35.1 motherly love ....

[kestrelw1ngs]

Today some old wounds opened up around relationship. And the way I was raised in religious control.

For a general bibliomancy of the day (I ask a question and open the Yi Ching book by Karcher) I got 54 UC and 31.1>49

(It affects his big toes)


What made the day strange besides spending it totally alone, was my mom texted me out of the blue as she does despite us being somewhat estranged. Always something about how she's getting old, misses me, how I'm like her and no one else in the family gets her. Or talking about her problems or her health.

It leaves me feeling nasty and violated in a way I can't explain. I try to respond politely but honor my feelings with a caveat (such as "well yes, but I do have other interests!") and she explodes in a fit of passive aggression, telling me I always read negatively into her communication and she won't ever bother me again, etc etc.

This situation puts me in such an emotional chokehold and it feels important to all other relationship difficulties, like some emotional residue from this carries over to every other connection, spoiling them.

I asked Yi "how do I handle my mother?"
35.1>21
Progress destroyed. But no mistake?

There is a voice that tells me I am being the asshole here with my coolness and should simply play along with enthusiasm like "oh how lovely you miss me! are your flowers blooming?" As if she is a silly child. I used to be quite brooding and snappy at her and there's a sense in which I feel I owe her lightness and relief.
however I'm exhausted from doing that with a lot of different people. It feels crucial to start being more honest and prevent more sticky emotionally dishonest relationships from developing in the first place.
Would this hexagram suggest that I should change my approach or continue being honest even if it causes blowups?

this is quite painful, relating hex 21 makes sense.
many thanks!

 

[Hans_K]

Hi kesterw1ings,
H35 is the hexagram of (rapid) progress and expansion.

Trigram Earth unbalanced by the moving line in the 1st position feels like the "victim" (it is the other or the situation that is causing the problems and he/she experiences the effects of this and cannot do anything about it). Noteworthy here is that Earth is associated with the mother. So this feeling is caused by the mother.

The upper trigram Fire is about relationships and making things visible, providing clarity.
So you can see H35.1 as: getting clarity in what it is that triggers me every time in the relationship with the mother. It is the 1st line that moves and is therefore about the core of things. What is at the core that gets me every time.
The text of the 1st line says: "If there is an absence of confidence and trust, Be generous and improve yourself."
Let's be clear, this is not about being right or wrong, or that it's your own fault. It may very well be that your mother's behaviour is not correct, but the question is why it affects you. Why did you give your power away to her?
Earth turns into Thunder. Renew yourself, cut the knot to make a new start and leave the past behind. Thunder is also the trigram of (sudden) insight and power. So it can be seen as starting the process of healing, reclaiming your power.

The related hexagram H21 is about an obstacle that has to be bitten through. Figuratively speaking, this obstacle lies within yourself. You write in your post:

Today some old wounds opened up around relationship. And the way I was raised in religious control.

I think that is the obstacle. The rulling line of this hexagram talks about bitting through dried meat, in other words, it's about issues that have been around for a long time. H35 is about progress and it seems that your progress (with your mother or even in general) is blocked by this obstacle.
The question "how do I handle my mother?", as I see it, is answered by the Yi with:
By working on yourself first. Not because you are doing something wrong or because it is in any way your fault, but because you have given away your power to something outside yourself. When you can heal that then your mother's behaviour won't have any effect on you anymore.

This would be my interpretation. As always take what resonates and leave the rest.

 

[rosada]

The trigram Earth frequently indicates there is a need to slow down. Particularly the first line of the trigram emphasizes one ought to let things gel a bit before responding. As advice for how to handle your mom I see 35.1 Progress is Blocked as indicating you can start by resisting the impulse to immediately answer her emails. Wait a day or two or week or two until the feeling that you ought to respond subsides a bit and don’t call until a genuine feeling of wanting to connect builds and motivates you to check in. In other words, don’t respond to her negativity. Hold off until you can set the tone with some totally new upbeat topic that you choose.
And I suggest giving her a call rather than answering with an email. Not only will you not need to put so much time into fashioning a reply but emails are more likely to solidify the estrangement whereas just a few words and the sound of your voice can bite through the perceived block in an instant.

