43.6 > 1 - Friendship issue

[sofia]

Hi again, I know this is my second posting in 2 days but both situations are important to me as I value my friendships and also don't want to waste time on those who are not keen to pursue a friendship with me.....

I made a friendship connection with my ex-boss last year but it was difficult to explore because a) he has a wife and b) they are a very cliquey couple from interstate and keep to themselves a lot. I feel that there was also tension between J and I because I had the strongest gut feeling he knew a guy with whom I had a big fallout in previous years, and that he was kind of snooping for facts (but this was all just a strong intuition and never confirmed).

We haven't been in touch since before Christmas, but his wife gave birth to their baby girl this week and he posted pics on his facebook account so I got the news! I posted a genuine, humorous and warm message on his home page congratulating them. This is the second friendly message I've posted since we last spoke, and the first time he responded with something very short and light, but friendly. This time nothing yet, but then again he's very busy with his new family!!

Wondering if this friendship is worth putting further energy into, I asked the IC

How does J feel about me now?

I got 43.6 > 1 which in Karcher says to call out i.e. if you don't communicate your message now, the way will close. It also refers to a pitfall, like a warning, in LiSe's online book.

Then I asked..

What does J think about my message regarding his new born baby?

I got 7.6 > 4 which totally confused me because of the 4 contradicting line 7. which in Karcher talks about receiving the mandate and becoming a leader.

I asked again and got 7.1.2.6 > 27

I threw in a few other different versions of these questions i.e. What does J think about me now that I've posted the message? and got 63.3 > 3 (which I don't really understand at all)

and also...

Would he prefer that I go away from his life? and got 47.1.3.4 > 5

Karcher says 47.4 means that it will come slowly slowly, and it would be better to have a mind free of worries, but either way, the way will open

Basically, I'm not sure if there's still a friendship there. These answers don't sound all that positive but they don't seem to be a clear negative either.

I was pretty outspoken when I worked for him (a 4 month contract as a consultant) which I know he both really liked/respected but also felt confronted by. Plus there was always this issue about him possibly knowing this other guy, which seemed to be an underlying energy between us i.e. that once I felt this, I was suspicious and even somewhat angry.

If anyone could shed any light I would really appreciate it. I just want to move on from this "friendship" either way i.e. I would hate to be pursuing with friendly messages if he really wasn't interested.

thanks as always

sofia

 

[rosada]

Dear Sophia,

43.6 - 1 says your note of good wishes about the baby was received as being just that, however as you have experienced, even something so innocuous as a simple congratulations can stir up your inappropriate fantasies about this man and/or his for you. The I Ching advises you both to completely detach yourselves from this path which can lead nowhere and to focus your attention on creating something real.

How did he interpret your message, 7.6 - 4.
As his mind is on creating a strong family team/army, your message was seen in that light, that is, a message of support for his entire family. "Inferior people should not be employed" - he didn't see the potential for creating a relationship with you. He felt it was a 4, an innocent sign of your goodwill.

Likewise 7.1.2.6 - 27, he is feeling great about his world just now and not interpreting anything you wrote as being anything other than supportive of his family.

How does he feel about you? 63.3 - 3. He may have had a spark for you at one time but he does not wish to cultivate it and therefore there is really no reason for the two of you to be having any sort of special communication. 3 suggests he either is confused as to what you want from him or else your connection has dissolved.

Would he prefer you go away? 47.1.2.4 > 5. He is not bothered by your occasional appearances, but he has no intention of putting any energy into a special connection with you unless there were some real purpose served. If you had a project to do together he would not be opposed to working with you but right now there is no purpose in maintaining close contact.

It sounds to me like working with this man brought out a side of you where you felt strong and creative (hexagram 1) and that you would like to continue to feel this way about yourself. I once heard someone say that we love people because of who we are when we are around them. This man brought out something good in you, now you have to fine a way to cultivate that part of you on your own.

Good luck with it!!
Rosada

 

[sofia]

How does he feel about you? 63.3 - 3. He may have had a spark for you at one time but he does not wish to cultivate it and therefore there is really no reason for the two of you to be having any sort of special communication. 3 suggests he either is confused as to what you want from him or else your connection has dissolved.

