53.3.4.5 to 35 on my worse defect

[fatima1977]

Hello everybody and Thanks for reading.I ask what is my worse defect (cuál es mi peor defecto, in my own language)I feel I have to fix something in my life but I don't know if my problem is always thinking something needs fixing or expecting change and maybe being too critical. .. I lost my baby girl in 2006 but I don't know if all the comments of pregnancy have anything to do with that. My partner and I have had a tough time after that and I feel we might be overcoming this all.Mostly my lines try to include my context. Do you think I need to tell more in order to analise my question about my defect, which in the end means asking if I need to correct something. Thanks for any insight. I find difficult yo keep my mind out of feeling I need to be better.

 

[fatima1977]

2016 not 2006

 

[Trojina]

Hello everybody and Thanks for reading.I ask what is my worse defect (cuál es mi peor defecto, in my own language)I feel I have to fix something in my life but I don't know if my problem is always thinking something needs fixing or expecting change and maybe being too critical. .. I lost my baby girl in 2006 but I don't know if all the comments of pregnancy have anything to do with that. My partner and I have had a tough time after that and I feel we might be overcoming this all.Mostly my lines try to include my context. Do you think I need to tell more in order to analise my question about my defect, which in the end means asking if I need to correct something. Thanks for any insight. I find difficult yo keep my mind out of feeling I need to be better.

How awful for you and you partner, the worse possible thing to happen happened and I'm so sorry to hear of it.

Not a 'defect' but perhaps Yi is simply asking you to SLOW DOWN and not try so hard to rush PROGRESS.

It's like you are ready to move forward all the time without letting nature take it's own time. I don't think there's a whole lot to fix, you didn't get 18 for example, but I do think there's a lot more time to be taken and care too.

So 53 describes a very gradual courtship, going through all the stages in the correct order towards eventual fulfilment in line 5.

It is interesting how you have those 3 lines in succession. Are you trying for a baby ? It is quite hard not to take these lines literally.

In fact first I want to take the lines literally, it's so hard not to. A child is lost in line 3, that has already happened to you. There's is an awkward time of limbo in line 4 and then after a long time there is a birth in line 5. 35 as relating hexagram shows opportunity and if I take it literally then there is the opportunity for another child.


This doesn't exactly answer your question about a defect does it - but I wanted first to look at those lines literally describing your situation. In that case your only defect would be impatience (53) and possible over concern about right timing (35)? I mean in 35 one is advised to make the most of all opportunities, and in some way you probably do, but that is not the same as rushing feverishly for a 'result'.

If I take this answer as not about your possible future pregnancy but just about the question you asked - well it's hard as I think they are bound up together.


I think in line 3 one is distracted and so not taking good care of the home base. So this line calls for more presence, more attention, more care and it also advises one to 'resist outlaws' which can be all the things that threaten the security of your home life. This might be outside pressure from others, worries, being too concerned with one area of life to the neglect of another area.

So make sure you have your home as your first priority and by 'home' I mean the place where your security lies. The lines shows a father who isn't there to support the wife, the wife losing her child - and this is difficult because that's the metaphor I'm not saying this is what your husband actually did or why you lost the child, nothing like that...it's just what the line describes. Obviously most people have to take the line metaphorically as they haven't all lost children. Actually the line says the wife doesn't even come to full term I think so that's not literally applicable to you. But as general advise I think this is 'slow down, take care, look after the home and resist those who distress your home in any way'.

In line 4 one is in a reasonable place but it doesn't feel like home, it's like a goose sitting on a tree branch, it doesn't feel right but stay with it, be patient because in line 5 there is fulfilment.

So whether this is about your next child or about your 'defects' I think the advice is for you to relax a bit, realize you have time. Being too hurried can cause you harm, can cause you to overlook things and also not to be aware of 'robbers' people or situations that threaten your security and calm.

If you do want another child this is a lovely omen because line 5 says eventually nothing can prevent conception.

I think you need not worry too much about your defects but perhaps be more kind to yourself and tell yourself there's no rush, make your home space calm, nourishing and secure. Pay attention to the needs of yourself, your partner above other concerns that take your time and make you feel hurried. Nature cannot be hurried. Allow things their natural pace.

 

[fatima1977]

Hello, I just sent you a private message but it doesn't appear in my sent message file. Would you let me know when you get it? Otherwise, I will write it again. Thank you so much for your answer. I went private because it is very.

