4 un, 15.3.4 to 16, 24.1 to 2 What happened here??

[laperdida]

Good evening/good morning! Hoping for some insight to help me let go of an admittedly silly situation.

Had a really nice conversation with my crush a few weeks ago, and now ... he's avoiding/ignoring me, or else looking like he wants to throw up whenever he sees me! Ok, maybe a slight exaggeration, but he certainly doesn't look happy. And I have no idea what I did!?! I'm generally pretty quiet and easy to get along with--people either like me or don't even notice me. Rarely dislike me though. A friend suggested it's because he picked up on my feelings for him. Which is possible, but again, I'm not exactly bold! Sigh. I know I shouldn't care, but darn it, it hurts and I feel embarrassed. We barely know each other (that conversation was our first and apparently last), so definitely don't feel comfortable asking him. I have to see him every day.

"What did I do to make x dislike me?"
--4 unchanging--

I'll never know? I don't need to know? I did something foolish without knowing it? I'm being foolish even worrying about it?

"How should I proceed regarding our relationship?"
--15.3.4 to 16--

Don't assume it's all about me? Just keep being kind and humble and low key because that's the right thing to do. And don't concern myself with his behavior or with trying to win him over.

And even though it goes against my nature to flat out ignore someone, I'm feeling like I need to, to protect my heart. So:

"What would happen if I completely ignored him from now on?"
--24.1 to 2--

Returning from an error of no great extent/ returning myself to the correct path. No remorse ... Hmmm, not sure what the error would be here. Ignoring him? Or liking him in the first place?

Thank you in advance

 

[Trojina]

Your question seemed to get buried so I am here to dig it out

"What did I do to make x dislike me?"
--4 unchanging--

I'll never know? I don't need to know? I did something foolish without knowing it? I'm being foolish even worrying about it?

You don't even know if x does dislike you, you don't know, you are in the dark here and at this point you won't know unless you actually find out. Or it could be that you simply can't know, it's out of your sphere of knowing. He might be acting this way for all sorts of reasons.

"How should I proceed regarding our relationship?"
--15.3.4 to 16--

Don't assume it's all about me? Just keep being kind and humble and low key because that's the right thing to do. And don't concern myself with his behavior or with trying to win him over.

Yes, proceed in a fairly matter of fact ordinary way according to the reality as presented. The facts are you had a nice conversation but now there is distance between you and you don't understand it. I don't think you need to be too low key, there are times also to be bold in 15 because one acts according to the reality presented.

You have 16 as relating showing there's a lot more than the reality as presented for you. Many grand scenarios could play out in your head about what might be but meantime someone you had a nice conversation with doesn't seem to want to follow up.

I think a fairly pragmatic approach with him is called for, I think perhaps you could go and talk to him again. If he is vain enough to think every woman who likes to talk to him desperately desires him that's his problem. Move away form the 'crush' position to 'who is this man to me and can we not talk again ?'. If not then well you waste no more time on him since you just don't have energy to spare for people who blow hot and cold.

And even though it goes against my nature to flat out ignore someone, I'm feeling like I need to, to protect my heart. So:

"What would happen if I completely ignored him from now on?"
--24.1 to 2--

Well you'd be back to your more usual peaceful state. This almost contradicts the 15 answer in a way. The 15 answer is pretty matter of fact and that could involve walking up to him and saying 'so how are you, you seem to look pretty grumpy lately cod face ...' or words of your choice. But ignoring him also looks a nice restful option although hang on - ----this could also be saying you won't need to ignore him as there is far less distance between you than you think.

Returning from an error of no great extent/ returning myself to the correct path. No remorse ... Hmmm, not sure what the error would be here. Ignoring him? Or liking him in the first place?

24.1 is where one was just about to go off one's path but doesn't, or one has some kind of trouble but returns from it quickly. It doesn't have to be your error but a difficulty in a situation. Often it's hard to tell what the near return is from. This is either going to be you returning to your usual state of emotional equilibrium, so that would be you move on from him, you forget him and are your usual self OR you return quickly from this state of estrangement with him which would be an indirect answer more or less saying not to worry, ignoring isn't necessary.


People who blow hot and cold really aren't worth the time so if you are inclined to find out why he's suddenly acting like a cod with indigestion then maybe just start a casual conversation ? If you can't do that then ignoring is not a bad option as it leaves the ball in his court if he wants more contact and if he doesn't well you have other fish to fry.

 

[laperdida]

Thank you, Trojina! That was kind of you, particularly considering it was a question of ultimately little importance

I agree that there is more to the situation than I currently grasp. But I woke up this morning and decided that I no longer care. It's unhealthy to let another's behavior disrupt my peaceful existence this much!

I appreciate your thoughtful response. What resonated most was this:

"People who blow hot and cold really aren't worth the time so if you are inclined to find out why he's suddenly acting like a cod with indigestion then maybe just start a casual conversation ? If you can't do that then ignoring is not a bad option as it leaves the ball in his court if he wants more contact and if he doesn't well you have other fish to fry. "

Mostly because it suddenly became clear that the situation is only serving to make me feel bad about myself. And my poor self-esteem has been battered and bruised quite enough recently! I've tried to be pleasant with little response, so any further interactions are 100% on him. Not playing the ignoring game, just not letting him take up any more space in my head and heart unless he proves worthy.

Ha! I'm all tough talk now, but let's see in a week's time!

 

[laperdida]

Thank you, Trojina! That was kind of you, particularly considering it was a question of ultimately little importance

I agree that there is more to the situation than I currently grasp. But I woke up this morning and decided that I no longer care. It's unhealthy to let another's behavior disrupt my peaceful existence this much!

I appreciate your thoughtful response. What resonated most was this:

"People who blow hot and cold really aren't worth the time so if you are inclined to find out why he's suddenly acting like a cod with indigestion then maybe just start a casual conversation ? If you can't do that then ignoring is not a bad option as it leaves the ball in his court if he wants more contact and if he doesn't well you have other fish to fry. "

Mostly because it suddenly became clear that the situation is only serving to make me feel bad about myself. And my poor self-esteem has been battered and bruised quite enough recently! I've tried to be pleasant with little response, so any further interactions are 100% on him. Not playing the ignoring game, just not letting him take up any more space in my head and heart unless he proves worthy of it. 24.1

Ha! I'm all tough talk now, but let's see in a week's time! :ROFL:

 

[laperdida]

(sorry for the double post)