33.1.4.5 > 22 - Why won't K approach me or talk to me?

[sofia]

Hello again senior members

I've asked the IC about a situation with my Law uni class, particularly with regard to one guy K.

Some background.....we're all mature aged students and have already completed a semester together, so there's definitely familiarity as well as sprouting friendships, lots of after class conversations, although no solid out-of-uni friendships yet bar a couple of students who do seem to be meeting up. I believe I am well-liked in general and because I tend to speak my mind honestly, I tend to take on the spokesperson role for various things, which it seems everyone likes and appreciates. And for those whom it might aggravate a bit, I still get a sense of appreciation anyway.

There's a general sense of solidarity and support amongst us, like we're a little family i.e. it's all positive as opposed to bitchy or cliquey. Except for this situation.......K (a guy) obviously likes T (a girl) but she hasn't at all proven interested beyond friendship BUT has hogged his attention nevertheless, to the point that no one can get near him!! So they've become a "couple" almost but without the girlfriend/boyfriend thing. I know there's nothing more than mateship because he told me they met up only once over the summer break (which is 3 months). She's not really friendly with anyone else (more so because she's pretty "into herself" and it's all about me, me, me). Last semester, K did mix a lot more, and used to even flirt a bit with me, and be a bit cheeky with everyone. This semester he just sits next to T and they talk amongst themselves and just won't mix. He won't even make decent eye contact with me and I've not seen him talk to anyone else properly all semester.

I asked the IC the following string of questions but am still confused as to what the answers mean. Maybe by following the succession someone can weave a story for me??

What is up with K and T i.e. why won't K talk to me or anyone else?

I got 7.2 > 2

Why won't K talk to me or be friendly?

I got 61 unchanging

(?? does this mean he's trusting his instinct or that he sees me as having a sincere open heart? OR is the IC telling me I should trust my instinct i.e. that he doesn't want to upset T)

Is he avoiding me because he doesn't want to upset T?

I got 21

What is he trying to bite through?

I got 10.6 > 58

So I asked again....Why won't Kurt talk to me or be friendly?

I got 37.4.5 > 30 (which doesn't make sense because it talks about being helpful and looking out for others and being like a genuine father figure??)

Then I thought I'd get straight to the point and ask.....What does K feel for me?

I got 58.2 > 17 (which I took to mean he would like to have a true exchange with me??)

So I asked....Then why isn't he approaching me or talking to me?

I got 33.1.4.5 > 22 (which totally confused me!! especially since it's about totally retreating but doesn't say why except for the 22, which I can't relate to this situation)

Sorry there are so many questions but hopefully the trail creates a clear picture for one of you to clarify

By the way, I like K but I am not interested in him as anything more than a friend.....

thanks as always

sofia

 

[sophie]

Your inner knowing is correct. She controls him through his affection/desire for her. If he pays attention to others, especially other women, she punishes him (21), so he avoids it and treads carefully with her and with other women. That's the case, even though he feels a fellow-feeling towards you. From his perspective, retreat is better than fighting this woman. She has him by the short and curlies, in other words - she's the treasure he wants, and with her, he feels like the king. The fact they aren't actually going out is immaterial - she obviously does enough to keep his hopes up that he will win her.

 

[sofia]

Thanks so much Sophie. You've weaved the tale together very clearly! and now that I go back to the responses the IC gave me, I can apply your responses and it makes sense. So that's a great help

How sad though both that she is being like that (amongst a bunch of people who are so friendly) and that he is falling for it! From what I know of this girl and her family background, there is no way she will choose him as "the one"!

namaste

 

[sophie]

Then his will be a heavy fall...and he might regret having been cold to his former friends.

Won't be the first or the last time a man is a fool for such a woman

 

[Trojina]

i don't think you can concoct a story of peoples motives through the Yi without danger of getting utterly misled.

Its more likley the answers refer to you and your actions..afterall thats what you need to know, how you need to act around him..obviously you want his company so be your own authority 7.2 rather than standing on the sidelines trying to figure whats next in the drama. He will go with the person he likes or fancies most so its hardly sad ! 7.2 says direct your own life, take charge. Acknowlege what you want and act on it or don't act on it..the focus on her in the situation is irrelevant IMO.

the whole string of questions you asked lead from one false assumption to another like you assume its he who is trying to bite through something...that its telling you something about him..but all you need to know is how you need to conduct yourself with him..which is just one question, rather than being totally confused by making up an entire fiction about him and his motives..although the last question 'why won't k approach' 33>22 , seems fairly pertinent to the question. If it refers to him he doesn't approach because he doesn't want to..its fairly simple. If you don't like that explanation you then invent reasons why he won't like this girl is stopping him. If he wanted to approach he would. Its no more complex than that...doesn't mean he doesn't like you he just wants to withdraw..

