows:
 

CathCilia

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By the way, lately (before we discussed our problems and his unhappiness came to light) I was having a lot of dreams about him not loving me anymore. :(

This really scares me because I had the same dreams of my ex. BUT I don't want to assume it means it's too late because I am a very negative person. Maybe it means he was unhappy (foresight of what he was going to tell me). I haven't had them since but that talk wasn't very long ago. Anyway my boyfriend now is nothing like my exboyfriend. He IS still doing his part. He just takes less initiative.

What scares me is that I will freak out and smother him out of fear of losing him, if that makes sense. I asked him if I am being too needy, he says no. I asked him if he wants space, he says no. He doesn't reassure me as much as before. It used to be very even, almost competitive, how affectionate and loving we were with each other. Now it feels unbalanced. It could either be because he feels pushed away, he is tiered, he needs space, or because I am freaking out and overcompensating or over doing it or smothering him.

I am really worried. I am sorry that I came back just to ask a question. I hate to admit it but sometimes we don't think of these things (the I-ching, this community) until we NEED them. I plan on staying nonetheless. If things DO improve or the reading is positive I plan to keep consulting the I-ching for more guidance in self improvement and to re-strengthen our relationship. If it's negative I will need a lot of help getting through this, of course. And I plan to contribute to the community too. :) It helps understanding one's own readings by objectively looking at other's.
 

CathCilia

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I am sorry Mirian, I did not see your post until after my second one.

A moment when there is no right or wrong decision. There is freedom of choice. Either of you can decide to give the relationship a chance or just drop the whole thing. The two options are in the air. But with Hex 9 as a relating hexagram I think that neither of you can just carry on the way it is now.
This makes sense... basically that is why he brought up these issues in the first place... because the relationship has been in a bad place and he can't stay with me if I continue the way I have been - being negative, possessive, critical, etc. And I can't continue being that way with him (or anyone) because it is self destructive. And of course, right now I need to calm down. I can't continue with this anxiety. This does depict our situation right now.

You have to change a lot. A call for change has already been going on for a while (line 2) so it cannot be ignored any longer. This is not just about recognising faults, it is about showing clearly that you can and have changed. Visible, clear. Talk the talk and walk the walk.
I'm sorry Mirian but can you please tell me more about this? How could I change and show that I have changed? I know it's a weird question... I just feel lost. Can you give me an example?


It is pointless to put plans of marriage forward without addressing the real issues in the relationship. It would be pretty hollow. Marriage is not an one-day celebration, if it lacks consistency it would not succeed.
Of course, that makes sense. But then, if NOT in marriage, where does it put us in the future? I was relieved I did not get hex 18 or 64 but... I'm not sure what to make of what I did get. Can you tell me more on this one too please?

Thank you for your reply! :) I feel a bit more calm now...
 
M

mirian

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Hi CathCilia,

The way you feel also shows in your readings. As I said about Hex 9, that you cannot carry on like this, because it represents this stifling atmosphere, for you both.

Also, with 34 as relating hexagram (your 2nd question) there is the risk of going over the top. Readings are showing that this situation will not resolve through pressure, but rather through change, which are completely different approaches.

:bows:
 

CathCilia

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Thank you Mirian. :) I really appreciate your insight! EDIT: And I am really grateful because I think I HAVE been going overboard.
 
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mirian

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Hi CathCillia,

Quote Originally Posted by mirian View Post
You have to change a lot. A call for change has already been going on for a while (line 2) so it cannot be ignored any longer. This is not just about recognising faults, it is about showing clearly that you can and have changed. Visible, clear. Talk the talk and walk the walk.
I'm sorry Mirian but can you please tell me more about this? How could I change and show that I have changed? I know it's a weird question... I just feel lost. Can you give me an example?
If you read again your own post, you can see how you list your own "faults" (possessive, judgemental, critical, the list goes on and on :D ). Well, I am not sure if you have all those faults, perhaps it is just the way you perceive yourself, but anyway, that is not the point. The point is, that your behaviour/attitude seems to be having a negative impact on your relationship.

