45.5 > 16 / 18.5 > 57 and 11> 19 help me please?

[pisces]

Hello,

I am new with the Yi,I try my best to understand the Yi.
Me and my love are going through a rough time at this moment,not communicating,for me it feels that he is pushing me away.(we don't live together yet,we live in different countries,he is suppose to come to me within a few months)
This started after we had an argument,I asked him to do something important for me,he promised me he would,it never happend,so I asked him about it,he said he did and next he got irritated with me because I said it was strange that i never got it so in his opinion I doubted him.
To be honest I think he never did it....

I asked the Yi : "when will X come back to me?"
Yi answer: 45.5 to 16.
My first impression is that it is not all that bad...but that X is confused...am I correct? will he come back?

next I asked the Yi: "what does X wants me to do about him?"
Yi asnwer: 18.5 to 57.
I'm not sure about this one,my first impression is that he feels ashamed...am I wrong? did I caught him in a lie?

last I asked the Yi: "what is my role in X his life?"
Yi answer: 11 > 19.
This one is hard... I really don't know..

Well it all is still confusing for me,maybe I am to insecure about everything,I would appreciate any help to make things more clear to me.

thank you so much!

ps I finally asked the Yi "does our relation have a future?"
Yi answer: 30.4.5 to 37
sorry it didn't help me,all I read is tears,sorrow,evil,death

 

[blue_angel]

45.5>16 in order to dance together we must first trust each other. 18.5>57 you're subtly penetrating the issue, its good you asked a question concerning yourself. This is a step in the right direction. One must first learn their responsibility and what they need for growth, before asking about another. Perhaps with the help of friends or the people here you will eventually get on the right path. 11.3>19 ah, now we are getting some where. Currently, you're going through a rough patch just like you said. This needs to be worked out. Looks like its not as bad as it seems. Work on the trust. Think positive. See what you can create. 30.4.5>37 not if you continue to go in the direction you are going in. There must be some change of heart and growth within you. But all is not hopeless. Try to find your balance. A middle ground. You are exhausting yourself with these extreme emotions. Possibly showing you are making mountains out of molehills.

 

[blue_angel]

P.S. if you need to cry, cry but I see no evil death...

Best wishes on your journey,

Blue_Angel

 

[iams girl]

"what is my role in X his life?"Yi answer: 11 > 19.

11.3>19

Hi Pisces, sorry, I'm a little less optimistic about the relationship. Imo, 11.3 indicates your peace will be found in accepting that his inconsistency will be the only constant and 19 means your influence will be more like a guiding light for him.

From what you've described, you might consider that your needs and his may be better served if you remain in the role of friend and/or role model rather than mate. Someone with a pattern of choosing to act out inappropriately rather than improving himself to meet you at your level may be the unfortunate path of someone with unresolved issues and low self-esteem. Understandably, it may be a difficult to come to terms with because the inconsistency may also include wonderful highs in the relationship as well as the lows. But, as they say, all that glitters is not gold...

P.S. If you search through Hilary's blogs, she has a one on 19 which I really liked which might give you a better feel for that hexagram.

 

[blue_angel]

The reasoning behind my answers is this, and I could very be wrong. It is not easy to get a clear answer on the first question you asked. I did not believe the Yi was answering your question. But instead answering what you needed to know for your own growth. The questions you asked seemed to stem from anxiety. By not understanding your first answer, that created more fear and anxiety. You went on to ask multiple questions trying to understand the message coming across. I feel your answers reflected your own anxiety and confusion. So rather than answering the questions asked you were given answers that reflected where you are right "now" and how to better get to where you need to be.

Each answer can be looked at with different results, depending on the situation. For example, my own experience with 11.3>19 was a period of emotional ups and downs, in the end it was all blessings and good fortune. I just needed to see in every situation in life there will be ups and downs. But we must be able to hold our light inside and balance regardless of the change in weather. I needed to find my own balance.

