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56 unchanging - what should I do - relationship

cindy

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I asked what should I do about a relationship which has gone badly wrong and is causing a lot of problems. A boyfriend who is pressurising me enormously to be in an open relationship.. he lied to me about only wanting one person and is in fact promiscuous and now trying to convince me that to be so is a great spiritual wisdom. I cannot get him to leave me alone. I am very angry indeed and he tells me I should forgive and practise metta and generally be a much 'better person'.. the fact that he lied to me seems to be merely something I am supposed to forgive... for my own spiritual benefit. Yes I see the depths of manipulation here.

What does 56 unchanging mean for me?

I really would like your wisdom on this as I am lost, and distressed.
 

meganj

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It sounds like hes trying to manipulate you!! make like the wanderer and leave.
 

foxx777

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It sounds like hes trying to manipulate you!! make like the wanderer and leave.
I agree with Megan. Also, H56 could be emphasizing that he himself is a Wanderer (which is obvious and which he freely admits). There is no benefit for you in this. There are some rare people who do not mind if their lover has other lovers, but they are rare indeed, and a person looking to bond with a beloved will never feel right about this (among other problems it can cause).

Forgiveness would be OK if he is promising to change, but it does not sound as though he thinks he should have to. I had a lover like this when I was very young: He tried to convince me in the same way that it was my shallow stupidity which felt fidelity was important. You do not need this. No one does.

Depart from him. Either the loss will shake him so that he will change, and commit to you, or he will wander his happy way, leaving you to look for a committed relationship.

There is a version of the I Ching which calls hex 56 "small expansion". There is a fire, but a small one, in this version. Taken with the judgment to be lenient with punishment, this COULD possibly mean that he is sorry, will change his view, and commit to you. But you would need to be certain of this.
 
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cindy

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thankyou foxx777. The hexagram is right, he's a wanderer. I appreciate you sharing with me that you eperienced a similar situation.. to be honest, it has been so humiliating that havent shared what has been happening with friends or family. it is proving very difficult to get him to actually go away.. he is intent on brainwashing me into agreement with him. Is there anything in the hexagram that gives me a clue as to how to unlock the stuck situation?
 

hopex

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you are fortunate he has told you outright
- it is more common that they slink about
behind their girlfriends' backs

be true to yourself - if it is abhorrent to you
then I cannot see you finding happiness in
changing for him (yuk)

yes I think he is the 'wherever I lay my hat is
my home type' - let him wander on......

he will either wander for the rest of his life or
realise he is about to lose the love of his life
(believe me men who are TRULY in love have
NO problem with monogamy)

COURAGE CITOYENNES !
 

foxx777

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thankyou foxx777. The hexagram is right, he's a wanderer. I appreciate you sharing with me that you eperienced a similar situation.. to be honest, it has been so humiliating that havent shared what has been happening with friends or family. it is proving very difficult to get him to actually go away.. he is intent on brainwashing me into agreement with him. Is there anything in the hexagram that gives me a clue as to how to unlock the stuck situation?
Most welcome. :)

I would say, from the whole economy of Hexagram 56 (the beginning line refers to someone in a low and mean position, bringing down judgment upon himself, and ends at the top with a bird burning his nest, and crying out in alarm) that he somehow knows he is in the wrong, but is trying to "spin it" as a free-spirited philosophy so that you accept it.:mad:

Of course you will not.

Perhaps point out to him that you view it as a pathological compulsion, are not really blaming him, would even be open to helping him change: If he does not see the value in this now, he will likely see it when he burns his nest.:eek:

And there is something to what Hopex has said: At least he had told you outright. This may even be a sign that subconsciously, he wants to change (he must have known you would not be eager to be a part of this. ) One last thing: Ours is a very over-sexed culture (America, Canada, Europe, and other places as well). He may be a victim of the times: The all too prevalent idea that sex is sport, that experimentation and casual relating may lead to growth. Perhaps you were sent into his life to change or heal him: But he has to be willing to be open to that possibility....
 