Bottomline, don’t respond to the dog whistles. Call only when you choose to when you have some good news to share.

 

[kestrelw1ngs]

Thank you both for the Clarity.

Rosada, slowing down is excellent advice. Letting her take the lead on communication versus communicating at my own pace and desire.

The problem is mostly that I have no real desire to connect with her right now. I cannot answer anything about how I'm really doing, my relationships, or interests, it's a service to her, almost an act of compassion that takes away my energy.
Which is also how it feels to talk to my grandmother but that's more appropriate, as she's been the backup throughout my life when my parents couldn't handle whatever they were going through. She texts me sunny updates and never responds with passive aggressive nastiness.

I suppose the issue is mother wants to move into the realm of respected elder, and here I am still feeling like an angry, hurt child, wanting the parents I needed long ago.

I am LGBT and my family does not recognize my identity, which...they don't need to. But there are many ways my upbringing stunted me educationally, emotionally, socially, and the wounds that came up were specifically wishing for a family that I could rely on, trust to have my best interests in mind and not Church dogma. There is lots of art I also wish to make but know it would further estrange my family and I haven't yet taken the leap to "not care" about that.

There's the hex 21.

I asked Yi for guidance on "biting through" my issues.

23.2.3.4>50

"Removing the bed because of separation."

"Removing this.
Without fault"

The only line that doesn't make sense yet is 23.4

Many thanks for your interpretations

 

[Hans_K]

I asked Yi for guidance on "biting through" my issues.

23.2.3.4>50

H23.2.3.4 has a lot of trigram Earth in it. Earth is the lower trigram, the core hexagram of H23 is H2 (2x Earth) and the moving lines together also form trigram Earth.
This shows that the mother, as well as upbringing, as you yourself pointed out, play an important role in this situation.
The trigram Earth formed by the moving lines changes to Heaven. From turning too much inward to action, turning outward.

H23 is the hexagram of collapse and thus the hexagram of letting go of control (in H23 collapse is inevitable). Trigram Mountain represents a bed or a house (a place where it is safe) hence the text of the first 2 lines and the 4th talk about a bed and thus how security is undermined.

Earth to Wind: step out of the sphere of influence of the mother/upbringing and establish your "I" (I as in "Hello world/mother here I am, deal with it") .
Mountain to Fire: Mountain with a moving line is stubborn and rigid and refuses to connect (to the real issues in this situation??), it clings to the past. Fire, on the other hand, is about clarity and relationships, about showing your truth.
The moving yang line at the 4th position shows that you can influence this situation (the obstacle H21 talks about) if you seize the opportunities that present themselves now.
The text of this line says:"The skin of the bed splits apart. Misfortune." This is not a prediction but rather a warning. If you don't take care of your own "safety" then this is the result.

I think the related hexagram H50 can be explained in 2 ways.
Fire over Wind/Wood. Fire keeps burning as long as there is fuel. In other words, this situation/obstacle remains as long as you keep paying attention to it, as long as you keep feeding it.
Another explanation is that Wind/Wood as the lower trigram represents the "I", your inner being.
So H50 can also be seen as making visible, and being who you really are.

This would be my interpretation, hopefully you can get something out of it.
As always, take what resonates and leave the rest

 

[kestrelw1ngs]

I have been mulling over this. It's funny as both mother and I are earth signs...
I am making some progress on releasing the resentment and embracing the anger without it being so attached to her or family, and coming out of the shell.
It's very odd to see that these sorts of internal conflicts only persist if fed....as one of my favorite astrology writers Alice SparklyKat says "conflict is not resolved but outgrown"

Hmmmph!! the inner teenager still believes in fighting to win, silly goose.
Many thanks.

 

[kestrelw1ngs]

If the reality issue is you don't feel "allowed" to be yourself, staying focused on the past person who you felt that with, doesn't do much to address the present day problem of still not being yourself!

 

[Hans_K]

Hmmmph!! the inner teenager still believes in fighting to win, silly goose.

Well, you can use that fighter's spirit to "fight" for yourself, to get into your own power .