36 unchanging, Have my past actions with him been wrong?

[odlaww]

a

 

[Trojina]

I'm going to go through this piece by piece as it's easier

I'm in a complicated sort-of relationship with a guy. He's told me he feels strongly about me, and I am quite mad about him, but due to choices he's made in his life, and several things he's involved in, he says he doesn't want a relationship.

Okay this is kind of deceptive. You are in a relationship with him quite clearly but he's telling you he's not presumably to safeguard himself from responsibility to you and to the relationship. It doesn't work to be in a relationship and say you aren't in it. Immediately it's clear you are being undermined here (36). Maybe not intentionally but what follows is also typical, you end up blaming yourself for him letting you down.

I've tried to respect that... and yet, whenever we find ourselves alone, we end up sharing amazing, amazing physical and emotional intimacy. He tells me things he hasn't ever told anyone, and I feel like I can be my real self (warts and all) with him.

So are you in a relationship or not ? If he says you aren't then do not sleep with him or get intimate with him. You know this really isn't fair on you and you have totally bought his story that he can have a relationship with you whilst saying he isn't so that he won't owe you any care should he want to change his mind and go and have a relationship that isn't one with someone else. This is a very old story you know.

Last time we saw each other, he was worried that if we kept it up, it'd end up poorly for both of us, and wanted me to help him not get physical (he wants to keep the emotional intimacy). All the times we've been together physically, he's initiated. I haven't wanted to do so outright because I don't want to force him. Last time, however, I was more forward. He said it was ok, since it was the last time (he's said that a few times, so it's kind of hard to believe), and we acted lovey-dovey (hand holding, cuddling, etc.) for the whole night, while we talked about everything and anything.

How much responsibility does this guy not want to have !? He's not even taking responsibility for his own bodily reactions. Asking you to 'help him not get physical' , really I never heard such nonsense. If you go on accepting this from him you will get very badly hurt. Look after yourself.

Also this whole thing about 'this is the last time' is a manipulative ploy to keep things on his terms. Call his bluff. If it's the last time then make it the last time. If he wants a relationship with you he needs to grow the balls to be able to be responsible for it...otherwise well you aren't having a relationship hence no sex, holding hands and everything else that people actually do in relationships. He's ripping you off.

I'm crazy about him, and during the whole relationship, I've asked the Yi for guidance... and it's given me some really solid advice. For the future, it gave me 10.1.4, which I think is quite excellent.

Do you ? Why, what do you think it says ? 10.1.4>59 looks like carefully treading a minefield alone which effectively is what you are doing. It's great you are crazy about him but note you call it a 'relationship' and he doesn't so unless you want to get hurt you need to establish it's a relationship from his POV.

However, I suddenly felt wracked with guilt... what if I was too forceful last time? I'm afraid of making him uncomfortable. So I asked, and got 36 unchanging.

I read this translation "Darkening of the Light. It benefits one to carry on through hard times.", and thought it meant to plow through the very strong feelings of doubt and anxiety that arises in my mind, and try to carry on.

What interpretation would you guys suggest?

This is classic ! You fell for feeling guilty for his lack of commitment ? LOL No, don't be silly, if you feel anxious it's for good reason as this guy is not playing fair with you. 36 is showing you not being able to express what you really want to him I imagine. If every time you make love he says it's the last time that will drive you into a frenzy of addiction to him and he likely knows that.
You don't need to be treated that way so either he decides he is in a relationship with you or you go on falling for a very old game and feel guilty for being ripped off at the same time. Wake up, you aren't seeing this clearly.

 

[odlaww]

a

 

[Trojina]

Thanks for responding, I have one or two other things that might be good to bear in mind.

Ah, I'm sorry! I got 10 for a recent unrelated inquiry! I actually got 45.1.4
Here's what I asked:
"Where is this going? If I wait, into what will our relationship develop? Could we ever be a couple?"

That is 45.1.4>3. I'm not going to try to interpret because I think it's dangerous to build a future in your head with him based on I Ching readings. Will give link on common pitfalls for this. Here http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/frie...42-Blog-post-Advice-for-relationship-readings If he says he doesn't want a relationship that is what you need to take into account. Often people try to conduct the relationship via the I Ching and so there gets a greater gap between what they think Yi is saying and what their partner is actually saying.

After a few days meditating on the answer, it seemed to me that I just need to take it easy, let go of any expectations I have of him, and wait and see. Maybe it's self-deception, but I am feeling cautiously optimistic. At the very least, I've greatly enjoyed everything that's happened... even the anxiety, because I believe it's helping me see and think different things I wouldn't have otherwise, and I'm growing a lot.

I hope you are right to be cautiously optimistic. 'Wait and see' tends to become frantic and fraught and mean 1000 more I Ching readings on what he's thinking. It isn't possible not to have expectations of him....that is kidding yourself, so of course you have expectations. Anyway good luck, whilst what I've said may sound gloomy I just wanted you to be aware you were blaming yourself when you are actually not being treated very well.

 

[odlaww]

Thanks again, I'll keep what you said in mind.