hopex

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men like dogs respond to clear directives
- tell him to take a long jump off a short pier
as my Mother used to say
 

hopex

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no joking aside - men respect strength and
women who see past BS. What Foxx suggests
is true - advising him he will be old and lonely
if he cannot stay the course of true intimacy and
the greatest levels of trust and love

if it were an olympic sport there would be beds in
our olympic stadium - a bit of humour goes a long
way with bad news (but he'll get over it winky wink)
 

foxx777

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no joking aside - men respect strength and
women who see past BS. What Foxx suggests
is true - advising him he will be old and lonely
if he cannot stay the course of true intimacy and
the greatest levels of trust and love

if it were an olympic sport there would be beds in
our olympic stadium - a bit of humour goes a long
way with bad news (but he'll get over it winky wink)
:rofl::cool:
 

cindy

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Most welcome. :)

I would say, from the whole economy of Hexagram 56 (the beginning line refers to someone in a low and mean position, bringing down judgment upon himself, and ends at the top with a bird burning his nest, and crying out in alarm) that he somehow knows he is in the wrong, but is trying to "spin it" as a free-spirited philosophy so that you accept it.:mad:
Thakyou so much for this. It is what I have felt... but inevitably after so much 'spin' from him I have felt I was going slightly crazy.. either that, or thought HIM crazy. I thik what you say here about 56 showing with economy this progression is very helpful.

The truth is, that he didnt come outright and tell me, I found out. And yes, I have told him precisely the very astute points that you both make here. I agree with you both on all counts.

I am wondering if I could do another reading that sheds some light on me and my sexuality which could help me understand how I have had this happen to me and how to move forward feeling more trustingly. Would you say that is two separate questions?
 

foxx777

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Thakyou so much for this. It is what I have felt... but inevitably after so much 'spin' from him I have felt I was going slightly crazy.. either that, or thought HIM crazy. I thik what you say here about 56 showing with economy this progression is very helpful.

The truth is, that he didnt come outright and tell me, I found out. And yes, I have told him precisely the very astute points that you both make here. I agree with you both on all counts.

I am wondering if I could do another reading that sheds some light on me and my sexuality which could help me understand how I have had this happen to me and how to move forward feeling more trustingly. Would you say that is two separate questions?
I think you should; it would fit in as a subset here on this thread. I am going out for the day, but I would be very interested in remarking on it later on. :)
 

answeredquestions

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56 could be Yi's way of showing how you are feeling within the relationship. Here you thought you were in a familiar growing relationship and that you knew the boundaries and rules and it turns out that you don't. In the realms of the relationship itself you feel as a stranger and wandering around, possibly even considering going along with what he has proposed. Like you haven't quite decided where you stand with the whole thing and you don't feel you have security at the moment, security like a warm home gives.

Something you can take from 56 is to not try and change your environment. Maybe part of your 'wandering' is in not knowing if he will change his mind about this and go back to how you thought it would be. ....

Just be careful.
 

answeredquestions

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Oh yeah, sorry, forgot... 56 sounds like it is referring to him, the guy, also, simultaneously... Life is so thickly layered, yet sometimes it all lines up. The whole situation is very 56.
 

cindy

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56 could be Yi's way of showing how you are feeling within the relationship. Here you thought you were in a familiar growing relationship and that you knew the boundaries and rules and it turns out that you don't. In the realms of the relationship itself you feel as a stranger and wandering around, possibly even considering going along with what he has proposed. Like you haven't quite decided where you stand with the whole thing and you don't feel you have security at the moment, security like a warm home gives.

Something you can take from 56 is to not try and change your environment. Maybe part of your 'wandering' is in not knowing if he will change his mind about this and go back to how you thought it would be. ....

