39uc for feedback on decision to move on

[rellik]

Hi all

Fairly new to this so please bear with me.
My question related to a romantic situation which has been going on for some time, over a year, slowly developing from a friendship. I decided to express myself that I'd like the relationship to become serious, which was well received but he said he needed some time to think about it and process last relationship stuff. I was happy to do that and give space, but he still hasn't expressed what he wants and I haven't heard from him in almost a month now. I know he isolates occasionally from family/friends when feeling depressed or overwhelmed. But today I decided I can't be bothered anymore and that I'm going to move on now. I asked the yi the following:

What was the point of the experience with him?
60.1.2.3 to 39

What do you think of my decision to move on?
39uc

60.1.2.3 to 39
Perhaps it's about learning my own limitations, or not limiting myself to someone like that.
Not sure how the obstacle fits in?

39uc
Is this just a confirmation that yes, the relationship was obstructed so I'm right to make this choice? As I've read other places that this hexagram as unchanged means better to not go this way...as in, better not to abandon this rashly?

Its interesting that 39 came up in both readings but I'm not sure what to make of that.

Thanks in advance for your insight

 

[Hans_K]

Hi rellik,

What do you think of my decision to move on?
39uc

H39 is Water over Mountain
Trigram Mountain is immobile and solid, it holds on to what is familiar.
Water on the other hand is formless, it moves and is boundless, it has no specific purpose but flows to the lowest point.
So both trigrams are opposites in nature and therefore do not work well together.
This raises the question of whether you can move on, you may want to intellectually but can you do it emotionally? The lower trigram represents the person asking the question or the inner world of the questioner and in this case that is trigram Mountain. You could see this as: heart and head not being aligned.
The text of Judgement talks about there being an advantage to going southwest. Southwest is trigram Earth in the King Wen arrangement. Earth is the trigram of receiving, being open. It is definitely not a trigram of movement. Stillness is also expressed in the text of the Image: "Thus the superior person reflects on himself And cultivates his character."
Based on this answer I personally would not make any decisions regarding the relationship yet.

This would be my interpretation. Take what resonates and leave the rest

 

[rellik]

Hi rellik,

H39 is Water over Mountain
Trigram Mountain is immobile and solid, it holds on to what is familiar.
Water on the other hand is formless, it moves and is boundless, it has no specific purpose but flows to the lowest point.
So both trigrams are opposites in nature and therefore do not work well together.
This raises the question of whether you can move on, you may want to intellectually but can you do it emotionally? The lower trigram represents the person asking the question or the inner world of the questioner and in this case that is trigram Mountain. You could see this as: the heart and the head not being aligned.
The text of Judgement talks about there being an advantage to going southwest. Southwest is trigram Earth in the King Wen arrangement. Earth is the trigram of receiving, being open. It is definitely not a trigram of movement. Stillness is also expressed in the text of the Image: "Thus the superior person reflects on himself And cultivates his character."
Based on this answer I personally would not make any decisions regarding the relationship yet.

This would be my interpretation. Take what resonates and leave the rest

Hi Hans_K,

Reading your response made me emotional so it definitely struck a chord. Thank you for your insight. I will reflect on this.

 

[rellik]

Hi,

This has been bothering me still and I asked another question: please give a simple advise regarding this situation

6.4 to 59

Is the I Ching saying that I need to accept the situation as it stands- that there is no foundation for a relationship and I should let it go

Or is it saying that I need to figure out why I'm conflicted about this in myself and accept the situation without doing anything drastic like moving on /opening up to potential connections with new people

I know I would like to continue to nurture the connection with this person however I'm worried I'm deluding myself into thinking it's more than it is, maybe it's just fizzled out and it's time to accept that and move on. Part of the issue is I'm having a lot of self doubt in general right now. I can't seem to figure out what's my gut feeling, what's my fear and what's common sense.

Thanks in advance

R

 

[marybluesky]

Hi rellik!

I'd answer you somehow intuitively, looking at the bigger picture of hexagrams, maybe passing by some details:

What was the point of the experience with him? 60.1.2.3 to 39
To understand that some people consider this type of limitations as obstacles. Or that, pushing him beyond his comfort zone to make a commitment instead of going on with the previous undetermined boundaries lead to obstruction.

What do you think of my decision to move on? 39uc
It's a good decision. The noble one turns around to renew her character.

When two people don't want the same thing it's hard to continue.

 

[marybluesky]

I just saw your last post:

This has been bothering me still and I asked another question: please give a simple advise regarding this situation 6.4 to 59

You can't win in this situation. Go your own way, change your heart, and live your life, peacefully.

 

[Hans_K]

H6 is the hexagram of struggle and contention. There is uncertainty and emotion (Water) in the mind (Heaven). The text of the Image says: "Thus in all his affairs the superior person carefully considers how things begin."

I'm worried I'm deluding myself into thinking it's more than it is, maybe it's just fizzled out and it's time to accept that and move on. Part of the issue is I'm having a lot of self doubt in general right now. I can't seem to figure out what's my gut feeling, what's my fear and what's common sense.

This shows exactly what H6 is about.
Heaven with a moving yang line in the 4th position, is about losing track of things and wanting to make decisions too quickly, thereby achieving the very thing you don't want.
Heaven turns into Wind, which is about communication and getting things moving.
The text of the 4th line says: "Unable to contend, One turns back and submits to fate, Changes one's attitude, And finds peace."
The related hexagram is H59. The hexagram of dissolving and evaporating. In other words when you follow the advice of the 4th line the problems evaporate.
So as I see it, the advice is to stop being all preoccupied in your head with doubting etc. (the inner struggle) and start communicating with the person. Explain what you feel and ask questions.
That way, everything will dissolve by itself.

This would be my interpretation. Take what resonates and leave rest

 

[rellik]

Thank you both for your insights! I really appreciate it.

With some time I've been able to get some more clarity about what's going on with me that I think is reflected in the readings.

To continue or to move on is really the wrong way of looking at it. I need to look within myself to understand my part in creating this situation in the first place and dissolve this inner obstacle, conflict. So like Hans_K is said, can I really move on? Not right now, without just repeating the same thing again with someone else. Changing my outer situation wouldn't really further anything until I can understand and create the change first within myself (dissolve the inner conflict, 6 to 59)

So the 39uc was showing me no movement, you can move on but will meet with same opposition, as it stands. So I think the point Hans_K raised about the need for communication is more about the need for inner communication between the different parts of myself, to allow me to reach understanding so as to move through the obstruction.

As for 60 to 39, what was the point of this connection, it is serving to show me my unconsicous limiting attitudes that got me into this frustrating struggle in the first place, and an opportunity to find a way to transcend them.

So in terms of what happens with this person is actually here nor there.

Bless

 

[rellik]

additional thoughts:
The situation with this person is providing me with the motivation to look within.

There's also more levels to the idea of communication as a way out, I think practicing communicating with others in my life (in all my relationships including family and friends) will help to prove to me that my inner fears (the ones which caused this situation in the first place) are unfounded. And of course, I need to communicate with the person in the relationship too, whatever I want to do in the end. It's only through communicating that I could discover what kind of relationship it could become anyway.

I feel so relieved.