You asked the Yi and got your answer: change, make a revolution. Well, easier to say than do. Why not start by not asking him all the time "do you need more space?" "do you think that I am too needy?" "what have I done wrong this time?" :D Why not start by not examining the relationship itself in minute details? Why not start by controlling your own fears that everything will go wrong like the other relationship?

One thing about Hex 49 line 5 - there is an imagery associated to a tiger. (Wilhelm/Baynes: the great man changes like a tiger).

I have to apply this to your issue, I would say: it is for you to create a new pattern (of behaviour and attitude). But, also, imagine how beautiful the tiger pattern is. So, be a more vibrant, positive, with distinctive attitude for everybody to see. Drop the dark, negative side and do not be afraid of change (why should you?)

As for your question about marriage and future in this relationship, the Yi is already telling you: be careful as you seem to be looking at marriage in a very superficial way.:bows:
 

CathCilia

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Hi CathCillia,
If you read again your own post, you can see how you list your own "faults" (possessive, judgemental, critical, the list goes on and on :D ). Well, I am not sure if you have all those faults, perhaps it is just the way you perceive yourself, but anyway, that is not the point. The point is, that your behaviour/attitude seems to be having a negative impact on your relationship.
Sorry Mirian, I know that was a silly question. I DO know my faults... I think I am just too stressed because I feel like... I was thinking: okay, so I won't raise my voice anymore, now what? I know what I should change (I should be less jealous, more patient, think before I speak, have a more stable mood, etc.) I don't really know what to do or HOW to change. But you have just answered that and your advice really helps! :)

As for your question about marriage and future in this relationship, the Yi is already telling you: be careful not to look at marriage in a very superficial way.:bows:
That question was not about marriage nor did I have marriage in mind when I asked. I just asked what I should expect to happen in the future. I was afraid there would be a break up and was hoping to see a positive hex that showed us getting closer together. Do you think Hex 58.2.3 -> 49 says anything about the future of my relationship? :s The revolution scares me because, as I said, in my past relationship it meant the start of a loveless dry relationship (which ultimately led to worst things).

One thing about Hex 49 line 5 - there is an imagery associated to a tiger. (Wilhelm/Baynes: the great man changes like a tiger).
I really like this! :)
 

kafuka

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Hello CathCilia, I'm not that good at understanding I Ching yet so I may be completely wrong but the 58.2.3>49 reading seems to me giving advice on how to carry on with the reform while 58.2 shows what to do and 58.3 what to avoid.

58.2 Hilary says: This means opening up a clear channel for honest communication where people are wholly presents. When you can speak with true conviction of what is valuable here, regrets dissolve away.
LiSe says: A shared heavy heart weighs only half as much, a shared happy one is twice as happy.
Btw I received this line once when asking what should I do to have a great relationship.;)

58.3 Looking expectantly for what you want to come to you, easily and on your own terms. You try to dictate how things will be; this doesn't work. The joy you seek can't simply come to you from outside, but only arises from authentic exchange.
 

CathCilia

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Thank you Kafuka. Perhaps it means the Revolution will be either positive (if I follow 58.2) and relationship saving or negative (if I follow 58.3) and relationship ending, depending on what I do?
 

aureolus

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One thing: 1.4 becomes 16, no? You have put it as changing to 9, which is the reverse of 16.

I like what Mirian says, that the situation will not resolve through pressure but through change. 49, which shows up twice, doesn't have to be taken as the harbinger of disaster, but it does seem to imply a shedding of old ways and comfort zones.

My mom asked yesterday what it was about Jesus that made people afraid. Maybe 49 is part of the answer.

Also, in the movie Jacob's Ladder, there is a quotation given that seems to pertain to change. They say it is from Meister Eckhart, but I've read that that's not true. Here it is:

"The only thing that burns in hell is the part of you that won't let go of your life: your memories, your attachments. They burn them all away, but they're not punishing you, they're freeing your soul. If you're frightened of dying and you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. If you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels freeing you from the earth."