Just be careful.
Yes, thankyou, helpful. Not to try to change my physical environment is what have done... does this apply to my 'internal environment' also? I am being very careful..in the sense that I am shut down to him. I am not willing to be deceived and manipulated further, and I Am not willing to be living a dilute emotional life, either. Is there any other way I can be careful? I dont want to end up with my nest burnt.. there is no sense of this being a good thing, like regeneration, is there, not a phoenix scenario..

must dash now,more later.

x
 

answeredquestions

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Yes, thankyou, helpful. Not to try to change my physical environment is what have done... does this apply to my 'internal environment' also? I am being very careful..in the sense that I am shut down to him. I am not willing to be deceived and manipulated further, and I Am not willing to be living a dilute emotional life, either. Is there any other way I can be careful? I dont want to end up with my nest burnt.. there is no sense of this being a good thing, like regeneration, is there, not a phoenix scenario..

must dash now,more later.

x
Hi Cindy, yeah, I wouldn't limit the environment to physical. Also, consider the 'place' you are in to be transitional and to treat it that way.

The wikiwing on 56:
‘Creating small success’: only creatively involved to a very limited extent, as he’s just passing through; being involved as a small person, being flexible and responsive to circumstances. Not expecting to change one’s surroundings or be changed by them.
56, just passing through..

as you say.. x
 
M

mirian

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Dear Cindy,

I agree with the points made by answeredquestions. Just want to sum this up because I have been in a sort of Hex 56 relationship before.

The main points are: you are a stranger in a strange land, you do not understand the rules, the customs, and you have no power to make them or change them. So, you feel that you are weird, but the problem is not YOU ! It is just the whole thing that you are not familiar with.
You should not challenge or try to face the situation head on. If you try to do that you will cause yourself harm. Make your way out of this both externally and internally (mentally/emotionally/spiritually). Once you detach yourself from this weird scenario then you can start thinking about yourself. Then you can ask the Yi questions to help you to understand where you stand in life, the best line of action for you, how to deal with your own issues (please one question at a time, no multiple questions at once...;).)

I am sure that you will feel better then and there will be people here to help you with your interpretations.

Best wishes.
 

long yi

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Your reading in 6 line format

出生时间:年 性别:女 起
起卦时间:2012年05月27日11时55分
神煞:天乙—丑未 福星—申 日禄—巳 羊刃—午 驿马—寅 桃花—酉 华盖—辰
干支:壬辰年 乙巳月 戊子日 戊午时
旬空:午未  寅卯  午未  子丑

六神  伏神    离宫:火山旅(六合)
         【本 卦】
朱雀       ▅▅▅▅▅ 兄弟己巳火  
青龙       ▅▅ ▅▅ 子孙己未土  
玄武       ▅▅▅▅▅ 妻财己酉金 应
白虎 官鬼己亥水 ▅▅▅▅▅ 妻财丙申金  
滕蛇       ▅▅ ▅▅ 兄弟丙午火  
勾陈 父母己卯木 ▅▅ ▅▅ 子孙丙辰土 世

Hexagram 56 has two female, three yang line and three yin line. It is a triangle relationship.

The man is hidden in line 3 under another woman (not you).
Line 4 and 1 merges together (line 1 host = you; line 4 = woman). This relationhip may be due to your money or a child. You feed him. This month is particularly annoying (line 3 hidden line moves by the month of the reading).

It is nothing more than a short term romance encounter, but it is hard to get rid of him.
You should move on and tell him that it ends. The hexagram shows that the relationship is sometimes fun and frivolous. You haven't explain to him that you have to move on. You are drawn to him through a moment of loneliness. Keep thinking and not leaving. The problem is you. Tell him ... it ends and take a holiday, meet someone else. He may have other females.
 

cornucopia

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I asked what should I do about a relationship which has gone badly wrong and is causing a lot of problems. A boyfriend who is pressurising me enormously to be in an open relationship.. he lied to me about only wanting one person and is in fact promiscuous and now trying to convince me that to be so is a great spiritual wisdom. I cannot get him to leave me alone. I am very angry indeed and he tells me I should forgive and practise metta and generally be a much 'better person'.. the fact that he lied to me seems to be merely something I am supposed to forgive... for my own spiritual benefit. Yes I see the depths of manipulation here.

What does 56 unchanging mean for me?

I really would like your wisdom on this as I am lost, and distressed.
This man just wanders from relationship to relationship. He doesn't want anything permanent. He's just passing through he won't be around for long. He doesn't want to be burdened with responsibilities and long term involvements.
 

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