 

[Freedda]

Fatima, from me as well, so sorry for your loss. I have a question - when you talk about your flaw or defect, are you meaning a , psychological or mental defect (tal vez, defecto psicológico o mental), or a physical one, or perhaps spiritual? Or, more just in general, as in 'where might I need improvement in my life'? ( 'donde podrÃ*a necesitar mejoras en mi vida?') PS, my Spanish is only from Bing Translator, so might not be very good.

 

[fatima1977]

Hello Freedda! Thank you and all the kindness and care that is poured in here by you and so many people. Yes, it was a general question, as I always feel a bit anxious and disconform, noy necessarily in an angry way (sometimes I am angry though) but also as a very energetic way of living and doing things considering I need to learn, improve, etc. I hope I manage myself to get understood, I know my English is limited...

 

[Freedda]

Fatima, thank you for clarifying your question. I take it that you are generally asking about how to move on from the loss of a child, and that perhaps there was some harsh judgement from others about this?

In my mind I sort of reframe your question - so it's not so much about what flaw or defect you need to fix - but instead it might be 'what ways do I need to heal to move forward?' I hope I'm not too off the mark in looking at it this way?

I often like to look at the trigrams, which are the two, 3-line figures which make up the hexagram. So, wht 53 you have Wind (also called Wood) above Mountain. One image I associate with Hex. 53 is of a tree growing on a mountaintop. It plants its roots and gains a foothold slowly, over time, but it does not stop and continues to grow slowly.

Mountain too changes very slowly, if at all! So between the two of them you have 'gradual progress.' Perhaps then, this is one thing to reflect on: that gradual change is happening for you, but perhaps it is in incremental steps - which might almost feel glacial or geologic in their progress!

The lines of 53 talk about this gradual progress and use the metaphor of a traveling geese to describe this.

Line 53.3, I take as a reminder to perhaps watch out for those how might take advantage of your misfortune and your feelings, even if they might not mean to.

For 53.4 seems to say that despite your hardships, it is okay to move on and continue on your journey. Maybe there is - and I am going out on a limb here, and I apologize if I am wrong or offend - a sense of guilt or blame you have (combined with the same from others?) that might make it hard to move forward with your life.

One thing that I find interesting with 53.4, is that it ends (in the translation I'm reading) 'No harm done.' But this is often translated as 'No Blame,' which might be a reminder to you that what has happened is not your fault, and there is no place for blame or guilt here as you move forward. (And if true, this is one area where you can grow.)

Finally, with line 53.5 you have a wife at first not conceiving, but 'In the end nothing overcomes her.' And this is promising. Whether a metaphor or not, the underlying message is that you can overcome misfortune - though there are some things you should watch for and perhaps some attitudes that would be more helpful than others in your journey.

Looking to the related hexagram 35, here again I'm looking at the two trigrams, but this time perhaps as allies to assist you: you have Earth below, which suggest acceptance and and an attitude of non-judgement - maybe towards oneself? - to help you move forward. Earth is about manifesting things, making ideas real -- so maybe here is a suggestion that you can start to move, start to take action - as a counter to Mountain's tendency to keep things the same - and maybe keep you in a stuck place.

In the related hexagram you also have Fire above, which is about seeking clarity, but also about having passion and commitment.

So, putting it all together - and I'm going to go out on another limb here (or is it the same one?): in this image you have a small tree taking root on a mountaintop - perhaps it has suffered some hardship and is growing in less than hospitable conditions. But by embracing 'no blame' and also an attitude that includes passion, commitment, and acceptance you will help this small tree grow and flourish.

Best, David.

 

[fatima1977]

Trojina and David,Thank you so much for your caring words and taking the time to answer.My question was actually general because as I mentioned I tend to be over concerned and anxiuos and I have spend most of my adult life working on that (yoga, meditation, somatics, etc).As you I couldn't help feeling the answer connected to my personal story with my baby girl. I think The I Ching might be talking about that specific moment and my lfe in general at the same time.The accuracy is incredible, I can't start mentioning every detail here because it is painful and also because writing in another language is difficult and quite exhausting, but for instance when Trojina says my baby didn't get to term is quite accurate because she died in my womb. She was overdue but the midwife thought she wasn't ready and didn't take the needed care. My partner was somehow disconnected, the place where I was wasn't unsafe but wasn't comfortable enough because I was planing to give birth at my mother's in law house and that wasn't good in the end for many other details I won't mention now, but yes, the place wasn't bad but wasn't right either.I really appreciate the love and care people put in this forum. Many times I find it quite difficult to understand what the IC is saying.Wish you well from the bottom of my heart,Fatima