Think about that when you feel insecure. See if you can move without holding on too tightly. (hex 34) What are you holding onto anyway?
 
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sooo

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One thing: 1.4 becomes 16, no? You have put it as changing to 9, which is the reverse of 16.

I like what Mirian says, that the situation will not resolve through pressure but through change. 49, which shows up twice, doesn't have to be taken as the harbinger of disaster, but it does seem to imply a shedding of old ways and comfort zones.

My mom asked yesterday what it was about Jesus that made people afraid. Maybe 49 is part of the answer.

Also, in the movie Jacob's Ladder, there is a quotation given that seems to pertain to change. They say it is from Meister Eckhart, but I've read that that's not true. Here it is:

"The only thing that burns in hell is the part of you that won't let go of your life: your memories, your attachments. They burn them all away, but they're not punishing you, they're freeing your soul. If you're frightened of dying and you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. If you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels freeing you from the earth."

Think about that when you feel insecure. See if you can move without holding on too tightly. (hex 34) What are you holding onto anyway?
2.4 becomes 16. 1.4 to 9 is correct. But I like what you say a lot in the rest of your post. (more in a bit)
 

RindaR

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I have a question for you, if you are brave enough to ask it of yourself. How would you be/feel/behave if it were absolutely impossible to think the thought "I might lose (him, or whatever is triggering anxiety)". How would you be different? (No yeah buts permitted when examining this potential state - that's where the courage comes in.) The tiger is without fear, beautiful, and stays in the moment acting according to her true nature. There is part of you deep inside that is without fear, that is the same no matter the circumstance. That awareness, that center is where you can find your tiger.
 
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sooo

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Hi Cath,

When I read your first post I admired how you assume responsibility and look to yourself first for where error may lay. But as I continued to read, and looked at each reading, I began to see what I believe to be the core of the problem unfolding. There's a good chance that what I'm going to say will be considered "new agey", as positive thinking often is here, but whatever.

When your mind is occupied with all that is wrong, that wrong is what you will attract more of. Worry attracts worry, fear attracts fear. Even though you see yourself as the core of that worry and fear, that only intensifies your sense of inadequacy, of "I am not worthy", and could lead to complete paralysis. And while you're attracting all this self-criticism, to most guys in your bf's position, you are planting seeds of doubt, and most guys are repelled by this sort of drama. If you sense he's cooling off toward you, I suspect this is why.

49 is to revolve, to turn toward a new way, a new season, a new year, a new leaf, and I believe what Yi is guiding you toward is a new way of seeing and then being. When you focus on what is good, not only in him but in you too, and in your relationship, you will attract more goodness to yourself, to him and to your relationship. You don't have to talk a lot about it, as that too falls into the dramatic category with most of us guys. Just let it be, and learn to just be happy. If you choose to be happy, you will attract happiness, and guys are really attracted to happy chicks, just as chicks are attracted to happy guys. Don't worry about how to make it happen, just turn the worry and fear around and resolve to be happy. The universe will take care of the rest.

Happy New Year. :)
 

Cathalina

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One thing: 1.4 becomes 16, no? You have put it as changing to 9, which is the reverse of 16.
Oops, I guess I was just too anxious that I messed up. :(
But it turns into 44, doesn't it?

Thank you very much for your kind reply!
 