 

[sophie]

Unlike Trojan, my experience is that the Yi does answer questions we ask about others. It's not all and only about us.

Once, years ago, I got upset about someone ignoring me (or so I thought). I asked the Yi why I was being ignored. It told me he was sick. A couple of weeks later, he wrote to tell me he had been sick and out of circulation completely. I never doubted the Yi's ability to tell me about others, from their perspective, after that.

That said - I do think there were a lot of assumptions in the original post that are not necessarily suggested by the answers that the Yi gave. In my answer, I gave what I thought was a coherent story based on the hexagrams, trying to see them from K's perspective. Not being in his head, I am only going on my feel for the hexagrams and my (sometimes faulty!) knowledge of human nature. Personally I would only have drawn one, perhaps two hexagrams for this situation: 1) how is K influenced by this woman in his behaviour towards others?; 2) (follows on from that answer) -in view of that, how should I act towards K?

 

[Trojina]

Hello again senior members



I asked the IC the following string of questions but am still confused as to what the answers mean. Maybe by following the succession someone can weave a story for me??

What is up with K and T i.e. why won't K talk to me or anyone else?

I got 7.2 > 2

Why won't K talk to me or be friendly?

I got 61 unchanging

(?? does this mean he's trusting his instinct or that he sees me as having a sincere open heart? OR is the IC telling me I should trust my instinct i.e. that he doesn't want to upset T)

Is he avoiding me because he doesn't want to upset T?

I got 21

What is he trying to bite through?

I got 10.6 > 58

So I asked again....Why won't Kurt talk to me or be friendly?

I got 37.4.5 > 30 (which doesn't make sense because it talks about being helpful and looking out for others and being like a genuine father figure??)

Then I thought I'd get straight to the point and ask.....What does K feel for me?

I got 58.2 > 17 (which I took to mean he would like to have a true exchange with me??)

So I asked....Then why isn't he approaching me or talking to me?

I got 33.1.4.5 > 22 (which totally confused me!! especially since it's about totally retreating but doesn't say why except for the 22, which I can't relate to this situation)

Sorry there are so many questions but hopefully the trail creates a clear picture for one of you to clarify

By the way, I like K but I am not interested in him as anything more than a friend.....

thanks as always

sofia

Sophie I'm not saying the Yi doesn't answer questions about others ever, the problem is asking a string of questions each one based on a misunderstanding of the first one can lead one ever further astray. The first question in this string " is he avoiding me because he doesn't want to upset T" Answer 21. Now this is a question heavily biased with the querants own wishes, she wants to think this so interprets the answer accordingly but how can the Yi easily answer a question like this. I think the 21 here was merely describing her process of biting throughto the truth of the matter which may not be palatable, ie he wants to withdraw . She then asks what he feels for her..taken at face value maybe friendship, banter, fun..which doesn't mean he hasn't withdrawn in a deeper sense. And then "what is he trying to bite through ?" eh ? He isn't you are..then 10.6 just indicating to look back where you've been then repeating the same questions over all about what someone else is thinking, feeling, doing, all the time ignoring the one important thing you need to know which might be "how can i best relate to K now" etc...

Unlike Trojan, my experience is that the Yi does answer questions we ask about others. It's not all and only about us.

Once, years ago, I got upset about someone ignoring me (or so I thought). I asked the Yi why I was being ignored. It told me he was sick. A couple of weeks later, he wrote to tell me he had been sick and out of circulation completely. I never doubted the Yi's ability to tell me about others, from their perspective, after that.

That said - I do think there were a lot of assumptions in the original post that are not necessarily suggested by the answers that the Yi gave. In my answer, I gave what I thought was a coherent story based on the hexagrams, trying to see them from K's perspective. Not being in his head, I am only going on my feel for the hexagrams and my (sometimes faulty!) knowledge of human nature. Personally I would only have drawn one, perhaps two hexagrams for this situation: 1) how is K influenced by this woman in his behaviour towards others?; 2) (follows on from that answer) -in view of that, how should I act towards K?

Yes I'm not saying the Yi doesn't answer us about others, i think it does but i think it takes more care to interpret the answers well and probably more care with formulating the question. A long string of questions each one based on a false assumption about the meaning of the last can only lead to Do we really need to know how K is influenced by this woman..?, a waste of a question really since Yi does have akind of inbuilt privacy policy i think..all we need to know is something like "how can i best relate to K now ?' thats all one really needs to know isn't it...