 

[blue_angel]

It really seems to help, especially in the beginning to ask about ourselves. Your last answer to me suggests the possibility of gaining clarity into your role within a family unit. I see line 4 and 5 differently compared to the average way. The way it reads to me is , you had a fight, it blew up but it will burn out. Because in line 5 an error to someones ways will be recognized, regret will be felt, someone won't have such a big ego, and tears will lead to laughter. The idea is it can be corrected. There is an idea of not being so forceful and demanding but coming together in mutual agreement. Of course you will have to go with your instincts. I can not judge the man or you off of one post.

 

[pisces]

Hello blue_angel,
Thank you for taking the time to answer.
"Trust" yes this is an issue,we both are hurt in the past by others,I do like to say that for me it feels like I have to proof myself to him often,in a way I am okay with it because I do understand him,he often confuses me with his behavior,I know he is afraid to get hurt again,all I can be is me,since the day we met there is this magic,I don't know about others but for me when I look into someone his eyes I can see there soul,my problem is that I simply can't understand that when we look each other in the eyes all is good,but as soon as there is only contact through email the trouble begins.I also do have a trust problem,recently I "saw the light" through a very hard experience,I allowed others to use me for many years,thinking they loved me.
so yes when X and I get into an argument and he starts to push me away this hurt comes to the surface.
I asked X what it is he wants from me,he asked me to be his wife,I did say yes to his proposal,it is just that he is so insecure (me too),so this doesn't help either of us.I try my best to feel happy,because I do know that this helps him,as long as I'm happy things go well,but sometimes it is very hard for me to feel happy.
here we have the "responsibility and grow"part ( I think),I know that for X it is very hard to talk about feelings and emotions,well I'm a Pisces I am feelings and emotions,they are for me as natural as breathing,so I'm learning to control them,and my need for communication,this also my problem,I need this more than he needs it.
I would like to say that we both come from a very hard and difficult situation,and that especially he has a lot to take care of before he can come to here,I try to support him in any way,but he feels like it is his duty and he alone can and has to do it.
So yes I do ask a lot of questions,out of anxiety and confusion,it is this "not knowing" that is killing me,I for sure do know that often my emotions run high,I'm learning to control them,but after all I am only human.
I love this man like I have never ever loved anybody else,I know in my heart that our future is together,I only wish how to get rid of this insecurity.

 

[pisces]

P.S. if you need to cry, cry but I see no evil death...

Best wishes on your journey,

Blue_Angel

cry...yes out of feeling desperate

 

[pisces]

11.3>19

Hi Pisces, sorry, I'm a little less optimistic about the relationship. Imo, 11.3 indicates your peace will be found in accepting that his inconsistency will be the only constant and 19 means your influence will be more like a guiding light for him.

From what you've described, you might consider that your needs and his may be better served if you remain in the role of friend and/or role model rather than mate. Someone with a pattern of choosing to act out inappropriately rather than improving himself to meet you at your level may be the unfortunate path of someone with unresolved issues and low self-esteem. Understandably, it may be a difficult to come to terms with because the inconsistency may also include wonderful highs in the relationship as well as the lows. But, as they say, all that glitters is not gold...

P.S. If you search through Hilary's blogs, she has a one on 19 which I really liked which might give you a better feel for that hexagram.

Hi iams girl,

Thank you for taking time to answer.
You hit the nail on the head when you talk about his inconsistency,this is something I'm learning to accept and trying to deal with.
I know after one year that this is some kind of protection from his side,he has been going through a difficult life so far,so yes I can understand why he is doing this,the "problem" is that this often causes troubles between us,like misunderstanding each other.
And his low self-esteem wow! how do you know this?(haha) ever since we met I try to get him to see what a wonderful person he really is,I think you can guess that it is very hard to get him to see this.
I really believe that his past and his unresolved issues are the cause of his behavior,you are right about that.
So it is for me to find a way to deal/accept this,because after all he really is the man I love.
I will search the blog for hex 19 thank you!.