Cathalina

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I have a question for you, if you are brave enough to ask it of yourself. How would you be/feel/behave if it were absolutely impossible to think the thought "I might lose (him, or whatever is triggering anxiety)". How would you be different? (No yeah buts permitted when examining this potential state - that's where the courage comes in.) The tiger is without fear, beautiful, and stays in the moment acting according to her true nature. There is part of you deep inside that is without fear, that is the same no matter the circumstance. That awareness, that center is where you can find your tiger.
It will be really hard for me to find my tiger. :( But I will try, thank you! :)
 

Cathalina

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When your mind is occupied with all that is wrong, that wrong is what you will attract more of. Worry attracts worry, fear attracts fear. Even though you see yourself as the core of that worry and fear, that only intensifies your sense of inadequacy, of "I am not worthy", and could lead to complete paralysis. And while you're attracting all this self-criticism, to most guys in your bf's position, you are planting seeds of doubt, and most guys are repelled by this sort of drama. If you sense he's cooling off toward you, I suspect this is why.

49 is to revolve, to turn toward a new way, a new season, a new year, a new leaf, and I believe what Yi is guiding you toward is a new way of seeing and then being. When you focus on what is good, not only in him but in you too, and in your relationship, you will attract more goodness to yourself, to him and to your relationship. You don't have to talk a lot about it, as that too falls into the dramatic category with most of us guys. Just let it be, and learn to just be happy. If you choose to be happy, you will attract happiness, and guys are really attracted to happy chicks, just as chicks are attracted to happy guys. Don't worry about how to make it happen, just turn the worry and fear around and resolve to be happy. The universe will take care of the rest.

Happy New Year. :)
Thank you for your helpful reply, you make a lot of sense. I will aspire to be more positive.

Though what do you think Hex 58.2.3 -> 49 might mean when I asked about the future of the relationship, if I may ask? I can't understand if it is positive or negative or neutral. I can't read it at all. :(

Happy New Year!
 

aureolus

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Oops, I guess I was just too anxious that I messed up. :(
But it turns into 44, doesn't it?

Thank you very much for your kind reply!
:) No, you had it right to begin with. Sooo kindly pointed it out. I was seeing in reverse. Pardon.

1.4 > 9 does seem to depict some of the insecurity that you express: "Wavering dragon flying over the depths." Sounds like there's a lot of energy. I think a dragon would be fully capable of flying comfortably in the abyss.

Between the dragon and the tiger (which, oddly, are symbols for yang and yin energies) you have some strong role models in these readings.

It makes me wonder how you relate to the balance of power. Is there a power or strength here that you are afraid of employing or taking responsibility for?

Maybe intense feelings, or maybe power in general.

The heavy clouds in 9 seem to be looming and tense. Like the pressure in the air before a storm. The advice is to refine your outward aspect. Does this indicate restraint? The balance between holding back and releasing?
 
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RindaR

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It will not be hard at all, it is always with you and in you. It is behind the eyes with which you see, within the ears with which you hear. Remembering to look for it is the hard part.
 

Cathalina

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:) No, you had it right to begin with. Sooo kindly pointed it out. I was seeing in reverse. Pardon.
Oops, I missed that post. And I don't know how I got 44 the second time.

It makes me wonder how you relate to the balance of power. Is there a power or strength here that you are afraid of employing or taking responsibility for?
No... could it refer to my personality? That maybe I have been too controlling? If not possibly just my intense feelings.

The heavy clouds in 9 seem to be looming and tense. Like the pressure in the air before a storm. The advice is to refine your outward aspect. Does this indicate restraint? The balance between holding back and releasing?
Do you think I should just take this as advice? Or does this indicate a storm IS coming?

If I may ask, what do you make of Hex 58.2.3 -> 49 (the answer to my question: what can I expect to happen with my relationship in the future/where is my relationship heading?)
 
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sooo

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Though what do you think Hex 58.2.3 -> 49 might mean when I asked about the future of the relationship, if I may ask? I can't understand if it is positive or negative or neutral. I can't read it at all. :(
Receiving answers from the Yi isn't always as simple as looking a word up in a dictionary. It says what you need to hear, not always directly from exactly what you ask.

