35.1.3 > 30

[precision grace]

Hm. I've been through commentaries, and memorizing threads and forums and I am more confused than ever. This combo is fairly tricky I find as at first glance seems positive but when you delve deeper..not so much. 35.1 is obvious enough, but 35.3 is very hard to understand on it's own and in combination leading to 30 just has me perplexed.

So, to put it in context - I asked what are my chances of having a type of relationship I want (and i meant it in terms of relating rather than 'relationship') with this person. I asked this question because it is one of those scenarios when things start well enough and you think there is some sort of kinship but then things become weird and incomprehensible and you lose your bearings and no longer know what is up, down, left or around the corner.

I think 35.1 is clearly saying that I expected closeness too soon. Fair enough.

But what is 35.3 saying and 30? To cling or not to cling?

It confuses me because recently I had promised myself that whenever I meet anyone new, I will go with it if it seems easy but if it starts to look like hard work, I will let it go. This, because I have come to believe that relationships that are hard work are simply not worth having. What's the point? And I don't mean I am not prepared to compromise etc, far from it, but simply, if the basic raport seems difficult - I take it as a sign form Universe that this person is simply not worth spending too much of my energy on. For example, there is a lady at work I sometimes chat to at tea time. She is very nice and we have pleasant enough chat but talking to her is such hard work and not in any way pleasurable that I don't seek her out or find myself spending extra time with her. On the other hand, whenever I actually start talking to the person this question is about, I find myself wishing we could carry on for hours. I enjoy our chats. Or rather used to enjoy them but they don't seem to be happening any more. 35.1.3 > 30

Yay or nay?

 

[bamboo]

I vote a total yay. I don't see the reading as confusing, but rather very clearly as positive . 35.1 may mean feeling a bit rebuffed at first, but success ultimately, and 35.3 is 100% positive for being welcomed and 30 very positive for mutual benefit . Perhaps, I suggest, that you may be a bit sensitive to the feeling that she has not been open to continuing your chats. But you might need to push past that feeling and be a bit more aggressive about making your interest in friendship more obvious..she may not have any idea how much you enjoy the chats!

the steps of change, 35.1 > 21.3 > 30 could indicate having to bite through those old fears of rejection ...leading to 30 which is an ideal hexagram for mutually beneficial sharing and friendship. That feeling you have of "wishing we could carry on for hours" is very 30ish, and I would bet it would be a mutual enjoyment.

 

[ginnie]

Since she has backed away from the chats you enjoyed so much, it's a situation where you have to persist single-handedly and let her know you're still interested. This situation can look good for awhile and later go sour ... or not. The ultimate outcome all depends on other factors.

 

[precision grace]

thank you both, it does sort of seem positive doesn't it, but I have seen a 35.1.3 commentary somewhere on this forum which basically suggested moving on ..Confusionland

Also, does it not seem to you as Yi has simply echoed my feelings on the matter? 'This is what I would like and how I feel at the moment and how I would like to feel about it in the future.'

I'm worried about being too pushy but then at the same time, i have a friend who always has to drag me out for chats, I hardly ever initiate although, again, really enjoy our time together. I thought for a moment that this is complicated by the fact that this is a guy and there is possibly also issue of attraction unresolved and that it might be reason for ambivalence lately, although it could be due to preoccupation with other matters or simply lack of interest. I have yet another friend (female) who goes for weeks on end without contact, and then wants to meet up and carry on as if we've only seen eachother yesterday. I have other friends (who live abroad) who I do this to, except for months and years gaps. So I guess, it's all pretty normal except for the part where I was seeing this person almost twice daily at one point I think, or maybe it just felt that way. Now it's like he is avoiding me which is not likely but I am obviously feeling deprived of attention due to me.
I think I just got really excited at a prospect of having a male friend(s) again, but maybe it's not to be. Really miss having male friends in my life

 

[knotxx]

hey precision grace -- how did this work out for you? I am curious, as I recently got the same reading.

 

[precision grace]

hey precision grace -- how did this work out for you? I am curious, as I recently got the same reading.

Hi knot

Er, I'm sort of not entirely sure who I asked this question about (it was one of two people) but in either way it's not that great. Things continue to be confusing and weird but have cooled off considerably. I think the answer truly was to move on as there is nothing there of substance to cling to.

I hope it works out better for you.

 

[knotxx]

mine's actually career-related (and my career is definitely confusing and weird at the moment!), but it's still interesting to hear about yours. Thank you!

 

[Trojina]

In my own experience FWIW I think commentaries for 35.1 can be misleading.

Where they say you are rebuffed at first but find success later it doesn't mean you find success with the object of the question but success elsewhere because your 'net' is open so to speak.

See wiki for more coherent explanation....I think the idea is you don't capture this object of desire but what you didn't catch leaves an empty space to catch things with....in any case losing this thing, being rebuffed by this thing, doesn't harm you in the long run, you will find success in the long run but not necessarily with the thing you were originally wanting.

I hope that makes sense...it's quite hard to put into words. I reckon it may be to do with emotional capacity and maturity that's developed. This development means short term frustration but longer term satisfaction.

Example ; not being able to get back intimately together with someone even though you want to gives your awareness new perspective...and it's this change in awareness that brings ultimate success. Your emotions cannot be given to them so you hold awareness of your own attachment pattern and you get to know it better and it grows. something here seems to indicate that being denied something fosters growth.

Wanting one thing, not being able to have it, gives you the opportunity to understand your own appetites and what you really want.

 

[precision grace]

Thanks Trojan I think you make a very good point. I think I know who I asked this about now and it's proven to be one of those where a thing looks and quacks like a duck but turns out to be a badger.

 

[kkappa]

It's proven to be one of those where a thing looks and quacks like a duck but turns out to be a badger.

Best quote ever.