 

[blue_angel]

How can we expect someone to trust us if we absolutely dont trust them? Then how can we expect them to be consistent if we are not consistent? How can we help another be confident if we are not confident? How can we expect another to be secure if we are not secure? Like attracts like. Is it his soul then that you see in his eyes or a mirrored reflection of your own?


It may seem easier to continue on the path we are already on. Doing the same things we are already trying to do. Like learning to accept "his" inconsistency. How is that working for you? Doesn't seem to be working too well. It is also much easier to look at another as the source of the issues, to blame another, try to help "them". Much easier than looking within ourselves. How we helped create this situation. How we attracted this to our self. But when we are ready, and yet seem to be drowning, we are often given a hand or guided towards help.


You have an opportunity. You can empower yourself. Or you can enable yourself to play victim to the same, unchanging, circumstances. Just some things to reflect on... Neither is a wrong choice. And the choice is yours. Both paths do seem to lead to the same road. Its just one path may be a little more painful and take a little longer. But then again, sometimes we learn more when we chose the more painful and longer one. On this site people learn, people grow here, and then people help each other when they can. So I tend to think its no accident you are here.


Back to your reading, you might want to take a look at what kind of a man your father was, and what role he played in your life, 18 line 5. And you might want to take a look at your family roles and how it functioned, some of the patterns within your family, 37. We have a tendency as human beings to repeat patterns.

 

[iams girl]

For example, my own experience with 11.3>19 was a period of emotional ups and downs, in the end it was all blessings and good fortune. I just needed to see in every situation in life there will be ups and downs. But we must be able to hold our light inside and balance regardless of the change in weather. I needed to find my own balance.

Hi Blue, I'm really glad to hear how well 11.3>19 worked out for you and hear a lot of wisdom in your responses. Not knowing what your relationship was and in this case about someone pisces may live with day in and day out, do you think that changes anything? It may make it more challenging to live together, but since it worked out well for you, am just wondering your take on that factor, what might be the same or different.

 

[blue_angel]

I am able to empathize with Pisces. There is no guarantee her relationship with this man will work out. There is no guarantee it won't. The message in 11.3>19 to me, is to recognize there are ups and downs in life. In every relationship and in every situation. This is life. If everything was always perfect, we would be bord to tears and wouldn't have room for growth.

But the advice is for her to find her own balance and maintain it. Sometimes we tip too far to the right, sometimes to far to the left. But we should be able to come back to our center and regain our balance. Regardless of the change in his mood or in the weather or any other change that is outside of herself. The blessings and good fortune she will benefit from, may be that she's better able to work through this relationship with him. Or it may be that she becomes so well balanced that she chooses not to go on in this relationship. Then begins attracting blessings to herself in other areas of her life or with another relationship. The blessings could be she found her balance and was able to grow. Its within herself to bring about the change she wishes to see. "Be the change that you wish to see" __ Gandhi


What strikes me is the thread was started off with a trust issue. Whether or not she should trust "Him" I do not know the man, so I can not say. But I recognized something in her patterns, in her posted questions, in her need for him to do whatever this important thing was, and then it not getting done. I don't know if he did whatever it is or not. He says he did but she has no evidence of that. But she has absolutely no trust in him, that he could have done it. There's something deeper beneath those layers. Her further posts only affirmed it that much more.

The Iching helped a lot here. In my opinion. In that 18 and 57. It's as if it said "there's indeed an issue here, but you are barely penetrating the surface. Look so deep back that you go to the very roots of your father's seed." And the father may be just a metaphor here. Her father may or may not have anything to do with her current trust issues and insecurities. Or attracting this man to herself. It could just mean to look deep into your own roots, your own patterns, that have created and manifested in the current predicament you find yourself in. For me, the readings altogether play out like a beautiful story. Depending on her next set of choices, it could go either way.