Try understanding it in light of what I'd said. Perhaps LiSe's 58.2,3 may help.

line 2: Inspiring confidence in exchanging, auspicious. Regrets go away.
Deep and relaxed exchange makes all heaviness go away. Talking or even only feeling the others presence puts everything in perspective. A shared heavy heart weighs only half as much, a shared happy one is twice as happy.

line 3: Expectant exchange, pitfall.
Happiness with a reason is not deep joy. If the reason falls away, the happiness disappears. The only real joy is in the heart, it is the result of inner strength and purity. If you need other people in order to be happy, to be mentally alive, to fill your days, then you do not live yourself.
 
M

mirian

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Hi CathCilia,

Can I make a suggestion? It is time to stop asking and start reading thoroughly the interpretations that have been offered to you. Your a nxiety is pushing you towards questions like "is this positive or negative?". The IChing simply does not work this way. Please re-read the thread and gradually things will start making sense. Remember the advice of hex 49. Change is needed. :bows:
 

Cathalina

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Sooo and Mirian, thank you both very much. :)

Hi CathCilia,

Can I make a suggestion? It is time to stop asking and start reading thoroughly the interpretations that have been offered to you. Your a nxiety is pushing you towards questions like "is this positive or negative?". The IChing simply does not work this way. Please re-read the thread and gradually things will start making sense. Remember the advice of hex 49. Change is needed. :bows:
I am sorry, I don't mean to be so stubborn. Yes, I am very anxious. :( Though it's difficult to see things as neutral because in my past readings things have always been clearly positive or negative. Hex 49 was negative in the past.

But I can accept that this situation is different and the I-ching is just giving me advice. I am starting to see it now. But then, what would you make of Hex 58.2.3 -> 49? You said marriage in the near future was not likely or advisable, which I agree with you, but my question was NOT about marriage. It was just about the direction of my relationship. Based on Sooo's and other's advice I am inclined to see it as a fork in the road... that there will be change (whether it is negative such as a break up or whether it is positive) depending on whether or not I change or how I deal with changing (line 2 leading to good and line 3 leading to bad)?
 
M

mirian

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But then, what would you make of Hex 58.2.3 -> 49? I am inclined to see it as a fork in the road... that there will be change (whether it is negative such as a break up or whether it is positive) depending on whether or not I change or how I deal with changing (line 2 leading to good and line 3 leading to bad)?
Hi Cathalina,

A couple of things that might help you on that.

- The relating hexagram (in your case 49) is never the outcome of a given situation. In your reading, I see it more like setting the scene in which the whole situation should develop from, more like a starting point. As you had 49 again in answer to a very important question ( What can I do so that our relationship succeeds and moves forward? Answer 49.2.5 -> 34 ) it does look that the Yi is really trying to tell you something with 49 doesn't it? ;)

- I understand that you are a bit worried about 58.2.3 as you think that the Yi is telling the future of your relationship with this hexagram but I don't see it that way. The reason is because, in my view, 58.2.3 is a lot about the way we look for happiness. Sometimes it is a frantic search! Sometimes looking in all wrong places! Sometimes thinking that it will be given to us from somebody or somewhere else! So, I see 58.2.3 not as a prediction but as a conversation between the Yi and the person who asks the question. It is more a call for reflection. Why are you so anxious about your future happiness? How do you think that you are going to get there?

I hope that you understand where I am coming from, because it does tally with 49.2.5 -> 34 :bows:

By the way, there is no such thing as "positive" or "negative" - these are just concepts that we create when readings are beyond our comprehension or point to directions that we are still not able to accept.
 
S

sooo

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I view the relating or changing hexagram more openly. I would never say never about its meaning or relevance to a reading. Quite often I recognize it as being both the context and the direction to which it moves forward. Very often chiefly the context, and quite frequently the direction it moves toward. I'm reluctant to call it an inevitable outcome because so much of the outcome depends upon the thinking and action (or non-action) of the one for whom the reading is intended. A molting or revolution may be inevitable in some cases, but the outcome of that revolutionary change is dependent on you, the querant. That's the key point here, or at least the one I offer.