Anyway strings of questions here about what x thinks about what y thinks about are here to stay....i guess theres no point in commenting about it, just seems a pity when they get to epic proportions lol I mean consulting the Yi is hopefully to clarify how we may best live not to concoct elaborate fabrications about the motives of others...part of me always finds it unfair to the one asked about also, drawing false conclusions from misunderstood answers about them...trial by I Ching or rather trial by wishes projected onto misconstrued answers from the I Ching...Seems a pity newbies coming here think that the the best way to use the Yi..or maybe not

thats enough

 

[sophie]

OK, I get your point, Trojan

I misunderstood your initial post. As a (thankfully former) barrister, I agree - leading questions are a big no-no if one wants to get to the truth of a situation.

But it can be hard to work out a question for the Yi that is detached from our feelings about the situation. Perhaps the hardest job of all! And sometimes, by the time we've managed to articulate that question...we already know the answer

Perhaps that's part of the whole learning curve with the Yi for some of us? I can remember the day when the penny dropped for me... the Yi itself had told me many times...but...

 

[sofia]

Mmm Trojan. Isn't the IC also supposed to reflect a situation and offer clarity on it?? And if it isn't about asking about other people's motives and feelings then I must have misread about a hundred postings on this site!

Thanks for your take, but I don't agree with all of it (being much closer to the situation) . I HAVE taken control of things by confidently talking to K but he isn't responding anymore like he was last semester. And it's evidently not just me because he's withdrawn from everyone.

There's no issue on my part whether he's not talking to me for a specific reason (like not wanting to upset T) or whether he simply doesn't want to talk to me as you've suggested with 33 > 22. I just wanted to know either way so I could know for myself whether to give up on the banter or friendliness.

I ask the IC questions so I can get clarity on a situation and at the highest level receive the blatant truth NOT so I can weave the answers my heart might deeply crave

Yes I see how I could have gone off track with 21 and the following question leading to 10.6 BUT in the end they were superfluous. So take them out of the equation....

Are you saying 58.2 > 17 is about friendship, banter, fun?? If so, then that's what led to my confusion about the final 33 > 22 (which you've offered a translation for i.e. he may want friendship, banter and fun but that doesn't mean he hasn't withdrawn on a deeper sense). Makes perfect sense although I'd still like to hear what anyone else might think of that last 33.1.4.5 in relation to the previous 58.2

I agree I asked too many questions and probably went about this one the wrong way. But hey, I thought I was going with the flow of the IC and kept asking more questions based on the answers it was giving which I WOULDN'T say were assumptions on my part i.e. I specifically asked the IC what HE was thinking NOT what I could do in the situation (I'm aware of the difference and I use both approaches depending on what I would like clarity on).

And as for perhaps mis-using the IC to ask about other people, why would that be the case??? Isn't the IC supposed to give us clarity on a situation so that we can then make the best decisions from there? This seems to be the case with the majority of posts I access daily (some of them responded to by you). I trust myself enough to know that I'm not asking those questions because I'm trying to evade responsibility for myself OR because I might want to manipulate the situation to suit me. I trust myself enough to I know I'm asking so I can either bow gracefully out of a situation and not hurt or embarass myself or others, or so that I can get the helpful sign that I might need, to pursue it whether that be slowly/carefully or with passionate fervour.

Thank you again to both of you for your insight. I guess the only answer left for me is to go with my instinct as I face the situation week after week i.e. go with the flow and be my normal friendly self and if he doesn't respond, he doesn't respond!:bows:

hope I have ranted too much....

 

[Trojina]

There's no issue on my part whether he's not talking to me for a specific reason (like not wanting to upset T) or whether he simply doesn't want to talk to me as you've suggested with 33 > 22. I just wanted to know either way so I could know for myself whether to give up on the banter or friendliness.


:

So er why not ask "should i give up on the banter etc" or "should i continue in my friendliness ?" ? Why ask the most difficult way about, trying to get access to his feelings where really in the end its yours you deal with, yours your're concerned with. IMO by asking a question about how you best deal with him shortcuts all the speculation on answers about his feelings and has several advantages
a) you know how to proceed in your behaviour
b) very often his feelings are obvious when the Yi advises you how to handle yourself with him..you know like if you get hex 10 and you might know you need to be careful hence you might also surmise hes a bit dangerous/unpredictable/snappy whatever....with you at the moment

Anyway ask however you like....but just because most of the questions on shared readings are about what some guy thinks/feels doesn't mean its a great way of clarifying your own position in your questions to the Yi

everyone asks what others feel etc sometime including me, all I'm saying is if you find yourself on question 14 about a permutation of how he may feel and you haven't understood the previous 13 answers you stand a good chance of ending up more in the dark than you ever were...may as well simply ask him ..but its up to you of course

 

[sofia]

Point taken Trojan I am working on how I phrase my questions and what I ask, so thanks for the guidance on that aspect.

sofia