So was she being shown perhaps, not to be so intense on whether he did what he said he did? She might want to reflect on why it's so important he did. Why it was important for her at all to demand or expect him to do this thing in the first place. In a further post she explained she feels she is expected to prove to him consistently. Is that what she herself was doing here? Wanting him to prove his love or even just prove he did something? And why is she is admit in believing he didn't do it? She has no trust in him.

She says when they are together it's like magic but when they are apart everything falls apart. It can feel magical when we find someone that is a mirror reflection of our self. It may feel as though we see into their soul, by looking in their eyes. But I would say most times, if we feel that way, it's because we are seeing a reflection of our own. Why and how did we manage to attract this person to us?

Well she can not change his behavior, but she can change her own. She can't change his perspective, but she can open new doors to change her own. She can make herself go nuts trying to build up his confidence, especially if the confidence is not there to begin with inside herself. And when the confidence is really there, we will care about another of course. But we won't be attracted to it. We will attract like. Like attracts like. It's so much easier to look at any other and see what they do "wrong" or what issues they may have. It takes courage to look into ourselves and see what changes we may need.

It could be that because she "feels" he wants her to prove herself to him, that her actions reflect this, and then that very situation is manifested. She "feels" he doesn't trust her, then that's what manifests. When they are together, she is secure, she is confident, in herself, and in him. They get along great. When they part what happens to her thought patterns? What does she begin to create? Chaos? Confusion? Insecurity?

When we feel secure in ourselves, it will be easier to feel secure in others. And also easier for them to feel secure in themselves, and in us. But in the event that she gets herself together. Feels confident and secure. Well balanced. Lets say he doesn't. And his issues remain unchanged. At that point she will be attracted to others that are also confident, secure, and balanced. At that point the break may very well naturally happen and will be a little less painful. Because she will be able to recognize it for what it is. It will be much easier to move on and up. She won't want to hold onto someone that is not working on themselves, that refuses to change to benefit themselves, and her. Not that she won't care. She just won't have that desperation, as she herself says she has now.


So for line 5 of 30, it can go either way. She may, through reflecting, see how she has been apart of some of this creation. And feel enough regret to change her actions, words, or thoughts. Or she may see how she attracted this man to herself, and feel some regret in how she has perceived things to be. And still result in loving herself more, being more confident, and healing herself. From tears right into laughter. Like "What was I thinking?"

45.5>16, can be pretty good. It has a nice togetherness, a nice gathering, a wonderful dance, with beautiful music in the background. But we must be mutually devoted and trusting. Otherwise we will repel each other and won't even want to touch hands. There is potential here. Like every cloud has a silver lining. It is much more empowering, I believe, to recognize you do have choices. You can attract to yourself what you would like. You do have a part in this life you are creating for yourself. To believe you don't, I believe, is playing victim. "This happens TO me." "This is the way it is, I should just try and accept it." There's hardly any change or growth that comes with that. And in this situation, some growth and change are due. Aren't they? For both of them. Otherwise I see a domino effect... a downward spiral.

And sure, sometimes bad things just happen, and there isn't an answer. And we see no way we could have attracted this situation to us. But there is always room for learning and more growth. No matter how old we get. We just have to be willing to take that first step. I don't know if that clarified for you, or answered your question or not.

Life is not black and white. There is this vast amount of grey matter. We can explore this grey area and come up with something new. If we limit ourselves to black and white thinking, we place very large and heavy restrictions on ourselves. Its like thinking outside of the box.


In 30 line 4, it could mean the relationship fires up quickly and together like magic! But then just as quickly, burns, and dies out. Or it could also mean, the issue she was having with him not doing this task. She gets all steamed up over it, worried he isn't telling the truth, but then soon forgets about it, and puts it behind them. It flames up, and dies out just as fast. And that seems to be what happened here, in her thread. She was asking question after question about this task, if she could trust him, did she catch him in a lie etc. And before you know it, she seems to say, I love this man with all my heart, and will do whatever it takes to make it work. That task that may or may not have been done, went right out the window.