Here, the desired outcome is your happiness. Line 3 points out, that if your happiness is dependent upon someone else, your happiness is a matter of chance or even luck. But if your happiness is a result of a change of heart and mind, happiness is assured, AND it increases your odds of attracting this object of your interest as well.
 

Cathalina

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Hi Cathalina,So, I see 58.2.3 not as a prediction but as a conversation between the Yi and the person who asks the question. It is more a call for reflection. Why are you so anxious about your future happiness? How do you think that you are going to get there?
Thank you very much for your answer, I think I am starting to actually understand. Sorry it is taking so long.

Maybe it would help me if I answered these questions here. I am having a really hard time clearing my mind.

Why am I so anxious about my future happiness? I am in love with him and (in the process and as a result) I have invested a lot of myself in him. When he first came to me he exceeded everything I ever wanted. He is one of the kindest people I have ever met, he is very intelligent, responsible. He doesn't just treat me well, he is kind with everyone. He takes good care of me. I have felt deep love before but nothing that has ever even come close to my feelings for him or our connection. When he first came to me I thought he was a reward or a sign from God. I have been very loving to him and it has been mutual. I didn't deceive him, I didn't cheat on him or betray him. My sins are in my very nature. The way that I am. Negative. Needy. Jealous. Possessive. Moody. Defensive. Self-defeating. Losing him would feel like I had been introduced to my soulmate only to realize I wasn't ready to meet him. It confirms all my self defeating thoughts - I am the problem. It's me. He has tried really hard and put up with me for almost a year. And I couldn't see it. I thought I was trying hard and felt upset that he couldn't see it but I was the one that didn't see the impact of my petty actions. So part of why I am anxious is also fear of regret and fear of what this means. Of course, the main reason is that I truely love him and up until our last fight in which he finally told me how he felt, it ALWAYS felt mutual. It felt like we belonged to each other. Now I don't know how to feel.

How am I going to get there? Right now I am not sure. On one hand I know I HAVE to change. For him and for myself. I wish I would have changed before because I have been a huge part of the problem in relationships before. In my last relationship my ex ended up resenting me for my negativity and jealousy and mood swings. But he was not a very good person (from before we met) and he cheated on me. So while I did reflect, his sins were greater than mine that I (stupidly) let my own flaws slide. But right now I am so afraid that I don't know what to do. As sooo said, I DO rely on others for my happiness. And now I am in an odd position... I KNOW if there is any hope in this relationship I need to be strong. But because everything seems grim, I cant help but feel weak. I can't help but feel a sense of impending doom or that it's too late. My mind tells me to go in different directions, my heart is restless. The answer seems simple but yet... I feel incompetent. I am trying so hard just to feel peace and take this day by day. But I don't KNOW how. Starting in the middle of a 'crisis' makes learning how to at peace and happy with myself all the more difficult.
 

Cathalina

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I view the relating or changing hexagram more openly. I would never say never about its meaning or relevance to a reading. Quite often I recognize it as being both the context and the direction to which it moves forward. Very often chiefly the context, and quite frequently the direction it moves toward. I'm reluctant to call it an inevitable outcome because so much of the outcome depends upon the thinking and action (or non-action) of the one for whom the reading is intended. A molting or revolution may be inevitable in some cases, but the outcome of that revolutionary change is dependent on you, the querant. That's the key point here, or at least the one I offer.

Here, the desired outcome is your happiness. Line 3 points out, that if your happiness is dependent upon someone else, your happiness is a matter of chance or even luck. But if your happiness is a result of a change of heart and mind, happiness is assured, AND it increases your odds of attracting this object of your interest as well.
Thank you very much! I guess I should stop thinking so negatively of Line 3. I really appreciate your help! :)

Also, as of recently I am starting to think maybe he is depressed. I am not quite certain if it's partially because of our relationship issues or because he is falling out of love with me that he comes off as depressed OR if his depression is part of the reason why we haven't 'bounced back up' so smoothly after this last fight, as we have in the past, and the reason why he feels more distant.