Thanks for all of your responses Rosada - much appreciated and does fill in the bits I was having trouble translating.

With 63.3 Karcher says "Three years - this is weariness.....You are embarked on a great enterprise. It will take time to complete. Keep a firm purpose. Don't listen to what others try to tell you. You will win in the end and realise your heart's desire"

This seems to be indicating a pursuit that will happen but will take some time....??? But then LiSe does refer to it all being lost through one moment of inattention (which could be that the connection is lost because there's been no avenue to maintain it aside from general online banter) i.e. this is what LiSe says...

"Conquering and subsequently keeping things can only succeed with patience, tenacity, perseverance, purposive ness. In other words: with a strong character. One moment of inattention or weakness and all may be lost."

So in light of both versions, would you still say 63.3 is about a spark that may have once been there but that he does not wish to cultivate?

thanks
sofia

 

[sofia]

43.6 - 1 says your note of good wishes about the baby was received as being just that, however as you have experienced, even something so innocuous as a simple congratulations can stir up your inappropriate fantasies about this man and/or his for you. The I Ching advises you both to completely detach yourselves from this path which can lead nowhere and to focus your attention on creating something real.

I see this in the situation Rosada so thanks for clarifying that. I just wonder how you got your final comments out of this i.e. about Hex 1 and the fact I may have loved who I was around him etc.... could you explain this further in light of the 43.6>! response?

I do believe since I'm single with no kids (and therefore lots of spare time and head space) I'm obviously more inclined to want a friendship out of this "spark" than he is, being so busy with his new joy and his wife. So your final comments make some sense.

I also realise that without an avenue for contact i.e. a work project, or even possibly inviting him and his wife to a party (which with new baby likely won't eventuate) then there really is no opportunity for a friendship at this stage. So I asked the IC a couple of final questions:

What is the best approach to take with J from here on if I want to pursue a friendship with him?

I got 3.3 > 63

Can't get any clearer than that!!

"Whoever hunts deer without the forester
Only loses his way in the forest.
The superior man understands the signs of the time
And prefers to desist.
To go on brings humiliation."

And then...Will I ever get an opportunity to befriend J again in the near future?

I got 58 unchanging

Does this mean "yes"??

thanks as always for all your insight

sofia

 

[rosada]

63.3
The Illustrious Ancestor disciplines the Devil's country.
We live in a world of lies and adultery, but this man has gone to a lot of effort to create a good home for his wife and family.

After three years he conquers it.
It may take him awhile to completely tame his male hormones, the spark, but that's what he's intending to do.

Inferior people must not be employed.
He isn't about to let someone who doesn't support his happily-married-man self-image come in too close.

3.
You may have a Difficulty at The Beginning accepting that this but he will stick with his intention and in time you will no longer be so confused.
--
As to my thoughts on 43.6 >1.
43.6 says you must be very careful not to think you can just play with fantasies about this man. You could easily become obsessed and waste a lot of time. You must put him out of your mind and 1. focus on creating something real.
--
As to whether you will have an opportunity in the near future to befriend this man, 58. is the image of water being tossed back and forth as in discussion going back and forth between people. As you did not receive any change lines I interpret this as meaning you already have a friendly connection going and not to be anxious for something closer.

I know it's easy to say and not so easy to do!
Rosada

 

[sofia]

Thank you once again Rosada.

He's exactly as you described i.e. working hard to create a good strong family home against the corruption that's so often around, which is why I like him so much and would want him to be part of my friendship group. It's always hard for me to understand the whole lies and adultery thing, not because I don't understand the natural law of attraction between people, but because I could never go there!! Then again I realise it can be different for hormonal men!

And with all his maturity he's still seemingly immature at 35 and I think found the connection with me a bit overwhelming especially when he found out I was 40 (I look much much younger sometimes to my detriment in attracting the right friends). There were a lot of similarities between myself and his wife too (uncannily as we eventually discovered) so that always gives rise to a bit of a "crush". But I never thought about it that way ever. As far as I'm concerned he has a wife whom he loves and is committed to. Period.

I agree about getting him out of my mind though. It's obviously not going anywhere as a friendship at this stage which is not to say we won't "cross paths again" (he even wrote that he hoped for this on my farewell card).

namaste
sofia