And one last thought comes to mind with all of this... Lets say, he did as he said. But indeed, she was not meant to receive whatever that was, because they, as couple, to need recognize what needs to be worked on. This not receiving _____, could be a blessing in disguise. The universe works in mysterious ways. I have no idea why that last thought popped in at the last minute, but there you have it.


Best wishes on your journey, as always,

Blue_Angel

 

[pisces]

Dear Blue_Angel,

I took some time to read your reply,thank you so very much!.
I often think that I am my own enemy,it is ME who create problems,my mind,my thoughts,and yes this comes from my childhood,("father") when I was very young my parents left me alone,my mother left,and my father well I ended up taking care of him,until this day I can't rely on him.
Recently I started to change my attitude towards my family,I'm responsible for my own life,me and me alone can change my attitude.
Yes you are right when you say that it is me who start to create problems that aren't there when X and I are apart,I start to think "oh what if?" etc.
It is not that we always have problems when we don't "see"each other,no this is something that comes up when we both are busy,than I start to feel restless etc.
I started this thread with the hope to get help,(and wow you gave it to me!), I'm so sick and tired of this,I want to focus on our future together,with all its ups and downs,and I know that without help this relationship is doomed to fail.
I am not helping X with my behavior,because like you said,when we look into someones eyes we often look into a mirror,you are right,I thought about this since you wrote it,he (X) reacts on me,and my behavior,en visa versa so we get chaos and going nowhere.
It is time for me to change my attitude here too,I need to learn to trust,learn to feel confident but most of all allow myself to be happy,I know that this is a big issue for me,be happy...FEEL happy,
I'm taught and told that I don't deserve to be happy,my duty in life was to serve others,taking care of others,
no I don't see myself as a victim,it is just the way I grew up.
It is difficult to allow someone else to take care of you,when there was never someone who did this to you,I am not used to be taken care of,not even in the marriage I was in for many years.
But that is in the past now,and X is not my past he is in the here and now,and I hope he will be there in the future.
You are so wise,I can learn so much from you thank you so much for opening my eyes,I know that I do have a long way to go,but as Yi told me once...."with the help from others you will get it done",i am so glad I found this forum,people who don't know each other helping you without prejudices.
I truly believe in my heart that X and I will make it,like I said I love him like I have never loved anyone in my life.
Am I reading your reply the correct way?,this is what you say right? start changing youself?

thank you so much Blue_Angel

 

[blue_angel]

Pisces,

Can you reflect to a time you were completely alone and yet completely peaceful and content? To the point of feeling an inner glow, love inside of yourself? And there's no one around to share it with but it's ok, because you feel it, and can enjoy it? The reason, I believe you are able to love him and others so intensely, is because that love already lives there inside of you. So take time for you to experience that it is there for you first.


Anyway, it's good to be selfish. It's good to take care of yourself first. You definitely deserve happiness. The love is already there, inside of you, to nourish you. With or without anyone else. You can chose to share that love as you are, with him. I am just saying recognize that it is already inside of you and there for you, first. You can create your own happiness. Him coming along is not so much to take care of you or you to take care of him. Sure at times you may need to take care of each other. But wouldn't you coming together be more about sharing and enjoying the love and life you already each had before coming together?


And Pisces, I don't know if you can trust him or not. Because I do not know him. But if you have no true evidence that you can not. If he hasn't ever done anything to prove you can not, then you probably shouldn't immediately not trust him. We can not jump to conclusions without knowing the facts or having the evidence. Whether negative or positive. You know? You have to trust your own intuition on this though. And if you do recognize that you have an issue trusting people, well it's something that can be worked on and explored. I had to add this in, because you do have to take care of you.