Later tonight or tomorrow I plan on asking the I-ching two more questions. I think I will make a new thread (because they will be just about his possible depression, which may or may not be related to this question but I will assume it's not unless Yi indicates otherwise). I really hope you and Mirian can help me with those readings, though you have been of a LOT of help already. I feel as though you are both holding my hand while I am being stubborn and too scared to see what is right in front of me. In fact, I am a little afraid of asking the I-ching questions about this relationship. As I said before, in my last relationship it started with hex 49 then I got lots of hex 54 and hex 18. I think I was abusing the I-Ching with so many questions but I kept getting very straight forward answers that I didn't want to admit to myself. I don't want to be blind by reality again this time if the relationship seems doomed to fail. But I can be negative and think even something small is something horrible. So I can't really trust myself either way. :(
 
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sooo

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Thank you very much! I guess I should stop thinking so negatively of Line 3. I really appreciate your help! :)

Also, as of recently I am starting to think maybe he is depressed. I am not quite certain if it's partially because of our relationship issues or because he is falling out of love with me that he comes off as depressed OR if his depression is part of the reason why we haven't 'bounced back up' so smoothly after this last fight, as we have in the past, and the reason why he feels more distant.

Later tonight or tomorrow I plan on asking the I-ching two more questions. I think I will make a new thread (because they will be just about his possible depression, which may or may not be related to this question but I will assume it's not unless Yi indicates otherwise). I really hope you and Mirian can help me with those readings, though you have been of a LOT of help already. I feel as though you are both holding my hand while I am being stubborn and too scared to see what is right in front of me. In fact, I am a little afraid of asking the I-ching questions about this relationship. As I said before, in my last relationship it started with hex 49 then I got lots of hex 54 and hex 18. I think I was abusing the I-Ching with so many questions but I kept getting very straight forward answers that I didn't want to admit to myself. I don't want to be blind by reality again this time if the relationship seems doomed to fail. But I can be negative and think even something small is something horrible. So I can't really trust myself either way. :(
If you acknowledge your part in the breakdown, which you seem to do in abundance, than setting about changing those things seems like a great first step, but firstly for your benefit, with or without him, because otherwise the real problem remains and will surface again later, putting you right back to square one.

I suggest calling upon your spiritual (a word I seldom use) resources to help to shed this outmoded skin and to express your desire for a fresh and new outlook on these sort of things. Then perhaps a straight, candid talk with him about your resolve to improve yourself, which I think would be more productive than another dive into the IC with questions about him, which will likely only complicate and confuse matters more. This is firstly about you, and secondly about the effects of those inner changes on others in your life. If he sees you are sincere is your desire to shed old ways for new and better ways, from the way you've described him, he'll probably want to stick around to see if it's just words or a genuine revolutionary change of how you see yourself and the world around you, including him.

From my perspective, you don't sound nearly as bad as you portray yourself. Seeing yourself in a new light is the first step, so how about speaking of yourself in more kindly ways. Old saying: If you speak to your friends the way you speak to yourself, you likely would have no friends. So learn to be kind to yourself, give yourself credit for your good qualities and amplify upon these things. You don't seem so bad to me. :hug:
 
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mirian

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Hi Cathalina

Just to add: to the best of my knowledge your readings do not look all doom and gloom so you can ease a bit on this issue. Also, you have been too hard on yourself when I am sure you have lots of qualities too that are never mentioned. Time to consider them too?
 

aureolus

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One way of looking at 58 is giving and receiving, sharing openness. What is pleasing about the relationship is between the two of you. It's not just that he's so good. It's between you. And I think it's important that you recognize that you are helping to create this relationship, and that you are offering a necessary element. Also he is offering a necessary ingredient. 58.3 seems to say "be careful that in looking for treasure outside yourself you forget about the treasure in you."

Experiment idea: explore the synergy between you, the interplay of energy between you that is present even if you don't do anything special to "earn" or "obtain" his affection.
 

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