54>3

[blue_angel]

Hi,
My question was how can I best help my daughter? My answer was 54>3
I believe the changing lines were 2,3, and 6. Im at a loss with this. I think its saying I am second in her life now that she has grown and left the house, and maybe that a new relationship for us will sprout. I really can't see the answer as to how I can best help her. I really want to give her all of my love and support, but I realize that she needs to grow and learn and has a need to be independent. I've always been right there to help her with everything, but this new path she's chosen keeps me at quite a long distance, at least for now. I guess a better question would've been how can I best show my love and support. Or how can I be there for her. Any thoughts on Yi s answer and how the hexagrams and lines relate? Her leaving home has been a major transition for me. I miss her presence daily.
Thank you,
blue angel

 

[anon]

I am not sure what the issue is between you and your daughter but in my opinion the hex talks about a difficult situation. Are YOU (not her)!having a hard time adjusting to her not being around? Are you worried sick about her well being? Do you somehow feel like you have or are slowly loosing control or a hearsay in her life???

I ask because it is what I read in these hexes.

 

[anon]

To me it is describing an emotionally painful situation.

 

[Lavalamp]

"My question was how can I best help my daughter? My answer was 54>3 "
( To get from 54 > 3, you would have 54.1.4.5 > 3. )

54
Whether you can help her or not is really for her to decide. So don't upset her, this situation will pass eventually, and you don't want to have damaged the relationship and affection because you were overly intrusive.

54.1
You don't understand everything going on in her situation.

54.4
If she does things at her own speed, she has time for that. She a big girl now, she knows what she needs to do, and will - eventually.

54.5
What is really important is that she is happy.

3
Both 54 and 3 advise against "undertakings;" 54 "Undertakings bring misfortune" and 3 "Nothing should be undertaken." If you want to help her, you should try to inspire her and perhaps works indirectly, by example or through others. You cannot see everything going on, another's "eyes" may help, but even so she has to do her own growing, you can't protect her from that or do it for her.

 

[stadt]

Hello,

You have not provided much information regarding what the real issues between you and your daughter are so it's kind of hard to determine the point of view in the hexagram.
Taking a wild guess, I'm thinking that the main part of the hexagram talks about how (both of you perhaps) need to realise your roles in the family. You being the mother, her being subordinate to you as long as she lives in the paternal home.

However, the hexagram also points to what I think is essential for you to work on:

Thus the superior man
Understands the transitory
In the light of the eternity of the end.

The lesson being, partly that you need to realise that she has grown up, partly that relationships are never entirely stable, they take turns, mistakes are made and that if you have your mind fixed to what is most important -the happiness of your daughter and the maintenance of a good relationship with your offspring- you will avoid mistakes, momentary outbursts that can lead to harm etc.

Now, to the lines.

To get from 54 to 3, actually you probably have lines 2, 4 and 5.

Line 2, I think speaks of your present loneliness or even the loneliness she might be going through, having to face the world on her own now. The fact that the line speaks of husband and wife might not make that much of a difference, but perhaps you need to ask yourself whether the relationship between you two is not that of mother and daughter, but that of equals - so her leaving the house causes ever more grief for you.

Lines 4 and 5 perhaps speak of the later stages that this situation is going into and I think both are optimistic. First things first, I think you're going to realise that it is in fact a good thing that your daughter moved out (draws out the allotted time). Perhaps both of you will soon find the benefits of reforming your relationship, you will find another centre in your life and she probably will too.
Line 5 particularly shows how you "adapt yourselves to the new situation".

Overall, I think the hexagram is pointing to a rough time and to the steps you're going to go through in order to overcome it. The main thing, I think, is to examine carefully both your roles and your relationship to each other in order to make a shift and make this a turn for the better.

Perhaps, another lesson is that your daughter might not need help, it is actually you that might need help - coping with the loneliness. May I also note that hex 3 describes this very difficulty that you encounter in the beginning, but ultimately leads to success. You bring order out of confusion and you need helpers!

Again, you have not written much about the whole situation and your relationship so my explanation might be entirely wrong. Thought I might give it a try though.

 

[blue_angel]

I must have mislead some how in my post or question. There are no problems with me and my daughters relationship. We are very close. Lavalamp gave a good understanding and reading. She is just gone to school in another state far away. The school is very strict which I guess will be good for her. It was her own choice to go. I mostly worry if she is OK and if she is happy. My contact with her is very limited due to the school at the moment. So i guess that's why I am concerned. I am also concerned if this choice she made was really something she will be happy with or did she do this thinking it would make me proud. I told her before she left, I am proud of her just for her person, just being alive, and that I want nothing but happiness for her. I think my question came up because she asked me to write her. For two months thats the most contact we will b allowed to have. I would like to inspire and motivate her in my letter. But I want to make sure I dont influence her in any certain direction. Im not even sure what I can write in these letter that would help to support or inspire her that I havent already said. Thank you for all of your replies. :bows:

 

[stadt]

Ok, your post clears things up a bit
Then I think the hexagram simply means that the change is of course difficult but she will find her own way. In the beginning she is lonely, but then she finds her way, hence the hexagram is turning to 3, difficulty at the beginning.

The way I see it, the choice was correct (correct choices are often difficult)!

 

[blue_angel]

Thank you,
I was almost certain the changing lines were 1.2.3 and 5. But either way, Im glad to have received all of your insight. I have usually thought of hexagram 54 as a secondary wife, concubine position. So I couldn't figure out how it related. I some what see it now. I am concerned for her emotional well being. I hope she can pull through this OK. She has chosen quite a difficult path, especially considering her history, she has had some pain. She says please don't forget to write me. Of course I wouldn't forget. I just don't know what to say besides I love you and I am always here when you need me. But I've said that again and again. For myself I would've like to see her choose something more free spirit and creative. Something that has a passion for life and nature. This is very honorable choice. But I also see it as a bit abusive and since its her choice I feel its self inflicted abuse. I've held back and allowed her to choose her own path and beliefs, only giving her all the knowledge I have. I hope you are right. I hope she's ultimately happy.:bows:

 

[stadt]

The picture is that of a concubine, but you have to see it as a metaphor I think. Basically it says that you (your daughter in this case probably?) needs to find her place at the new environment she's found herself in. Again, I'm just assuming!

 

[Lavalamp]

That's right 54.2.4.5>3 - my mistake on it being line one.
One can check this easily on Ewald's "Eclectic Energies" site:
http://www.eclecticenergies.com/iching/lines.php
Type in the hexes and or lines and check things.
Which I did, but still messed up with line 1 instead of 2 somehow!

54 is about harmonizing many loves - polygamy. Metaphorically - but sometimes literally, as you could have a marriage with 9 wives in ancient China, and how the women could get along harmoniously without destroying the family unit, is what the hex describes. As metaphor someone may have other passions in their life you have to share them with, work, music, sports, a boyfriend - their Mother... You aren't always going to be number one in their life, and if one makes efforts to be the dominant center of affection all the time this will being misfortune. So the Judgement on 54 says "Undertakings bring misfortune" - don't try to "bury/ be the undertaker" for the other things a person loves. Harmonize.

 

[anon]

You are a very sweet mom!

I'm sure you ladies are going to just fine!

Best of luck