And yes, we can all be our own worst enemy. We can beat ourselves up inside more than any other ever could. Or we can recognize when our mind starts to think in a negative pattern and redirect it into a positive pattern. It might help, if when you start thinking "what if this horrible thing?" Then stop, and ask yourself, is this reality? Do I know this for a fact? No, good. Then try to assume the best is happening without actually expecting it to. Just to be open to the best possibility, be open to blessings. Does that make sense? If you must imagine the future, imagine the beautiful future you want to create, and believe it is possible for you to create it. Believe you deserve that beautiful, forget future, now. It is now. Believe you deserve it now. Because we don't know if tomorrow will be there, so we must enjoy now. We can only work on today. You'll have to trust yourself before you can trust anyone else. One day at a time.


I hope you do not think of it, as something is "wrong" with you. Nothing is "wrong" with you. It's just that one direction could help you achieve the results you want a little more than the other direction. One direction could help you create what you want to experience, the other direction could lead to something you do not want created. You know what I mean? So I guess, no, it's not "change yourself". "be the change you wish to see". Is more... look inside and get to your core truth, to bring out the best that's already within you. You don't really change, you see the best in yourself and bring that to the light. Then you are the change you wish to see. See? You aren't changing who you are. You are who you are, and that's good. But bringing out your best and recognizing your best will help to dissolve the negative patterns created that really aren't you. It's the patterns that will change. I can not seem to express what I mean today.


I am no wiser than you. I do not have the answers for your life. I am a stranger behind a computer. You have the answers inside of yourself, for your own life, better than I do. I just thought I might be able to help you, help yourself, to find your own love and answers, that are already inside of you. Just darkened or hidden somewhere maybe. So my words can not be taken as "gold", to me that would lead us back into black and white thinking. My words are in the grey area, they are only meant to be "considered", should you feel they help. It is my intention to help, if I can. So if they do help great.


I hope you enjoy your days and your journey. I hope you can feel the adventure and the love.


Best wishes and many blessings,

Blue_Angel

 

[iams girl]

Sometimes we tip too far to the right, sometimes to far to the left. But we should be able to come back to our center and regain our balance. Regardless of the change in his mood or in the weather or any other change that is outside of herself. The blessings and good fortune she will benefit from, may be that she's better able to work through this relationship with him. Or it may be that she becomes so well balanced that she chooses not to go on in this relationship. Then begins attracting blessings to herself in other areas of her life or with another relationship. The blessings could be she found her balance and was able to grow. Its within herself to bring about the change she wishes to see. "Be the change that you wish to see" __ Gandhi

Thanks for clarifying and think this part is an especially good way to have expressed it, blue angel.

 

[pisces]

Blue_Angel,

I've read your message over and over again,you are really the first person who helped me to feel less "lost",
Yes I do have so much love for this man,and there is much more inside me,even enough to love myself,thank you for making me "see" this,you have this gift to write just the right things,yes I often see only dark clouds...only clouds.
It is time to get rid of these clouds,to let the sun in,and start to create my own happiness.

About the trust issue,I have to work on that,I have to start to trust my own intuition,specially when it comes to love and X.

I came to realize that I'm stuck in this circle,not allowing myself to be happy,always wonder what if?.
It is strange to feel the change when I stop and ask myself "is this reality?,does this make sense?"...I know it must sound so simple for others,but for me it isn't,as I said I'm stuck in a negative circle.
It's as if this weight becomes lighter...do I make sence? like you I have a problem to express myself correct.

I am me,I can only be me,but I can change something in my behavior and my patterns,you made this all so clear to me,thank you again.
I don't see your words as gold...just as someone who finally found the right words to help me see.
I really think its because you don't know me,so no prejudices.

I will work on my relation with X,I do love this man so much,and I know this is mutual.
Thank you for your "grey area"words you really have no idea how you hit the nail on the head,with your words and with the "grey"

Pisces.